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Dating at Midlife/My boyfriend won't talk to me


I have been divorced for a number of years. I recently reconnected with someone I used to work with. We had lunch a few times and he stated he was getting ready to leave his wife.  Well, he put a deposit and first month's rent on an apartment and I believe had a conversation with her.  He has not talked to me in 4 days.  He apologized via text this morning and stated his "just cant talk about anything right now"  Something went wrong during his talk but I don't know what. If he wants to end things with my why doesn't he?  What would make him so devastated?  Perhaps his adult daughter disowned him but I'm not sure.  I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me.

Hi Colleen, it's aggravating when we have to assume things because we don't have the answers. There are a few things we do know.
1) his text states he can not talk right now.
That doesn't mean he wants to end anything. It also doesn't mean he wants to start something. It just means he can not discuss it. He is probably going through a very difficult time. You have been divorced for a number of years. You need to be careful because you do not want to be a "rebound date". That's a date that happens when a person hasn't had enough time to get over his feelings from his last relationship. It sounds to me that he was looking for a friend. Are you hoping that something more could come out of it? If so, that could be the reason he stepped back.  I would text him and tell him you understand what he's going through and appreciate the friendship. If he needs to talk to someone you're there for him. BUT you can't have a hidden agenda. If you can not be a friend because you really want something more, leave the whole thing alone. He needs time to sort his feelings out. It's dangerous for you because, you may fall in love with a guy who hasn't been single and you would be his first after being married. If he did leave his wife he would want to experience single life. I would try to focus my attention on a guy who has been single for a few years and is looking to get into a relationship. Have you tried online dating? Some people do not like online dating. I've always found it interesting to meet many different people, even though it usually ended up not going anywhere. That's how I discovered what I like or dislike in a person. Good luck in finding the right guy!

Dating at Midlife

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Lauren Stevens


I can answer all questions pertaining to dating, dating at 50+, online dating, health and sexual issues regarding relationships.


I have been a life coach and all expert coach for over 15 years.

I have founded and facilitated Life After Divorce a coaching program that promotes and enables life changing events. I also facilitated Transitions a support group for the traumatic experience of people going through divorce and the newly divorced.

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