Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/plausible deniability

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Expert: - 1/6/2011


Question
I have a longtime friend that converted to the Witnesses. When this friend first converted, they were very pushy about their religious beliefs and we had a falling out due to this. Due to the closeness of our friendship, we were able to reconcile and have continued with our friendship. It seems to be that the more this person attends meetings, goes out in service, etc., the farthur they pull away from me. My friend's witness associates do not outright tell this person not to associate with me, but do give my friend a hard time for doing so. Emotionally this has all been very trying. I will not end this friendship. Do you have any advice on my keeping my sanity but still keep the friendship?

Answer
Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for making your question public so that others can benefit from your experience.

You are aware of the term "plausible deniability"? You may have heard this term in movies about political intrigue. The Jehovah's Witnesses use "plausible deniability" extensively. Their literature is intentionally written in vague ways that might make a casual reader reach one conclusion, yet between the lines gives a different but clear message to those tho study the literature meticulously. One of many examples of how the Witnesses use "plausible deniability" is in regard to a passage from the new testament (1 Corinthians 15:33) about who makes an acceptable associate and who does not. Their surface message is that individual Witnesses should make an informed and conscious decision about who they carry on friendships with, because of the influence that friends have on one another. This is sound advice, and it's soundness is the reason they use it as the surface message.

But there is also a "between-the-lines" message, which goes something like this: "Don't maintain relationships with any friend or relative the 'faithful and discreet slave' disapproves of. The 'faithful and discreet slave' only approves of you maintaining relationships with other active Witnesses." (The 'faithful and discreet slave' is their code word for their top level organizational leaders.) So the net result is that all fully indoctrinated Witnesses hear this "between the lines" message and tend to cut off relationships with friends and family who are not active Witnesses, like every other mind control cult.

I can understand how this experience would be trying for you. You must understand that the Witnesses are, culturally speaking, absolute separatists. By this I mean that, after they are fully indoctrinated, they no longer share virtually any values or perspectives with their former friends and relatives. Without having some values or perspectives (culture) in common, it is very difficult to maintain relationships.

Most people are not able to maintain close relationships with persons from another culture, because it would require us to rise above our own cultural values and perspectives and be able to see multiple cultural mindsets from a somewhat detached higher point of view. This is why, in my experience, marriages between persons from different language groups are less frequently successful than between persons from the same region.

If you are a person who can rise above your own cultural values and perspectives to see the human nature that you share in common with people of other cultures, you will perhaps be able to maintain your side of your friendship with this Witness who is now part of another culture.

However, this Witness friend of yours is learning to deny the human nature he shares in common with you, and erase the culture he shared in common with you; and therefore will become more and more impaired in his ability to rise above his new culture in order to maintain his friendship with you. I don't know of any way this can lead to a healthy long term friendship.

The Witness leadership has carefully engineered the situation for about 135 years now, using trial and error, to pressure active Witnesses to cut off friendships like yours; and they reinforce their plan with 40 hours a month of routine church activities, plus a whole weekend of reindoctrination two or three times a year.

If your sanity is threatened, it may be because you are trying to maintain your preferred status quo in a landscape that has drastically changed. In my opinion, soundness and peace of mind requires us to adapt to what is.

I understand this may not be the advice you wanted to hear; but as always, my prime ethic in this column is that people are well served by seeing the "icebergs" ahead so that they can successfully navigate around them. It would not serve you well to hear just "what you want to hear", but rather would result in a Titanic style problem for you. The benefit I can offer to the readers of my column is clarity of vision about the path ahead. May you circumvent such a problem, and achieve the peace of mind that you deserve.

Blessings,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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