Expert: Andrew - 6/11/2007

Question
QUESTION: Andrew, I've read quite a number of your posts and must say that I agree with
your viewpoint. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and am still one. But the last
few years I've come to question a great many things about this organization. I
don't believe many, many of the things they teach. In fact, once I started to
question certain teaching, almost all the other things they teach came
unraveled for me since many things they believe to be true are
interconnected.

I realize that you do not approach issues of doctrine, and I'm not here to ask
you anything of that nature. What I really want to get your take on is the
mind-control issues. That's something that I've been working out for myself
for a long time. And I've finally come to the conclusion that (obviously) they
employ very destructive mind-control tactics. I used to be very succeptable to
those. However, now I just do my own thing and am no longer feeling
ashamed to NOT fit their mold.

Anyway, my question for you is: Why do they do it? What do they get out of it?
It makes no sense to me.

I was a member of the Bethel "family" for a while. I met many of the people in
charge. They don't live lives of luxury. They're not benefitting financially.
True, many of them have LOTS of power, but it's not like one individual has
absolute power over the whole organization. I know for a certainty that they
believe that they alone have the truth from God. But what makes them use
mind-control tactics? Do they do it intentionally?

It seems like you've spent much more time than I in thinking through these
issues. I'd love to hear what you have to say on this matter.

Regards,
Jenney

ANSWER: Dear Jenney,

Some of the people in your position need to draw a line in the sand, and some don't. The first thing I have to suggest is this: If you've begun to realize the Witness organization is not what it claims to be, and are considering leaving it behind, decide carefully how to proceed.

If you have family members who are still Witnesses, they are likely to cut off family ties with you if you draw a line in the sand. Some of us have to do so anyway. But if you don't need to, I suggest you just drift away. Let them think you've been meaning to attend meetings but work has you overtired...whatever. It's better for them to think of you as weak--and maintain family relationships--than to know you've begun to think for yourself. As you know, in the Witness mind, thinking for ourselves is the greatest sin of all!

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE FEELING LESS SHAME! That's a wonderful breath of fresh air. What a sickening thing that people heap shame upon others in an effort to coerce them. Although you are now less susceptible to mind-control than you once were, please leave the door open to the possibility that there are yet more ways in which you are still vulnerable.

There have been so many times I thought I was completely over it, only to find another major thought process inherited from the Witnesses was still messing up my life.

It takes not only time, but also work to reclaim our own minds. A lot of work if you've been a Witness for a long time. The tentacles run very deep.

I know what you mean about the "big trees" in positions of leadership at Bethel. I was a Bethelite too. I lived on the 3rd floor in the 124 building in the early 80's. One of the things I respect about the organization is walking their talk about money. The brass doesn't ride around in limousines, and they seem very sincere.

I think they ARE sincere. But that doesn't make them right.

Why do they do it? What do they get out of it? Well I think there's no hidden mystery to be discovered there. I think they do it because they think they're helping you stay on the straight and narrow--just like they say. I don't think there is really any malice behind the control agenda; but rather that the organization sees itself as a shepherding dog, nipping at the heels of the flock to keep it going in the right direction--toward safety.

Having a noble intention (like saving millions of lives) makes it possible to justify many questionable practices.

The problem when one group of people exercises absolute control over another group is this: What if the controlling group is wrong? The Witness organization does not allow for this contingency whatsoever. Which is ultimately arrogant. They know they're not inspired. They don't claim to be prophets. They don't claim to receive any instructions from God. Yet they act as if they did. They claim to represent God. That's presumptuous, even if well-meaning.

So I don't think it's malice, but rather misguided good intentions with arrogance. I think that's why they do it.

It's no great coincidence that all cults use the same tactics. They didn't have to go to "cult leader" school with malicious intent in order to learn how to do it. Rather, over time, organizations who have the intention to control others gradually discover and implement the same cult tactics, because there's only one set of tactics that works to control people.

