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Dating at Midlife/Why am I struggling so much ?


confused and lonely wrote at 2014-05-28 01:30:14
I am a 58 year old woman that is just starting out dating. I have had two relationships. One was with a man that did not tell me he had just buried his long time girlfriend three days before our first date! The other was a nine month relationship with a man diagnosed as having social disorder. I am in that field. He has moderate Asperger's Syndrome. A wonderful man that could not understand any facial expressions or verbal cues. He finally became so introverted I had to give up. I just started dating another man. He seems very nice but not attachable? He states he wants a relationship but I just don't think so? It is possible I am rebounding and it is possible I am being strung along until he finds something better. I just do not like being single. I understand how you feel. I have no idea if I should try dating someone else or just keep hanging in hoping this is Mr. Right. Depression is my constant. I just do not want to work, see family and put on the happy face. Yes I feel used. I also feel I will never find THE right guy. I feel something is better than nothing?

Dating at Midlife

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Philip Belove, Ed.D.


Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.


Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.

Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at Also my blog at The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

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