AboutAndrew Expertise I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties & control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief & organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses & advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for.
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time & effort than you may realize. So unless you have already put in that time & effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. People who lie cannot represent a God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery & make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination & social dynamics that are affecting him or her (which are probably not apparent to you). I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people make their own choices, & you may not be able to affect this person's choices, no matter how much they impact on you. A few people manage to do so, but don't count on it.
Despite my struggle to recover from my experience with the Witnesses, it was worth it. I will never let anyone cloud my clarity of mind again. Let me use that clarity to help you gain clarity. You deserve it. Every living thing deserves truth, compassion, discovery, and wonder; not manipulation, judgementalism, dogma, or control.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended many congregations across the United States, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings, I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery, both my own, and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life (so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence).
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, WHO WAS STUDYING TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENT BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN, that first began to illuminate the problem of totalitarian cult religions around the
world.
Witnesses often experience extremely dysfunctional lives and problems including broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of shame for no apparent reason. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was epic.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery, I gained social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth; I gained peace of mind; I gained self-respect; I discovered who I am; and for the first time I discovered the meaning of real brotherly love.
Question QUESTION: Would like for you to read some email exchanges between me and my 34 year old son. Give your opinion on my experiences and tell me how to get through to my son?
Playing hard to get! or have you quit! can't holla at old man, no longer a fan...
Between Calvin Diggs Jr and You
Calvin Diggs December 24, 2009 at 9:28pm
The loan for the building was just approved. As soon as we return we will make our move. Start setting up the place so kids can have fun. Going to take their parents money one by one. When our pocket are full so will be yours too. Please don't try to stop me, this is something I must do. Leaving in two days on my very first cruise, with three 10 dollar suits that was slightly used. If you like I will take a hike, if that’s what it take to make things right. This is my sixth effort to contact you, if you think there will be a seventh then that's not true. Man up and say what's really on your mind, It's not like I'm going to beat your behind. You are a grown man now so what will it be, speak your voice and let your spirit be free.

Calvin Diggs December 25, 2009 at 10:27am
Cal, here is an excerpt from my transcript to my book, just wanted your opinion on the accuracy of my research prior to it going to publishing. Thanks in advance.
My parents reunited but not before all of my sisters were sold on the JW’s belief, which maintains obedience by delivering strict and controlling teachings- which instills guilt and fear in their members primarily as a means to deter attrition. Members are also required to commit to a five day week practicing their belief prior to being officially indoctrinated (baptized) into their society. Most of their literature is made in house to include their bible- The New World Translation. All directives are sent from the WBTS, World Bible Tract Society of New York City- whom currently has over 200 billion dollars in real-estate assets. Thanks to all of the dedicated or shall I say obligated members whom invest countless time and money in an effort to recruit worldly people for the purpose of improving their lives now so they too may have everlasting life…how considerate of them. They preach the Truth and nothing but the Truth, so help them God!
Dead
Calvin Diggs Jr December 27, 2009 at 5:02pm
I am sorry you feel that way about witnesses. It is true Satan has blinded the eyes of the unbelievers. This world is on its way to a final conclusion, just as the days of Noah were. Noah preached tirelessly, but only his immediate family, his wife, his three sons and their wives survived. Out of the whole world at that time, eight souls survived the deluge. I'm sure people laughed and scoffed at Noah when he said the world was coming to an end, but that was there loss. When Jehovah closed the door to the ark it was too late. Yes, Jehovah Witnesses are dedicated to their God and to their preaching assignment. As Matthew 24:14 warns, this good news will preached in all the inhabited earth, and then the end will come. Well, that has pretty much has already been accomplished. Just about the whole world has gotten light of Jehovah's message. All now is a waiting game. I even witnessed to your father recently. When Armageddon comes, and it will come, no one can say they didn't know. Besides, Jesus will deal accordingly with innocent people who haven't been reached.
I was irritated with you, when I reached out to you on Facebook, and all you could say in reply was "ok". I felt that was a kick in the face, when I could take the time to write you and you couldn't find the time to say anything about what I wrote you about.
Then I try to chat with you saying " good morning", and you reply back calling me a nigga. Sorry I wasn't in the mood for that, so I didn't reply back. Maybe I need to be a little less sensitive, but ever since the ordeal with you giving me money, our relationship hasn't been the same. I have tried to call you and let you know the money isn't important, but you remain distant. Now I'm just.....if you want to act that way fine. I never asked you for money, you offered. I learned the hard way not to rely on anyone for help financially. Thanks to Jehovah, my family is ok. We just got back from vacation. Peace.