"Light getting brighter", yeah right. In reality, it's gradual refinement of control mechanisms for the "noble" purpose of keeping people on the narrow road to a future promise that's always just around the corner. It's been that way for over 130 years now, and there have been MANY repeating cycles of prediction & failure, only to be followed by reframing the error and starting fresh with another prediction.

Take your time, Jenney. Act with caution to save family relationships if you can. Remember it takes hard work to reclaim your mind, and there's a GREAT risk of jumping from one cult to another. Learning independence is very hard. If you're really going do start over, you have to become your own woman now.

And that's a great thing, because God really is within us! Only my two cents. Never let anybody tell you about God. You find out--go to the source. If you decide God is real, he will bear witness to your soul directly. Otherwise, what is prayer for?

If you decide to take a non-spiritual path, you still have challenges ahead...self-respect and self-love for example. You've been conditioned to think that if you leave the Witnesses, you're leaving God. But how can people who lie represent the God of Truth? They can't.

Yet it is a tremendously powerful belief we were conditioned with. Give yourself time, and do your work, and you will learn to think for yourself and reclaim your mind, and build whatever worldview that you carve out for yourself.

Only then can we live authentic lives and get in touch with what's most real and most important to us, whether it's your family or a new life mission or whatever it might be.

We non-Witnesses don't have any carrots to dangle, no promises of future paradise to offer; just the reasonable hope of making the best of the life we have here and now rather than wasting the now, always deferring joy and blessing for a future that never comes.

Even if the Witnesses are right, and the end of the world is coming--which may be true--what I know for sure is that God loves me as much now as he ever did and I'm still living an honorable life; and in no way have I turned my back on God by leaving the Witnesses. Their claim to represent God are just fluff. So if Armageddon comes, I'll still be sitting pretty. (Not sure it will come they way they say, though.)

I hope this is helpful to you. Please feel free to contact me if I can help again.

Best wishes,
Andrew

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Andrew,

Thanks for your response. Yes, most of the people in charge are truly well-
intended, but their desire to control people has led them to use these
damaging tactics. It's too bad they don't empower their followers and give
them the tools they need to live as healthy individuals.

And that brings me to the next thing I wanted to ask you about. Have you
though about whether a person's level of codependence has anything to do
with their involvement in the organization?

The reason I ask is because through the last several years I've done a lot of
healing from previous relationships that set me up to be extremely
codependent. My mother had some problems emotionally and was very
emotionally abusive. And my father was a strict JW...very heavy-handed at the
time, instilling more fear in me than he realized (over the top fear of
persecution, fear of Armageddon, fear of displeasing people, fear of being
emotionally honest, etc.) . And this type of upbringing led to my developing a
less than ideal relationship with my self and others. Long story short, I
married a man who was a Bethelite and who was very abusive. The elders in
my congregation were no help, even though he was OBVIOUSLY abusive. They
told me to pray more and study with my husband more and to go to meetings
together and everything should be fine. Well, that was not sage advice. I
discovered my X-husband suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. And
the elders STRONGLY discouraged him from getting psychological help.
Unfortunately, they were ill-equipped to deal with such a serious situation,
yet they insisted they were the only ones who should be involved. He listened
to them, but in the meantime, he began telling me he heard voices in his
head telling him to hurt me. The elders insisted that he didn't really mean
that, but he was just exaggerating his frustrations and his own lack of self
esteem. (I wonder why such a dedicated, faithful elder in the congregation
would suffer from such lack of self-esteem, don't you?) Anyway,  I finally got
to the point (after over a decade of marriage to him) where I was in fear of my
life, so I left him.

