Dating at Midlife/Sex



I am 61 and the man I am writing about is 85. I've known him for a year and a half. He is a neighbor who began offering to help me with yardwork and odd jobs around the house. A friendship has grown from this. We have gone out to dinner twice. He cooks for me once a week. He says he loves me. I brought up the topic of having sex after I had known him for four months. I have not been in a relationship for five years. I am very attracted to him, and would like to be involved in him in this way. He says he would like a relationship also, but he'd like to take it very slow, which is fine with me. It's been a year since we had that conversation.

We talk on the phone twice a day.I've made hints about getting closer, and have invited him over for movie watching. He said he had to wait until the mood is right.I invited him on an overnight trip. I told him he would have his own private sleeping space. He said he couldn't make it. I plan to bring up the subject of intimacy again, but I'm not sure what to say.

I feel sometimes that I am being too pushy. If he likes me I think he should be making at least some small moves in my direction, or at least letting me know that he is still interested. Am I being too patient? Can you offer some suggestions? Thank you!

Hey Jacqueline,

Thanks for writing in and dropping a word. It takes a lot to open up about issues in the back of the mind and when its related to our heart, it takes guts to pen down left alone talk with someone about the same. I appreciate your gesture in pouring your heart felt emotions and seeking a helping hand for the same. Kudos to you !!!

Well, I guess you reading too much between lines. You need to understand that not every person has the same exuberance and excitement in life. At the stage where your man is, he is looking for more for comfort zone and someone who can stand by him and he has a shoulder to lean upon. He is craving more for mental peace and emotional security than physical closeness. As a lady, you also have natural desires and need that bonding, which can make you feel more closer to him. You not sounding any desperate or expecting much, by holding back waiting for him to make the right move. You need to understand that a man, who can't read a lady's mind or adjust according to her, would never stand by the relationship for longer duration and always would make the girl adjust according to his wishes and desires. It's right time you sat back and decided upon your priorities and see if he figures in your long term plan, else take a hard stand and move on!!

Just go out and give your best and  things would fall in place...

All the best !!

Relationship Counsellor
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way .....

P.S- For more professional help around your subject, you can drop a word at, (

Dating at Midlife

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Relationship Counsellor


I am quite experienced and matured enough to handle questions related to following topics: 1) Love- Friendship 2) Issues in all kinds of relationships. 3) making a relationship work. 4) Effective tips to sustain a relationship. 5) Sex related queries. Well as of now haven't come across any such questions, which would offend me or I lack expertise in, but am a straight forward person and doesn't hold my wordings back. I don't mind being honest in case I lack knowledge about particular aspect and quite flexible to accept genuine views of others or seek other professionals for my case studies, to help the clients out.


Well I have been doing online counseling through my own blog for past two years. I have got good response throughout, which has motivated me in going ahead and helping people in their relationship issues and bring a smile back on people's face. I don't say that am a professional in this area, but well sufficient enough to contribute in the aspect of Modern Day Relationships.

I have been an IT professional throughout my work experience of 8+ years associated with IT MNC's like IBM, Infosys Technologies to name few. I have conducted effective counseling sessions for different corporates I have worked with in my private capacity and contributed effectively to employees striking quite a balance in work and personal life.

I am a qualified software engineer with Bachelor's degree of Engineering i.e B.Tech degree in area of Electronics and Telecommunications. I am pursuing PG diploma in area of counseling and relationship education from Delhi University, India.

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