AboutPhilip Belove, Ed.D. Expertise Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my
name, really). I`m 60 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the
past 25 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other
midlife adults. I think we all figure things out as we go along,
but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single
is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions
help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a
dating at midlife newsletter and I write articles for various web sites.
My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal
with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they
are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end
those relationships so they achieve the goal of midlife
development to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been
divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine
person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in
offering what I can.
Experience Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 61. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship.
Question I'm a 37 yr old female who's dating a 29 yr old male. We've shared a 3yr friendship ever since meeting on vacation & have keep contact via email, texting, holidays, etc but only get together approximately once a year. We recently met up and there was alot of great chemistry between us. He asked to date me & we now have been together 4 months and are exclusive. Its the best experience I've had & enjoy our relationship very much as we do share alot of things/activites in common. We live an hour apart but get together a few times a week. The commute was intimidating at first but is not an issue at all. Theres no pressure or expecation-just easy going taking day by day so we both agree its going great. I've been divorced twice and have a teenage child. He has never lived with a woman or had children but he seems very family oriented. He invited me to a very social event this weekend for his friends wedding & its out of town also. I'm nervous to meet his friends because of our age difference - he is very comfortable with it. I really have strong feelings for him but NEVER expected to be in a serious relationship again. He says he loves me very much & its wonderful. What is a reasonable expectation of this relationship? I was initially just very flattered but it has a serious tone now. Is 8 years too many to have anything lasting?
Answer The age difference is unusual but a lot of times stuff like that really works well. I can tell you a couple of stories.
I do support your critical reserve. I think you guys are heading for a very interesting conversation and I encourage you to to really go for it.
The issue with age difference is something you both will have to deal with for a while until you get used to it. This time? Well, yes, it is his crowd and I suggest you trust him on this one. But even that should be part of the searching and fearless conversation.
I suggest you start with your own question "What is a reasonable expectation of this relationship?" There are no simple answers but if you guys hang out with that question for a couple of months you'll learn a lot about yourself as individuals and how you two might work as a couple.
For myself, I'd be very interested in hearing what you learn. If you want to establish more of a connection with me, drop me a note at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com
Also, I am doing a research project and would love to interview the both of you. I'll give you feedback on the interview. Let me know.