After that, I did a lot of work on myself emotionally. I learned about
codependence. I learned about healthy relationships. I learned how to love my
self and how to love others. Really love others, not just superficially or
because they got a certain amount of hours in service. I just stopped
everything except working and a few meetings to focus on therapy and
reading lots of books (books I'd always been discouraged to read by the WTS).
In those books I found a wealth of knowledge that I never knew was out
there. I read "Beyond Codependence" and "Codependent No More" as well as
books on marriage such as "His Needs/Her Needs" and many others.
Incidentally, the elders in the congregation mocked those very publications
stating that "All this talk of needs is bogus. All marriages need to succeed is
what's found in the Bible. If people just loved one another marriages would be
happy and successful." Granted, the Bible gives excellent advice for marriage.
However, I believe that God gave us hints on how interpersonal relationships
should work and expected us to use our minds and the curious nature with
which he instilled us to learn WHY the Bible's advice works. And I believe that
much of the research done in the last 50 years has gone a long way in sorting
that all out.  

At any rate, I began to see things in a whole new light once I began to learn
more about life/relationships than I was ever "allowed" to expose myself to in
the organization. And I began to see the organization in a new light. I'm fairly
well convinced that anyone who is in recovery from codependence cannot
maintain the view of the organization that the men in charge advocate. I
believe that the very nature of the organization and its structure fosters
codependence and attracts people to it that suffer from codependency. In
fact, they react strongly when you try to set even the smallest of boundaries
with them, even though those boundaries are completely reasonable. Have
you thought any about this, and, if so, what is your take on it?

You mentioned in your last response that I should proceed with caution
regarding how I move forward. I agree and would give the same advice to
anyone out there who is in the same situation as myself. Fortunately for me,
my father has come full-circle and really sees things for what they are. He
knows my thoughts on the organization and shares them too. And I've re-
married...found a wonderful man who is, oddly enough, also a Witness. But
he's been through horrible things in the organization and really has a very
balanced viewpoint of who these people are. Neither of us is ready to draw a
firm line in the sand. We're both still working through our feelings on what we
actually believe and where we need to be spiritually. I've no doubt that the
people in our congregation view us as "problematic, irregular
publishers" (could it be that the comments given on how brothers should be
clean-shaven are as a result of my husband's gorgeous, but completely
unacceptable facial hair?? And could it be that the talks on not missing
meetings for work are as a result of my husband's having to work shift-work
because there are no other jobs around with which he can support his large
family??) But that's not my problem. I'm fortunate that several in my family
are rational about this. It's just hard for us to figure out what to believe at this
point. We're faced with questions such as what do we do now?? what should
we believe at this point? How can we participate in field service because we
don't even know what to say to people at the door anymore? what is the true
nature of Jehovah? what is true and what is not? can ANYthing actually be
proven?

Oh, the list goes on. You're right. The tentacles go so very deep.

How did you cope with the deluge of emotions that went with your questions?
How did you know for a certainty that this is not Jehovah's organization? My
husband and I both have such a strong spiritual need, and we want to make
sure to worship God in the right way. How did you figure out what is right for
you?

The last thing we want to do is jump into another cult. In fact, I'm farther
along than my husband in how I feel about the organization. He's not ready to
acknowledge it as a cult yet...that's ok. We all get there in our own timeframe,
and I'm ok with that. At least I can talk openly with him and my father and not
be judged or reprimanded in any way. We both still see some good in it. And,
of course, there are the years of hearing "Where else would we go to get the
saying of everlasting life." I no longer believe that this group has the sayings
of everlasting life...they have some things right, but not near all. But where
else do people go to worship? What options did you discover?

Also, you alluded to having read a lot of information on cults and mind-
control tactics. Do you have any recommended reading on this subject?

I guess I'm really starting to ramble right now. I apologize for that. It's just
that I've felt in a vacuum for so long, not being able to talk to anyone with the
exception of my husband and father about these things. I feel like I'm just
pouring out my thoughts as they come to me. Thank you for taking the time
to read through this menagerie of thoughts and thank you also for taking
time out of your schedule to respond.

Best regards,
Jenney

Answer
Dear Jenney,

> Have you though about whether a
> person's level of codependence has
> anything to do with their involvement
> in the organization?

The word "codependence" is used so often now that it is not so meaningful to me. Sometimes it is confused with loyalty, and by calling loyalty "codependence" it is like using a redefinition to alter moral values. That's a cult tactic right there, in this case used by the psychology establishment. (An isolated tactic of course does not constitute cultishness; rather cult mind control only occurs when many tactics are simultaneously combined.)

