About Leslie Meredith Expertise Navigate the dating scene with expert help and encouragement. Dating etiquette that works. How to make the most of online dating from the right photos to an irresistible profile. Who is right for you? When to respond and what to say. How to go from online to in-person. How to guarantee a second date ... if that's what you want! A spare and a pair: successfully dating more than one person at a time. Getting the exclusive when it's right for you. Write me with your questions: it's like having a best friend who only wants the best for you.
Experience A dating coach, specializing in "second time around" dating for men and women re-entering the dating scene after divorce. Also an online dating profile writer for e-cyrano.com for two years working with men and women across the country and around the world with excellent results. "The profile Leslie wrote for me was wonderful, and I really enjoyed speaking with her on the phone. I'm looking forward now to lots more fun in the future with all the dates I get!" -- Robyn, Sydney, Australia.
Expert: Leslie Meredith Date: 6/1/2008 Subject: dating in 2008
Question Hi,
I have noticed lately that when I meet a man, I have to do all the work. Such as asking him for his phone number, suggesting we get together for lunch, picking the place, where to go, what to do, and when and how to take it to the next level.
I don't mind doing this from time to time, and I like giving men quite a few chances.
However, as of late, it seems like many men don't know how to move things forward.
I don't mind doing this at all for men in their 20s.
But this situation is occuring even in men in their 30s and 40s! It's almost like I have to hold their hands and baby them and change their diapers.
Even after we get into a relaitonship, it seems like they don't know what to do.
And they seem very immature sexually.
ON the flip side, there are many men who DO know how to move things forward, and ARE mature enough to move things forward both relatoinship wise and sexually as well.
So no not all men are like one way or the other, there are individual cases.
I am just noticing that a HUGE proprotion of "older, experienced" men don't know what to do.
You would think that by this late age, with all the decades of dating they've done, they would know how to move things forward. But they don't. And can't.
Answer Carrie,
Sounds like you prefer a guy who knows what he wants and how to get it. And you're right, some men do and some don't ... not necessarily a function of age. And, a man who is really interested AND knows what he wants, will make the first move. You may have to step up to the plate to state your preference for the date activity, but he should be the one to ask.
Is it surprising that a guy who could not make take the lead initially, cannot take the lead in a relationship? No. If you do all the work at the outset, you will continue to do all the work in the relationship. Maybe he likes it that way, but clearly you don't.
So be patient. Let the guy make the first move next time, and let the others go.
