QUESTION: Hello, my name is Natasha, I am a 19 year old second-year student athlete who goes to a school 10 hours away from home (where my family and boyfriend are). I apologize in advance but this will probably be the longest question you'll ever have to read because I really need to be able to explain myself to get the help I need. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Pure Type 2 Bipolar I Disorder and I'm having trouble with a variety of things recently. Throughout my life I've had many problems with my family (extreme emotional abuse, mother has some kind of serious mental disorder, father is detached and has cheated on my mother multiple times, etc.), relationships (some abuse, having a tendency to become extremely attached to the wrong person), and some social problems (difficulty understanding and fitting in with societal demands).
Wednesday (August 5th), I had to leave my home and boyfriend for pre-season training at my college and I'm having an extremely rough time since. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 5 years, and last December we started dating and I've never been happier with anyone in my life. Our chemistry together is insane and even though we have been dating for such a short time, we've both been thinking that this relationship could possibly lead to marriage. Because of this, I have been really attached to him in ways I told myself that I'd never be attached to someone again. I won't be able to see him for at least 3 months because of season. This has flipped me out to no end and I've been upset every day just thinking about how much I miss him. He's strong and doesn't really want to show how much he misses me and just continues with life as usual.
I need to work on my personality and my response to certain situations. I have a tendency to worry about pretty much anything you could possibly think of. This becomes a larger problem when it starts affecting my relationships and my overall lifestyle. I have this odd, physical response to extreme amounts of worry or anxiety (this response kicks in fastest when I become suspicious that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me) where I become extremely nauseous and sometimes hypervenelate, sometimes I get worked up to the point where I've thrown up. Since I've come back to school, I've been having panic attacks over a variety of things: worrying about the season and fearing that I will not do better than I did last year even though I have been preparing all summer, panicking over my school schedule that will start in 3 weeks, freaking out that I'm going to have to go through another stressful year of college, and constantly freaking out about my boyfriend and being afraid that he is going to cheat on me. Therefore, I have been feeling physically ill for the last week or so at all times and I can't stop. There's really no way to calm down when I feel sick from this, I've tried distracting myself, meditation, medications, etc. When I'm feeling sick from this, I lose all appetite for pretty much the rest of the day, I lose all motivation to do anything, and I can't fall asleep.
I know that I've improved in my volleyball, I know that I'll be able to handle my school work efficiently, and I know that my boyfriend loves me as a friend and a lover and would never do something like that to me. It's just I worry about it so much and that I'm so afraid of not being good enough and I am so insecure about myself and everything I do that I'm scared to death that I'm going to mess things up with him and something's going to go wrong. But that's the catch, my worrying about our relationship leads me to bring it up to him all the time and he keeps reassuring me that everything is fine and I believe it. He's told me every single time that our relationship is absolutely perfect except for the fact that I worry all the time about it.
On Friday my boyfriend had a party at his apartment after I left to celebrate him getting a new job and moving out. The next morning, they found out that one of the guys at the party (a friend I've known since I was 7) killed himself in his car in front of their apartment. This is also adding to the stress of everything, on top of the fact that my boyfriend told me this morning that he is now going to have a girl rooming in his bedroom with him because she has no other place to stay. He assures me that nothing will happen because she also has a boyfriend (which I found is untrue). Needlesstosay, I have been vomitting the entire day because this news is extremely upsetting. Right now he is at work so I can't really talk with him about it and work more things out.
Overall, I've been having an absolutely terrible time and I can't stop worrying about every little thing. I researched stuff about how to deal with worrying like this and have tried to implement them, but all it does it stress me out more about it. I really need advice about what to do with this situation and I really need to stop worrying to the point of getting sick because it's extremely unhealthy and dangerous. I also want to be able to calm down about my boyfriend and trust in him and not be so attached. I don't know why this happens and how to get it to stop and I really need it to stop. Any help will be fantastic. Thanks.
ANSWER: Hi Natasha,
How are you? I hope this finds you in a calm condition. I am happy to receive a question in my inbox which needs assistance. However, answer to a complicated situation will not be answered in one sitting as there a couple of things to follow through.
As you said, you have been diagnosed with emotional disorder that affecting your current situation and that can take a while to flatten things out. However, if you consider yourself quite confident that you have been able to cope by getting a boyfriend, improved your games and be part of any activities in school, work or recreation I think that you can be able to cope with your present dilemma with your boyfriend.
Most people get depressed because they think that an intimate relationship with others is the most important in their lives. I can consider intimacy is very important as well as this goes with how your soul and spirit survive in everyday living.
