AboutAndrew Expertise I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties & control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief & organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses & advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for.
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time & effort than you may realize. So unless you have already put in that time & effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. People who lie cannot represent a God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery & make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination & social dynamics that are affecting him or her (which are probably not apparent to you). I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people make their own choices, & you may not be able to affect this person's choices, no matter how much they impact on you. A few people manage to do so, but don't count on it.
Despite my struggle to recover from my experience with the Witnesses, it was worth it. I will never let anyone cloud my clarity of mind again. Let me use that clarity to help you gain clarity. You deserve it. Every living thing deserves truth, compassion, discovery, and wonder; not manipulation, judgementalism, dogma, or control.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended many congregations across the United States, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings, I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery, both my own, and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life (so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence).
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, WHO WAS STUDYING TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENT BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN, that first began to illuminate the problem of totalitarian cult religions around the
world.
Witnesses often experience extremely dysfunctional lives and problems including broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of shame for no apparent reason. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was epic.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery, I gained social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth; I gained peace of mind; I gained self-respect; I discovered who I am; and for the first time I discovered the meaning of real brotherly love.
Expert: Andrew Date: 6/4/2008 Subject: What helped you escaped the JW's
Question Hello Andrew,
My name is John, I'm a born-again Christian, and I've always had a soft spot for Jehovah's Witnesses; I don't know why, but I always felt the need to speak to them; at least for the past twenty years, or so. Indeed, it's only been in the past two years that I've began to discover just how destructive leaving the organisation can be on the poor individuals concerned.
My question is: what made you leave the witnesses? How did it affect you? And, did you ever find a church, or did the experience put you off God altogether?
Before I go I just wanted to thank you for what you're doing. I read your replies to people considering leaving, and all I can say is God bless you; your heart and compassion are a credit to you!
Regards
John
Answer Dear John,
Thank you for your kind words and blessing. Compassion is the most important thing we can offer one another, isn't that so?
The engineered dependence of cult members upon the cult organization makes it very difficult for members of any cult to leave it. Jehovah's Witnesses are typical among cults in this respect. When a member has nowhere else to go, or the cost of leaving is simply too high, he may stay and go along with the organization even when he no longer wants to, simply because there are insufficient viable alternatives.
There were many factors leading up to my departure from the Witnesses. The first and foremost was that God gave me the ability to see beyond superficial appearances and think for myself to a much greater degree than normal. I am deeply grateful for that gift. After many years of observation, incongruities began to appear to me which I had to explore.
One of the watershed events in my early recovery was the change in Watchtower position regarding the schedule for the end of the world in 1995. Witness opponents (whom I had debated against in those days) had predicted that the Watchtower Society would have to change it's position after the scheduled date was missed. Sure enough, the Society did so in 1995 by redefining the word "generation" (a word which figured prominently in a prior prediction). On reading this back-pedalling in the Watchtower magazine, I remember sitting at a Kingdom Hall and saying half aloud, "You've got to be kidding!" and slouched down into my seat afterward in incredulity and despair.
I later learned that the Watchtower Society has repeated this same behavior many times over the past 150 years: 1) Predicting a date, 2) the prediction fails, 3) the Society revises it's position, and finally 4) the Society blames the rank and file for having "misunderstood".
Another turning point for me involved the verse found at John 13:35: "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." All my life, the Witness leadership had taught me that they were the only true disciples of Christ by virtue of the "love" which they considered self-evident among them. However, as an unsupported homeless orphan, I had always experienced the Witnesses as quite cold-hearted, and puzzled over how collective joy on the return of "prodigal sons", and even unconditional love, was squashed in favor of draconian discipline and judgementalism.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I experienced brotherly love for the very first time in my life in the spring of 1997. It was a faith-breaker because it was a group of non-Witnesses who displayed such love; and I had lived a lifetime among Witnesses, never having seen such a display; which illustrated by this very clear and tangible measure that they could not be the true disciples of Christ as I had always believed up until that time.
Yet to leave was too big a decision for me. After months of being stuck, unable to move forward and unable to go back, I finally asked God for a sign as to whether I should stay with the Witnesses or not; and God answered with a sign indicating I should leave. The decision was too big for me, but it was not too big for God. After receiving such an answer to prayer, the burden was lifted, and it became clear that I was not meant to stay any longer. I immediately discontinued meeting attendance with the Witnesses.
After leaving the Witnesses, my real odyssey began. There were many tumultuous and difficult years as I actively removed from myself the indoctrination they had busily cultivated in me over decades. A very important factor for anyone recovering from a cult experience is to begin to have the freedom to think HIS OWN THOUGHTS. A man of faith such as yourself might be invested in the hope that persons in recovery would come back to God. No doubt you realize that it is not God's fault that the Witnesses and other abusive organizations represent Him so badly; and in your heart you may want everyone to see the truth of God's love and kindness.
But attempts to guide a person in recovery toward a new spiritual life can backfire, because the person in recovery needs the freedom to DISCOVER God rather than merely switching from one coerced belief system to another. There is a very high sensitivity to outside influence after escaping from a cult among successful recoverees in the early stages of their recovery. They MUST reclaim their own minds first.
I have always had a strong faith in God. On leaving the Witnesses, however, I began to doubt everything I had been taught. I reasoned that, if some of it was wrong, perhaps it all was wrong. I sat in the darkness of agnosticism for many years, and even entertained the idea of atheism for a brief moment. I think that dark night was a necessary part of my recovery process.
But today God has guided me to a new experience of faith and relationship to spirit. I regularly attend a non-traditional church which supports me in spiritual growth and community life. I am deeply grateful to be able to pray again and mean it, to feel real faith for the first time in my life. Thanks for asking.
I no longer feel any need to debate with people about faith. I trust that each person will find his own way along his own life path, and walking that path is a sacred thing. To disturb another person's life path, and especially to assertively try to reorient his spiritual sensibilities, is to play God. That is not our place. Our place is to show compassion to one another.
I am also very comfortable with agnostic persons. Since God is within us, it matters less to me whether a person believes in God "out there", as long as he believes in himself, for God is within. That is how I feel, and it's perfectly OK that others may feel differently.
