AboutAndrew Expertise I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties & control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief & organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses & advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for.
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time & effort than you may realize. So unless you have already put in that time & effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. People who lie cannot represent a God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery & make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination & social dynamics that are affecting him or her (which are probably not apparent to you). I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people make their own choices, & you may not be able to affect this person's choices, no matter how much they impact on you. A few people manage to do so, but don't count on it.
Despite my struggle to recover from my experience with the Witnesses, it was worth it. I will never let anyone cloud my clarity of mind again. Let me use that clarity to help you gain clarity. You deserve it. Every living thing deserves truth, compassion, discovery, and wonder; not manipulation, judgementalism, dogma, or control.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended many congregations across the United States, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings, I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery, both my own, and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life (so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence).
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, WHO WAS STUDYING TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENT BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN, that first began to illuminate the problem of totalitarian cult religions around the
world.
Witnesses often experience extremely dysfunctional lives and problems including broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of shame for no apparent reason. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was epic.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery, I gained social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth; I gained peace of mind; I gained self-respect; I discovered who I am; and for the first time I discovered the meaning of real brotherly love.
Question My wife became a witness without even talking to me about just how it would change our lives. At the time, I was not a Christian but have since become "saved" and have returned to by Baptist roots. I attend Church and study the Bile however, her decision has caused the following issues: 1) we don't celebrate holidays or birthdays - this is a part of my family upbringing and tradition and she refuses to participate, 2) she is a social recluse in that she associates only with other witnesses, 3) I show her support by attending the Hall with her but she refuses to attend Church with me. Marriage is about sharing, meeting each other half way, discussing decisions BEFORE acting on them instead of making a life decision that changes the complexion of the marriage and expecting your mate to just "deal with it".
Answer Dear Ron,
It's unfortunate, but not uncommon, for idealogy to take precedence over family ties where cults are involved. So under the circumstances, it's unsurprising that your wife did not consult with you in advance.
Undermining family support structure in order to make individuals easier to control is the core purpose behind the Witnesses' policies of social seperatism and not to celebrate all the traditional family occasions. Witnesses are very much like other cults in this respect.
Your generosity of spirit in attending Witness services is ill-advised. She will never reciprocate, as Witness teaching forbids her from doing so, and you put yourself at grave risk of becoming ensnared by their cult mind control tactics. There are a great number of current Witnesses who used to be in your situation and thought they would never join, but eventually did, when Witness "charms" gradually eroded their firm resolve; so don't rely too heavily on your original resolve to save you from that eventuality as long as you immerse yourself in their ways by attending their services.
I'm so sorry for your suffering and realizing too late that what ought to be in family and marriage is not your reality due to the damaging effects of Witness behaviors. They have destroyed millions of lives as they are now beginning to destroy yours. There is no easy answer.
If your wife has only just begun, it might be possible to make her reconsider by making your resolve more firm. This would include less generosity of spirit on your part. Otherwise, you may have to consider either becoming a Witness and losing your own freedom of mind in the process, prepare yourself for a long entrenched conflict, or research subtle methods that can be used to help a fully indoctrinated cult member wake up from their experience.
If you choose this last approach, be very careful what you say; as it is very easy to say the wrong thing and make them close their minds to you completely.
Is there any further information I can provide that will help you decide your next steps? I will help if I can, by offering an accurate picture to help you navigate more effectively. I'm sorry there's not much more than that I can do.
I realize the news is grim. May you have strength and find a measure of joy in life despite this grim news.
