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Counseling/Lying and Finding Myself


Hello Mr. Gerlach,

I would like to ask you to help me and I probably have to describe to you a little of what I have being going through to help you understand so you could help me. I'm currently in my thirties and throughout my whole life I had a lot of in tense things happened to me where I felt I'm worthless and/or people that are close to me make me feel that way with their words. I sometimes ask myself why was I brought into this world if I'm worthless. I feel I cause a lot of people close to me pain and hurt. I say this because I know I am a loving, good warm hearted person, but I have a tendency to lied. I lied by going around my answers and not fully telling the truth until it actually comes out later down the road. I feel I lied as well because I tend to say and answer what others want to hear. I need help to know why I keep doing this. I don't want to lied and cause pain and hurt with whom I love and care about. I want to stop. I sometimes ask myself am I doing this for attention or am I really out to hurt others without knowing it.
In my time I feel I had done a lot for my family, friends, and others whom I had known out of my kind heart and sometimes I feel used especially by my friends where I can't come out and say it.  Sometimes I feel I do good, but at the same time I feel I'm trying to hard to be someone I'm not and a lot of people would tell me that. I want to learn how to be myself and know I will succeed in life without hearing negativity from my family and friends.
My lying and worthless has cause a rift between my mother, my son, and I. My lying has also caused a last opportunity to save my marriage and be myself to be the wife I'm supposed to be emotionally and physically. Please help me to stop lying, to find myself, and to save my relationships with my family and husband.
Thank you!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Hi Linda - people who lie don't feel safe to tell the truth:

Compulsive liars are often survivors of early-childhood neglect, abandonment, and abuse (trauma):

If this is true of you, you can heal and feel safer/better by applying online "lesson 1" here: It's free, and contains no ads. Questions = welcome
- Pete


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Peter Gerlach, MSW


I can answer questions about mood disorders, depression, suicide, relationships, communication skills, problem solving, clear thinking, bonding disorders, trauma recovery, addiction management, grieving, shame, guilt, fear, reality distortion, and trust disorders; courtship, family functioning, "problem kids," mediation, (re)marriage, divorce, stepfamilies, stepparenting, boundaries, self-neglect, abuse, parental neglect, personality subselves, ("parts work"). I cannot answer legal or medical questions.


I maintained a private therapy practice near Chicago for 27 years, and have worked with over 1,000 men, women, couples, and families on a wide range of personal and family problems. I have been in personal recovery from growing up in an alcoholic family since 1986, and have worked with five therapists to heal my own psychological wounds. I maintained a "warm (phone) line" for callers on the topics above for 20 years, and have taught over 200 seminars and classes in midwestern universities, churches, support groups, and schools since 1981. I have practiced internal-family therapy ("parts work") with trauma-recoverers since 1991.

National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council; Compassion and Choices, and Final Exit Network

# Several hundred articles in my non-profit "Break the Cycle!" Web site at These articles are augmented by over 150 educational YouTube videos .

# six books on childhood-trauma recovery, effective communication, and stepfamily courtship, coparenting, and management.

A bachelors degree in mechanical engineering (BSME, 1959) from Stanford University, a Masters degree in clinical Social Work, (MSW, 1981), and over 500 hours of post-grad training in the topics above - including clinical hypnosis, spirituality, codependence, addicrtion-management, and guided imagery. My post-grad traning includes two 9-month internships on doing internal-family therapy at the University of Illinois.

Awards and Honors
Hundreds of grateful emails and comments from students and clients all over the world.

Past/Present Clients
Over 1,000 average Midwestern-US women, men, couples, and families. A physical disability limits me to doing telephone and Skype counseling now.

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