Expert: Andrew - 1/19/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hi,
I also sent a ? to Brenda.  What I mentioned was that in Luke 2:21 it states (or part of it) Jesus the name called by the angel before he was conceived in the womb. & in Hebrews there are various scriptures that point to Jesus not being an angel. She replied in an email not on the website....I study with the Witnesses...they are nice but it looks like the light is out of their eyes.  I think that many of them have to be there, it's easy & has many rules...& some folks need rules other wise they go off the deep end.  Everyone wants to know when I will comment, I do but I'm very raw so I shy away...& I don't go door to door.  I wouldn't mind doing informal witnessing.  I know they are serious & don't want to commit then go to the hall & made to feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. Many people are attracted to the JW's but know they can't commit to all & chance to be disfellowshipped. I enjoy the knowledge & taking it all in. I would just like to learn & the fruits of what I learn will manifest themselves...Yes, door to door is good, but God gave us many gifts...

Thx,

Dee

ANSWER: Dear Dee,

I don't discuss theological questions, as it belongs to each individual to discover his own spiritual path. It does not belong to any third party to interpret God for you or anyone else. Allowing a third party to interpret God is the source of one of the greatest abuses of power the world has ever seen. May you find answers to your theological questions in accord with your own prayers, as the whisperings of heaven grant you directly.

Yes, the Witnesses are "nice" in the sense that they treat you in a pleasant way, but only as long as you continue to earn their approval.

I agree that "the light is out of their eyes" in the sense that they depend on deception in order to operate their organization. I define "deception" not as deviation from a certain doctrine (as that is for individuals to decide for themselves) but rather as pretending to speak for God when there is no justification for such pretense, and using controlling tactics and withholding the reality and reasons for such tactics. Also by propagating the lie that doctrines are more important than people, and that the organization is more important than family.

I agree that many people need a higher degree of structure in their lives in order to function well; sometimes for a limited period, sometimes for a lifetime. And those individuals are right to seek out an environment that provides the structure they need. There is validity in consciously choosing an appropriate degree of structure, or order, for our lives. However, it is not valid to lie and control and manipulate people by pretending to speak for God.

People at risk of "going off the deep end" need support to heal their mental state. The Witnesses do not offer such support, and discourage their members from seeking professional help, and actively work to diminish the broad social support network that such persons need most. Being a Witness is one of the worst environments for persons at risk of mental illness.

Be careful. The fact that "everyone wants to know when you will commit" means their kindness is about to change to judgment if you don't progress in the way they think you should. They are kind only as long as you are "progressing". So if you have elected not to commit by becoming a Witness, this would be a good time to begin (re)building or reinforcing a social support system for yourself elsewhere, one that cannot be taken away. Their power to control ultimately comes down to the threat of isolation, which has less power over people who have a broad social support system.

If you "don't want to be made to feel guilty" then you should not become a Witness. This is one of the primary means that they use to control their members. It never goes away. You will always be under suspicion that you're not "doing enough", and eventually if you remain with them you will be conditioned to internalize that feeling. This means even if nobody is there to doubt you, you will still doubt yourself.

You are right to celebrate knowledge, fruits, and gifts. May you make decisions that will enable you to continue celebrating these things without losing essential freedoms that all living things deserve, including the ability to express legitimate reservations such as you have expressed here.

Best wishes,
AndrewXJW

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Andrew,
I'm sorry for asking a Theological question.  But I love your reply, it makes me feel I'm on the right track.  I'm trying to pull away little by little.  I know God will steer me in the right direction.  I think they want me on their side. I'm very friendly & can talk to most anyone...& I think that's what they see, not to say I'm not likable...I know what you mean about the kindness, I think they are about to ask me my next step...I really don't have one.  I have a Mom & many friends outside the hall...so I'm not alone....so if I choose to leave...I still have friends...& they are not heathens...they all believe in God, so they know they have to answer to someone. Once I started studying, my pals saw a little difference but I'm slow to anger & quick to forgive even before I came to the hall. I didn't become a bible thumper...I would correct them on certain things but that's all. My family & friends got me this far in life..& I'm not in a bad way.  
As you say you can never do enough...every meeting and assembly seems to be pep rally...preach more...more studies....don't go to college, be a pioneer, don't rush to get married...but the end is coming...wonder how a young person feels about their future sitting at the hall wondering when the world is coming to an end & will they ever meet a mate & get married like their parents...I think they should stop predicting & just teach the gospel.

Thx,

Dee

ANSWER: Dear Dee,

No need for apologies. All is well. I'm glad you still have your mom and friends.

Since it's quite likely the Witnesses will begin to resist your decision, and try to get you to change your mind, I suggest your first step might be a celebration of friends and family. Try to get your friends and family together in one place, perhaps for a dinner, and explain how important they are to you, and explain that the Witnesses are probably going to start giving you a hard time, and ask for their support. If they realize that the Witnesses are a cult, trying to make you give up your friends and family, and you've decided you want to keep your friends and family and escape the cult, I'll bet your friends and family will rejoice! They'll be inspired to support you all the more through the bumpy road ahead.

