Dating at Midlife/my old friend


dear friend:
I am suffering a fourth episode of depression because I had a girlfriend and then I suspected she was pulling my leg. I quit her and abandon her. I am consulting a psychiatrist and taking 5 different medicines for my depression. I am seriously thinking about call her up and ask to be friend again in order to cure this enormous depression.
What do you think?


I do wonder what your psychiatrist is doing for you beyond prescribing meds.
And 5 different ones! ?
Are you exaggerating?

I do think you have some issues and
they interfere profoundly with your ability to create and sustain
a good and loving relationship.

I would think that a woman who was more solid
would not be willing to take on the burden of being your partner.

So you are more or less going to have to have partners who
are basically no more stable than you are.

Meds will help you calms down a bit,
but they won't help you learn how to give and accept love.

For that, you might want to get into therapy

Sorry to be so harsh but that's what it all sounds like.

forgive me.

Philip Alan Belove, Ed.D.  

Dating at Midlife

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Philip Belove, Ed.D.


Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.


Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.

Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at Also my blog at The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

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