But there is one intimacy that everyone forgets to have with. That is with GOD. I am not saying that you should involved yourself immediately with what most religious do. But what I am saying is that, let your spirit dwell in GOD's love. Did you know that GOD provide a Great Saviour of the WORLD? His names is JESUS CHRIST. He is the SON given to us, to enjoy GOD's love. Imagine if you can give yourself, the chance to dwell in HIS SPIRIT, through accepting JESUS CHRIST as your SAVIOUR, how great it would be to feel secure in LOVE. I assure you that there is hope for you to not be bothered by how things around you, if you just give yourself to JESUS CHRIST.
Say this prayer:
GOD, the Father in Heaven, I give you my spirit, the way JESUS CHRIST did when He died in the cross. I am the way, I am. This is how I feel today (Crystalize it, by stating, I do not know how I describe exactly how I feel. Or you can say that " I feel sick or nauseuous but I know that JESUS CHRIST, YOU HEALED MANY PEOPLE in the BIBLE. And they all been healed. You even said "TALITHA KOUM" WHICH MEANS RISE UP LITTLE GIRL AND BE HEALED. LIkewise, I believe I won't be sick, I won't be insecure because I have YOUR LOVE through YOUR SON, JESUS CHRIST, WHO DIED For ME IN THE CROSS. When He rose up from the dead, I am also resurrected so I won't feel negative, sad or disturb. I declare GOOD DAY in my life from now and forever. I say it with CONFIDENCE IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST. And I say AMEN!!!
Try to repeat this as much as you can everyday and believe that HELP is on the WAY for YOU.
Grab a bible and read little verses that you can meditate I am sure you will feel comfortable and of course, pray for your boyfriend and for everything you need.
Have a wonderful night.
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QUESTION: That does not help a single thing because I am agnostic and still struggling with my understanding of faith. When I pray, I don't feel that it's fair to pray about myself for my own selfish needs. If God has power to heal, to help, and to provide, he will do so for those who deserve it and those who think of others before themselves.
Your answer to me was that I have a mental disorder so it'll make everything more difficult, which I already know. Then you explained to me that GOD is the ONLY ANSWER to my problems. I am a scientist, I don't need you telling me what my faith should consist of, I came to you to get advice about my situation and what to do about it. You don't understand that I feel physically ill every single day that I worry about absolutely anything. Yesterday I spent half the day in the bathroom, throwing up. I went to my college's chapel for a short time to try to work things out there, but then became violently ill again.
Give me a real answer, please. This condition that I'm in can kill me.
How are you?
Thank you for your honesty. Here is a definition of agnostic to help you understand your belief: a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience.
Synonyms: disbeliever, nonbeliever, unbeliever; doubter, skeptic, secularist, empiricist; heathen, heretic, infidel, pagan. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/agnostic
Did you know that GOD gave us the Greatest Commandment of ALL: L-O-V-E!!!
Let me ask you something: Why did you move on even though you know that you have mental concern? That is because you love yourself. Why did you have a boyfriend? Because he loves you and you love him.
So then you are actually doing the second commandment of Jesus Christ has told us that is to Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
You know that you believe in LOVE, and the WORD LOVE comes from GOD when He gave Jesus Christ to die in the CROSS for our sins. So I guess it nullifies your first belief that you don't believe in GOD. You know how to love, you are practicing His teaching by of course, asking HELP so you can LIVE. Because you love the life that GOD gave you. The air that you are breathing in, the word that you are uttering is from GOD. There is no reason why you can't believe that there is no GOD. As a scientist you can tell that this from gas in nature from the condensation and evaporation but where there is a natural force, there is something that you can't see or unexplainable force that only GOD can do. We are created in HIS IMAGE and LIKENESS and that is why even though we are not perfect, if you feel that there are shortcomings in your life, that imperfection is perfectly love by GOD when Jesus Christ receive God's will for HIM to become a SON OF MAN and BECAME A SON OF GOD after RESURRECTION.
Again, Natasha, you do not have to fully believe of what I am saying, which a doubt in your heart can start to reveal everything to you. Yes, go back to the chapel and spend time with HIM. If you can call any Christian Ministry in your area by phone, speak to one of the Prayer Ministers. Call a suicide line if you could and ask help sincerely. I can only write you in one sitting. You do not have to agree with me, and that is the reason why when you ask help you only take the one you can to help you. But one thing, I can tell you I do understand that you are looking for help.
You know the first step, that is the reason why you ask help, that is because you need help. But the second step, you have to follow through to make it possible for you to overcome the problem. That is take the best option for you and then work on it. If this e-mail doesn't help you at all, seek another representative here to get you the answer you need to. Or if you need a significant individual to help you then talk to one of yours.