Expert: Gordon Cook - 11/13/2010

Question
Dear Gordon,
A dear friend of 5 years began dating a JW man a little over a year ago. She
had mentioned a time or two that she had been raised JW, but we thought
nothing of it as our friend circle is comprised of a variety of religions. And she
was always a very social, out-going, accepting, giving and open-minded
friend. Having just turned 30, she was also very interested in finding Mr. Right
to settle down with.

She began dating Mr. JW, whom she met at church, and soon after that she
began making excuses as to why she couldn't attend our regular dinners,
parties, etc. We all wanted to get to know this man who had stolen our dear
friend's heart, but no matter what we tried, she made up excuses as to why
they couldn't attend. And she never invited us over again either, which was a
complete change from our always hostess-with-the-mostess girlfriend! We
felt he was turning our social butterfly, into a shut-in. And what stung even
more was to find out she had new "church" friends.

Even though she had dropped hints during the relationship that he might be
a little overly jealous AND that they had had their share of fights, she married
him 11 months after they begin dating. And now 7 months after their wedding
contact with her has become non-existent. Meanwhile, we all feel like we got
"dumped". With no explanation, nothing! It has to be one of the worst "break-
ups" I have ever experienced.

Do you have any sort of words of wisdom or explanation for her behavior that
might help us? Should we hold on to the hope that she may come back? Or
just try to find closure and forget her?

Thanks for your input! (It's been hard to find anything about this type of
situation specifically. And we are all taking it hard.)

Answer
Hi,
It seems that your friend for the 5 years you have known her, may have been fairly lax in being a practising JW.

But once she started dating a JW, then things probably tightened up.
He probably suggested that she should not be associating with non-JWs. Any kind of association with "worldly people", as they call non-JWs, is kept to the very minimum, or even non-extistent sometimes.
As you have found out since she married, she was probably been told not to have anything more to do with former "worldy" friends.
Also now she is married to a JW, he is considered to be the "head of the household" and she will be expected to be sub-servient to him.
Many JW husbands can be very controlling.

The only advice I can give is, don't forget her.
If you see her out and about say hello.
Show that you are still friends and still think of her.
She may be reluctant to talk to you or meet.
But don't shut het out, leave the door open for her to return.

I'm afraid this is another example, and there are plenty of them , of how JWs break up friendships and even familes because of their teachings.