Calvin Diggs January 4 at 12:53am
Peace back to you. I lost my family to a cult and I don’t expect you to understand that, but the reality is JW's are blind. I don’t expect to change you but I spent the last 20 years of my life trying to replace the relationship I had with your mother (before she traded me for the JW's) with others. I finally realize this and I'm not too happy about it. You, Donna, and Barbara just like I suspect the rest of your society seems to hide behind the idea that you are serving God. You are serving man, taking guidance from a revised bible that has zero credibility. The executives in WBTS issues guidance to the elders and they carry out the order. It is a perfect marketing plan to have you all think you are doing the work of God. I have substantial evidence that you are deceived by your belief and it saddens me to see my sons and ex-wife dedicate their lives to a cult. The only ones that benefit from your efforts are the executives in your society. Your so called religion thrives from instilling guilt and fear into their brain-washed followers. Take some time out of your busy schedule and …
I never let money come between us. My intentions were good, I wanted to give something back to my sons for making the effort to come visit me. Lesson learned is not to give what you do not have...Love always Dad.

Calvin Diggs January 4 at 1:06am
...take some time out of your busy schedule and Google the JW's, read some of the testimonies from previous elders and ex-witnesses that dedicated 20,40, 60 years of their lives to JW's and finally woke up. Many JW's are abandoning the belief due to the easy access to information regarding how your society works. Others are a part of it, knows its false and stays because of the status they have achieved, the false empowerment. Do some homework, I will not waste my time trying to convince you of something you have zero desire to see both sides and not just the sides your leaders feed you... Just like you have felt the need in the past to witness to me, I feel the obligation to enlighten you to what I have learned. Stress, many witnesses have plenty of stress due to the teachings, once they leave, it decreases dramatically.

Calvin Diggs January 4 at 1:15am
The world has been on it's way to final conclusion many times according to the teachings of your belief founder Charles Russell. Many followers left as a result of his inaccurate prophecies.

Calvin Diggs January 4 at 1:21am
Take a real bible, New or Old Testament, King James version, and The Holy Bible- all that preaches Christian Doctrine and review the scriptures John 14, Rev 22:18,19 and compare it with your New World Translation. Do some research as to whom; the 4 people responsible for translating the other bibles to your bible...

Calvin Diggs January 5 at 6:17am
OK Calvin lets look at what you and every other Witness does on a weekly basis regarding how much money and time you invest. Then I want you to tell me where does it all go? I'm not speaking from research now, this is from life experiences. Your mother had a closet full of publications she purchased with my hard earned money. This closet was like a library of stacks of old watchtowers, awakes, book of the week, hard back books of the month, extra new world translations, numerous pubs on shelves, stacks to the ceiling of man-made publications (remember Rev.22:18,19) most of which she purchased to take on field service that were never given out reasons unknown; also she like all of the witness kept detailed accounts on all donations received and it was detrimental that all monies be turned-in to her higher on a regular basis to include Donations received from prospective recruits; just like a magazine company would take a passenger van full of 18 year old across the country. Knocking door to door to sell their magazines. These companies collect millions of dollars every year in profits, that's with the included expenditures of paying the team, lodging, food, transportation and bonuses plus they do not have to pay in advance for their magazines to sell to the public. Now, Cal just think about this from a business prospective. Put the- Improving peoples lives now for a chance of everlasting life out of the equation for a moment and do some math. Leave that Satan is trying to pull you away from your belief out of this too. I'm not Satan, I am your FATHER, someone who loves you and care about your well being. Where does all of the monies go, and to what causes. Churches have food kitchens, emergency funds for families to pay bills, they have shelters, half-way houses, day cares, nursery's and many other support entities that are available to the entire public, not just their church members, most of these are funded from member ties and public donations. Where does all of the money you and your family spend weekly just on field service- Gas, food, clothing, publications, vehicle maintenance and any other monies that come out of yours and Sonya's pockets go? Now multiply that by every adult in your congregation and all of the thousand congregations through-out the world. Where is all of that money going Calvin? I'm telling you, it's a business with a profit margin like no other that uses God and his promises for your pay, reward, efforts. The bible states that if you believe in God, repent, and do his will, that you will have everlasting life. It does not require you to