| Subject | Date Asked |
|
| relationship with father of out of control teen boy | 11/10/2009 |
Q: again. You gave some advice earlier that did give me some direction even though you felt maybe it ...
A: Nice to hear from you Renee, thanks for the update. So you've become more and more of the therapist ...
|
| Crossing lines | 11/7/2009 |
Q: I have a very perplexing question. Why do I have so many married men interested in me, telling me ...
A: First, they are separate problems -- I'm pretty sure of that -- so don't conflate them. It will make ...
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| More on dating father of out of control teen boy | 11/3/2009 |
Q: again. You gave some advice earlier that did give me some direction even though you felt maybe it ...
A: I would guess you've convinced your counselors that you want support from them to hang in and they ...
|
| The Dream | 11/2/2009 |
Q: Doc I have a dream. A dream that the man I love, who also loves me, will end up together ...
A: No advice yet. What I'd like to do is send you a draft of an early chapter on baggage. It's a way ...
|
| Where to now? | 11/1/2009 |
Q: Belove, I am a soon to be 49 year old woman who is in a very confused state of what is next? I ...
A: Anne, I'm sorry this is so hard for you. It's what happens to so many of us. Welcome to your ...
|
| Cunfused | 11/1/2009 |
Q: I am hoping you can help me understand some things and maybe even put me on a path to make a ...
A: Hard to tell. I like that you have a sense that it might be a dynamic of the relationship. You ...
|
| platonic ? | 10/28/2009 |
Q: Have been dating a man for a year now and slept with him a number of times. We get a long great, but ...
A: Joan, my prediction is that it will hurt him to hear this. You probably have to say it anyway. It ...
|
| Communication issues | 10/28/2009 |
Q: I am a 41 year old widowed mother of two daughters, 14 and 11. I have been dating my boyfriend for ...
A: Sounds pretty bad and also sounds like you've waited a bit too long. Often in a relationship when ...
|
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/16/2009 |
Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ...
A: I'm so sorry to hear all this. It's quite sad. The story? Well, it just sounds like more of the ...
|
| Co-worker crush | 10/8/2009 |
Q: I am in need of some advice regarding a situation that I believe amounts to a “crush” involving a ...
A: She's flirting with you and she knows it. She's going to take her time. I hope you can stand it. ...
|
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/6/2009 |
Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ...
A: Nice to hear back from you and I'm glad my answer was moderately helpful. It does not sound like ...
|
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/5/2009 |
Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ...
A: Renee, you better pray. It's going to take a miracle. When a teenager is that out of control it ...
|
| Starting over? | 10/3/2009 |
Q: Dr. Belove, thanks for the opportunity to ask a question. I may be posing it on the wrong site, ...
A: It does create a huge emptiness when they finally back off from you and create their own life. It's ...
|
| Trying to change me | 10/3/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been in relationships over the past years that while the men were incredible when ...
A: What you do know is that they are real honest to goodness red flags and they are all over the place ...
|
| question | 9/29/2009 |
Q: I've dated several men throughout my life and had mainly positive experiences with each one. I have ...
A: I'd be curious about what the psychiatrists and counselors said to you before advising you. I'll go ...
|
| Is it me? | 9/28/2009 |
Q: Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question of you. I am mid 40s and been divorced for ...
A: You've asked good, solid, deep questions. And also, being in your mid 40's, that's about the time ...
|
| How much do I reveal? | 9/24/2009 |
Q: I was separated for over three years and finally divorced about 18 months ago, ending an emotionally ...
A: I like to think I'm an intuitive guy, too. Lovely, lovely question. Well, of course, you have ...
|
| Dealing with boyfriends ex-wife | 9/20/2009 |
Q: My boyfriend of 1 year was married for 10 years, and divorced for 8. They have no kids, no alimony ...
A: Your letter is a little hard to follow. First you say they have no kids and then you say "he did ...
|
| How do I break up with my live-in boyfriend? | 9/17/2009 |
Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years now. At first, things were great, as one would ...
A: If you've ever flown you'll remember the safety announcement. "If there is an emergency and the ...
|
| I think it's over | 9/16/2009 |
Q: Philip - I just wrote to you about a week ago with details about my fiancee who just couldn't ...
A: That's a bit better. I gave you a challenge and you stepped right up to it. So it sounds like you ...
|
| I think it's over | 9/16/2009 |
Q: Philip - I just wrote to you about a week ago with details about my fiancee who just couldn't ...
A: I've seen this happen often enough. Usually the plug has to be pulled. At the very least you have to ...
|
| advice | 9/15/2009 |
Q: I have two questions rolled into one. It's both a dating and career question. I'm a 32 year old ...
A: Again, thanks for the follow up. I don't think it would be appropriate for him to follow up ...
|
| advice | 9/15/2009 |
Q: I have two questions rolled into one. It's both a dating and career question. I'm a 32 year old ...
A: Delicate. You have to decide whether or not to write off the job before you try the personal ...
|
| Dating with Children at 20 Miles | 9/14/2009 |
Q: I met a man in 6 months ago who is absolutely wonderful. We get along in almost every sense. In ...
A: It's hard to identify your concerns. They seem to be a bit tangled. Maybe this is an accurate ...
|
| boyfriend isn't interested in being a parent | 9/8/2009 |
Q: I have been dating the same man for nearly three years. I began seeing him when I was still married ...
A: You're doing what you have to do. Such decisions are painful and take time. You've emphasized that ...
|
| Feelings for an ex | 9/7/2009 |
Q: I have been dating a woman for the past 2 years. Just to give you some background on her. She is ...
A: This is a strange story you've told and I, like you, have more questions than answers. I suppose I ...
|
| What to do?? | 9/3/2009 |
Q: Philip - I am 60, divorced for 11 years, engaged since July to a man who is 61, divorced for 4 ...
A: Interesting feedback. In your first letter, as you told the story, it was all about how indecisive ...
|
| What to do?? | 9/3/2009 |
Q: Philip - I am 60, divorced for 11 years, engaged since July to a man who is 61, divorced for 4 ...
A: There are elements to it that are quite sweet. Your loyalty to him, your patience with him, his love ...
|
| Dont have any Fiancee | 9/3/2009 |
Q: I do not have any Fiancee .I have no idea what goes wrong. i do not find any girl or the girls do ...
A: I could help you, But you would have to tell me so much more. I'd need specifics. However, to ...
|
| break up or not | 8/29/2009 |
Q: I'm 53, college educated, divorced, have 2 kids and a professional job. After dating a lot in the ...
A: You have many good reasons for your misgivings. Give your intuition a gold star and take them ...
|
| Dating a Widow | 8/27/2009 |
Q: I am 63 years old and have had several dates with a recently widowed (9 months)59 year old woman. We ...
A: It's not a bad idea to take her at her word. At least start there. She says she just wants to have ...
|
| how do i get him | 8/26/2009 |
Q: I really like this guy...but he has a steady girlfriend that he has been dating for a year. The girl ...
A: What you are doing is called "mate poaching." Sometimes it works. However, there is a price to pay. ...
|
| Question on Partner/Boyfriend | 8/22/2009 |
Q: I met a wonderful guy online (e-harmony) about five months ago. It basically was the first date ...
A: First some general comments. I haven't read the Talisman and Cutright work. It's possible that ...
|
| NO-STRINGS SEX & AGE DIFFERENCE | 8/21/2009 |
Q: Philip. I am a 48 year old divorced woman and have not had a sexual relationship in almost six ...
A: A couple things. First of all, he picked up on your body language and could tell that you had lust ...
|
| Dating a man who likes teenagers | 8/17/2009 |
Q: I am dating a high school teacher in his fifties who is always checking out teenage girls. The girls ...
A: What a terrible position you are in. This man, your lover, whom you must have some affection for, is ...
|
| Is he impressed by me? | 8/17/2009 |
Q: I recently started working at a new company, and the general manager interviewed me for the office ...
A: Possibly. You have to be very careful. If you are looking for long term possibilities you have ...
|
| Follow Up to dating in the workplace | 8/16/2009 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I have a follow up ... it is written in caps lock below so that the text doesn't get ...
A: It's pretty simple, I think. He has a serious girlfriend and he is charmed by you. So there are no ...
|
| reply: No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 8/13/2009 |
Q: Answer Hi Marcus, I'm having trouble following your question. The "no contact" rule, as I ...
A: So now I'm understanding you as saying that you dated her for six weeks and you felt things were ...
|
| No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 8/13/2009 |
Q: "Here is my confusion/frustration -- I have heard a lot about "no contact" with younger people ...
A: I'm having trouble following your question. The "no contact" rule, as I understand it, is a way to ...
|
| dating in the workplace | 8/11/2009 |
Q: So I just started a new job as a host at an upscale restaurant, I am not planning on staying in this ...
A: Sounds promising. Do keep me up to date on this one. You're very observant. Next steps: See if ...
|
| divorced friend | 8/9/2009 |
Q: I have a friend who is 58 and is dating a 38 year old bimbo. She clearly wants him for his money ...
A: A very interesting question. First of all, it's going to be tricky because the contempt you have ...
|
| advice | 8/6/2009 |
Q: People keep asking me for relationship advice. I don't know why. Anyway, so now one of my friends ...
A: Reminds me of the nursery rhyme: Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean. I had a ...
|
| complaint | 8/4/2009 |
Q: I'm a PHD student and I was verbally harassed by another student, who was screaming obscenities at ...
