sorry for this long message. I'm of 19years.From childhood i've grown up in a hostile situation.family members were not friendly at all.both my parents were service holders.I wanted to stay with my mom all the time but she was too busy.whenever she used to come home naturally I wanted to talk with her but she used to beat me badly.my parents used to quarrel all the time.even my elder sister used to show misbehave to me.She was a brilliant student.I stood first in entrance examination of school but people started comparing me with her.parents used to compare me with her at every step.my results started to get worst day by day.I had no friend.I found peace in studying books on various topics.I could imagine the story.I loved drawing, painting,crafting.but routine wise study of school was not for me.for worst results,my mother burnt all my paintings, sold my favorite books one day,I was 13years old then.I turned so aggressive day by day.I had no control on my anger.whenever mom used to come to beat me I started to protest,one day she ought to obey me & didn't beat anymore,but sent me to a prison like hostel.it was the year 2011 when she sent me there.in 2010 I got some friends but they betrayed too.I was almost lost.I was totally detouched from my family for 2.5 years.I made a boyfriend he also left me without any reason.I felt hated by all of my family members.It became too tough for me to survive but I kept telling myself I'll fly far away from all these one day,somewhere there I'll get enough love,care,respect & friends.
after completing my college in 2013,I prepared myself for the entrance examination of university. I went for tutions to a teacher but he abused me very badly,tortured me.I already had no respect in my family,in fear of more trouble I kept it secret.my father & granny died in the same time.I was shocked.I used to pretend as if I'm a very happy girl with a perfect family,but the reality was actually the opposite. i entered in university, found a best friend, David,naturally fall in love,he knew everything about me but today he also left me.I still have no friends,afraid of people.I am depressed all the time,have fearing nightmares, lost apatite, losing weight,sleeping all the day,grades are going low.I have interesting in just nothing.
I can't resist myself from suicide. I'm really tired of acting as if I'm the happiest of all.
please help me.please.
don't ask me to make friends, I've tried badly,but I can't.
Please get professional help. Of course you can't make any friends. You have no history of being in a loving, caring relationship. You haven't experienced what it is like to have healthy relationships. A therapist can help you to get beyond the childhood trauma and build the skills necessary to create a stable and meaningful life, Please seek help.