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Critics of Jehovah`s Witnesses/unconditional love
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Question
Hello Andrew,
Can you please tell me what Your definition is of unconditional love"
In your view what is the Bibles definition of unconditional love?
Why do you say JWs do not belive in unconditional love?
Dear Gordon,
Some things are too clear and simple to need definition. Applying definitions only muddies the water. You know what unconditional love is. No one needs to tell you. It's how your mother loved you when you sucked her teat, without thoughts or reservations or caveats. It is the core nature of God and man to love without intellectual "yeah-but's".
The Bible says "God is Love" and "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotton son". The Bible makes no mention of any such thing as "conditional" love. "Conditional" love is mind game of sick people. There is no such thing as "conditional" love. Love is by nature without conditions. To describe something as "conditional love" is a mind game, sidestepping the fundamental meaning of love, substituting something fraudulent in the place of love.
I say JW's do not believe in it because I heard them say so. I say that they believe unconditional love is wrong because I heard them say we are "supposed" to hate what and who God hates; and therefore it is supposedly disloyal to God to love anyone unconditionally because they could conceivably someday turn against God. This sophistry is empty because God is Love and cannot hate that way; and therefore they have turned against God by not imitating the God of Love and obeying the first commandment of Jesus Christ, "Love thy neighbor as thyself". Since the Bible says "God is Love", he cannot possibly practice a form of hate which is incompatible with what He is.
The Witnesses' untenable quest for purity has caused them to lose touch with the fundamental meaning of all religion: Love of neighbor. They practice constant judgementalism, and imagine they are loving people.
And because my very first experience of brotherly love, after decades of living among Witnesses, was NOT among Witnesses; illustrating to me by direct and personal experience that what Witnesses claim is love is actually something else, something twisted, something "conditional"; and therefore not love at all.
And because I have heard dozens of former Witnesses relate the same experience: Having lived a lifetime without love, they finally only found it OUTSIDE the Witness organization.
And because I have heard cult experts describe the sociological development problems which persons raised in cult organizations suffer as a result of having grown up in an environment bereft of love, dominated by suspicion, because you are supposed to turn in your child or parent or wife or best friend if they do not comply with the Witness talmud in some detail. Because after having been raised among Witnesses, I recognized those problems within myself, and spent years overcoming judgementalism and learning to practice unconditional love instead. I would not have had to spend those years removing judgementalism and replacing it with love if I had already been taught this in my decades as a Witness.
The Witnesses pretend to practice abundant love, just as cult researcher Margaret T. Singer describes, but it is a pretense meant to attract new recruits. Love with an agenda isn't love; it's a trick. Singer calls this trick "Love Bombing". I remember being directly commanded by elders from the platform at the Kingdom Hall to practice the exact behavior that Singer calls "Love Bombing". I remember how the supposed "love" of my brothers evaporated when I tested them to see whether they would put the command of Christ ahead of the policies of their organization. They failed the test, in many many different localities.
You can choose to disregard personal experience or paint the picture a different color so as to continue believing what you choose to believe. People are capable of that. People are capable of self-deception. I know because I deceived myself, then learned what I was doing and chose a better path.
May God lead people who choose Love to the better path and away from the mental gymnastics that squash love.
Best wishes,
Andrew
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Andrew
Expertise
I don't object to Witness theology, but rather their use of social pressure & deceptive manipulations to undermine family ties and control minds. (This may seem contradictory to Witnesses, who draw no distinction between spiritual belief and organizational policy.) I do not engage in theological debate. I support persons impacted by an experience with the Witnesses and advocate early education for everyone so that they can protect themselves from cults by understanding what to watch out for. (It's not what most people think.)
(Ex-)Witnesses: I know how upsetting it is to experience doubts (or anger) about your experience. Time does not heal this wound until you first remove the splinter, which takes more time and effort than you may realize. So, unless you have already put in that time and effort, don't be surprised if you are deeply affected long after the experience. But there is good news! You're NOT an enemy of God for doubting or for failing to meet the requirements of a human organization. An organization that lies cannot be the exclusive spokesman for the God of Truth. Tell me where you're at. I'll understand. I can show you how to begin or continue your recovery and make a life for yourself worth living.
