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Counseling/My life is more than I can handle


Hi Laura,
I have a very complicated, serious situation. First of all, I'm 35 years old, living with my widowed mother. I was raised an only child, so naturally, separating is not easy. That said, I may be forced to, I just need help making that happen. I have countless health problems. For years, taking laxatives consumed my life, and I have horrible rheumatoid arthritis. I recently had an ileostomy done, which has now taken over my life, even worse than the laxative ordeal. I feel like that is what my life has come to; all I do is contend with this bag. My mom and I have not gone a day without fighting, since it was done. To make matters worse, I did something I hate myself for: when I could not finance a medication for arthritis (insurance denied me coverage, after a period of time), I was promised by the pharmacist that if I paid out of pocket, and wrote a letter to my insurance, I would get reimbursed. Insurance then agreed to cover it, but did not and will not reimburse me. I got the money by daring to go to my parents' safe deposit box. Because I just was so sure I would get it back, I took the money. My mom does not know, and I cannot tell her, as that will ruin my life for good. I run my own business, but I only make money, if I can find somebody willing to pay for my services, so I cannot get it back any time soon. If she finds out, I'll be forced to leave, which at this point, I may even consider good. Moving on, I don't really have anywhere for certain to go. I have one friend (we'll call her Juliette), who is 61, whom I feel a particular closeness to, but sometimes I think I'm too much for her. Even so, I think I may need to ask her if I can stay with her and her husband. I think it would be a good fit for me, as I think I would turn my life around better. However, I don't know how I could make this happen. Truly, I am so sick of fighting with my mom, that I just sometimes don't even know how I will go on, as it is, and if she finds out, my life is officially over~ there will be no more point to it. Mom does a lot for me, and I don't show nearly enough gratitude (she even lets me take over her carů rarely for anything fun, but at least she lets me use it if I finance fuel). However, I've reached my breaking point, and think eventually, Juliette may need to be involved. Do you know if I could find a mediator? It may even be the death of my relationship with Juliette, but I can assure you, she is the only person who is not a bad influence in my life. I'll admit, I'm clingy, but she does not know what she means to me, and how much I need her in my life. What do you think I should do? This is really, really, really BAD!! My mom would never, ever forgive me, especially since she laid the ground rules down, when she put my name on the locked box when Dad passed away; said I can only go in it if she is dead, if she is not present~ absolutely no exceptions. Juliette is the only person who can help me; the only other two women in my life who were mentors are no longer alive, and although I would go to them before Juliette if they were, I still could not do it on my own. Please help; I am officially SCREWED!!


Q:  Do you know if I could find a mediator?

A: Yes. If you googled "mediator" and your city, I am sure you could find a list of available people. However, 1) I am not sure how you could afford this service and 2) I am not sure what issue they would be expected to mediate.

I absolutely NEVER do this, but I think the best way to help you is to give you a dose of reality.

1) You're 35 and living with your mom- presumably OFF your mom since you can't afford your medication.
2) You fight with your mom daily and admit that you do not show gratitude even though she does a lot for you
3) You stole from your mom- an offense that you say will force your mom to put you out
4) Now you want to ruin Juliette's life.

Your problem is not how to get Juliette to help you. It's learning how to be a self sufficient adult. Juliette is 61. Your mom is presumably around the same age. They will not be around forever. You've been lucky thus far to have someone willing to take care of you, but you are THIRTY FIVE now. You are thirty five and stealing from your mom and complaining about how bad you have it. You are blessed beyond compare. Please stop taking advantage of these people and find a professional (because it is not these two women's job at this point) who can help you grow into a responsible adult.


Laura Giles


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Laura Giles, MSW


I can answer questions about sexual assault, sex offending, domestic violence, substance abuse, acudetox, hypnosis, biofeedback, neurofeedback, ADHD, relationship issues, and run of the mill mental health questions.


Extensive inpatient, outpatient and criminal justice experience.

BS counseling, MSW social work

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