AboutJeanne Expertise I can answer questions from other mid-lifers about finding a committed partner, especially online.
Experience I am 57, divorced for over 8 years, and spent 8 years looking for a partner. I tried many online dating sites, made a lot of mistakes, dated many men and am currently (finally) in a very satisfying committed relationship. I am not a psychologist, but I think the insights that I have gained from my experience could be helpful to other midlife singles.
Education/Credentials PhD, but it has nothing to do with midlife dating!
Question Why is it that when a man puts his arms around a woman, it is the BEST feeling in the world? This has nothing to do with who the guy is. It could be a boyfriend/husband, or it could be just any guy, brother, friend, father etc. Even lesbians have told me that when a man holds them they feel awesome. What is it about women that crave this feeling?
Second question -
I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to like me a lot. We are both in medical school together and we are both going to become doctors. He was in the army for 10 years prior to coming to med school. he has been through A LOT in the army.
He seems lonely and kind of horny too. But I can tell he's basically a good guy and has been hurt by women in the past so I'm willing to give him a chance. I like him a lot.
Despite his age, experience, and his good looks, he seems very simple and also seems to have no clue as to how to move things forward with a woman. I find this odd considering how many long term girlfriends he's had.
Ok so what can you tell me. I've never dated a guy older than me, all the guys I've dated are young 19-24 range.
So maybe it will be nice to date a real man for a change ... instead of training a boy... or changing diapers (just kidding)
Can you tell me any problems you see with our age difference?
He's almost 15 years my senior
thanks
~ jaci ~
Answer Hi, Jaci -
I can't answer your first question. You need to ask someone who is trained in psychology, which I'm not.
As for your second question. Be careful - chronological age is not necessarily an indication of maturity! I'm not saying it's a bad idea to go out with this guy, but I would do so with caution. There are a couple red flags that go up for me in your description of him. First of all, you say he has been hurt by women in the past. So I take it he has been telling you about women in his past. I am a little wary of people who talk about how they have been hurt. As the ex-wife of an alcoholic, I am suspicious of people with a "victim" mentality. I strongly believe that we are all responsible for ourselves, so if he claims he has been hurt often in the past, you should wonder why he has allowed himself to be hurt, or what his role has been in all of this. You're not hearing the other side of the story. He may be passive aggressive.
Second, in my own experience of dating many men in their 40s and 50s, I am very cautious about anyone who has never been married by age 39, yet has had many long term relationships. Why has he never made a commitment? He may very well be commitment phobic.
So my advice would be to go out with him since you like each other, but just keep your eyes open. Don't be blinded by the fact that he is an older man.
Hope this is helpful to you.