From my study of alcoholism, the "codependent" person is the one who makes it possible for the addict to continue the addiction by covering for the addict even where the addict is not making progress. It would be long-suffering (a good thing) to cover for him if he was making progress, but codependence (a pathology, aka "being a doormat") to cover for him if he was not really trying to make progress toward recovery.

This is how I understand the word "codependence". I am taking the time to define the word because definitions are important for clarity, especially when dealing with cult mind control issues.

I think cults encourage people to be doormats, and allow their boundaries to be violated; and in this sense one would expect to find more "codependents" among cult members. I think people who had strong healthy boundaries would be more likely to object to the ways cults violate the boundaries of their members, and therefore be more likely to leave the cult before their indoctrination was complete. Unfortunately, this dynamic does not help people who grow up in a cult organization.

> through the last several years I've
> done a lot of healing from previous
> relationships that set me up to be
> extremely codependent.

Perhaps now you can see how this may be related to your experience with the Witnesses. The Witness organization violates personal boundaries by making it seem proper for the elders to get involved with matters that members of other churches would consider personal private business.

> My mother had some problems emotionally
> and was very emotionally abusive. And my
> father was a strict JW...very heavy-handed
> at the time, instilling more fear in me
> than he realized (over the top fear of
> persecution, fear of Armageddon...

Yes, these are common examples of how Witness mind affects people, and causes emotional injury. The emotional injury and the Witness membership are mutually causative. That is, it is people who are emotionally injured who are more likely to become Witnesses, AND it is membership in the Witness organization which causes emotional injury.

Mothers tend to use emotional wiles, and fathers tend to exercise authority over their children, which is natural. So it isn't the underlying behavior, but the distortion of that behavior that occurs when balance is lost. A mother's use of emotional wiles can easily BECOME abusive when she is in an unbalanced environment. A father's use of authority can easily BECOME unreasonable when he is in an unbalanced environment.

> And this type of upbringing led to my
> developing a less than ideal relationship
> with my self and others.

So you know from experience what I mean when I say children who grow up as Witnesses experience problems with their social development. This is very common among Witnesses.

> They told me to pray more and study with
> my husband more and to go to meetings
> together and everything should be fine.
> Well, that was not sage advice.

The reason it doesn't work is because the Witnesses' form of spirituality is not real spirituality. It is one of those redefinitions I mentioned. Where healthy people have a potential to have a genuine first-hand spiritual experience in their lives (many times in their lives if they are lucky); Witnesses practice intense intellectual exercises instead. They label these exercises as "spirituality". Then, lacking any true spiritual experience, their prayers do not have the potential to solve problems that prayer/meditation ordinarily would.

> I discovered my X-husband suffers from
> Borderline Personality Disorder.

The same was true of my ex-wife, so I can relate to your experience well.

> the elders STRONGLY discouraged him from
> getting psychological help.

This is typical, and helps contribute to the imbalances I mentioned earlier.

> he began telling me he heard voices in his
> head telling him to hurt me...I finally got
> to the point (after over a decade of marriage
> to him) where I was in fear of my life, so I
> left him.

I'm so sorry you had such a trialsome experience.

> After that, I did a lot of work on myself
> emotionally. I learned about codependence. I
> learned about healthy relationships. I learned
> how to love my self and how to love others. Really
> love others, not just superficially or because
> they got a certain amount of hours in service.

What a profound experience it is, when a person who was raised as a Witness, deprived of genuine love throughout their formative years, finally experiences love for the first time. I had a similar experience also. I was raised as a Witness, but I had no idea what I was missing until I finally experienced brotherly love for the very first time OUTSIDE the Witness organization. It was profound to finally know what love is; and EVEN MORE PROFOUND what this taught me about my worldview as a Witness. I finally knew based on John 13:35, that the Witnesses were not Christ's true disciples as I had always believed.

