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Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Dangers of Association Between Witness & Non-Witness

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Expert: - 8/2/2009


Question
Hi Andrew,

Recently I started a new job and learnt that my manager is a practising Jehovah's Witness.  He strikes me as a highly social person, in defiance of the teachings of Witnesses.  I feel that he tries somewhat to start conversations with me, as I am always quiet and rarely speak on my own accord.  I know he has various friends who are non-Witnesses, and has even shared a bed with one of them (although nothing happened and he was reluctant at first, had peer pressure not overcome him).

Although Witnesses do not celebrate birthdays, he was happy enough to "congratulate" me on mine, and on his birthday he stated happily,
"It's my birthday today!" I replied with,
"Should I wish you a Happy Birthday, or would it be a bad idea?
"No, you shouldn't".

Quite a few times I have spoken to him out of work, as a friend and not as an employee, via text message.  He has made no attempt to distance himself when I ask how he is, or when I wish him well.  He has invited me to places under the guise of work - things that I have minimal place at.

He seems VERY supportive towards me, which I am grateful for, but as I learn more about Witnesses it comes across as strange; knowing that Witnesses should not befriend non-Witnesses.

I would appreciate being his true friend, and I am very fond of him, but am afraid to give any form of loyalty and fear that I might “compromise” him.  I do not want to see him shunned.  I question his motives, due to what I’ve read about Witnesses pretending to be friendly, in order to convert people.  I am not even sure if that statement is true, I have never dealt with a Witness before.

I am lead to believe that he is a devote Witness, attending meetings and conventions internationally, yet he acts out of character.  I know his family are Witnesses as well.

My question being:  is there any chance that a Witness, such as my manager, could “loosely” follow the religion, allowing for non-Witness friends and things such as showing interest in Government, etc.?  Or would he indeed be shunned for it?  Am I a danger to his religious ties?  Is there a chance that the friendship he portrays is real?  Or is he simply trying to play on our weaknesses?

The entire topic leaves me rather dumb-founded!

With kind regards and thanks for any reply,

Colette.

Answer
Dear Colette,

I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of getting your manager in trouble with his congregation elders. Rather if you have anything to worry about, more likely it is that you yourself are taking a risk, by befriending him, of opening yourself up to a "fair weather" friendship, and putting yourself at risk of being influenced by cult mind control.

There is a wide range in the social behaviors of Witnesses toward non-Witnesses. What you've read about Witnesses is probably to be taken as a general guide on typical Witness behaviors toward non-Witnesses, not that it will always be so. They are actually taught and encouraged to be friendly toward non-Witnesses, as one of their methods of gaining converts "without a word". They figure that if they are the friendliest people you ever saw, you will want to become a Witness to be like them. (This doesn't mean their friendship is genuine. Although it may be in some cases, it often isn't.)

Yes there are some who associate with the Witnesses who only "loosely" follow the religion. The Witnesses do not consider such persons to actually be Witnesses, and as such they are not bound by the rules. Witnesses allow great leeway to students and beginners and hangers-on in the beginning, then gradually tighten requirements as they become more advanced in their studies toward becoming a member.

If your manager is a devout Witness, but is still very friendly, he probably knows he has to be in order to promote his own career. He probably wants to set a "Christlike" example and draw people to his faith by his example of "friendliness". But his friendliness is probably not genuine, since they are repeatedly reinforced with "us vs. them" ideas like:

- Worldly people (non-Witnesses) have poor morals and values
- Worldly people will die at God's hand during Armageddon (in the near future)
- Worldly people don't know any better, so they can't be treated as equals
- Worldly people might think ill of God if they knew the whole truth about "God's people", so partial truth is better

I would suggest you keep your relationship with your manager businesslike, and only as friendly as your business relationship requires; because otherwise you put yourself at risk of being treated like a doormat when it's convenient for him, and the risk of being influenced by his cult religion.

If you decide to pursue this friendship, I would strongly recommend you innoculate yourself in advance by learning the finite tactics of cult mind control first, so that you will see it coming in the present if you are ever subjected to those tactics.

Blessings,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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Expertise

I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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