Expert: Jack Toomey - 9/18/2009

Question
QUESTION: My boyfriend is in the mists of a very bitter divorce..He resides with me now for 3 mths now..I do not want any contact with the soon to be ex wife, she is disrespectful, rude and nasty..She was the one that filed for divorce..I sent her an email letting her know that when she comes to my home to pick up her daughters not to pull into my driveway or be on my property..I live on a street that is not busy..She can pull up curbside to pick up, my home is on passenger side..After she was reminded twice the same day by my boyfriend not to pull into my property, she said she understood..She did it !! on pick up..I thought her nicely, you were told not to be on my property and you decided to do it anyway..I would like to know what are my rights as the sole owner of my home/property? ccan I have her arrested..I live in NJ..She will be coming here for pick up this Sunday and I have a feeling that she will repeat the same situation again..
Thank you in advance for your answers in this matter..

ANSWER: Michelle,

I am not taking sides here but why would you want to have someone arrested for something so trivial?  First of all the police would have nothing to do with a case like this and the prosecutor would never take it to court and then you would be angry at them.

What harm is being done by letting this woman pull into your driveway?  Think about the safety of the children.  If this makes you angry I'd suggest that you not look out the window when she is due to come over and go into some other part of the house so you won't see her.

I suspect that you have a lot of anger against this woman and you want to take it out on her by manufacturing this trespassing matter.  Leave it alone and it will go away.  There are more important things in life.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Jack, my I call you Jack..

First, I have no angry for this woman..I choose not to have any more situations arise at my home..I have my own children, and I do have a say as to what takes place at my home, do I not?

The harm in driving into my driveway?? It's my driveway and if I request not to pull in it's my choice, again is it not?

The children safety is not the issue...As i wrote in the first place, picking up curbside is on her passenger side..Period...
I am not taking anything out on anyone..I like to live in peace, and I will not have garbage like that on my property..You are saying your not taking sides, but that's not what I'm gathering...
Don't suspect I'm angry, I have the right as to not have this person on my premises..
I asked you a legal question..But, I did contact The police dept..As to whether or not a charge sticks doesn't matter to me, she has to learn to bring her bitterness, and problem starting to my home..Remember, I TOO have children and they are my responsibility..This is m home and property, she's coming to me, not the other way around..
So, as of me not looking out the window or go into some other part of my house is not going to be an option...

Leave it alone, sure you can say that, you don't live here, nor have this problem with a bitter, nasty, exwife..It will go away? sure things like a headache go away with Motrin..

As of important things in life, trust me I do know there are...I am widowed after 21 yrs of marriage, because of cancer, so I do know what more important things are..I just choose not to deal with bs...

FYI- my police dept told me that I can have a car dispatched because of an unwanted person on my premise, and also it's in legal mediation agreement that she is to pick up curbside..

Have a nice day..

Answer
Its your choice but take this into consideration.  Lets say that you do have this woman arrested if the circumstances fit the statute in New Jersey.  Are you prepared to go to court several times, taking a day off to sit through endless delays and listening to other cases before you case is called only to have it delayed again?  I was only trying to save you the huge amount of time and effort that goes into charging someone with a misdemeanor.  Remember I have twenty-six years experience and I have seen time after time that the easiest way to resolve a situation is usually to ignore it.