You are here:
- Home
- Religion/Spirituality
- Jehovah's Witnesses
- Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses
- Recovery and healing as an ex witness
Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Recovery and healing as an ex witness
Advertisement
Question
I have recently begun a more intense recovery from the religious abuse I experienced as a child. My father began to study with the Jehovah's Witnesses at a vulnerable time in his life. As a result, my entire family life, activities, beliefs, and friends changed traumatically. I could not believe in their teachings and although I was never baptized I was treated like a disfellowshipped person. All contact with the witnesses was cut off, I was treated as the black sheep in my family, and left to survive on my own. I went to drinking and other substances to numb the pain. After 20 years, and intermittent clean times in 12 step programs, I am now trying to unravel my painful past and how it continues to damage me in my relationships with others and with a spiritual Being. I am looking for support and guidance along with others who have gone through this and healed, in order to fully recover and lead a somewhat normal life.
Dear Shelley,
I'm so sorry you've been through such hell. I think at least I really do understand the depth of this story, because I have been through a parallel experience in certain respects.
It is very wise of you to reach out for support. Please make sure you get in-person support also if possible, besides online advice. Life is dangerous for people like you and I who are on our own.
Would you like to tell a bit about the "intense recovery" you have begun?
Isn't it outrageous that cults like the JW's prey upon people when they are at their weakest moments, as they did with your father and my mother? Isn't it awful how they undermine family ties on dead-wrong premise that their idealogy is more important than family? Isn't it disgusting how they twist and distort God's love to mean shunning and hating?
Would you care to tell more about "left to survive on my own"? Many young people affected by the Witness shunning ethic end up on the street. Was this the case for you also?
"Relationships with others", absolutely. Like how do you let go of the wounds long enough to laugh? How do you allow yourself to be present and trusting, when everyone you've ever known was ready to turn you in for petty "transgressions"?
Relating to God has been a difficult road to recovery for me too, because I once bought into someone else's dogma about what God is, and even though I am a very spiritual man, I am terrified that I will delude myself again if I'm not careful.
I don't know that I can offer you healing, but at least understanding, and help you be aware of resources that might help you toward healing. Please take good care of yourself.
Best wishes,
AndrewXJW
Related Articles
- From Jehovah's Witness to Atheist: Life Outside The Watchtower Society - How Former Witnesses Can Rebuild Their Lives After Leaving Their Congregation
- Book Review - The Spanking Room: A Child's Eye View of the Jehovah Witnesses, by William Coburn
- Review - The Soul of Recovery: Uncovering the Spiritual Dimension in the Treatment of Addictions
- From Jehovah's Witness to Atheist: How & Why Witnesses Fade from Congregations - Jehovah's Witnesses Avoid Disfellowshipping by Fading
- Jehovah's Witnesses and Religious Liberty
Andrew
Expertise
I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.
For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/
Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.
I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.
Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.
Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)
Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.