As soon as the Witnesses see you've made up your mind, they will leave you alone. But if you show any signs of wavering, they will push you all the harder to change your mind.

I recognize those "every meeting" messages you describe. It hasn't changed much since I was involved. The end is always "just around the corner" as it has been for the last 135 years. Maybe the end really is coming--I don't know--but the Witnesses use it like dangling a carrot in order to control, and insist that you have to be one of them in order to survive the end. I can't believe that people who lie so much will have any special "in" with the God of Truth.

Good for you that you seem settled to follow the spirit of your faith rather than a cult that works so hard to divide families and control minds. You and your children will be so much better off because of it. Freedom of mind matters. Family ties matter.

Blessings,
AndrewXJW

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Andrew,
I must say you make me feel better...Tonight is my meeting, I look forward to it because I did my Homework, but in a way I'm not too excited because of the commenting....Why I don't feel to comment the real reason is that I don't go door to door...so most of the comments are from that experience. I wonder about that man who had the golden voice, the one that feel on hard times. I wonder how many Jehovah Witnesse's passed him by & just offered him a booklet instead of a chance. My friends & I are ok, they just want me to be happy, whatever I choose. I know if I do become a witness I don't want to give up my friends & family...so most likely will be disfellowshipped & my Mom goes to church & when she is ready...I'll take her...so there again...disfellowshipped...I'm glad I have a free mind...but it doesn't go against GOD....I know what God is saying & so does everyone else...but it's too easy...it just couldn't be to love one another & Love God...nope...too easy...it's better to know that Nebekaneeza had x amount of wives...yep, that's helpful in caring for one another....What really matters in this life is the entire human race because God cares for us all.

D

Answer
Dear Dee,

I'm so glad you feel better. There's one important misconception, though, that I feel you need cleared up: You say, "I know if I do become a Witness, I don't want to give up my friends and family". This implies that you think you have a choice.

Dee, there is no such thing as a fully-indoctrinated active Witness who still maintains solid relationships with non-Witness family and friends. There really is a choice to be made here. If you become a Witness, you will certainly lose your solid relationships with non-Witness family and friends. All cults see to that. Without that number one requirement, cults would have no power. The Witnesses would have no power, and most assuredly they do have power over members, by means of the threat of expulsion ("disfellowshipping"). That would mean nothing if you had solid relationships with non-Witness family and friends. The reason it packs such a wallop is because there are no other friends or family to go to, so Witness disfellowshipping is equivalent to the ancient practice of exile, to live completely alone the rest of your life. People are social creatures, and so even the threat of such a thing is a powerful motivator.

If you realize that it's either/or, if you explain to your friends and family that it's either/or, and you choose them rather than the Witnesses, if you explain to your friends and family that you need their help to escape from a dangerous cult, they will help you. You need your friends and family more than ever. Your friends and family don't know it's a cult because you haven't told them you had a close call with a cult. There is no list on any government bulletin board warning people about which organizations are cults.

This language I'm using is intentional. It is not hyberbole to call the Witnesses a cult. They meet every single characteristic that cult researchers have suggested as identifying marks of a mind control cult, the first and foremost of which is asking people to choose between family and the organization.

The only reason it looks otherwise is because the Witnesses do not tell you up front when you first begin studying the Bible with them that they will later expect such a thing. If they told you up front, nobody would study the Bible with them; and they know it. So they conceal this kind of information until later. After you've invested so much time and effort, so much of your heart and mind, that you wouldn't even consider leaving, ONLY THEN do you find out, as Paul Harvey would say, The Rest of the Story.

You say, "most likely will be disfellowshipped". You realize you can't be disfellowshipped by the Witnesses until after you officially become a Witness by getting baptized right? So as long as you don't get baptized, then you cannot get expelled by them in this way.

Of course you would not use your freedom of mind to go against God in your understanding. But that's where it becomes dangerous to allow any human being to pretend to speak for God. If someone says to you, "you have to own a dog in order to prove you're loyal to God", would you believe them? The Witnesses will say that if you don't do everything they expect of you, you're against God, because they equate their leadership with God. But that is a false equation. It is quite possible to disagree with the Witnesses without disagreeing with God, because they are not God, and their organization is not God's wife, as they falsely claim.

I understand exactly what you mean about Nebuchadnezzar, etc. The Witnesses get so lost in their intellectual framework about spirituality that very few of them ever really have a spiritual experience. Very few of them actually get in touch with the core meaning and purpose of spirituality, being lost in their intellectual exercises. They actually believe the intellectual exercises ARE spirituality. The more a person shows intellectual mastery over Witness doctrine, the more spiritual they imagine that person is.

Fortunately, before you ever got involved with the Witnesses, you had a taste of what real spirituality is, so now you have an opportunity to choose real spirituality, to follow your faith in God as you understand it, focusing on the core values that matter, like love of neighbor, instead of their meaningless intellectual exercises.

Blessings and success,
AndrewXJW