Expert: Jean M Mahan - 3/21/2011

Question
QUESTION: DearMs.Mahan, Thank you in advance for your time. The news show 20 20 did a show on killers that watched the show Dexter. It asked many question with little information for the views. My questions is it possible for a person to become a killer if he saw his parent killed? The second question can the show make a killer out of an normal youth? The show did not spend time on this subject it just gave two examples of killers who watched Dexter.

ANSWER: I didn't see the 20 20 news show that you speak of. So I cannot give you very specific answers. However, yes it is possible for a person to become a killer if he saw his parent killed. But please note this fact, unsavory as it is, all of us are quite capable of killing. We don't, both because we are told that morally it is wrong, and we don't because to see a person die, especially a violent death, sickens us. Most of us have empathy, the ability to put ourselves in the situation of the others. Death is never pleasant except for psychopaths who for various reasons do not possess empathy. Psychopaths do however possess enormous amounts of anger and hatred.

The shock of any sudden trauma can and frequently does induce memory loss of the event in a person, not just a child. Forgotten memories have more influence subconsciously on us than memories that are conscious. Severe trauma leaves a person with a very shaky world, it engenders a sense of helplessness, it leaves a person very fearful and uncertain about their judgement and their ability to safely navigate this world. It leads to serious distrust, of others and self. "I didn't know what to do in that situation. I didn't know how to act. I will be next, I will be just randomly suddenly killed too. After all, my parent, the god-like figure, the protector of me, was killed." This sense of helplessness, being the victim, often results in the exact opposite behavior, that of becoming the victimizer, the aggressor, the school-yard bully. Fear generates anger. Anger boils inside, with no appropriate outlet. Memory loss, shock, not being able to talk at length and frequently about the event, prevents the discharge of this huge emotional burden. It simmers inside, frequently for life. I'm sure you have heard persons say, "I don't know what happened, I just lost it, I snapped!" The trigger(s) for aggressive behavior is unknown to their conscious mind.

Another fact; the phenomenon of copy-cat. We are a group species, like herd animals. There is no greater influence on human behavior than the "accepted" behavior of the groups a person belongs to. Often we go with the flow, few of us are truly independent thinkers. It is difficult to act different from our peers, our groups, our family, our neighborhood, our societal norms. Just try it out, say no to some simple request by a friend or family member,or state an opinion contrary to theirs. What I am getting at is the fact that we "copy" behavior of others whom we see as "just like us". Anyone who doesn't act like us is immediately excluded from our group. Reject!

Another fact; different or unacceptable or unlikely behavior MUST be rehearsed in our minds, over and over and over BEFORE we can act differently. We daydream, if you will, about killing (or something positive, like becoming a NFL player or a rock star). Over time the daydream becomes more detailed and finally we begin planning. Then we take mini baby steps in that direction, check the outcome and decide if we are going further along that path.

Finally, to answer your question, NO just watching that show Dexter, did not by itself lead to murder. Ask yourself, how many millions of people watched that show and what percentage of the audience acted out like the Dexter show? Those shows are popular because most of us are curious, we don't understand murderers or other types of weird behavior.

But it did, in those specific instances with those specific people, resemble their life and daydreams enough for them to copy-cat the behavior. It justified their anger and their desire for revenge, gave them a plan, an outlet for their pent-up anger and fear of the wrong-doing that happened to them. In their minds it made them the hero, in a twisted way by becoming the murderer, they saved themselves and the dead parent, from being murdered. It resolved their life-long sense of helplessness, fear and guilt for not stopping the parent's murder.

I am very disturbed, however, by the amount of violence and wanton sexual behavior this society is both permitting and seemingly encouraging through videos, on TV and through the video games that are so popular with youth. Essentially we are growing up in a society that is rehearsing violence and immorality. We live with media all day, every day. Unknowingly we are accepting violent behavior as normal. We have rehearsed the roles of destructive intimate behavior and rehearsed the roles of violent killing. It has become acceptable, even expected. This vision of the world has made us all fearful, all uncertain of ourselves and without models of goodness.