A: You're probably right. You should have contacted them sooner. I think you want to respond to them ...
|
| exhusband and new boyfriend | 8/1/2009 |
Q: I have been divorced 3 years from the father of my three children. We get along well most of the ...
A: I'm not sure what to tell you. In general, it's good for ex's to have a clean and respectful ...
|
| No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 7/28/2009 |
Q: I am 45 years old and been divorced for 5 years. During this time I have dated a fair number of ...
A: "Am I being callous, or does his unwillingness to even respond to my call or email seem a little ...
|
| Is it me? | 7/25/2009 |
Q: Belove, I am struggling with a very perplexing question of myself. I am mid 40's, been divorced ...
A: Lovely letter and lovely question. You've asked a lot and they are good questions. It is the cutting ...
|
| relationship/commitment/marriage | 7/21/2009 |
Q: I am 50 and have been in a relationship with a man, 56, for 1 1/2 years. We are together almost all ...
A: You guys are about to face a big relationship test. From what you say, it sounds like your issues ...
|
| relationship/commitment/marriage | 7/19/2009 |
Q: I am 50 and have been in a relationship with a man, 56, for 1 1/2 years. We are together almost all ...
A: Interesting. Thanks for the letter. I was just talking to someone else about this. Your ...
|
| Living in the past! | 7/13/2009 |
Q: My boyfriend and I discussed early on in our relationship our significant romantic history as part ...
A: There may be a serious issue here but I'm not sure you've been able to name it. I am not sure ...
|
| negative attitude? | 7/12/2009 |
Q: I dated a man for years and he was very moody and miserable. He never mistreated me per se, for the ...
A: Ana, Thanks you for writing. It's quite an amazing story and one of the clearest examples I've run ...
|
| Great guy/not so great sex dilemma | 7/11/2009 |
Q: I'm a 54 year old female, been divorced for a little over a year. I joined an online dating site ...
A: This is a tricky one. Since you spontaneously mention the friends with benefits relationship as ...
|
| revenge? or being smart? | 7/11/2009 |
Q: Hey Not a relationship issue in a romantic sense, but a relationship issue none the less. I had a ...
A: Interesting. If it protects you and helps you not take it so personally, maybe it's okay. On the ...
|
| Starting Over | 7/11/2009 |
Q: I am a 56 year old woman. I have been divorced twice. The last one was on February 27, 2009. The ...
A: Frankly, I hate that "snap out of it and move on" advice. Adds insult to injury. I think you have ...
|
| Starting Over | 7/10/2009 |
Q: I am a 56 year old woman. I have been divorced twice. The last one was on February 27, 2009. The ...
A: a carefully told story and a good summary. You said, "I am stuck...I can't stop thinking about ...
|
| potential boyfriend can't cut emotional tie with ex | 7/10/2009 |
Q: Belove: I read one of your answers regarding boyfriend can't get over ex. I am amazed by your ...
A: Seems like a good sign The part left out is that if he gets professional help you should too. Sooner ...
|
| Is it just me? | 7/9/2009 |
Q: Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question that is perplexing me. I am a single female, ...
A: Lovely question, well asked. I've chosen four paragraphs of yours to respond to. 1. My first kick ...
|
| Interpretation | 7/8/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ...
A: It all came down to this: "Well rehearsed, well versed in knowing how to influence people and lead ...
|
| What goes around comes around? | 7/8/2009 |
Q: Is it true that if you treat people badly in your younger years, horrible things end up happening to ...
A: Yes. It's not so mysterious. If you treat people badly in your younger years you develop the habit ...
|
| Where are they? | 7/3/2009 |
Q: I am asking the infamous question most women my age ask. Where are the men? I live in a small town ...
A: I've had this question on my desktop for days. Usually I answer immediately. I also have lived in ...
|
| potential boyfriend can't cut emotional tie with ex | 7/2/2009 |
Q: Belove: I read one of your answers regarding boyfriend can't get over ex. I am amazed by your ...
A: Do you mind my asking: "amazed by your advice"...in what way and why? As to your situation: I ...
|
| Interpretation | 7/2/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ...
A: Shakespeare said "ripeness is all." Some people are ready, really ready to make things permanent. I ...
|
| Interpretation | 6/29/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ...
A: the third most common complaint among midlife single women dating, according to a 2002 (I think) ...
|
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ...
A: "What is wrong with me?" is almost a good question. I would prefer something more generous like, ...
|
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ...
A: Saying "lacks self esteem" is probably right but so vague as to be useless. If you told someone, ...
|
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ...
A: It's human nature. Each man has billions of sperm cells and manufactures them constantly. Each ...
|
| clashes | 6/25/2009 |
Q: What do you do when people pick stupid clashes with you like this? ...
A: Let me also ask you this: have you sent me this same question before? If not, then you might be ...
|
| trust issues | 6/24/2009 |
Q: I'm a single parent who just started dating again after raising my kids for the past 10yrs. ...
A: I don't think you are over reacting. I think your fears are reasonable and that there is cause for ...
|
| Can we be happy with our baggage | 6/21/2009 |
Q: I am a 49 year old woman in love with a 57 year old school teacher. We have been dating for a year. ...
A: I'd prefer to negotiate fee in private email: drbelove@datingatmidlife.com I do sympathize with his ...
|
| not getting enough attention | 6/21/2009 |
Q: Over the past almost 3 years I have had a relationship with a man who had just separated from his ...
A: Oh dear. You are very tangled up in this one and this has to be extremely painful. You've reached ...
|
| Statistical odds of a younger woman being interested in an older man | 6/19/2009 |
Q: I am 36 and not quite in my midlife yet, but I am still attracted to younger woman. The question is ...
A: I also doubt a study has been done on your specific question but if you find anything interesting, ...
|
| Statistical odds of a younger woman being interested in an older man | 6/18/2009 |
Q: I am 36 and not quite in my midlife yet, but I am still attracted to younger woman. The question is ...
A: Neil. If you find a study on it, please let me know. I'm at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com You are ...
|
| dating | 6/12/2009 |
Q: I am dating a woman that lives 300 from me..we have had a great relationship for 4 years and I have ...
A: You have a couple serious problems here. I'm going to ask you to give careful thought to them. ...
|
| Can we be happy with our baggage | 6/10/2009 |
Q: I am a 49 year old woman in love with a 57 year old school teacher. We have been dating for a year. ...
A: Welcome to a midlife crisis. This is a lot. You have a very full plate right now. You both have a ...
|
| ? | 6/10/2009 |
Q: I work in a group of 5 people. I was new to the job. These other people are all senior (despite ...
A: Wow. That really is strange. I still think it's cultural...local culture...because it's true for all ...
|
| ? | 6/10/2009 |
Q: I work in a group of 5 people. I was new to the job. These other people are all senior (despite ...
A: Doesn't sound good Kelly. You've given me little go to on but my guess is that these guys are all ...
|
| questions | 6/5/2009 |
Q: 1. I liked a guy but he was a handsome player and he could tell that i was a serious relationship ...
A: 1. not in the way you'd like him to...may most likely mean, not as a serious relationship 2. Cross ...
|
| What to do, what to do | 5/31/2009 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I am a woman in my early 40's and I just feel so much at a loss. I have had two recent ...
A: Well, you were still right to walk away. I've known enough who didn't walk away right away and it ...
|
| baggage seminar | 5/29/2009 |
Q: i am interested , please send details. elisa
A: I'd be happy to call you and give you the teaching. Usually it's $25 for the time but I'm revising ...
|
| Hot and Cold Girlfriend | 5/28/2009 |
Q: My girlfriend of three months has been very hot and cold. Her ex-boyfriend recently "came to his ...
A: I'm less certain about what you could do than I am about what you should not do. I do believe you ...
|
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/28/2009 |
Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ...
A: You could be right. I for one can't imagine why you would want to be in a relationship with someone ...
|
| marriage | 5/27/2009 |
Q: My boyfriend Michael and I are 60 and both divorced. We have been together for 3 years. I moved in ...
A: It's an attractive theory. If it applies, then there are implications. You said "I have tried to ...
|
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/27/2009 |
Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ...
A: Here is what you said in the feedback with my comments: "Comment - very perceptive, and your ...
|
| marriage | 5/27/2009 |
Q: My boyfriend Michael and I are 60 and both divorced. We have been together for 3 years. I moved in ...
A: I'm going to make a big intuitive guess here and say that I bet he is as high a P as you are a J. ...
|
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/27/2009 |
Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ...
A: Your therapist's advice is a pretty good rule of thumb. It's the first step. You have to decide ...
|
| boyfriend's memorabilia from ex | 5/22/2009 |
Q: I moved in with my boyfriend, Jim, after knowing each other for 2 and a half years and going through ...
A: It's an interesting little problem. One thing that strikes me about it is that if you guys were in ...
|
| boyfriend's past | 5/13/2009 |
Q: he's 59, i'll be 50. he was married for 15 yrs, 1 4 yr relationship. then serial dater until he met ...
A: Well, you will have to work out a strategy and a plan with your therapist, I think. You will want ...
|
| trauma | 5/12/2009 |
Q: Please watch this video and tell me how to deal with someone like this. ...
A: Your mistake is in trying to forget it and move on. Don't try to do that. This incident is an ...
|
| trauma | 5/12/2009 |
Q: Please watch this video and tell me how to deal with someone like this. ...