It may be an odd reaction to break down in tears and sobbing when one experiences love, but to me, it was a tremendous shock to find out my faith was a sham. You are a rare person because you know exactly what I mean.

> I just stopped everything except working and
> a few meetings to focus on therapy and reading
> lots of books (books I'd always been discouraged
> to read by the WTS). In those books I found a
> wealth of knowledge that I never knew was out
> there.

Now you know why they discourage reading anything not published by the Watchtower Society. Knowledge is an empowering thing. People are easier for cults to control when the flow of information available to cult members can be controlled. This is why totalitarian governments don't allow freedom of the press, and why the Witness organization discourages members from reading things published by other organizations.

> Granted, the Bible gives excellent advice for
> marriage. However, I believe that God...expected
> us to use our minds and the curious nature with
> which he instilled us to learn WHY the Bible's
> advice works.

Yes. To really use our minds, we have to be free to use them. We have to allow our minds to explore the possibilities. That is the one thing a mind shut up in a limiting box cannot do. That is a good summary of how mind control is damaging. In order to control a human being, that being has to be influenced to close up his mind in a box and NOT explore the possibilities, because "there are dangers out there".

> And I believe that much of the research done in
> the last 50 years has gone a long way in sorting
> that all out.  

In my judgement, there is both progress and deterioration in collective sensibilities over the past 50 years. It is really difficult for people who grew up dependent on others to think for them to begin thinking for themselves. And the world outside the Witness organization doesn't really encourage us to think for ourselves either. People in general have become too busy, so they often accept popular ideas without thinking them through for themselves. But if and when we finally begin to think for ourselves, and fully explore the possibilities, and examine the issues for ourselves, we can finally begin to make our choices consciously.

> At any rate, I began to see things in a whole
> new light once I began to learn more about
> life/relationships than I was ever "allowed" to
> expose myself to in the organization. And I began
> to see the organization in a new light. I'm
> fairly well convinced that anyone who is in
> recovery from codependence cannot maintain the
> view of the organization that the men in charge
> advocate.

Your recovery from allowing others to violate your boundaries indeed helped you discover the truth about the Witnesses. I think this is an example of a larger dynamic: Your critical thinking faculties. Others might have a lot in common with you, even though they did not have such a big issue with "codependence". That larger area of commonality is resurrecting your dormant human capacity for critical thinking. This is what protects us from being gullible. Critical thinking faculties are completely suspended by cult members.

One does not need critical thinking faculties when one believes he is being fed directly by God. Yet there is no organization on earth I have yet found or hope to find that God directly uses in such a way.

God doesn't need corporations to use as his "instrument" in reaching us when he has the whole universe!

> I believe that the very nature of the
> organization and its structure fosters
> codependence and attracts people to it that
> suffer from codependency.

Mutually causative, like what I wrote above. We're on the same page, sister.

> In fact, they react strongly when you try to
> set even the smallest of boundaries with them,
> even though those boundaries are completely
> reasonable. Have you thought any about this,
> and, if so, what is your take on it?

It is not just Jehovah's Witnesses, but all cult organizations. Personal boundaries of any kind are not tolerated in cult organizations. Leaders within the organization (elders in our case) have to be able to cross your personal boundaries in order to implement the tactics that make control possible. See Robert J. Lifton's "Eight Marks of Mind Control". These are the tactics I'm referring to.

> And I've re-married...found a wonderful man who
> is, oddly enough, also a Witness. But he's been
> through horrible things in the organization
> and really has a very balanced viewpoint of who
> these people are.

This may be a "marriage made in heaven" because you have a very rare experience in common, so you are in a position to understand one another. But it will also have rare challenges that many therapists and marriage counsellors will not understand, because of those inherited social developmental issues and emotional injuries that are unique to recovering former Witnesses. You will likely use mind games with yourselves and each other that will become more and more problematic over time. The good news is that if you begin your recovery together and work at it persistently, you can grow together instead of growing apart.

> Neither of us is ready to draw a firm line in
> the sand. We're both still working through our
> feelings on what we actually believe and where
> we need to be spiritually.

