Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/I know this is insane

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Expert: - 5/9/2010


Question
As written on the other follow ups question dear Andrew;

I have used my previous experiences to overcome my fears and it's going to be 6 years now that i'm living without my parents (i am european comming to study abroad) and I have used my own experiences to show her how the world can be insane outside but there's always good. She was not aware of racism in the 'outside world' as she told me, but there is no prejudice in their 'circle of brotherhood'.
I don't want her familly to lose her and I don't want to lose her either, it's so complicated... Why does life always have downs when you find some ups...

Kind Regards
Ventus

Answer
Dear Ventus,

It's wonderful that you have worked to overcome fears, and therefore are now less driven by them. I would never intentionally and unnecessarily stimulate your fears in order to produce a desired response; that would be manipulation. However, perhaps you'll agree....

Sometimes it is wise to trust our fear and respond accordingly. Sometimes our fear warns us of real dangers, and it would be unwise to automatically assume a cavalier position in response to fear. "Know fear" is better than "no fear". Perhaps you should not disregard the cautionary aspects of your past experience, as some of it may apply to this new experience.

It's beautiful that you can see and share with your lover how, despite apparent insanity, "there's always good" in the cosmos. That is the essence of faith. Despite your difficult past experience with oppressive forms of christianity, which are detached from their roots and therefore spiritually lost, you can still see that "there's always good" in the cosmos. In terms of faith, that puts you further ahead than those who once demanded conformity from you, and those who yet demand it from your lover.

Yes, the ups and downs can be frustrating. I understand that experience. I'm holding an intention for you that you can hold onto that beautiful faith despite the ups and downs.

If your lover begins to reclaim her mind and leave behind the manipulative controlling system of belief that has been holding her, she will gain her mind and soul, and a healthier relationship with you than you could have possibly had together otherwise, but if hers is a typical Witness family, that would probably mean a significant risk of losing her family.

However loss is never certain. Along with extensive manipulation and deception practiced by cults, there is always personal choice, strategy, and a potential to exercise wisdom on the part of individuals impacted by those cults.

If you can help her begin a recovery process, she can choose to be strategic with her family just as you have been strategic with her. It is risky, but it is not necessarily impossible. Read the book, help her begin to reclaim her mind, encourage her to drift away from the Witnesses slowly so that she will not lose her family in the process.

There is great risk, but when it is worth the effort, sometimes it is the right choice to sit with that tension as long as it takes. I don't know the right decision for you, that is, whether it's worth the effort. I can only help you to gain a better perspective on what it is likely to take, and what is most likely to work.

I am available should you have further specific questions.

Blessings,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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