A: Yes, you've sent it before. It's okay. The sitting woman is abusive. The standing woman started ...
|
| help with midlife relationships | 5/11/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ...
A: I'm glad you're enjoying it. I am too. Still this probably should be the last free round. Sorry. ...
|
| boyfriend's past | 5/11/2009 |
Q: he's 59, i'll be 50. he was married for 15 yrs, 1 4 yr relationship. then serial dater until he met ...
A: I invite you to look at the symmetry of your situation. Both of you have secrets. Both of you have ...
|
| counseling | 5/11/2009 |
Q: Dr. Belove, A year ago I was verbally attacked horribly by someone. This person screamed at me at ...
A: Part of what made it so awful was that other people laughed while it happened. It's pretty amazing ...
|
| help with midlife relationships | 5/10/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ...
A: I wondered how you'd respond. So...cultivating a relationship. That might be a place to look. One ...
|
| help with midlife relationships | 5/8/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ...
A: Donna, that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you! I hope you think what ...
|
| Break up | 5/8/2009 |
Q: I am a never-married woman in my early 50s. After being alone for perhaps 90% of my life, I met a ...
A: The pain of the loss of a true love is truly excruciating, tangible, like a physical wound. I've had ...
|
| Infatuation vs. Love | 4/28/2009 |
Q: I’m male, age 31. My ex-girlfriend is 30. U.S. citizens. We dated one year. She meant everything ...
A: You get a kick in the pants. and maybe an invitation to look in the mirror. The way to tell ...
|
| dating at midlife | 4/21/2009 |
Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ...
A: Not sure how to help you here. Not sure there is a simple answer. George W Bush thought he was a ...
|
| questions tonite | 4/21/2009 |
Q: Some questions tonight. 1. Sometimes I'll approach a guy at a club, and he'll just roll his eyes at ...
A: Nice questions. 1. it depends on whether the eye roll and laugh are collaborative or contemptuous. ...
|
| dating at midlife | 4/20/2009 |
Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ...
A: My experiences with dating services is very limited. I have worked with people who spent a lot of ...
|
| dating at midlife | 4/20/2009 |
Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ...
A: You have to be very clear in your own mind about what it is you are looking for. For younger people ...
|
| I need some advice | 4/20/2009 |
Q: Ok.. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 2 years and when I want to have sexually pleasure ...
A: I think a key question is whether this business of him being an unenthusiastic lover started with ...
|
| generation gap | 4/19/2009 |
Q: Belove, I'm a 28 year old woman and I've moved in with my parents for just this one month while I ...
A: The more I thought about this them more complex it seemed. I couldn't tell whether this was new ...
|
| Reciprocity. How can I read between the lines? | 4/18/2009 |
Q: I am a student in my mid-twenties in a graduate program. Recently, as my time in the program is ...
A: The joy you have is the joy of the connection with him and the connection is, necessarily, mutual. ...
|
| mixed messages midlife | 4/14/2009 |
Q: I have been sober 1 year in AA. I've gotten to know a man quite well. He is 52, I am 51. About 5 ...
A: The one year rule is again part of the generally inspired brilliance of the Program. Maybe not ...
|
| arranged marriage | 4/12/2009 |
Q: Belove, Being a senior, I'm asking you for advice. I'm a 27 year old woman who has grown up in ...
A: Well that makes their desire more puzzling. I do wonder what it's about. Pride in being the only ...
|
| arranged marriage | 4/11/2009 |
Q: Belove, Being a senior, I'm asking you for advice. I'm a 27 year old woman who has grown up in ...
A: Arranged marriages are marriages between families. The bride and groom are supporting players. The ...
|
| Could Use Some Advice=) | 4/10/2009 |
Q: I could use some advice. Ive really liked this guy for about a year now. He's been a deliveryman ...
A: You asked him to come out with a group and you said he was shy. So he declined. Find a way to ask ...
|
| should I pursue? | 4/6/2009 |
Q: I am a 28 year old woman. I'm in graduate school pursuing a doctorate. I met an incredibly handsome ...
A: I say pay attention to your misgivings and doubts. Also, you may be a bit vain here and that's ...
|
| My girlfriend and her Ex. | 4/3/2009 |
Q: My girlfriend and I have a great relationship. She is honest, caring, and loving. I can see ...
A: I'd need to hear more. What do you mean by "same consideration when it comes to him and her"? Same ...
|
| advice | 4/3/2009 |
Q: You may have seen this video before. But I have more questions. Let's say you have roommates such as ...
A: My sense is that we'd have to scheme. They are playing with you. You need to find a way to play ...
|
| Newly Divorced Friend | 4/3/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have in the last few weeks gotten acquainted with a man who is 44 that has just finalized ...
A: Sounds about right. So much depends on the man, his stage of development, and the divorce. When ...
|
| Newly Divorced Friend | 4/2/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have in the last few weeks gotten acquainted with a man who is 44 that has just finalized ...
A: Nice question. I will guess that he will be consistent. You said he was "fairly slow and ...
|
| advice | 4/2/2009 |
Q: You may have seen this video before. But I have more questions. Let's say you have roommates such ...
A: When it stops but only temporarily and then starts up, just as before, it means they want your ...
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| crazed blog | 3/24/2009 |
Q: .. I looked at his facebook and myspace and friendster accounts... and I looked at his notes and his ...
A: Never a good idea to do a psych assessment on someone I've not met or interviewed...unless it's for ...
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| playing hard to get...or just not interested? | 3/13/2009 |
Q: (I'm a woman) I like a guy at school and it's pretty clear he's interested. But he is one of those ...
A: If you are the same ana that's written me before, you keep asking me versions of the same question. ...
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| Single older men | 3/12/2009 |
Q: Are older men more open and honest, do they say what they mean? Are they looking for a relationship, ...
A: This is a lovely question and I thank you for it. "Are older men more open and honest, do they say ...
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| Not sure what to do... | 3/10/2009 |
Q: I am a 50 yo woman, divorced six years, no kids. I've been dating a little off and on. A few months ...
A: You can call him and you won't be being "weird" or "clingy." Part of your problem is the power of ...
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| game | 3/7/2009 |
Q: I'm a 29 year old woman on the dating scene. Lately, a lot of men (mainly the ones out for ...
A: It might mean they see you as to much of a challenge but there's probably something else going on. ...
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| experience | 3/7/2009 |
Q: I'm 27 years old and even though I'm almost 30, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm still a virgin. I ...
A: Without hearing too much more I'd say ignore them. There is something unusual about your ...
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| fear of committment or is it me? | 3/1/2009 |
Q: I am a 33 year old woman, and have been dating a 38 year old man for 1.5 years. Everything seemed ...
A: Wow, ask a simple question...not. My goodness this is a complex question. Hard to know where to ...
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| stolen | 2/27/2009 |
Q: I really like a guy Adam at school and it's obvious he likes me back. But he has a girlfriend Sarah, ...
A: Well it means neither. Were talking about his friends opinion of him. So there's no telling. It ...
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| Lack of emotional intimacy in 7 month relationship | 2/22/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been seeing a man for about 7 months. We really enjoy each other's company. I am ...
A: It's time for a fairly complex conversation. You've touched on the main themes. I can give you a ...
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| Lack of emotional intimacy in 7 month relationship | 2/22/2009 |
Q: Belove, I have been seeing a man for about 7 months. We really enjoy each other's company. I am ...
A: Inklings are funny. You have a "feeling" -- meaning "an intuition" --about something about the ...
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| im so tired of catty bitches | 2/21/2009 |
Q: I have an abusive roommate who is really overweight and unattractive, and bitchy. I'm very ...
A: I answered a similar question earlier this year but your situation sounds worse. Sounds like the ...
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| Is it possible? | 2/18/2009 |
Q: Is it possible that after a year and a half of knowing each other-you've become best friends, You ...
A: You ask Is it real for a man not to be able to give his heart while going through crisis? Not ...
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| Total confusion | 2/18/2009 |
Q: I have been dating a man for a couple of years now that has me so confused. We are both ...
A: What happens when you put all this on the table in front of Dan? Are you able to? Are there some ...
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| regret | 2/17/2009 |
Q: I lived in an apartment with 2 female roommates. One was a bully and was constantly harassing me, ...
A: Amazing story. I thank you for it. I have a theory about it which I will share with you. Please ...
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| questions | 2/14/2009 |
Q: I have 2 questions. 1. I'm a gal. There is a guy I like, and his friends say he likes me more than ...
A: 1. Passionately could mean darn near anything although in this context it sounds like at least lots ...
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| Do I quit this group over my ex? | 2/12/2009 |
Q: I joined this great music group 2 years ago. This is a talented band of wonderful musicians and for ...
A: That's one of the most difficult challenges I've ever read. Wow. I'm not sure where to begin. ...
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| HI | 2/12/2009 |
Q: I am 32 years old, and I have been single and lonely almost my entire life. I joined a Bible study ...
A: This is very sad. Still, you seem good hearted and you could probably learn what you need to learn. ...
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| shocked | 2/9/2009 |
Q: I've recently started dating a man and we've really hit it off. He's handsome, smart, funny, rich ...
A: My advice: Answer these questions: 1. If you have a discussion with him or ask him about his blog ...
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| players | 2/6/2009 |
Q: I'm a female. I liked this gorgeous guy who is a bit of a player. He liked me back too but he didn't ...
