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I am a 34- year old woman, living with my widowed mother, while getting started with a business I recently opened.  I have a friend (Corrine) who is a neighbor of my mother.  Being raised an only child, which I am beyond grateful for, but still sometimes needed a mentor, Corrine has been kind of like my big sister... she is older than me, actually a very young grandma, as she started really young, in terms of having children.  For the most part, Corrine has been a very good friend, but lately, I have been getting the sensation that she maybe wants to call it quits.  For a long time, I was going to Sunday services with Corrine at her church.  I love it, as it gives me a chance to spend time with her.  However, until yesterday, she did not attend for 6 weeks.  I was actually shocked that she wanted to go out to breakfast with me, but worked nicely, since neither of us have a living father.  It was a nice time, but I did question some of her comments.  She has been worrying about me, and all my health problems (or so she says).  Corrine said that she is praying for me all the time, and "giving me to God."  Also said I don't seem to love myself, and hopes that learning to do that will be the one thing she can teach me.  Although I took everything with a grain of salt, it does concern me, but what bothered me the most was that she tried to sell the idea to me of going to a Sunday event, where lots of people in their 20s attend, and I have to be honest that it really does not appeal (especially since my 30s are moving a lot faster than I can keep up).  I get tired, and it is in the evening, and being a self-employed freelancer, I am always under the gun on Sunday evenings.  I am going to have to tell her that it won't work, but I want her to know that in actuality, our Sunday meetings are the biggest motivator for me during the week.  As a start, I sent her a thank you note, and put that in so many words, however, I think it's going to take more than written communication.   She did ask me if I was tight with my possible stepdadís children, which I like them, but they are not here, and I don't know them on a personal level.  That said, I have very little room for friends in my life right now, so going to lots of events is not easy, with health problems, and trying to run a business totally on my own.  However, Corrine is my most important friend right now.  I think the reason I gravitated to her so naturally is b/c she reminds me of my mother's BFF (Rachelle), although I don't have a clear, concrete answers as to why.  Rachelle is like my surrogate aunt, since my dad's sister and I just really don't get along.  I am not the best at getting my thoughts out without looking like a sap.   I want to be honest, but I'm scared.  Bottom line, I am not interested in spending time with my generation, but even if I were, Sunday nights would not work out right now.  11 AM services are the best for me, with my work anyway. I like my time with Corrine, and I donít know how I can go on, if it ends.  Itís too much for me emotionally.  I am already so down, and going and hanging out with a bunch of young people is going to make me more depressed.  As of right now, my one friend in Iceland from my generation is good enough.  How should I handle myself with Corrine?  I cannot snap out of my anxiety, and itís not fair to my clients either, as it interferes with my work.

Answer
Hi April,

How are you?  I hope you are doing well in a lot of ways. Also thank you for asking me about your concern.  We will try to do it together by first looking at your e-mail.  First, you can consider that with your e-mail, there are too many details that you have put through here as you wrote down your thoughts.  

Let's begin with your first concern, as widowed mother, can you tell me how important it is for you to describe your situation as a widowed mother?  Giving this description to yourself tells you that you need to compliment yourself with what you need for as a widowed mother, isn't it?  So let's try to work onto this scenario first.  Make a list that will help you complete the task and be satisfied with this concern. Most of us, think that if we put all eggs in one basket we can fit them all to easen up the burden but usually this is not the case because as you fit all these eggs, it will get rotten.  I know how important to you your friend/s is/are but the more you fit one or two more things or persons in your life, the more you damage your psyche.  There is no reason why not when it is already no.  And no, doesn't mean the end of time.  It is the beginning of the new life, new adventure in one's life.  There are better reasons to enjoy life, but the most is to enjoy your freedom to choose who you want to be or what you want to be.  How you define your choices limit you from enjoying your happiness, success and life so please don't be worried of things out of your control.  Put your trust in GOD, by praying, before calling Corrine, or by making a firm decision about your business or about your being a widowed mom.

God bless you and I hope you can run down a list of the things that are important to you. Pray for the list with the GUIDANCE OF THE ALMIGHTY and that you will be protected.  Declare Psalm 91 and be inclined with the Word of GOD Prov 4: 20-23.

Thank you and have a great day.

Maia

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Maia

Expertise

I can answer any counseling concern related to coping with stress, emotional imbalance, sibling rivalry, marital relationship, spiritual confusion that affected/affecting and will affect your well-being. I am not the usual "what is in the box!" type of counselor. I am very polite and gentle but direct to help you understand your situation. I also use pastoral technique to help you understand that human needs supernatural power from the source in order to cope with stressors. Please be informed that I am very much welcoming in any questions you would like to ask but PLEASE DON'T BE RUDE in the stating the subject/concern. ANY FOUL LANGUAGE can restrict me to entertain your queries. Thank you very much.

Experience

I am a Counselor with BS Behavioral Sciences degree. I have experienced in counseling both individual and groupd sessions. I have conducted a lot of workshops related to peer counseling and healthy mind body and spirit related topic. I did a couple of thesis counseling session when I used to work in a Medical College. I have been commended for my research work. My passion is to listen and be able to assist anyone who needs problem-solving solution.

Organizations
Psychological Educators' Society (2001-2004)

Education/Credentials
BS Behavioral Sciences Counselor for 5 years Researcher for 2 years Psychometrician for 2 years Adept in counseling, use of psychological testing and administration and interpretation/use e-clectic technique

Awards and Honors
Graduated with Honours (CLINICAL OFFICE ASSISTANT)

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