Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Witness Children Who Preach

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Expert: - 2/26/2009


Question
I am a former JW with a JW wife.  I don't have children.  But a friend is in a similar situation, except he does have kids.  He attends regular church sessions and the wife attends Kingdom Hall meetings.  His son is about 6 years old and has been acting out at school.  Counselors say that he says Mom and Dad are always fighting about religion.  

Dad allows the children to go to the Hall, but they also are exposed to holidays, birthdays, his religion.  They celebrate Father's Day, but not Mother's Day.  They don't love going to the Hall.  Anyway, Mom wants to start taking the 6 year old with her in field service.  Dad doesn't want it to be another huge fighting subject at home for the boy to pick up on.  

So, I have mentioned how field service will probably be "fun" at his age, and Mom will take a "break" for donuts each time.  I mentioned how the JW's (all the grandparents, Mom, people at the hall) will pat him on the back and start him to feel that he's doing such a wonderful thing.  He mentioned how keeping him from it could be like making it a forbidden thing that Dad is keeping from him.  I really don't know what direction is best.  

Is there any further advice you have?

Answer
Dear Jerry,

Thank you for making your question public so that others can benefit from your question.

"Field service" is Witness jargon for door-to-door preaching. They systematically and repetitively cover territory (most of the United States) because they hope to make converts from the general population. Older Witnesses sometimes take younger ones along and approach doors in pairs. In these cases, the older Witness is teaching the younger one how it's done.

One of the negative consequences of door-to-door proselytizing involves "cognitive dissonance". The short explanation of cognitive dissonance is that, if you say and do one thing but believe another, your beliefs will change to come into harmony with your words and actions in order to relieve the uncomfortable dissonance.

Therefore, if a child finds himself saying (preaching) and doing (walking) according to the Witness teachings, he will eventually come to believe Witness teachings also, just because of his habit of saying and doing them. So I believe "field service" is dangerous for children, as it erodes their critical thinking faculties and encourages them to change their belief system to match their words and actions, even though the belief system may have no merit, even though the child may not otherwise believe.

I think the non-Witness father has a good reason to oppose his wife. There are some things worth fighting for. Freedom of mind for our children is one of them, in my judgement.

I doubt the child will develop any sense of intrigue or longing for a forbidden activity if the father forbids it, as children typically hate "field service". It is difficult and uncomfortable, and causes children to emotionally detach in order to endure it. The child would be more likely to feel relieved and be grateful for being rescued by the parent who forbids it in my experience.

The good news for all non-Witness parents who have Witness ex-spouses is that, statistically, where a child has a choice betwen mainstream and Witness lifestyles, the child almost always chooses the mainstream lifestyle because it is more comforting, more rewarding, and requires less deprivation.

This is not to say that children cannot be conditioned and become true believers, they can. So teaching children the tactics of cult mind control is an essential activity for the non-Witness parent to arrange. It can be arranged in a respectful way that does not shame or judge the Witness parent.

When difficult questions arise, and a child asks a non-Witness parent about the errors of the Witness parent, a non-Witness parent can use illustrations to explain without shaming and blaming the other parent. My favorite illustration, which is culturally relevant and digestible to children in that situation, is the movie Spiderman 3. Spiderman is a good guy, a hero; yet even the hero can be affected by the black mask to do things he would not normally do. Likewise "your Witness parent really does love you" even though cult mind control may sometimes cause her to do things she normally wouldn't.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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