Non-Witnesses: Describe your experience with your friend/relative who is (becoming) a Witness. I can help you understand the Witness indoctrination and social dynamics that are affecting him or her. I can help you put your options into perspective. Keep in mind that people do make their own choices (even though they may sometimes do so under outside influence) and you may not be able to affect this person's choices, even though they impact on you. After all, you do not have the arsenal of tactics that a cult does (and wouldn't want to). A few people manage to save their friend/relative, but don't count on it. What you can count on is navigating the maze more successfully by becoming more informed about your own options.
Experience
I was a Witness for 30 years, and a volunteer at their headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, for a year. I have attended meetings with many Witness congregations across the United States, a thorough cross-section, carefully observing patterns of behavior. Although being a Witness was difficult, and I gradually had more and more doubts about Witness teachings--I was a true believer, so I kept trying to make it work somehow. I stopped attending meetings in 1997 only after receiving an answer to a prayer about doing so, and have since been actively involved in recovery. This includes both my own and supporting others in theirs. Recovery can include reading books, communicating with others in recovery, and participating in support groups and/or therapy. It always involves reclaiming one's own mind and discovering the other sides of the issues that you have been blinded to in the past.
My gradual awakening was socially, psychologically, and spiritually tumultuous. I lost everything from my former life. My suffering was substantial.
But I have gained everything, so it was worth it. Only after beginning my recovery did I gain social, psychological, and spiritual healing and growth, peace of mind, and self-respect. Only then did I discover who I am; and--for the first time--the meaning of real brotherly love.
For more resources on this topic, try these web sites:
http://freeminds.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freedomofmind/
Education/Credentials
Like most Cult Recovery Counselors, I am a cult survivor. I have life experience, not professional training. Also I feel no need to apologize for that. People with professional training cannot understand what it is like to survive a cult unless they have been through it themselves, which few professional therapists have. Understanding what really happened and what works in this unusual social context is as important as psychological training. Most professional therapists are not specifically trained to support cult survivors. Those who are represent a rare and precious resource.
I sometimes refer people to professional therapists regarding deep personal issues. But surviving a cult is a broad experience with other dimensions. Professional therapy can be very helpful as part of your recovery process, assuming that you choose the right therapist. When choosing a therapist, remember that you are the client and they are a service provider. You are the one who holds authority about the relationship. You get to interview the therapist and decide which one to employ.
Be sure to ask what specific training and experience they have around recovery from cult mind control. Most therapists do not have relevant training. Some carry serious misunderstandings about what cult mind control is; and therefore will misunderstand your struggle. So it pays to be selective as a consumer of professional therapy services.
Past/Present Clients
The Witness organization is not like other churches. Most non-Witnesses really cannot imagine what it is like to be a Witness. The organization has unimaginably extensive rules and monitoring that affect every aspect of life, so there is no privacy and no sense of personal independence. "Independent thought" is considered their greatest "sin".
The organization insists on absolute conformity, and claims to directly represent God; so dissent is not tolerated, and authority is totalitarian. Being a Witness is more like living in China or the former Soviet Union than being a member of a religion as you know it. It was the research of Robert J. Lifton, who was studying--not religions--but totalitarian governments, who first began to illuminate the problem of religious cults around the world, which employ exactly the same tactics as totalitarian governments. His work remains a cornerstone for Cult Recovery Counselors still today. (This may be why many governments are tolerant of cults, to avoid exposing their own control tactics.)
Witnesses often experience unusually dysfunctional lives and an extensive array of personal problems stemming from broken family ties, stunted social development, inner unrest resulting from repressed doubts, inability to defend boundaries, and an extreme, persistent feeling of irrational shame. I can help people impacted by an experience with the Witnesses by revealing in detail the policies and social dynamics in the Witness organization that cause these problems.
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