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Dating at Midlife/Genuine interest or waste of time


There's this guy that I'm friends with on FB and I ran into him at the store the other day. We talked briefly and then I said I had to go because my kids were acting up.

Anyway, a couple days later he messaged me on FB. We chatted back and forth over a period of two days. His messages were pretty short and sweet. Then a week later he messaged me and asked if I wanted to go get a drink. I said yeah, that I'd love to and we made plans to meet up tonight. The thing is is ever since we made plans over a week ago, he takes hours even days to text me back (and no, I don't do the same) and his messages are very short and unenthusiastic. I didn't hear from him for about five days after we set a time to meet, then I finally texted him and asked if he still wanted to meet up in which his reply was simply "yeah". We are meeting in 7 hours and I still don't know where. I feel like he could care less about meeting up with me and I'm about to cancel our plans because I'm sick also.
Should I still give him a chance or does he just not seem that interested?


Hi Kristen,

The current advice for people who connect via internet is to stay a bit cool
until you've had a chance to actually meet and talk.

So that might be what's going on.

A lot of women (especially) have been hustled by these guys who
make a big fuss on line before the meeting even though they have no idea who they
are dealing with. You would be amused, or horrified, by what some guys write.

If you are sick, then just reschedule. You'll be doing you both a  favor
and you'll increase the chances of this actually developing into something
You do want to be at your best.

I get the sense that you feel a bit anxious about this thing and it's based
on very little feedback from the guy.

So maybe for you there is an extra (and maybe self-defeating) layer
of vulnerability that you are dealing with. If so, then usually in those case
those extra concerns are deeply justified and almost never questioned.
But it's an unnecessary and usually unpleasant form of vulnerability.
And it's really coming to peace with it. It will increase your chances
of finding a partner who is more self-realized and can create a better
partnership with you.
So that's another conversation.

I do hope this helps.

Let me know.

Philip Alan Belove, Ed.D.  

Dating at Midlife

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Philip Belove, Ed.D.


Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.


Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.

Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at Also my blog at The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

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