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Counseling/dealing with past trauma


I am from china. Now i am in the United States. I am male. I am a college student.
I feel that I was psychologically abused by my former school counselor in my country. When I was in middle school in my country,I was attracted to a girl in my class who was not attracted to me in the same way, and she already had a boyfriend for short term relationship at that time. At the time, a school counselor accused me something severally. She told me that I was really wrong. She accused me that I try to hook up a girl who is faithful to her boyfriend. (in reality, the girl was not very faithful because she had many male friends and had change boyfriends several time.) That school counselor also said that I can't even consider this kind of girls to be my potential girlfriend, and even if I be friend with such girls, I need to keep distance from them because all boys are very jealous and does not allow sexual infidelity. She encourage female sexual fidelity and male sexual jealousy and said that girls should respect their boyfriends relationship while boys should respect other boys relationship.
After my graduation, I began to feel that the world turn upside down. to accuse me of hooking up a girl who was faithful to her boyfriend was ridiculous. The boys and girls in middle school did not think about long term relationship. they can date each other and break up freely without bearing was hard to find a girl who have no boyfriend.Even if the girl has a boyfriend does not mean she is belong to someone else. If what the counselor said was true and sexual fidelity was such important, all girls and women would be property of other men. ( their father or husband)I want to make friend with human female, not the property of someone else.I feel that overemphasis of sexual fidelity really hurt the friendship between people of opposite sex.
As I grow older, I feel harder with intimacy because more and more people will have long term relationship or will be married.
whenever I find out any female friend already have boyfriend or already married, I will get angry. I am cautious about getting close to female friends. I don't dare to show emotion or make the first move, because the event really turn my emotion off. I had never had any girlfriend because the fear of rejection make me reject some female friends first to protect my ego, while others may feel that I have no confidence and shy away from me.
how to deal with my past trauma?


Sorry that that happened to you! It sounds like a pretty negative and impactful event that has had long term consequences.

My suggestion is to see someone who does hypnosis or Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). The counselor inserted a negative belief system within you that can easily be reversed by someone with the right training. Just tell the hypnotist that you want to get rid of the anger related to this event.

You could also try this self-help technique,

It will probably work better working with someone else.

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles, MSW


I can answer questions about sexual assault, sex offending, domestic violence, substance abuse, acudetox, hypnosis, biofeedback, neurofeedback, ADHD, relationship issues, and run of the mill mental health questions.


Extensive inpatient, outpatient and criminal justice experience.

BS counseling, MSW social work

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