Counseling/Complications in my life
I have a very complicated, serious situation. First of all, I'm 35 years old, living with my widowed mother. I was raised an only child, so naturally, separating is not easy. That said, I may be forced to, I just need help making that happen. I have countless health problems. For years, taking laxatives consumed my life, and I have horrible rheumatoid arthritis. I recently had an ileostomy done, which has now taken over my life, even worse than the laxative ordeal. I feel like that is what my life has come to; all I do is contend with this bag. My mom and I have not gone a day without fighting, since it was done. To make matters worse, I did something I hate myself for: when I could not finance a medication for arthritis (insurance denied me coverage, after a period of time), I was promised by the pharmacist that if I paid out of pocket, and wrote a letter to my insurance, I would get reimbursed. Insurance then agreed to cover it, but did not and will not reimburse me. I got the money by daring to go to my parents' safe deposit box. Because I just was so sure I would get it back, I took the money. My mom does not know, and I cannot tell her, as that will ruin my life for good. I run my own business, but I only make money, if I can find somebody willing to pay for my services, so I cannot get it back any time soon. If she finds out, I'll be forced to leave, which at this point, I may even consider good. Moving on, I don't really have anywhere for certain to go. I have one friend (we'll call her Juliette), who is 61, whom I feel a particular closeness to, but sometimes I think I'm too much for her. Even so, I think I may need to ask her if I can stay with her and her husband. I think it would be a good fit for me, as I think I would turn my life around better. However, I don't know how I could make this happen. Truly, I am so sick of fighting with my mom, that I just sometimes don't even know how I will go on, as it is, and if she finds out, my life is officially over~ there will be no more point to it. Mom does a lot for me, and I don't show nearly enough gratitude (she even lets me take over her carů rarely for anything fun, but at least she lets me use it if I finance fuel). However, I've reached my breaking point, and think eventually, Juliette may need to be involved. Do you know if I could find a mediator? It may even be the death of my relationship with Juliette, but I can assure you, she is the only person who is not a bad influence in my life. I'll admit, I'm clingy, but she does not know what she means to me, and how much I need her in my life. What do you think I should do? This is really, really, really BAD!! My mom would never, ever forgive me, especially since she laid the ground rules down, when she put my name on the locked box when Dad passed away; said I can only go in it if she is dead, if she is not present~ absolutely no exceptions. Juliette is the only person who can help me; the only other two women in my life who were mentors are no longer alive, and although I would go to them before Juliette if they were, I still could not do it on my own. Please help; I am officially SCREWED!!
Its actually a very complicated situation i must confess. But i noticed something which i must correct before i go too deep in making some suggestions.
1. You must never give up in life even though things are so damn tough. It seems you have done exactly that, and the only way you can pull yourself together is to try and have that self belief.
2. Don't ever believe you cant stay away from your mum and still make it in life. When life throws a challenge at you, you got to stand up tall and find a way to overcome the challenge.
That been said, it is important that i share my thoughts and suggestions with you. The first thing you must do, is tell your mum exactly the situation the way it is. Hiding the fact from her isn't the best option, because it erodes the trust she has in you and also makes things even worse.
I would also suggest that you appeal to Juliette to help as an intermediary in this issue. She needs to know the whole fact also. Forgiveness from your mum may not be that easy, but your conscience will be okay when you have told her what really transpired.
Whatever decision she thereafter takes, is entirely up to her and you must prepare for the worst.
Finally, you are not screwed my friend, you are just going through a tough phase in life that will eventually prepare you for something better in the future. You may presently be going through countless issues, but as long as you remain strong, all will be well Kirsten.