Criminal Law/Sensitivity over past events
I guess you'll think I'm being stupid but I have for a day or two been feeling sensitive about certain things that have happened in the past and ironically this sensitivity is due to the fact that in last week's Hollyoaks, a stressed out John Paul McQueen snapped and nearly slapped a student - okay - I've always been closer to my dad than to my mom. I live with my mom in England and I visit my dad and stepfamily in India whenever I can for holiday. My mom for a long time believed mistakenly that I was jealous of my dad's remarriage when I wasn't and didn't find out until I was 23 how much I really love my stepfamily. however, despite my strong love for them I have chosen to live permanently in England where I was born and raised.
Ever since I was small , my mom and I had what my dad referred to as World Wars. between the ages of 14 and 18 however I got violent with her - in brief during that time I had problems with depression and I cut myself between the ages of 17 and 24. I confided in my stepsister the night before my 18th birthday and finally at 24 I told my dad and stepmother the truth about the cutting and stopped for good. I did consider anger management but couldn't find anything and my mom said that it wasn't an anger management issue but resentment towards her since it never happened with anyone else.
I never went beyond small slaps, though at 17 things did get out of control. I threw a hairbrush at the window, pulled my mom's chair out from under her and there was a moment during a particularly bad argument when - well even my dad and stepfamily do not know it but in a moment of insanity I lifted a heavy torch when my mom's back was turned. it was heat of the moment without conscious thought and you're the first person I'm admitting it to - but somehow I realised what I was doing and put it down. I was so shocked by what had just occurred that I made sure things never escalated to that point again.
On my 18th birthday I made a partial confession to my stepmother, leaving out the strong things like the lifting of the torch. Her kindness melted my heart and I promised her I would be grateful and considerate to my mom. I returned to England and took more responsibility for housework etc and then two years later found many DVDs in common with mom so things softened somewhat. Even now, when pushed too far I have the tendency to lunge but I never quite slap her and I definitely didn't leave any kind of mark - ever.
Finally - the summer of when I was 21, my mom was away and I looked forward to having the house to myself - studying for my degree, skyping to my dad and stepfamily etc but it was not to be. My aunt had a fight with her husband and my cousin wanted me there so very reluctantly I went to stay at my gran's I Brighton. I knew perfectly well that my aunt and gran did my head in and that I would end up daydreaming about my dad and stepfamily. I'll pass over the sleepless night resulting in a headache, a throatache from swallowing down tears in case they accused me of self pity as usual, and being nauseous over my favourite food.
There was a moment when - well I was sitting in an armchair, daydreaming about my dad and stepfamily when my six year old cousin took it into his head to sit in my lap. Now this wouldn't have mattered had he sat still but he went and bounced up and down in my lap. I asked him twice to get off but he didn't and - well I lost control. I grabbed his arm and started twisting it. He jumped off my lap with a yell and told my aunt what had happened but my aunt didn't believe him and I didn't say anything. However, I was shocked by what I'd just done and made sure that it never ever happened again. That's partly why a year later in Edimborough when he messed about at table and knocked my glasses off I just yelled - he was later told off when I explained to my aunt and her husband what had happened.
I shouldn't really feel sensitive about these things should I? You know the circumstances under which they happened, yet sometimes I'm eaten up with guilt over them and scared of tarnishing my clean CRB etc. I'm sort of in a unique position because I know what certain things feel like because I've been through them which is partly why I was so affected by last week's Hollyoak's though I deeply admired McQueen's integrity.
Sometimes I'm scared that if I mention it to anyone, I might get arrested or something and it's so unfair because so much has changed. My family have moved nearer so no more tedious train journeys and I no longer have to live with them - just visit on occasion. my cousin's now about 11 and has probably completely forgotten - I never brought it up and nothing happened since - I made sure of that.
Just wanted the opinion of someone who knows the law.
You sound completely normal. I don't think you have done anything criminal. If have anger issues that you can't seem to resolve then go see a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. As people age and mature usually they are better able to cope with these issues.