conduct yourself like a business with strict weekly requirements that involve spending so much money and time. Just think about the real estate assets alone, 200 billion dollars, that's what is reported, it could be more, much more. What about the salaries of the WBTS Executives? What do you know about where the monies go, how much have you and your family received for hardship times? Really Calvin, now ask yourself who is really blinding who? Think about these things and if necessary go and ask questions, you have the right to know. If you choose not to, that's OK too. Love is blind and faith is blind but open your eyes and see what is happening around you in your very own congregation. Yes, you are surrounded with beautiful, loving and hopeful people that has been taught to think just like you, but why? To keep the work going and the money flowing. Your purpose is to preach the Truth, serve Jehovah but the bottom line is MONEY and plenty of it Son...We have only scrapped the surface, what about Pioneering, full time pioneering, out of town Assemblies and other costly efforts that in the end bring in high dividends for the Society. You are motivated also by the FEAR and GUILT that is covertly taught to you every meeting. It is what keeps you aligned. I would deploy for months, return on a Saturday evening and beg my wife to stay home with me on Sunday, she would reply; No, what you want me to do put you before Jehovah? This happened numerous of times. It was not until I returned home to the huge meat and cheese lasagna she prepared for the brothers in her congregation that were doing renovation work that I realized that it was not just Jehovah that she put before me. She put on a sweater and walked out the door with the reply make a sandwich. That dug deep into my heart, that a my wife could be so cold and more supportive to those men. She refused to even cut a small portion out for me. Wendy feared what would happen to her if she missed a few meetings and died during the time I requested that she concentrate on our troubled marriage. We spoke on the phone for hours, going back and forward about trying to salvage our relationship and her biggest concern was out of FEAR and GUILT. In the end I thought I had convinced her to focus on us, which she agreed, so I sent for her. She was shipped to Ft. Devens with the understanding that she would take a break from studying the Truth to work on our marriage. Four days after moving to Ft. Devens Wendy was off to a weekend Assembly out of town. FEAR and GUILT kept her aligned just like it's keeping you and every one else that don't have the Will to know the real TRUTH! Before I left for Barbados in 1989 I gave your mother an ultimatum after she lied about working on us. I told her either she take a break, not quit but take break from studying to save our marriage or I would take the Barbados assignment and file for a divorce. The next day, I asked her what was her decision and she replied with one word- GO! You mother had an option to keep our family together but out of FEAR and GUILT she chose not taking a break from her studies. My life has been scarred ever since. I chose the military over two college scholarships so that I could immediately provide for my family- you and your mom at the time. I broke records in the military training because of my desire to be a good father and husband. I chose SF because of the fast promotions and bonus monies offered during my enlistment. Everything I did then was for you and her, or us. She got so engaged with the JW's which I will never reference as the Truth every again because it is not. All of these efforts to include working three jobs as a teenager to support you were in vain. This is why I tried for years to reach her and then I gave up and allowed Ramon to raise you and support her with your belief. Now that I reflect on my last 20 years without you and her it pains me to know that my failed marriages should have never happened in the first place. Again subconsciously I was trying to replace the love I had at one time for your mother that turned into resentment over the years. It still hurts me today to see you still serving MAN, not God, yea MAN in a cult that stole my family and I will go to my grave trying to reach you.
Love always, YOUR FATHER
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SITE AND SERVICES, MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. CALVIN L. DIGGS SR.
ANSWER: Dear Calvin,
I'm so sorry your family members have turned their backs on you. I know from first-hand experience how that feels. Causing members to turn their backs on family is the number one error of all cults, and Jehovah's Witnesses are no different, as you know all too well. Cults are reprehensible for doing this. There's no excuse. Organizations that cause so much damage to families do not deserve respect, tolerance, or freedom. Freedom of religion should not apply to organizations that use that freedom to destroy families and deprive others of their freedom.
I'm afraid your 12/25/09 letter to your son caused him to close his mind to you almost completely. That kind of letter, while it may be factual and accurate, would cause Witnesses to "batten down the hatches". You might have given too much credence to their superficial claim to be interested in the truth. By my experience, this is one of those situations where probably "he can't handle the truth".
