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Dating at Midlife/Is it healthy for a woman to want to please her man sexually constantly/often?

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Dating an great lady who was in a bad relationship/marriage for 20 years.  Husband belittled her and was very selfish, and very much so when it came to sex.  He would orgasm quickly and just leave her frustrated.  He demanded sex daily in one form or another, especially as a trade for him to do things around the house, etc. that he didn't want to do (as motivation) and she eventually fell into the mentality that if she kept pleasing him, he would eventually change, and love her, etc.  Finally she ended it.  We're dating and she is very affectionate and physical and said we would have to have sex daily and even multiple times for our relationship to work, after we were married. We have committed to no sex before marriage.  She reminds me how good it's going to be and that she's going to make me the happiest guy in the world when it comes to the bedroom.  I came from a failed marriage where I had very little sex, so initially it sounds great but I find it unusual, and maybe a little unnerving.  I've told her that she doesn't have to identify herself to me as a sex goddess, and our relationship needs to be based on much more than incredible sex.  She is very attractive, religious, a good mother, and very compassionate otherwise.  How to address this?

Answer
Hello Leeland, I'm not sure based on your question if she already was a sex addict who also was abused. It is never a good thing to do anything excessively. There is something underlying that she is seeking. It usually is a way to control people. However it really is lack of control. People do not in good relationships "tell" people they need sex multiple times daily."

"We're dating and she is very affectionate and physical and said "we would have to have sex" daily and even multiple times for our relationship to work,"

In real relationships things are spontaneous, negotiated or planned in conjunction with what's right for both parties. I applaud you for stepping back and looking at this issue. You will need to have very strong boundaries to  be in a relationship with someone who is demanding something "for it to work out". It sounds threatening. You have to decide whether this is the type of person you want for a lifetime. You're a very smart man who understands that relationships are much more than that. Best of luck  

Dating at Midlife

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Lauren Stevens

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I can answer all questions pertaining to dating, dating at 50+, online dating, health and sexual issues regarding relationships.

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I have founded and facilitated Life After Divorce a coaching program that promotes and enables life changing events. I also facilitated Transitions a support group for the traumatic experience of people going through divorce and the newly divorced.

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