Counseling/Variety of Problems
Hello, my name is Natasha, I am a 19 year old second-year student athlete who goes to a school 10 hours away from home (where my family and boyfriend are). I apologize in advance but this will probably be the longest question you'll ever have to read because I really need to be able to explain myself to get the help I need. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Pure Type 2 Bipolar I Disorder and I'm having trouble with a variety of things recently. Throughout my life I've had many problems with my family (extreme emotional abuse, mother has some kind of serious mental disorder, father is detached and has cheated on my mother multiple times, etc.), relationships (some abuse, having a tendency to become extremely attached to the wrong person), and some social problems (difficulty understanding and fitting in with societal demands).
Wednesday (August 5th), I had to leave my home and boyfriend for pre-season training at my college and I'm having an extremely rough time since. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 5 years, and last December we started dating and I've never been happier with anyone in my life. Our chemistry together is insane and even though we have been dating for such a short time, we've both been thinking that this relationship could possibly lead to marriage. Because of this, I have been really attached to him in ways I told myself that I'd never be attached to someone again. I won't be able to see him for at least 3 months because of season. This has flipped me out to no end and I've been upset every day just thinking about how much I miss him. He's strong and doesn't really want to show how much he misses me and just continues with life as usual.
I need to work on my personality and my response to certain situations. I have a tendency to worry about pretty much anything you could possibly think of. This becomes a larger problem when it starts affecting my relationships and my overall lifestyle. I have this odd, physical response to extreme amounts of worry or anxiety (this response kicks in fastest when I become suspicious that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me) where I become extremely nauseous and sometimes hypervenelate, sometimes I get worked up to the point where I've thrown up. Since I've come back to school, I've been having panic attacks over a variety of things: worrying about the season and fearing that I will not do better than I did last year even though I have been preparing all summer, panicking over my school schedule that will start in 3 weeks, freaking out that I'm going to have to go through another stressful year of college, and constantly freaking out about my boyfriend and being afraid that he is going to cheat on me. Therefore, I have been feeling physically ill for the last week or so at all times and I can't stop. There's really no way to calm down when I feel sick from this, I've tried distracting myself, meditation, medications, etc. When I'm feeling sick from this, I lose all appetite for pretty much the rest of the day, I lose all motivation to do anything, and I can't fall asleep.
I know that I've improved in my volleyball, I know that I'll be able to handle my school work efficiently, and I know that my boyfriend loves me as a friend and a lover and would never do something like that to me. It's just I worry about it so much and that I'm so afraid of not being good enough and I am so insecure about myself and everything I do that I'm scared to death that I'm going to mess things up with him and something's going to go wrong. But that's the catch, my worrying about our relationship leads me to bring it up to him all the time and he keeps reassuring me that everything is fine and I believe it. He's told me every single time that our relationship is absolutely perfect except for the fact that I worry all the time about it.
On Friday my boyfriend had a party at his apartment after I left to celebrate him getting a new job and moving out. The next morning, they found out that one of the guys at the party (a friend I've known since I was 7) killed himself in his car in front of their apartment. This is also adding to the stress of everything, on top of the fact that my boyfriend told me this morning that he is now going to have a girl rooming in his bedroom with him because she has no other place to stay. He assures me that nothing will happen because she also has a boyfriend (which I found is untrue). Needlesstosay, I have been vomitting the entire day because this news is extremely upsetting. Right now he is at work so I can't really talk with him about it and work more things out.
Overall, I've been having an absolutely terrible time and I can't stop worrying about every little thing. I researched stuff about how to deal with worrying like this and have tried to implement them, but all it does it stress me out more about it. I really need advice about what to do with this situation and I really need to stop worrying to the point of getting sick because it's extremely unhealthy and dangerous. I also want to be able to calm down about my boyfriend and trust in him and not be so attached. I don't know why this happens and how to get it to stop and I really need it to stop. Any help will be fantastic. Thanks.
First of all, let me say I like how you want to better your self, and am honored that you chose me. A lot of people have these problems and just suffer. There is no need for that.
I do have help for you. There are some conditions. You must be open minded, responsive, and willing to try something new. I use a system that works. Iíve used it and it works for me. I still use it all the time. It requires that you really want to better yourself and are willing to work at it.
Letís start here. Sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend. You seem to trust him on an intellectual level. The problem is your emotional life. You also seem to have a handle on school, intellectually. Again the problem is your emotional life.
Your biggest problem seems to be worry, fear, and other negative emotions. Letís work with that.
Natasha, feelings are the bodyís reactions to a thought or thought process. Feelings are the thoughts energy. They can be both positive and negative. They both go together. Affect one and you affect the other. It doesnít matter which.
While we are growing up, especially when we are very young, we have those feelings, and then just let them go. Invariably, we learn to suppress them, and they get caught in our subconscious, waiting to be triggered by a thought, and out they come, causing us problems. That is what you are experiencing.
Now, this is very important. You created those feelings because you created those thoughts. Does that make sense to you?
Since you created those feelings, you have control over them. You could change your thoughts. The problem is that you donít have that much access to them. Often, there are suppressed. You do have access to your feelings by thinking of the thought or thoughts that produce the negative feelings. You can then decide what to do with the feelings. That may sound strange to you but is absolutely the truth. You can just let go of those negative feelings.
You can learn to let go of all negative emotions in such a way, that the thoughts that created them, no longer have any energy. You will have the thought but no affects from it. It will just be something you are aware of. Most of the time, you will have it and then think of something else, precisely because it no longer has negative energy.
I use a system that will help you. I use it, and I also have a source for it. I will be glad to share this system with you, if you want it. Just let me know.