Expert: Robin Sexton - 7/14/2008

Question
Robin,
A week ago I had an argument with my husband. He went to his best friend's house. After a while I went over there and asked to talk to my husband. His friend's wife was very rude from the time she got to the door. I told her I didn't want to argue with her, I just needed to talk to my husband. Hers came instead and was very abusing. He was yelling to the top of his lungs. I told him I wasn't leaving until I spoke to my husband. To which he responded with obscene language. I lost it and I broke a window. They called the police and told me they had, so patiently I waited for them. When the police arrived they asked me if I had broken the window and I admitted doing so. My husband's friends didn't press charges and they police took me home. The friends also assured my husband they would not be filing any charges. Also, on that same day my husband replaced the broken window. My husband has remained in touch with them throughout the week. Today exactly a week later, I was arrested for Criminal Mischief 2nd degree. I assume they filed charges during the week. My questions are, could they do that even though the damaged property was replaced? (the amount was $32)Also, my husband has musical equipment at their home valued slightly above $3000 (they were in a music group). What would be the best way to get it without conflict? These people have a history on filing restraining orders or harassing charges on people they have done wrong. On that same day, him and his own brother got into a fight and they called the police. Even though the brother was defending himself. They really abuse the "First come, first serve" position. I am just trying to get out of their lives as safely as possible. They have kept equipment from former members relying on the fact that they have no way to prove ownership (my husband has some receipts but not for all of his equipment). Thank you so much for the advice. (This happened in the State of Alabama) Thank you, again.

Answer
Janet,

It is pretty sad when most cops would rather respond to man with a gun call then a neighbor type complaint.  These things are always a mess to deal with.  The mischief charge sounds like a bunch of crap.  Damage was done, paid for and everything is over with.  I would suspect a fine and that is about it.  Yes they can obviously change their mind and continue with charges.  Not sure if you could claim the damage was accidental there by avoiding the intent issue.
Dividing up property between friends, ex-friends, spouses is a loosing game.  The old adage, possession is 9/10th the law, really seems to be valid.  You end up having to prove it is yours, in the meantime the items can be damages, lost etc.  Your best chance is to keep it low key, get a mutual friend to help out. Negotiation is the by far the easiest, best and cheapest path.  However you need to plan ahead for the negative.  If your state allows record conversations, also keep notes and logs of conversations and telephone calls.  He who has the best records wins.  Get your receipts together.  If your husband is still on speaking terms with them maybe he can work something out.  Getting his most expensive equipment back on some pretense like someone else needs to borrow it.  You need to be smart about this and not let them know what you are working on.  If all else fails you can try the police but i strongly suspect they will call this civil and refer you to private counsel, which means you have to hire a attorney.  Gets expensive.  It is not fair but that is the way our current system is set up.

Good luck


Robin