A: The key to being a successful player for a guy is to make sure that the woman wants the sex to ...
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| How to detach | 1/31/2009 |
Q: I have been a guy for three years now exclusively. The relatonship has been going great. Of course ...
A: Well, we seem to be repeating our positions a bit here. That happens when we try to sort out a ...
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| How to detach | 1/30/2009 |
Q: I have been a guy for three years now exclusively. The relatonship has been going great. Of course ...
A: A lot of the right things are happening for you guys. First of, the rule of Inklings. You’ve ...
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| Getting back together | 1/28/2009 |
Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ...
A: You're welcome. At this point, for me to continue, I'd need to switch to paid consultations on the ...
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| Getting back together | 1/28/2009 |
Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ...
A: A few thoughts. First, the possibility that she feels she's toxic to you, should probably remain on ...
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| Getting back together | 1/27/2009 |
Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ...
A: Basically your plan is a good one. Be patient, let her calm down, build safety and openness. I ...
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| Mixed signals and timing | 1/27/2009 |
Q: I have been dating a guy for 3 years now. We have had a great relationship with little to no ...
A: You've named two issues and both involve taking the relationship up to the next level. Actually, ...
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| annoyed | 1/25/2009 |
Q: I'm a 27 year old woman and I don't have a boyfriend. I have not had too much experience with men ...
A: Merely "annoying" isn't too bad. Could be a lot worse. You'll have to tell me more. What culture ...
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| Dating | 1/24/2009 |
Q: I'm a 44yr old divorced woman of two teenage kids. I've been on my own pretty much for the last ...
A: Nice, Ally, - Fortunately there is a lot of lore about what you are thinking of. The 12 step ...
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| bullying | 1/23/2009 |
Q: I happen to be a really beautiful woman, I used to model. I'm 6 feet tall and very thin. I live in a ...
A: Good. I'm glad you like the advice. As far as the pizza was concerned you should have anticipated ...
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| bullying | 1/22/2009 |
Q: I happen to be a really beautiful woman, I used to model. I'm 6 feet tall and very thin. I live in a ...
A: First, my sympathies to you. Bullies are real problems and very difficult. I checked out a number ...
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| havinfg a relationship while beeing separted | 1/22/2009 |
Q: I am 48 years old was married when I was 24 to a US Marine. I spent 18 out of 20 years with my ...
A: Sure. It happens often. What will happen most likely is that there will be a man with matching ...
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| question | 1/21/2009 |
Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ...
A: Those are funny comments. A few more possibilities come to mind. One is that he just likes them ...
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| question | 1/21/2009 |
Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ...
A: We can only guess. My first guess is that he could see that you had contempt for him as a user. ...
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| question | 1/21/2009 |
Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ...
A: He's hot for lots of women. He really enjoys them and enjoys sex. Lots of women respond to that. He ...
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| mixed signals | 1/16/2009 |
Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ...
A: Well that tells you something about how that relationship is going to go... even so, go back and get ...
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| mixed signals | 1/16/2009 |
Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ...
A: I will stand b y my recommendation: "f you must pursue, then the first thing you have to do is ask ...
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| should have hidden my files | 1/15/2009 |
Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ...
A: First I think you are not being completely honest with yourself about why you watch it and that if ...
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| mixed signals | 1/15/2009 |
Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ...
A: Take your confusion as a sign of what it will be like as you get closer to him. For whatever his ...
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| Girlfriend commitment issues... | 1/15/2009 |
Q: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for over 4 months. We get along in every ...
A: I had your question partially answered and hit a wrong button and my work disappeared on me. So you ...
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| should have hidden my files | 1/14/2009 |
Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ...
A: Why was it the worst part? I do think a lot of girl on girl stuff is not the same at all as ...
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| should have hidden my files | 1/14/2009 |
Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ...
A: Yes, it's so. Not many girls have porn downloaded. It's basically a male market although you are not ...
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| Chronically unhappy? | 1/14/2009 |
Q: Belove, I am dating a guy that I just simply can't help but wonder if he just is a chronically ...
A: Interesting situation. There is a lot of research that suggests that different people have a ...
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| My boyfriends ex | 1/5/2009 |
Q: Just wondering why my boyfriend of 8 months feels the need to question his children about his ex's ...
A: Maybe you should think first about counseling for yourself. That's basically what you are doing ...
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| My boyfriends ex | 1/5/2009 |
Q: Just wondering why my boyfriend of 8 months feels the need to question his children about his ex's ...
A: I collect stories like this and this is one of the best ones. Sounds like he's still jealous when ...
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| older generation | 1/5/2009 |
Q: Phil, I'm a 27 year old woman and I'm currently in medical school pursuing my M.D. I will be taking ...
A: Nice to hear from you. I get a lot of letters from med students and my guess is that they are all ...
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| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ...
A: Fantasies means this: they have no idea who you are and at the same time have this attitude about ...
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| my extremelly good friend | 12/31/2008 |
Q: Long time no see you. I am working now for a store chain in Venezuela and I keep sufering from ...
A: Aurax! Happy New Year. Last year we were in Buenos Aires. A very agreeable city. I think we flew ...
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| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ...
A: Your feedback helps me go the next step here. First of all, this is one of those 20/20 hindsight ...
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| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ...
A: The situation sounds pretty deteriorated and you might be able to save it.You made a couple pretty ...
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| post traumatic stress? | 12/29/2008 |
Q: About a year ago, I had two roommates. One day, my former roommate screamed at me at the top of her ...
A: I'd need to talk to you more to give a good answer here. My first sense of this is that the weird ...
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| post traumatic stress? | 12/27/2008 |
Q: About a year ago, I had two roommates. One day, my former roommate screamed at me at the top of her ...
A: I'm so sorry you had to suffer this abuse. It's an astounding story. Usually these things remain in ...
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| what to do? | 12/25/2008 |
Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ...
A: Just a guess. He's 19, you're 27. You forget how much more 27 is than 19 and more so when it's the ...
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| what to do? | 12/24/2008 |
Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ...
A: I think it's a little of all three. Plus I think he's a bit intimidated and in a little over his ...
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| what to do? | 12/24/2008 |
Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ...
A: You said, ARGH what do i do. It's a very old cry. Generations of women have said this. It's what ...
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| Midlife dating | 12/23/2008 |
Q: I am a 41 year old divorced woman who has been dating a wonderful man for three years. He has two ...
A: ONLY CHOICE TO MOVE ON? Well, no. This is a negotiation and he has taken a position. You can either ...
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| Frustrated with boyfriends mother and daughter | 12/19/2008 |
Q: I've been dating a man for 3 years in January. I turned 50 in July and he's 53. His business went ...
A: I have a lot of thoughts about your situation, many speculations based on my experience with other ...
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| Very Confused on what to trust | 12/12/2008 |
Q: I appreciate your willingness to offer some advice. I have just recently started dating a man that ...
A: There is a reason why perjury carries stiffer penalties than many crimes. As they said when they ...
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| mid-life divorce, dating readiness | 12/10/2008 |
Q: I've been twice divorced. Second marriage was 20 years of which there were at least 8-9 incidents of ...
A: My goodness. You have a very heavy load. The more you described the situation, the worse it got. My ...
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| My Boyfriend | 11/25/2008 |
Q: I am 47 and divorced with 2 grown child that live in another state. I have been dating the same man ...
A: I think you have to trust your instincts here. Let's review a few critical comments: "I never know ...
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| can ex really change? | 11/23/2008 |
Q: I would like to know if people can really change. I was widowed (28 years of marriage) and when I ...
A: I started an answer to you and the computer disappeared my answer in a whole new way and I don't ...
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| Will he want a divorce? | 11/19/2008 |
Q: I asked myself,do I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband and I seriously believe that I ...
A: Corinne, I kept thinking about your beautiful question and how unusual it was and the thing I didn't ...
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| Should I wait until I'm 30 | 11/7/2008 |
Q: I am a 18 years old boy. My mom is a fortune teller. Today, she told me that I suppose not to have a ...
A: Your mother has an amazing gift. Not everyone can see another person's future. I have similar ...
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| Interactions between dates | 10/27/2008 |
Q: I am in my mid-forties and am dating a man in his mid-fifties. He has never been married. I have a ...
A: One of my rules of thumb is that you can change things in a relationship but you can't change the ...
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| should i keep seeing him? | 10/23/2008 |
Q: I am a 42-yr-old single mom with 2 kids at home. I met what i thought was a wonderful 40-yr-old ...
A: Your situations comes across to me as a very delicate balance of issues. On the one hand it seems to ...
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| Trying to get things going again | 10/21/2008 |
Q: First off, a little background. I've been divorced for 7 years...during that time, was involved ...
A: Well your ratings were more than kind. I've seem people give me fives and sevens for ...
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| Trying to get things going again | 10/20/2008 |
Q: First off, a little background. I've been divorced for 7 years...during that time, was involved ...
A: Very good question. Not a lot of guys will step up with that one. Nice work. I'm going to ask a few ...
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| mid-life/safe sex/stds/condom | 10/17/2008 |
Q: I am 44 (divorced) female who started dating a 51 (never married) man about 3 months ago After ...
A: No. You are fine. This is a major decision. It is a testimony to your good heart that you are ...
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| dating the wrong guy? | 10/16/2008 |
Q: I am a 50 year old, professional woman, divorced for 15 years. I have recently started dating an ...