Take your time, especially on finding your spiritual path. If you make room and allow your mind to expand and carefully make your decisions consciously and fully informed, you will find the path that you are meant to find.

My "proceed with caution" advice was meant to avoid losing Witness relatives if possible, but perhaps you don't have any relatives who are still dogged Witnesses; which is a blessing for you. It makes things much simpler for you.

> I've no doubt that the people in our congregation
> view us as "problematic, irregular publishers"
> (could it be that the comments given on how
> brothers should be clean-shaven are as a result of
> my husband's gorgeous, but completely unacceptable
> facial hair??

Watch and see how people react to him. If following the example of Jesus is really the important thing to them, they will love him as a brother. If following arbitrary rules of men is really the important thing to them, they will treat him as a leper. Perhaps he just needs to know who his real friends are.

> It's just hard for us to figure out what to
> believe at this point. We're faced with questions
> such as what do we do now?? what should we believe
> at this point?...what is the true nature of
> Jehovah? what is true and what is not?

If you can find one, a live face-to-face support group with other recovering Witnesses may be very helpful. If not, there are many things you can do to support your recovery, including reading books, participating in online discussion forums, and continuing your therapy, although you'll want to make sure you have a therapist who is trained to understand cult recovery issues. Many therapists are not trained that way; and therefore may take you down the wrong road "to recovery".

On what to believe, beware that it is very easy to jump from one cult to another, because you are used to believing that there is one organization that has all the answers. So you might start off just searching for another equally-abusive organization. You know from your work in codependence that THAT isn't the answer.

For me, finding what to believe about God was a very organic process. I did not analytically "make a decision one day" what to believe. Rather it's a very intuitive process, and that's why you have to take your time, and don't let anyone tell you what you "should" believe.

> How can we participate in field service because
> we don't even know what to say to people at the
> door anymore?

Well when I mentioned being "cautious", I was talking about drifting away rather than writing a letter of disassociation. I don't see how you can continue to preach a message you don't believe. Maybe that's just me. You'll figure it out. Just trust yourself.

> can ANYthing actually be proven?

When it comes to spiritual matters, I've come to believe that, no, nothing can be "proven". It's not because truth doesn't exist--it does. But rather you cannot intellectually prove something that can only be experienced by shutting down your intellect. To me it's kind of a left-brain vs. right-brain thing. Spirituality doesn't occur on the intellectual side of the brain. That's why you can't prove it. You may still be able to experience it.

What worked for me in the early stages was finding a practice with spiritual components that didn't require me to embrace any beliefs. Something like yoga maybe would get your gears turning without requiring you to believe or not believe anything in particular. You can just do the physical exercise, which has emotional and spiritual benefits, or you can choose to go deeper and explore the associated spiritual values too.

It worked for me because it was a PHYSICAL practice that didn't require belief. Getting involved with something that required me to "believe to be saved" was just too much for me at the time.

> Oh, the list goes on. You're right.
> The tentacles go so very deep.

I'm glad you see that. So you understand why it takes work. This wound WILL NOT HEAL with the passing of time. Many XJW's take these tentacles with them to their graves, DECADES after leaving the Witnesses because they didn't know it takes work to remove them.

> How did you cope with the deluge of
> emotions that went with your questions?

Well when I broke down and sobbed (as described above) I coped with it with the help of a true friend who was there with me and held me as I cried. He could not possibly understand the path I'd been down, but he knew what brotherly love meant, and that was enough.

Later, after years of stagnating doubts, when I went to God in prayer and asked if I should stay with the Witnesses, and he gave me an answer I did not expect, I screamed and collapsed half-conscious. I'd say I didn't cope with the emotional trauma all that well. (Maybe that's why God graciously doesn't give direct answers very often.) But again, I had a friend who understood true brotherly love. A different one this time, who had been down a similar road. He knew I was sensitive to being told what to believe, so he knew better than to try to tell me. Yet he was a very spiritual man who helped me along for many months afterward.