Although they claim to be interested in the truth, what Witnesses actually pursue is very precise selective idealogy, including only that part of the truth that SUPPORTS their policies, conditioning, and doctrine. There are convoluted psychological and emotional barriers they learn how to use to protect themselves from other truths, the ones that contradict their system. They NEVER look at all sides of an issue to make a fully informed decision. It isn't their way. So to assume they would be interested in the REST of the story (as Paul Harvey might say) is perhaps misguided.
We have to be careful about what we say if we really want to get through to them; because their psyche is damaged by their conditioning. Witnesses and other cult members do not have intact mental capacities like critical thinking faculties, and straightforward logic. Everything they think and feel is driven by preconceptions about what is true. I think you damaged your relationship (what was left with it) with your son by this 12/25/09 letter.
By his response on 12/27/09, he indicates that he is entrenched (in defense) and fully indoctrinated (in Witness conditioning); but at least he has not cut you off. The fact that he is trying to preach to you indicates that he still hopes you can be saved. (That's better than treating you as already dead; which Witnesses often do.)
In your letter on 1/4/10 at 12:53 am, you may finally be taking off the kid gloves and saying what needed to be said; but it was you who needed to say it. He did not need to hear it, because he is probably not ABLE to hear it. Yes, there is a remote chance that the hard truth might be a wake up call to your son, but that very rarely works. I hope it does; but don't hold your breath.
I wish you had contacted me before this exchange. I've been through many of the same experiences you have. I might have been able to offer coaching on how to make the best of it; but what was actually said seems like it killed what was left of your relationship with your son. I guess we each have to make our own mistakes.
At least you can rest at ease knowing that you said what YOU needed to say; at least YOU spoke the truth. Sometimes all we can do is speak the truth and let go of the outcome. You did that, and you deserve respect for that. This might be your son's only chance to really hear the truth; and it might wake him up.
But your method is very risky. There's a very good chance he will not wake up, and a very good chance that you only destroyed what was left of your relationship with him. By your next letters, I guess you knew that. Fearing that you have little left to lose, you seem to be trying to wake your son up at any cost. There's a slim chance, but it might work.
You may well 'go to your grave trying to reach him'; but will it work? What impact will it have on him? On your relationship with him? On you? Don't you deserve better?
Your method of trying to reach your son is not the one that cult recovery experts recommend. Now that you've started, you can't exactly switch methods in midstream; so you might as well keep the kid gloves off for awhile and see what it accomplishes. Don't be surprised if he cuts you out of his life completely. I hope yours is one of the rare cases where the cold hard truth actually gets through.
You do not have very direct influence over other people's minds and hearts, and least of all with indoctrinated cult members. This is fundamentally wrong; I get how wrong it is. Your family should respect you. You are their father. You sacrificed tremendously for their success. Yet at some point you deserve to come to peace with this, as hard as it is.
However, you do have quite direct influence over your own mind and heart. If your son does not react favorably, at least you can begin your own recovery from this nightmare. Don't try to do it alone. I suggest professional counseling for you. Of course your son needs professional counseling worse than you do, being fully captivated by a mind control cult; but he's not going to ask for it. Of course you're the one who has his head screwed on straight; and your ex wife and son do not.
But you deserve health and happiness too, and even though you are sane and sound, you have experienced an awful loss. You need and deserve help to cope with that loss. Please look for a professional counselor who can help you recover from your loss; and as you look for one, remember that YOU'RE the boss hiring the DOC, not the other way around. If the doc doesn't meet your criteria, find another one who does. You deserve some peace and joy. You can get it with some help.
Best wishes,
AndrewXJW
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Andrew, thank you again for your honest and professional answer. You are 100% correct. I realize my letters were probably going to push my son further away. But the letters were more for me than for him. My therapy. I spent 20 years as a Green Beret, Combat Diver and many other skills. I retired in 1997. I lost my family in 1989 and has accepted the lost. It was only recently that I started a book on my life and certain feelings resurfaced. My book is also therapeutic for me. All of my sisters (4) are married into the cult and their off-spring as well. I will take your advice and seek professional help soon, actually I have an appointment on the 19th of this month. Thanks again and sorry you are not taking ratings at this time, but your service rates "Far Beyond Excellent"!!! Calvin L. Diggs Sr.
Answer Dear Calvin,
You're welcome. Congrats on your book. I hope your book serves the purpose of helping other families avoid the heartaches yours and mine have suffered.
Blessings,
AndrewXJW
PS: From a civilian to a veteran: Thanks for your service and sacrifice.