A: Tough call. I can't tell you what to do but I can help you think about it more deeply. Pot is ...
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| cheating | 10/4/2008 |
Q: My husband had an emotional affair with his dental assitant about one and a half years ago. It went ...
A: Lynn, I do appreciate this letter and it's a very delicate situation you are dealing with. My first ...
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| Feeling like a fool... | 9/28/2008 |
Q: I am very hurt by a recent relationship that has ended. I met him right when he was going through a ...
A: Okay. Okay. Okay. Let the feeling sink in. You made a number of foolish moves. It’s okay. Welcome to ...
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| Looking for a mature educated man's opinion | 9/24/2008 |
Q: I met a wonderful man, the real love of my life. He says he feels the same way about me. We both ...
A: You ask, "At 43 and 38 and going on 2 years together, if he was really going to marry me, wouldn't ...
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| am I just tired or selfish | 9/17/2008 |
Q: Dating for 3 yrs. Lived in the same house for a while, but not now because I moved out not being ...
A: Welcome to your midlife wake-up call. Your anger and frustration and dissatisfaction are in every ...
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| ?? | 9/15/2008 |
Q: well my boyfriend went to prison about a year ago and before he left he asked me to wait i am ...
A: I think the first thing to do is connect with a 12 step program. You'll also want to check out the ...
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| follow up | 9/8/2008 |
Q: I should have mentioned that in the three years of phschiatry I saw between 6-8 different shrinks. I ...
A: I know, John, You do sound suicidal. You're at the age and all for it. At a certain time in life it ...
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| help | 9/7/2008 |
Q: I am a 45 years old man living in Venezuela, married and with 2 kids. One week ago i travelled to ...
A: It all depends on what you wanted and why. What you said to her was very nice. Having an affair ...
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| being dumped, via email no less | 9/7/2008 |
Q: my name is John, I am 47, single, never married, no kids. In Feb. 2006 my father passed away ...
A: Sorry about your bad experience with the psychiatrist. I'm a psychologist myself and at the same ...
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| Moving on and Wanting to do it right! | 9/7/2008 |
Q: Mr. Belove, I am divorced and feel that I am ready to move on and start to consider a relationship ...
A: Short and huge question. My whole career is giving advice to people in your situation. I wish my ...
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| Dating | 9/7/2008 |
Q: I am divorced and now 57 young, am attrated to much younger ladies. Reason looking for lil or no ...
A: A short but sweet question and I have nothing but bad news for you. First, of course you are ...
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| being dumped, via email no less | 9/5/2008 |
Q: my name is John, I am 47, single, never married, no kids. In Feb. 2006 my father passed away ...
A: Perhaps when I said it was a crisis you thought I meant something like a middle aged guy buying a ...
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| Dating older man both going thru divorce | 8/20/2008 |
Q: So, here goes. I am 36yrs with custody of 7yr old. He is 50yrs, although most would never guess ...
A: Your relationship does sound very promising and you both sound quite decent and good hearted. A ...
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| Not sure what to do | 8/19/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I am dating a man that just doesn't see the things he says sometimes as being hurtful. ...
A: Good letter Sandra, You have covered a lot of the relevant stuff here but there are few critical ...
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| Men and Divorce - Lesbian Wife | 8/17/2008 |
Q: 3 months ago, my 3-year relationship ended. When we met, I was 35 and he was 38 and he had been ...
A: If you and your ex partner built a decent friendship and there was care and concern and love, the ...
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| What Happened? | 8/14/2008 |
Q: Belove, Maybe you can help me solve a mystery. I've never asked a question online before, but I'm ...
A: Great. That's great feedback. I really appreciate it. Yes I know the common response. Forget it. ...
|
| What Happened? | 8/14/2008 |
Q: Belove, Maybe you can help me solve a mystery. I've never asked a question online before, but I'm ...
A: You have a talent for writing. I guess I would expect a singer to have a way with words. It's ...
|
| confused | 8/11/2008 |
Q: I'm 48 and father of a 6yo boy. I have 50/50 custody. 4 months back I met a woman (divorced 7 years ...
A: very interesting story. I think your intuitions are pretty good here. I'm working on a book about ...
|
| Dating at 60+ | 8/5/2008 |
Q: I was married for many years, I divorced him, and then found the wonderful love of my life. He ...
A: Yes, it's hard. The rule of thumb is no more than a week in email exchanges without some face to ...
|
| Sex, lies and porn | 8/1/2008 |
Q: I have been with a non-drinking alcoholic for 2.5 years. Through Al-Anon, I've learned about ...
A: The web isn't enough. You want to go to a few meetings and talk to some of the people there. They ...
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| Boggled Choices | 7/30/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, After reading some of your past questions, I thought I would throw one out there that ...
A: I think this is a duplicate. Here is my previous answer: Answer: Hi Tommy, Classic dilemma, right? ...
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| Sex, lies and porn | 7/30/2008 |
Q: I have been with a non-drinking alcoholic for 2.5 years. Through Al-Anon, I've learned about ...
A: You led off your description of the problem by mentioning your 12 step work, a history of alcoholic ...
|
| Boggled Choices | 7/30/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, After reading some of your past questions, I thought I would throw one out there that ...
A: Classic dilemma, right? This happens a lot. There are three difference systems it the brain that ...
|
| Try AGAIN? Or do I know the answer? | 7/24/2008 |
Q: My question is really one of moving on or going back for yet another attempt. I am a 37-year-old ...
A: If you are not booking further sessions, then I respectfully suggest you consider working with me. ...
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| Try AGAIN? Or do I know the answer? | 7/24/2008 |
Q: My question is really one of moving on or going back for yet another attempt. I am a 37-year-old ...
A: You really do sound all the notes of that old song. My first thought as I read it was that you ...
|
| teasing | 7/17/2008 |
Q: I am 26 years old woman. I live with two roomates, they are both 24. I'm a very beautiful woman and ...
A: I think it's already too toxic to fix and you'll have to either weather it or move or have a very ...
|
| changing feelings... | 7/14/2008 |
Q: I'm 33, divorced for 6 years now and since then have been dating casually. I am a rare male that has ...
A: Mark. Thanks for the follow up and the feedback. I’m afraid I don’t have very happy news for you. ...
|
| changing feelings... | 7/10/2008 |
Q: I'm 33, divorced for 6 years now and since then have been dating casually. I am a rare male that has ...
A: There’s no telling whether your love for her is enough. You will be tested on it, that’s for sure. ...
|
| married man | 6/22/2008 |
Q: Hey Phil, I met this handsome married guy, he has three kids. His wife and children live in another ...
A: Sounds like a set up for a fling and Everything you said makes is sound like he is trying to create ...
|
| Midlife Dating in a n Unusual, Transitional Situation? | 6/17/2008 |
Q: I'm a very attractive, tall, fit 53-year-old woman with a lot to offer a relationship. I'm looking ...
A: You sound like a very interesting person. I have lots of friends like you and I'm sure my partner ...
|
| Jealous | 6/14/2008 |
Q: I have been dating the same girl since September.For the first 6 months I basically was so busy ...
A: Troy, I think you've correctedly identified a rival and your jealous is well placed. The fact that ...
|
| cheating | 6/12/2008 |
Q: I notice that some really ugly, fat, hideous women with horrible personalities end up getting all ...
A: First, you exaggerate. She probably isn't really that ugly. Still, it was fun to read. Very ...
|
| 5 year relationship is all about "him" | 6/11/2008 |
Q: I have been in a five year live together relationship. To me its all about him. He never inquires ...
A: Nice question. It's your wake up call. You have baggage that makes you tolerate and even cultivate ...
|
| Dating-age difference | 6/9/2008 |
Q: I'm a 37 yr old female who's dating a 29 yr old male. We've shared a 3yr friendship ever since ...
A: The age difference is unusual but a lot of times stuff like that really works well. I can tell you a ...
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| more than friends | 6/8/2008 |
Q: i used to be realy good friends with this guy joel. him and i started being friends back in january ...
A: You can not make it your problem that he might go home and cry. I don't even think you can be ...
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| roommates | 6/6/2008 |
Q: I'm 27 years old and I have 2 roommates, one is 22 and the other 24. Back in February they both ...
A: Good for you. You are a brave soul. I really respect your willingness to consider this. It is not a ...
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| dating | 6/6/2008 |
Q: I've noticed lately that the current dating scene for men and women is very sad and bleak. Take a ...
A: This wasn't about dating. It was about television. It was a performance posing as reality. The kids ...
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| follow up | 6/1/2008 |
Q: ------------------------ I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to ...
A: Probably all of the above. I'd guess he was motivated by a bored, sexless marriage (and he's in part ...
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| follow up | 6/1/2008 |
Q: ------------------------ I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to ...
A: Oh Thank you so much for this follow up. So this is the real story on Mr "Lonely. Horny. Basically ...
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| dating in 2008 | 6/1/2008 |
Q: I have noticed lately that when I meet a man, I have to do all the work. Such as asking him for his ...
A: You didn't quite ask a question. As I read through your description I thought you were setting up a ...
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| Serious Boyfriend Doesn't Invite Me To Family Functions | 5/30/2008 |
Q: I am a 38 year old divorced lady and have been dating a 37 year old man long divorced man for 8 ...
A: Nice work. One of the principles in my practice is that I want people to fully imagine at least ...
