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Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/Reinstatement / Disfellowshipping
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Question
Hi Andrew
I have been disfellowshipped for 13 years because I put my daughter on the Pill. Long story. I have never felt so free although I lost my entire world. My question is this: I am seeing fulfilment of prophecy of the times of the end. I do not want to die, I am not a bad person, in fact I am a better Christian now than ever, except I am not a witness. I believe they have the truth "somewhere". I started going back to meetings but I find that I am filled with hate for the brothers who never helped me when I went through a terrible divorce nor believed me. I HATE being made to feel like a dog. Inferior. Embarrassed to be there. Is this the truth or what? I would like to be one of the "chosen" yet I cannot reconcile that they were prepared to cut me off forever if I did not toe the line and showed some spunk instead. What must I do?? Keep searching?? Put my pride in my pocket??
Dear Vivienne,
The first thing I hope you can realize is that, although you left the Witnesses 13 years ago, their mindset never left you. You are still a Witness at heart, not because you chose to be, but because their mindset is a splinter in your mind nagging at you until you pull it out.
What you will someday choose to believe on spiritual matters is up to you, and you should not let any human tell you what to believe on spiritual matters. However, before you can even begin to discover a new spiritual path, you have to come to understand the social and mental entanglements your old "spiritual" path burdened you with.
Of course the Witnesses have SOME of the truth. Every perspective contains part of the truth. The error is in thinking that they have the complete truth, and that it is consistent with the spiritu of truth to deceive people. It's not. Their system of deception is epic, which you can begin to realize only after you begin your recovery by chatting and reading books and articles and attending support groups or therapy. (If you seek therapy, however, be sure to find a therapist with specific experience, as most of them are not trained to deal with this.)
I see some fulfillment of prophecies too, and part of me still believes that there will be an end of the world coming soon. But that doesn't mean that the Witnesses are a chosen people. How can people who deceive to accomplish their goals and twist your mind in knots and destroy families and reframe God's unconditional love as shunning and judgementalism--how can people who do these things be God's chosen people? That they are a chosen people is part of the mindset that you left, but which never left you.
The world has ended many times and been reborn many times, so Armageddon is a historical fact and a future probability. People who are paying attention can see it coming again, but this does not have nearly as much to do with religious predictions as it has to do with poor choices and failing to learn from history.
I know you are not a bad person. Of course you don't deserve to die. God is love. God loves you. Even if the world ends, this does not mean that you will be punished because the Witnesses disfellowshipped you. Just because they think you shouldn't have given your daughter birth control pills, this doesn't mean you suddenly became God's enemy. You are not God's enemy. What an awful thing to teach! God loves you unconditionally, as he loves the entire world.
I understand your anger toward the Witnesses. They were your community, and they abandoned you when you needed them most. This is not an acceptable nor normal human behavior. You have good reason to be angry. Anger has purpose. Try not to frame it as hate if you can, however, as that will only harm you. Anger can be channeled in constructive directions.
You are not inferior; and no one has a right to treat you as inferior. You are an expression of the divine. The greatest illness of the human race is being unable to recognize that, and the Witnesses suffer from that illness more than most of the human race. Shame and judgement are inconsistent with spirit, because spirit is love.
The Witnesses have a PART of the truth, but as do all religions, they mix in their own preferences in great quantity. Unlike most religions, they frame their preferences as GOD'S DIRECT WORD, which they then force upon others like the Borg. Ask your heart: do you think Holy Spirit works that way?
You do not need to be chosen in order to maximize your hope of survival nor in order to live a fulfilled life. Rather you need to recognize that you are already an expression of the divine, and God loves you unconditionally, and always did. The contrary dogma taught by the Witnesses are false, and always were.
The fact that you showed some spunk when the rubber hit the road demonstrates that they never completely crushed you with their insistence on conformity. Rather you have within you a spark of life that they can never extinguish, and they are foolish to try.
Never give up your gut feelings, your intuition. Trust them. They are a great ally which protect you from people with hidden agendas, who teach convoluted dogma designed to ensnare the mind, which are so reasonable and complicated that even the most educated person cannot disprove. Always trust your gut and your heart and your intuition and your soul, which cannot be fooled by such trickery.
The Witnesses have nothing that you need. You only need to commit yourself to a path of recovery so that their tricks can no longer get you. It takes time and effort. Being away for 13 years is not enough.
Love & blessings,
Andrew
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Andrew
Expertise
I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.
For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/
Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.
I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.
Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.
Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)
Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
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