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Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Reclaiming one's mind without losing family

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Expert: - 7/7/2010


Question
I was introduced to JW's at the age of 8, and accepted the religion, while my parents joined several years later. They have become fully "zealous" as other JW's might put it, while I, attending the meetings, began to doubt the religion. I started my own little minor research into the religion, and also started looking for inaccuracies in their publications. Since I started this activity several months ago, I have found a few points of interest. I now wish I could leave JW's, but was baptized recently and now face the threat of being shunned by all JW's, (much of my family are JW's). I obviously don't want this, but at the same time, I don't believe in this religion anymore. I do believe in the existence of a God, along with many of the standard Christian doctrines, but am afraid to leave. What should I do?

Answer
Dear Jay,

You didn't mention your current age or living arrangements. If you decide to write a follow-up message, please include these things.

If you are ever to reclaim your mind, it is very important, once you begin to move in that direction, to persist. It takes years of persistent effort to reclaim one's mind after a period of mental conditioning, especially where deceptive tactics are used as they are in cult organizations. Rest assured, this does indeed include Jehovah's Witnesses. As a former Witness myself, I have extensively and precisely documented how the Witnesses use cult mind control tactics.

So I applaud your "doubt", which in this context, really means a resurrection of your God-given critical thinking faculties; which can someday lead you to regaining your freedom of mind. Do not underestimate the challenge. You will not succeed without years of sustained effort. But it is worth it, and if you persist, success is possible.

Reclaiming your mind means no longer allowing your thought process to be subjugated to the preferences of well-meaning men who pretend to speak for God. Yes, they do mean well. They are generally without malice, and really do believe they have acted in your best interests. The problem is that no man has the right to interpret God for you or pretend to be his intermediary for you. Only you have the right to decide, and only you can open your spirit to genuine spiritual experience, which has nothing at all to do with compliance or intellectual process.

Yet I also understand the matchless value of family, and that you do not wish to lose your family. There is only one way I know of that consistently works to achieve both these goals: Drift away gradually.

If you were to speak up vigorously, you would either expose yourself to aggressive pressures as they try to bring you back into the flock, or the negative consequences of expulsion. So in most cases, speaking up vigorously is not advisable where there are family members who are still Witnesses. However, by drifting away gradually, and letting them think you are "infirm" in your faith, letting them think you plan to comply, but have just been tired lately, they will let their guard down and hopefully in time, you will slip through the cracks, and they will not notice when you have been away for some time. By making the process gradual, you escape the negative consequences of expulsion and oppositional attitudes.

However, there is another negative consequence. By pretending you still go along with their doctrines and policy, there is danger to your recovery process. You will have to be determined in order to keep on making progress in your personal growth and recovery; while also resisting the temptation to give in to the temptation and speak up vigorously against the Witnesses (which would in turn damage your relationship with Witness relatives). This takes serious determination and self-control. Are you up to the challenge? As if your recovery wasn't already difficult enough.

Most Witnesses beginning a path of recovery end up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person, and in the process shoot themselves in the foot. So try to learn from your cult recovery process what it means when cult recovery counsellors say things like, "People can only hear what they're ready to hear". Until you fully understand this dynamic, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR DOUBTS TO ANY WITNESS, because you are likely to get a result very different from what you might hope.

Please feel free to contact me again if you have further questions.

Best of success,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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