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| Serious Boyfriend Doesn't Invite Me To Family Functions | 5/28/2008 |
Q: I am a 38 year old divorced lady and have been dating a 37 year old man long divorced man for 8 ...
A: This is an excellent question and a very good example of one of the most common challenges in ...
|
| sex | 5/25/2008 |
Q: Sex is a primary, basic human instinct. Both men and women were designed with sexual desire at the ...
A: Ana, my own sense of things is that women are strongly allowed to, and encouraged to, express their ...
|
| dating | 5/25/2008 |
Q: Why is it that when a man puts his arms around a woman, it is the BEST feeling in the world? This ...
A: Sounds like you do like getting your hugs. And yes, it is pretty universal. You do have a ...
|
| Getting over divorce | 5/24/2008 |
Q: We are in our mid/late 40's. 22 months into our relationship (he left his wife for me), he has been ...
A: You guys have my sympathies. I've worked with a lot of couples in your situation and the odds are ...
|
| Unhealthy relationships | 5/16/2008 |
Q: Everyone is saying our relationship is very unhealthy because we have been together for 3 years and ...
A: If you'd asked my mother (1917-2006) how things were going and they were going well she would say ...
|
| living together | 5/11/2008 |
Q: Philip - This is a continuing saga that I have written to you about a couple times. Once again ...
A: Maybe you are right about the separation anxiety,...not a bad theory...then send him a message, ...
|
| What to do? | 5/11/2008 |
Q: I've been dating this gentleman for quite some time now. He seems really nice, sweet, kind, funny, ...
A: I re-read my answer. I suggest leaving soon. Do people like that ever change? Not always. Often ...
|
| What to do? | 5/11/2008 |
Q: I've been dating this gentleman for quite some time now. He seems really nice, sweet, kind, funny, ...
A: We can only guess here but guess we will. He sounds both old fashioned and also low functioning. ...
|
| advice | 5/5/2008 |
Q: I really like this guy at my graduate school. He is very handsome and experienced with many women. ...
A: You are in a tough spot. You don't want to purposefully be a seductress and steal him away and yet ...
|
| red flags | 5/3/2008 |
Q: Belove, What are some warning signals that could signify a dangerous man? Such as, when a woman ...
A: Ana, there are books on this and you have asked for an encyclopedia. Better is for you to know ...
|
| Superman fetish | 4/28/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I am 31. I have recently started dating a 32 year old man. He has an obsession with ...
A: Superman is a powerful metaphor, a powerful archetype. It has captured lots of peoples' ...
|
| profiles | 4/28/2008 |
Q: Hey. There's this real gorgeous guy I know, every woman wants him. His Facebook and MySpace ...
A: We can only guess. My guess would be that he has the girlfriend to remind the many women he ...
|
| Clinical training | 4/24/2008 |
Q: This does pertain too much to midlife, but I figured you might be able to address it. I have a ...
A: It was certainly part of my training. But people who want to be psychologists are often people with ...
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| dating old friend who's separated feels like the endless conversation | 4/13/2008 |
Q: Belove, To keep this simple, have had a good male friend over 15 years. We dated briefly before ...
A: I think the best thing is to really take it slow. You two have a lot going for you. Of course ...
|
| passionate | 4/10/2008 |
Q: I'm interested in this man. But he has had like a million girls because he used to be a pro athlete ...
A: Yes. The way it's done is the way it's always done. You simply don't have sex with him until you've ...
|
| passionate | 4/10/2008 |
Q: I'm interested in this man. But he has had like a million girls because he used to be a pro athlete ...
A: For starters, make it a habit that when and if you don't understand what "people" (in this case what ...
|
| Dating at Mid-life, of course! | 4/8/2008 |
Q: I am 53 and twice divorced. I have been single-again, again, for 3 years. I started really dating ...
A: I thought my answer was below my usual standards and I knew there was something I couldn't get at. ...
|
| Dating at Mid-life, of course! | 4/8/2008 |
Q: I am 53 and twice divorced. I have been single-again, again, for 3 years. I started really dating ...
A: You are not asking for too much, at least, not in general. If you are asking for too much according ...
|
| Feedback | 4/4/2008 |
Q: To keep this to the point. Met a man, 48, I am 47. Great chemistry, great conversation, similar ...
A: It’s a very personal call. Only you know what you can deal with and what you can’t. That’s really ...
|
| boyfriend of 11 years is so mean | 3/28/2008 |
Q: i am 37 years old with 3 children and am currently 8 months pregnant about a year ago i lost our ...
A: Your story is heartbreaking. And it also feels dangerous. I think you have to find about whether ...
|
| guy with girlfriend | 3/25/2008 |
Q: hey dr. phil. theres this guy at school i like and im pretty sure he likes me back too. cuz we ...
A: He was grinning because he wanted to have sex with you and he just realized it was possible. ...
|
| nearly 2 years now | 3/25/2008 |
Q: My book is getting ready to debut. You are mentioned anonymously in the book as I list the tricks I ...
A: Fabulous news. I would prefer to have been named but so be it. It was a great story and I really ...
|
| Am I crazy | 3/24/2008 |
Q: Is there something wrong with a person who is unhappy alone? Do I need to figure this out before I ...
A: Tough question. It depends. I know some who say that if you are unhappy and home alone on a ...
|
| ex | 3/12/2008 |
Q: one final follow. its ted again. when she told me it wasnt fair to me, like you, i also thought ...
A: Answer to 2: Sounds like, in the end, she just figured out you weren't for her. You are lucky she ...
|
| ex | 3/12/2008 |
Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ...
A: I do not think many women in that position would view you as selfish. Yes, maybe she did think you ...
|
| ex | 3/11/2008 |
Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ...
A: Very interesting to me to hear your questions. I'll give you my best guesses: The way she ended it ...
|
| ex | 3/11/2008 |
Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ...
A: The answer to #3 is yes. Every relationship goes through a testing phase where partners see how ...
|
| Now what? | 3/6/2008 |
Q: I recently met a man who had just lost his wife less than six months ago. We both have young ...
A: It's normal. Six weeks is very soon, very fast. The connection with his ex wife, if they had a ...
|
| mens behavior | 3/3/2008 |
Q: I went out to a bar the other night. I was dressed conservatively (jeans, sweater). I wasn't ...
A: fun qestions. As to the first, young drunk and horny men can be assholes. If you don't want to run ...
|
| Heading for a crash | 3/2/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, You were courteous enough to offer me some suggestions regarding my former girlfriend ...
A: I'm glad you got my follow up. It took me another day to realize that was my best answer and ...
|
| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ...
A: The issue is simply what is the next step, the smallest possible next step that is still a change in ...
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| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ...
A: Like I said, I'm just going on your written paragraph and the kinds of patterns I've seen over the ...
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| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ...
A: Nice thorough presentation. It's a subtle thing you are asking for and I'm not sure I can do it ...
|
| Over sexed? | 2/16/2008 |
Q: I find myself in a relationship with a man I just can't get a good read on. He is 38 years old and ...
A: You already know the answer to your question. You know there is something to worry about when you ...
|
| Heading for a crash | 2/16/2008 |
Q: Wow what a great opportunity to ask a question to help think things through. Thank you for that. I ...
A: Here is my follow up. The orginal answer is below. I mightnot have been clear in the original. My ...
|
| Dating at 50 | 2/13/2008 |
Q: Being 50 yrs. old and single the last 12 yrs., I don't know how to meet women anymore. I don't want ...
A: I was surprised at how difficult this question was. I guess I don't think the problem is finding ...
|
| Living with boyfriend problems | 2/7/2008 |
Q: I was homeless for a while and met my current boyfriend in October of 2006. He took me here to live ...
A: Jennifer, you just have to get out of there. Maybe your parents will take you back if you promise to ...
|
| commitment phobia/NPD | 1/30/2008 |
Q: me and my ex b/f of three years just recently broke up because i wanted to start talking about ...
A: Sad news. I'll try to give a brief take on your question but I also think you've not asked the big ...
|
| 30 yr old daughter rules his life | 1/24/2008 |
Q: I seriously dated this man from 6/1/06 - 12/2/07. I am still in love with him and old enough to ...
A: Well, you made a difficult call. Pat yourself on the back. Now you are in the post-mortem phase. ...
|
| Stop the situation from escalating? | 1/21/2008 |
Q: There is this guy at my grad school named Mo that I've met once or twice and just thought he was a ...
A: Ann, you deal with him by taking this situation very seriously, as you are doing. You will need to ...
|
| Afraid I won't find it | 1/12/2008 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I am 31 years old and have never really felt anything for any of the women I have dated. ...
A: Joseph, thanks. I appreciate the question...and the quandry. I'd need to have a conversation with ...
|
| How can I check out someone's background? | 1/6/2008 |
Q: I have been divorced for a year, met a man online and we have been 'going together' for a year. ...
A: There are websites that do this but I have no experience with any of then and couldn't recommend ...
|
| Dating Man With Adult Child Living With Him | 1/6/2008 |
Q: My friend's wife died, leaving him with four special needs, adopted children under the age of 13. My ...
A: Very tricky situation. There are a variety of reasons why people in your situation can't back off. ...
|
| Midlife Crisis | 1/5/2008 |
Q: I am a str8, 48 year old male who has not been in a relationship since I was 20. I am a shy, ...
A: Yes. Lots of suggestions. First, you'll have to decide that having an intimate partnership really ...
|
| dating older man? | 1/4/2008 |
Q: I am currently 23, and am at point where I am not sure what to do. I have known this guy, for at ...