Quote me on this "THOUGHTS ARE THINGS". Our thoughts are very influential, not just for ourselves but for others as well. Thoughts lead to actions. But just the thoughts are easily picked up. We have been trained from childhood not to notice people, not to really look at them, We have been taught to mind our own behavior, not to be nosey. Haven't you ever felt suddenly down or angry or happy for no very apparent reason? Ok, so check out your surroundings a little. Notice consciously the mood or small behaviors of others in the grocery store, the coffee shop, the office, your home.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Your answer was more then I could have asked for and I thank you, Your answer did present a grave problem. What can be done for our army who are trained to hate and kill the enemy. We make them killers and we think this person has a reset button.What about the revenge movies that make you a hero for killing people.At one time the hero arrested the the bad guy and now he is killed.War is now billed as simple revenge. We all know the some video games target people of the middle east and Asians as evil in war games. I feel this problem has grown in the past few years.Do people know of the harm and do they care?

Answer
Headed right for WOW aren't we? People are stupid and lazy.  They want a simple formula they can follow, a ritual to participate in and then they know they are just. Each calls themselves good. Each fights and kills for their false image of God, justifying their motives. As long as the enemy resides outside ourselves, we can point the finger outward. If it wasn't for them = . Yeah right.  

Every had a hard decision to make, one where you went back and forth, back and forth, unable to make up your mind what to do? The answer is so simple that it took me 50 years to figure it out; The wrong way is easy and the right way is difficult. If the right way is easy we just do it, don't have to think about it, it FEELS right internally. We do each of us have a moral compass built in. Each of us have hardships to face and an individual mission to accomplish in this lifetime. To do so, we need to learn to listen internally, to know the reason for each impulse, to face our fears and to move forward in almost total darkness. To grow into the person we are capable of being, to learn how to love = first ourselves and then others.

Only decisions that are difficult trouble us. It takes a lot of effort to face our own faults and the evil that resides in each of us. What me, evil? God on one shoulder and the Devil on the other, what a curse this understanding of the difference between good and evil, this curse of free will. Down deep we all struggle within ourselves. Then god bless them, someone of authority like a President or a Preacher says LOOK LOOK there is the enemy! KILL THEM! Right now it is kill the rotten Muslims. And on the Muslim side, it is all the Christians fault. In the Senate it is a game between the Dems and Republicans, pointing all blame to the other side. Sometimes I wonder if the Senate and Legislatures think we are playing football, root root root for the home team! Someone wins and someone loses. Pretty simple outcome. Way too difficult to wade through all the facts and do what is best for the whole. And as individuals just governing our own lives is hard. Internal enemies are much more difficult to detect and to defeat. We are a composite of traits, personality features, each of us is made up of many. We are made up of our mother, father, brother, sister, children, friends, teachers, preachers, TV shows and on and on.

As for war, training men to kill and then to shut it off as if nothing has happened, to stuff it has centuries and centuries of habit and expectations behind it. The army or who ever is ordering the killing depersonalizes the enemy, we called the Vietcong gooks. Kill the gooks. This word makes them non-human, not like you or me. Lose empathy, don't seek understanding or dialog. Much harder work, true understanding of a different point of view, too fearful to question my own beliefs, to risk being confused and changing from the childhood mind set. Also very hard work, thinking. We scream, someone just tell me what is right! I don't want to be responsible for myself, someone tell me how to think, what to be.  

There are signs now that people are noticing, it is no longer totally unacceptable to act (after participating in war) as if nothing happened except you did the manly thing, the hero thing. We are beginning to see what it costs emotionally and morally for man to kill. It doesn't feel holy anymore. And of course truly evil people are drawn to the military, those that delight in murder, rape, theft, torture; often rising to the level of high leadership.

But the rigid rules of what it means to be a woman or a man are breaking down. It started in the 60's. The bad part of this is that everyone is just confused and so feel free to act anyway the whim takes them. Dissatisfaction is what I see in people's lives everywhere. Don't trust the government, don't trust the religions. Got to take revenge for all the uncertainty on something, somebody. Yes you are right, revenge is featured in all the popular games, real or virtual. We know now that money is the object of the government and preachers, money and power truly rules.

Do people know of the harm? I don't think so. Do they care? I don't think so. They cope by becoming truly dishonest with themselves. People are now what I call plastic people, do you see the rigidity of their outsides? The pretty makeup, the designer clothes, the huge houses? The outside counts when the inside is empty.

I am afraid, very afraid of the future.