I think God will provide the support you need when you need it most. That's what he's always done for me. It's only the Witnesses that are judgemental; while God himself is loving. God has consistently shown me that he's not like they say at all.

> How did you know for a certainty that this
> is not Jehovah's organization?

See story above relating two of my key experiences.

> My husband and I both have such a strong
> spiritual need, and we want to make sure to
> worship God in the right way. How did you
> figure out what is right for you?

See "yoga", "organic process" and "left-brain vs. right-brain" above. One of the things left over from your still-fresh Witness experience is that "worshipping God in the right way" is such a serious issue, like a federal case. Maybe there isn't just one right way. Maybe God doesn't want you to stress over that.

Ask him in prayer if there's a "right way". Nobody can tell you but God himself. That's why I recommend prayer/meditation.

Looking for answers? You can never really trust an outside source; because everybody has an agenda. But you can set aside the surface froth of your intellectual mind, and go deep into the calm waters beneath to find out what really matters.

The Bible says "God is within you"; and I believe that. But maybe that's only me. You decide. That's the key to recovering your own mind.

> He's not ready to acknowledge it as a cult
> yet...that's ok. We all get there in our own
> timeframe, and I'm ok with that.

That's a good way of looking at it. AND there's also a risk he could change his mind and "repent" and decide to become a turtle and pull his head back inside the protective Witness shell. He DOES have to decide for himself. And you COULD lose him if he decides to "grow" in a different direction from you. That's hard.

So you might want to read a book like "Releasing the Bonds" by Steven Hassan, where you can get ideas on what to say to gently stimulate thought and keep your husband progressing toward recovery; and what not to say to avoid raising his defenses and maybe even make him reverse course.

> And, of course, there are the years of hearing
> "Where else would we go to get the saying of
> everlasting life." I no longer believe that this
> group has the sayings of everlasting life...they
> have some things right, but not near all. But
> where else do people go to worship? What options
> did you discover?

This is one of the primary cult tactics used by all cults: To offer something too good to be true that isn't offered anywhere else, making the group seem monolithic in it's importance.

I had worked so hard for so long, and "endured the trials". It was very difficult for me to let go of the need for a tangible reward to show for all that suffering. I wanted the paradise I had waited for, even though I knew I wouldn't find it among the Witnesses.

Maybe we have to make our own. Or maybe you'll decide to move to a tropical island.

Eventually I found a church. A community of faith is a good form of support to have. But don't go looking for one too early; or--chances are--you'll just join another fundamentalist cult. In order to protect yourself from that, you need to understand what tactics have affected you. You need this for two reasons: (1) So you can identify and begin to remove the tentacles; and (2) So you will recognize (and reject) them next time you encounter them in a group.

> Also, you alluded to having read a lot of
> information on cults and mind-control tactics. Do
> you have any recommended reading on this subject?

Besides Robert J. Lifton and Steven Hassan mentioned above, Margaret T. Singer was one of the authors that helped me initially. Also good are Leon Festinger, Janja Lalich, John D. Goldhammer, and--only when you're ready--Raymond Franz. There are also lots of good web sites and commentators you'll find when you do an Internet search.

> I guess I'm really starting to ramble right now.
> I apologize for that. It's just that I've felt in
> a vacuum for so long, not being able to talk to
> anyone with the exception of my husband and father
> about these things. I feel like I'm just pouring
> out my thoughts as they come to me. Thank you for
> taking the time to read through this menagerie of
> thoughts and thank you also for taking time out of
> your schedule to respond.

No need to apologize at all. I'm glad if I've been able to help at all. You are the kind of person I do this work for. If I can reduce your suffering when you're at this critical junction, then my suffering was not a total waste. Your mind is opening. I recognize the wonderful feeling of relief. Keep the ball rolling. You deserve it.

We all do. What a wonderful thing that we can celebrate love and freedom now! And the best hope of all is that as we explore looking to satisfy that spiritual longing you mentioned, the obstacles are gone, and so you can now hope to find what you're looking for.

Love & blessings,
AndrewXJW