A: These May/September pairings are very interesting. I've spoken to several middle aged men who have ...
|
| Dating(?) | 1/1/2008 |
Q: I'm 44, single as of 4 mo ago, and am confused about how to proceed. In the past, I have tended to ...
A: Good letter and good question. You show a lot of self-awareness. Often people with the particular ...
|
| is this love or control? | 12/28/2007 |
Q: I met a man from another New Zealand 6 months ago. We met about 4 weeks later the first time, then I ...
A: What does this sound like to me? It sounds like the beginning of a relationship you will grow to ...
|
| Dating after Divorce Article Questions (Urgent) | 12/28/2007 |
Q: I am a journalist with Divorce 360 (divorce360.com), one of the most popular sites for the newly ...
A: Let me know if they'd like a column or something like that from me. And please include my link, ...
|
| My fiance's adult children and issues | 12/28/2007 |
Q: I've(age 51) been dating my fiance(age 55) for four months. We've really felt like we finally met ...
A: Take it seriously. In my general experience situations like the one you've described only get ...
|
| Dealing with Boyfriend helping ex-wife | 12/17/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend (41) has been divorced for 4 years, he has 3 children with his ex-wife. They divorced ...
A: The answer is not simple and if it were simple, you guys would have already worked it out. It does ...
|
| Dating before officially divorced | 12/13/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months and until about a week ago, life seemed ...
A: It's tricky if you are single at midlife. By a certain age almost everyone has a developed adult ...
|
| Dating before officially divorced | 12/13/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months and until about a week ago, life seemed ...
A: He's still recovering and still in the process of putting himself through the divorce. You are ...
|
| marriage | 11/28/2007 |
Q: I am a 29 year old woman currently in my last year of medical school, will be getting my M.D. this ...
A: Robyn, I'm working out a short essay and I'd love to send you the whole thing and hear your ...
|
| older men | 11/26/2007 |
Q: I'm a 25 year old female who loves all types of music (although I'm not going into music, I'm ...
A: I don't know about this man. I only know about some men whom I have seen who fit your profile. Some ...
|
| older men | 11/26/2007 |
Q: I'm a 25 year old female who loves all types of music (although I'm not going into music, I'm ...
A: There are a lot of reasons for a successful, well-balanced and interesting 37 year old artist to not ...
|
| Should I date a woman with a 8 year old son ? | 11/19/2007 |
Q: I recently began a long distance relationship (*Oregon / So. Cal.) with a woman who is a single ...
A: I don't know what you should do but I can give you some ways to think about this situation. LEt me ...
|
| fiance's adult children | 11/11/2007 |
Q: My fiance has exSD who is ruining my relationship with his other adult children.After the divorce ...
A: Your letter is one long sad story, isn't it. At first it sounded like a lot of small problems but as ...
|
| great expectations dating service | 11/8/2007 |
Q: I'm bisexual and have had two long term relationships with women (25 years and 4 1/2 years) and one ...
A: I'm not sure what you mean by "change pronoun gender." I do think you have to use the pronouns that ...
|
| Advice Please | 11/7/2007 |
Q: I would really appreciate some advice. I'm over 35 but I've had very limited experiences with ...
A: Bottom line is this: let it be. There are lots of people we find attractive, whose eye we catch, ...
|
| question | 11/3/2007 |
Q: My parents are immigrants in the US but I grew up in america so I'm pretty much americanized. I know ...
A: Having one culture in the home and another outside the door is a common American experience. Your ...
|
| What am I to my nearly divorced significant other? | 10/31/2007 |
Q: I am trying to figure out what I am to my significant other. Him and I started dating a year and a ...
A: You have asked a very complicated question. Also your situation is very complicated. I think it is ...
|
| relationships with men | 10/30/2007 |
Q: What are some things women can do to make a man happy? (Assuming this is a man that genuinely loves ...
A: Well, gosh, ask a simply question why don’t you? I think you’ve asked me for a book. I’ll give you ...
|
| How He Feels | 10/29/2007 |
Q: I've been seeing a guy for 14 months. He has never said how he feels about me. He has hurt my ...
A: There certainly are people who aren't aware of their own feelings or the feelings of others. Some ...
|
| New Guy | 10/24/2007 |
Q: Ok. I dont know if you handle gay relationships but here goes. Simply put, I have been hanging out ...
A: Yes, I work with gay people and gay relationships. Since I'm not gay I often wonder about my ...
|
| Multiple | 10/17/2007 |
Q: First some background info: I've been dating a woman for over a year. She was married for over 27 ...
A: I have a lot of thoughts and not sure I can do justice to them but I'll give it shot in this opening ...
|
| Do I just give up? | 10/12/2007 |
Q: I was reading your previous questions. One in particular made me think. You saying that sometimes ...
A: No. I don't think you just give up. There's too much here. But it's hard to find what to do next and ...
|
| Old friend and I both in a divorce | 10/8/2007 |
Q: I'm 46 and currently in the middle of a very amicable divorce (16 year marriage). So far, things ...
A: It's hard to tell but I have a couple impressions I'll share with you. First of all, it does sound ...
|
| stood up | 10/7/2007 |
Q: I met a very nice gentleman I was interested in and he asked for my number and gave me his. He was ...
A: Doesn't matter. He still owes you due consideration. And you are still entitled to it. If he changes ...
|
| stood up | 10/7/2007 |
Q: I met a very nice gentleman I was interested in and he asked for my number and gave me his. He was ...
A: No telling what his reasons were but the bottom line is that he didn't call. Was this yesterday we ...
|
| No strings | 9/30/2007 |
Q: I have just agreed to spend time with a man I once dated. We dated for several years and for many ...
A: I really appreciate your question and it's very timely. I've been speaking to a couple other people ...
|
| call back | 9/29/2007 |
Q: Let's say a guy gives you his phone number and you give him his, and he says he'll call you. Let's ...
A: Depends. It's true that the more quickly he calls the the more intensely he is interested. In any ...
|
| freeloading ex-girlfriend still lives in his house and off him | 9/29/2007 |
Q: Me (in my thirties) and my boyfriend (in his forties) entered into our relationship over three years ...
A: This is big and complex and will require a lot of thought. I have a few first impressions to share ...
|
| friend or more | 9/29/2007 |
Q: I went to the grocery store and ended up meeting this amazing guy in the sugar/pancake aisle. Tall, ...
A: No telling. He's smart. When you arrive in a new area it's always a good idea to go slow until you ...
|
| coping with death , children and dating | 8/30/2007 |
Q: i lost my husband in a tragic car accident a year and half ago. I was left to raise our 3 boys who ...
A: The boys need reassurance and firm clarity from you. You do want to respect their feelings up to a ...
|
| finding a man at age 50 | 8/26/2007 |
Q: I'm a reasonably attractive, highly intelligent woman w/ a good sense of humor and sense of fun, ...
A: Well it's good that you know your issues. As you get involved with a man who seems worthy you will ...
|
| sad story | 8/25/2007 |
Q: I was dating a man I was very much in love with. Him and I had a lot in common, same music, movies, ...
A: I'm not sure where I end up in terms of what I think you should do next but I can give you some ...
|
| husband's midlife crisis situation has changed our life | 8/22/2007 |
Q: My husband and I have been together for 24 years. This past Dec., he moved out of our home saying he ...
A: Wow. "Midlife crisis" is right. He's gone off the deep end. That usually happens when frustration ...
|
| Need advice | 8/15/2007 |
Q: and I would like to start by saying I really appreciate a site like this.I am 39 and my wife is 49 ...
A: Glad you found the site. You do have a difficult situation. About half of all divorces involve ...
|
| Is this guy interested in me | 8/8/2007 |
Q: On Easter Sunday a man in the church came to me and told me how beautiful I was and looked and I ...
A: The first possibility is that he just isn't interested. The other possibility is that he is ...
|
| Do you see any hope down the track? | 8/8/2007 |
Q: I'm 48yr divorced (7 yrs ago) mother of 2(aged 11,15),artist, secure, settled. Started relationship ...
A: Not sure yet what to make of it all. The business with him introducing you to everyone but his mom ...
|
| did I do the wrong thing? | 7/25/2007 |
Q: I was dating this man Chris and everything seemed to be going great. We had so much in common, we ...
A: It was a bit immature but artful. Sometimes people have to do a little bit of revenge in order to ...
|
| Dating a friends' ex | 7/24/2007 |
Q: Philip, my best bud has been divorced for at least 10 yrs. The ex husband and she have buried their ...
A: Sounds like I was right about her not being as finished as she thought she was. I think most people ...
|
| Long distance interest | 7/23/2007 |
Q: I met a man online about 7 months ago who lives almost 4 hours away. We met halfway and had Sunday ...
A: If I've read your question correctly, it sounds like you'd feel more comfortable with this ...
|
| Nolonger sexually inclined | 7/22/2007 |
Q: I just turned 50 and my boyfriend of 14 months is 45. He's not very romantic or is he very ...
A: I am just now working with someone else with a very similar story. There are a few possibilities ...
|
| why does he even bother | 7/17/2007 |
Q: I was in love with a man whom I suppose didn't love me back, although I thought he did. He was very ...
