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Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Recovery for Former Witnesses
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Question
Hi Andrew, I just stumbled upon this page today. I am also a former jw. 20 years worth. I was forced to marry in the kingdom hall. I did however (thank god!) marry an non jw but he was forced to "study" so that we could get married. Shortly after my marriage I "fell out" of the truth. You say you are in recovery, what does that include. I am so turned off by religion that I cant stand the thought of walking into a church. Thanks...Leigh
Dear Leigh,
Most former Jehovah's Witnesses never recover, but rather go through their lives still carrying the baggage they naturally acquired through their experience with the Witnesses. This is tragic because it is so preventable.
In your case, you at least no longer buy into their teachings (if you ever did) and that is a very important advantage for you. At least you won't go through life thinking you are an enemy of God and therefore your life is hopeless and meaningless, as many former Witnesses do.
However, the fact that you are so profoundly "turned off" suggests a strong emotional charge, which may suggest there is yet work to do; so I am glad for you that you have thought to ask this question.
It is normal to go through stages in the recovery process, first blind faith, then doubt, then fear of "apostasy", then anger about manipulations, then peaceful determination. Give yourself time, yet move forward steadily.
You may find yourself in the anger stage already, which suggests you may already be well along in your recovery process. A little more work may help you get you further along to the peaceful determination phase.
It takes time and patience to fully address the issues we have faced, and this may include therapy, support groups, reading books, chatting online, reading web pages, private meditation, and so on. One counsellor who helped me in the past used the analogy of tentacles; that the Watchtower Society has tentacles of doctrine that were once sunk deeply into our souls, and although the octopus may already have been cut off, the tentacles are still within us until we patiently remove them. We may have grown so accustomed to those tentacles within us, that we are not fully aware of them. So it takes time to identify and remove them. Just when you thought you got the last one, you will probably find another. So be patient with yourself.
We need to fully understand how we were affected in order to complete the recovery process: spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and especially socially. And this is the great challenge, because most former Witnesses don't want to be bothered with it anymore, so they never fully understand the wound, and therefore they ironically are never fully able to overcome it, the one thing they want most.
Most people who were raised as Witnesses (whether they buy into the doctrines or not) are deeply affected in their social behaviors and family relationships, particularly judgementalism and the ability to relate to others easily in an uncontrolled environment without needing to label them.
I was very lucky to have come across a live in-person support group for former Witnesses, one which supported me in developing freedom of mind, not just substituting one religious dogma for another. You may find a local in-person non-religious support group in your area. Try looking here: http://www.exjws.net/meetpeople/index.htm
One of the web sites that was most helpful to me is this one: http://members.aol.com/Beyondjw/ because it is completely reasonable and factual and presented completely without any animosity.
The books that were most helpful to me were written by Steven Hassan. The researchers that get right down to the brass tacks of what goes on were also helpful to me. I first studied the work of Dr. Margaret T. Singer, who helped me identify exactly how the Witnesses use cult mind control tactics; and later the work of Lifton (which I find a bit more precise).
If you choose to pursue therapy with a psychologist or psychiatrist, I strongly recommend that you consider their specific qualifications, as most of them are not specifically trained in recovery from cult mind control, and therefore misdiagnoses are common when seeing a professional who does not have this specific experience.
I hope this is helpful. May you have success on your road to peace, joy, freedom, unconditional love, and social ease. And once you get over feeling revulsion at any kind of religion, you may even find a new and deeper spirituality. Give yourself time. Use all the resources at your disposal.
This is one wound that does not heal with time until you fully remove the splinter.
Blessings,
Andrew
Related Articles
- Jehovah Witnesses History - Learn About the History of Jehovah Witnesses
- From Jehovah's Witness to Atheist: Life Outside The Watchtower Society - How Former Witnesses Can Rebuild Their Lives After Leaving Their Congregation
- Coming Out as an Atheist to Jehovah's Witnesses and the Watchtower Society - Why Do Jehovah's Witnesses Overreact When A Believer Leaves The Faith?
- Escape from the Watchtower Society: Are the Jehovah’s Witnesses a Cult?
- Jehovah's Witnesses
Andrew
Expertise
I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.
For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/
Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.
I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.
Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.
Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)
Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
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