Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Another Family Twisted by JW's

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Expert: - 9/8/2011


Question
I read the question and answer regarding what Jw are taught regarding family members who are not JW. We have a Witness in our family. She convinced my husbands brother to become a witness years ago. She was 32 at the time, and he was 24. He is a sweet guy, but not the brightest guy. He was ( and still is) very naive and passive. She runs the show. He does everything she says. She treats him like a child. He only call his non jw family when she is not at home. When there is a family function,, he will come alone. No wife or kids. She just pulled her child out of school (high school) to home school. She seems extremely paranoid about letting her kids grow up. They do not have cell phones, laptops, no facebook page etc. They are not permitted to associate with any kid unless they are a Witness. There are very  few witness children in our school district (which is large) She has done everything in her power to isolate her kids. I feel so sorry for them. The high school girl has never gone to the mall,movies, sleepovers, or anything with girls her own age. Our side of the family thinks our sister in law has serious issues (many in her family suffer from  mental disorders). Their father lets her make all decisions for their kids. He avoids conflicts with her at all costs. The funny thing about her , when you confront her and ask her point blank about these things she makes up excuses. Maybe she realizes we think she is nuts. Again, I try to not judge, but I really think she is harming her children. I do believe she thinks she is protecting her kids, but I feel this may backfire on her when her kids realize what she is doing. Thanks for listening.

Answer
Dear April,

Thank you for not marking your question private; so that others can benefit from your experience.

I'm so sorry to hear a siren has captured your brother in law. It can be so disruptive to families when this happens.

Even though your brother in law may have a passive personality, and not seem to be a driven Witness himself, beware of the danger of conditioning. Even passive persons are subject to it's influence.

Just by attending Witness meetings with the driven wife, he will hear the same messages over and over again. This serves the purpose of reinforcing neuralogical patterns in the brain; and making statements seem true only by virtue of frequent repetition. Even the most ridiculous statements can gradually come to appear true in this way.

I'm glad the kids are in high school. Because of the fact that they have been exposed to a more balanced environment earlier in life, there is a fair chance the kids will not be ensnared into the Witness subculture.

It is very common for Witnesses to suffer with mental disorders. Cults in general attract a higher than average proportion of such persons by offering a reward that seems too good to be true, and of course is.

I agree with you, of course, that the woman you describe is harming her children.

May I suggest that you continue to offer the children unconditional love. Make sure they know that, no matter what they do or don't do, you will always love them, because blood is thicker than water. They will not experience anything even remotely similar among the Witnesses, and sooner or later the value of family will dawn on them when they think back on your kindness.

With the woman, if you have a relationship with her, may I suggest you say nothing at all to her about her lifestyle and beliefs without first preparing very carefully what you'll say. Open ended thought-provoking questions that might make her question her own assumptions without challenging her sacred cows stand the best chance of working.

But never estimate how easily Witnesses will detect any desire on your part to separate them from their organization. Once they detect your desire, it always backfires (works contrary to your hopes). They will simply label you an agent of the Devil and shut down their mind and heart toward you permanently.

I hope you can navigate around this difficulty in peace.

Blessings,
AndrewXJW

Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses

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I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)

(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.

Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.

Experience

I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.

My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.

But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.

For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/



Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.

I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.

Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.

Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".

The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)

Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.

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