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Dating at Midlife/super FAST moving man !!!


Mr.Belove, I love your name. I'm a 63 year old lady. I've been blessed to be in excellent health and because I get lots of exercise,have maintained a fairly nice figure. Most people say I look like I'm in my 40's. I met this 60 year old man last weekend at a family get together in Maryland(Saturday 23rd). I must say that we clicked immediately. The conversation was so smooth and effortless. We talked and danced the rest of the evening. He took me to dinner/movie Sunday. He begged me 6plus times to drive me back to Richmond,Va. rather than me getting back on the train and go home. So I let him drive me to the train station. He drove himself to Richmond and was waiting here when I got in town. In between all of this, he's talking and talking so much about I'm the one, he would move to Richmond, get rid of his cats for me, sang to me, said he would give me everything he has, wants to marry me....just coming at me full force. Every card he was holding, he laid them all on the table. Plus calling me way too much. I've spoken to him about pressing me or slowing down. Hasn't made that much of a difference. This man is a widower. Only child, no children. Lost his wife last November. Married over 40 years. He was in tears once when talking about her death. He says he doesn't want to be alone, and of course I don't either. We have a LOT in common, but his coming on so strong is really a bit unnerving. Is this a rebound thing because he's grieving or could he really be just smitten, is it just a superficial thing? Don't know what to do. Oh, and he told me he will be getting his first chemo next Friday for prostate cancer. Please help. What do you think about him? Thank you so much.


Hi Paula,

Glad you love the name. It's real. It was hard to carry in grade school, as you might imagine. Now it's a pleasant and amusing coincidence. Maybe it's been my destiny.  

Re: your story.
It's hard to know what to think at this point.  
I do suggest you go to my website, and read the article on how to read someone else's intentions like a pro.
My rule is never have only one guess, have three. You have three to which I'm adding a fourth.

This little thing you added on, almost as an afterthought, "Oh, he has prostate cancer and is going for chemo" might trump all that's been said before.

There is some possibility that the cancer and the treatment is end of his ability to have erections. Do might be his last chance to make love.

Also, chemo and cancer bring up the specter of death, dying and disability and so on. Certainly most people get through it and it's merely an exhausting and unpleasant ordeal, but better than the alternative. To face all this alone is terrible. Also, something like this tends to
put everything else into a different perspective.

So add this to your list of "rebound, grieving, just smitten" as fourth factor.

Also, it's not the sort of thing about one's life that one leads with when meeting someone. Those thoughts are more intimate and private.

And to all these considerations you must also add you and your wishes for yourself in your next thirty years. What do you want? What are you looking for?  What are your standards for satisfaction? You have described yourself as being somewhat conservative and prudent, hopeful for something serious in a relationship, and uncertain about what it is you are looking for.  It helps to be articulate and thoughtful about these things and it helps to have someone you can have searching conversations with.  

Let me know your feedback, please.  You can write directly at or use this site as a medium.

I'm curious about what you decide to do.

Philip Alan Belove, Ed.D  

Dating at Midlife

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Philip Belove, Ed.D.


Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.


Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.

Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at Also my blog at The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

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