A: I read your letter. You seemed so sad and weary and also, still sort of in shock from the whole ...
|
| messed up man | 7/17/2007 |
Q: I was dating a guy who was cheating on me the entire time and I didn't know it. Anyway he had a ...
A: Amazing story. I don't know enough about the condition you've described. It's news to me. Flattened ...
|
| Time to get out? | 7/15/2007 |
Q: I recently started dating this man, he seemed very kind and generous. Then on one of our dates, he ...
A: Good question. Thanks. When a guy tells you stories like that it means he is afraid you will do the ...
|
| I am not sure if he's over his ex | 7/11/2007 |
Q: I have been dating my bf for a little over a year and we live together. He is 40yo and I am 28yo. ...
A: My rule of thumb is that if you've been in a relationship for more than three months then you both ...
|
| Messy situation | 7/5/2007 |
Q: I have a confusing situation I was hoping you could help me out with. It is a long letter and ...
A: Drama is an addiction. Intrigue is an addiction and it’s a substitute for real intimacy and real ...
|
| I'm so sad | 7/4/2007 |
Q: I was very much in love with a man who cheated on me the years we were together and left me for the ...
A: You seem to have two questions. One is: What’s going on with him? You want to know how to ...
|
| crush on my doctor | 7/1/2007 |
Q: My family physician is a single female in her 30s...I am married man in my 50s. I had a bunch of ...
A: I got your email and I'm studying it. I am glad you accept the message. I was a harsh letter for ...
|
| crush on my doctor | 6/30/2007 |
Q: My family physician is a single female in her 30s...I am married man in my 50s. I had a bunch of ...
A: You’re in major, major psychological trouble. I hope you understand that. I do understand that ...
|
| ayuda | 6/28/2007 |
Q: at last I found waht I was looking for. Life coaching course: This is the syllabus: Syllabus 1. ...
A: They certainly cover all the topics. It's like psychology without really going into the depth and ...
|
| my ex | 6/28/2007 |
Q: I was dating this guy in my masters program for months, and he dated me, only me, and he seemed ...
A: You and I have exchanged thoughts on this story before haven't we? If not, there is someone I'd ...
|
| older man/younger woman | 6/26/2007 |
Q: My husband (63)left me(61) abruptly and went to live with a younger(41) co-worker. She had been ...
A: I depends on a number of things. First of all, it depends on whether or not they are still having ...
|
| ayuda III | 6/25/2007 |
Q: You are right dear friend: you are right dear friend, I think, due to the fact I am 44 years old, ...
A: Well that's a very interesting response. It's a very bad idea to learn to listen in order to be a ...
|
| Cruel Joke | 6/25/2007 |
Q: Belove, I was madly in love with a guy named Marc, who it turns out was cheating on me with a girl ...
A: Belove, I was madly in love with a guy named Marc, who it turns out was cheating on me with a girl ...
|
| ayuda III | 6/23/2007 |
Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ...
A: Start writing me directly at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com I'm not sure that it's possible to do ...
|
| ayuda III | 6/22/2007 |
Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ...
A: I could teach you that stuff but at the same time, you really need a certificate, or a credential, ...
|
| ayuda III | 6/21/2007 |
Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ...
A: I'm not sure what to make of it. Rogerian therapy, Person Centred counseling are from the 1960's ...
|
| ayuda II | 6/20/2007 |
Q: I have to consult with you 2 different things: I have always wanted to be a psychotherapist,a and ...
A: Aurax In my last letter I mentioned supervision. I would need to hear a tape of your work in order ...
|
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/20/2007 |
Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ...
A: Yes, I think there was an element of regret. An element. I also worry about you saying you were ...
|
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/20/2007 |
Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ...
A: I learned a lot from it, including the possibility that I have been dead wrong in my guesses about ...
|
| ayuda | 6/19/2007 |
Q: my good friend: even the fact that I am consulting a good CBT psychiatrist who is rebuilding my ...
A: Allo Psychotherapy is fascinating stuff. I can undertand why you find it so fascinating. I sure do. ...
|
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/19/2007 |
Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ...
A: I can only guess what your friend might feel. I would guess that he did love you and didn't want ...
|
| Partner feels she has feelings for ex and is confused. | 6/19/2007 |
Q: I am 32 years old and have developed a wonderful relationship with a 30 year old single mother of a ...
A: No. Nothing came through. Try again. Use either, or both: drbelove@datingatmidlife.com and/or ...
|
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/18/2007 |
Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ...
A: I'm surprised to hear that you didn't get a response. I remember answering your question and the ...
|
| Partner feels she has feelings for ex and is confused. | 6/17/2007 |
Q: I am 32 years old and have developed a wonderful relationship with a 30 year old single mother of a ...
A: Doesn't sound promising. Is the ex the father of the 4 year old? That's a strong claim, just ...
|
| Having children? | 6/16/2007 |
Q: I am 40 and about a year ago ended a seven year relationship with a woman almost ten years younger ...
A: As I said, older fathers do very well and it is often because they have made their career marks, are ...
|
| Having children? | 6/16/2007 |
Q: I am 40 and about a year ago ended a seven year relationship with a woman almost ten years younger ...
A: It depends on the place in life of the woman you date. Some women your age are already grandmothers. ...
|
| Fidelity | 6/14/2007 |
Q: I am in a serious relationship of almost a year. We have one major problem that continues to come ...
A: I hope I can find the wisdom to answer it adequately for both of you. When I try to describe the ...
|
| grief | 6/12/2007 |
Q: when I was 11 I was abused by a pedofilo who seduced me to touch his penis and kiss my breast. Four ...
A: Wow. This is a very touching and sane letter. Of all the letters you've written this is the most ...
|
| Bf doesn't like to french kiss, or touch me much, why? | 6/9/2007 |
Q: I have some problems with my BF. He's 37 and I'm 35. I met him at an AA meeting while I was living ...
A: I think that in passing, in your "oh, by the way," phrase, almost as something not all the ...
|
| Bf doesn't like to french kiss, or touch me much, why? | 6/9/2007 |
Q: I have some problems with my BF. He's 37 and I'm 35. I met him at an AA meeting while I was living ...
A: It's hard to tell from your description. Some guys are very self-protective and really aren't ...
|
| I feel good | 6/6/2007 |
Q: you know, I decided stop reading about psychotherapy and about the way of doing psychotherapy ...
A: Aurax! It's been so long since I've heard from you! I'm so happy you've found someone to work ...
|
| boyfriendand his grown daughters | 6/2/2007 |
Q: I am a 55 yr old widow (3 yrs)who met a 57 yr man also a widow. (3 yrs) We began dating in Dec ...
A: Sharon, I’m not one to say whether you “need” counseling, I can only tell you how the situation ...
|
| Middle aged dating | 5/24/2007 |
Q: At 52 I find I've changed a great deal in terms of what I want in a relationship. I've been married ...
A: I go back and forth on this one. Bascially I think you are on a good track. The key piece is the ...
|
| yea, its still there | 5/14/2007 |
Q: I wrote you a year ago regarding a man that exposed himself to me in the parking lot."what happened" ...
A: Wow. That's really over the top. I love this story. Cops, defense lawyers, judges, shrinks, and ...
|
| Cofusing body language | 5/14/2007 |
Q: ..This is a long distance relationship (Va. and Md.). I met this guy online, and we have talked from ...
A: I'll give you a guess about what's going on. YOu'll have to let me know later on how right I am. I ...
|
| What should I do? | 4/27/2007 |
Q: My partner and I have been together two and a half years,He is 45 and I am 44, we met online and ...
A: I'm not exactly sure what you should do but I can give you some general ideas. One specific ...
|
| My lady friend's ex trying to come between us | 4/26/2007 |
Q: I have been dating a wonderful lady for almost a year now. We have not had any arguments or ...
A: Tricky. Basically she has to be the point person with this ex. It has to be her call about how to ...
|
| midlife dating | 4/24/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend of 7 years who is 61 broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I wasn't there for ...
A: Okay. I got your email. I'm on EST so your noon is my two and that should work. I'll call you but if ...
|
| midlife dating | 4/23/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend of 7 years who is 61 broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I wasn't there for ...
A: That's quite a story. I'm not sure what to make of it and, I guess, neither are you. Let's review ...
|
| Confused.... | 4/18/2007 |
Q: Dr. Belove, first I would like to be honest with you, I previously asked this question with a follow ...
A: First thanks for the clarification. Next, I understand your reluctance to not contact the woman's ...
|
| Confused.... | 4/17/2007 |
Q: Dr. Belove, first I would like to be honest with you, I previously asked this question with a follow ...
A: First, my apologies if I haven't answered your note. You seemed to be saying that. It's mysterious. ...
|
| urgent! | 4/12/2007 |
Q: i m married to a nice guy he s french and i m having a lot of troubles, i never thougth this ...
A: I have no control over this. Write tech support. I'll forward this letter to them but I think you'd ...
|
| question | 4/12/2007 |
Q: I need an honest opinion, please tell me if I'm over-reacting or something. I have an online ...
A: There are two possibilities. (We can't know what's real here and can only make wise guesses.) One ...
|
| marriage trouble | 4/12/2007 |
Q: I have been married for 14 years. 3 times out of the last 4 years my husband has said he is unhappy ...
A: Wow. That's a lot of feedback and a lot more information. YOu seem to be a rather private soul ...
|
| getting back together after a breakup | 4/11/2007 |
Q: If someone has broken up with you in the past for whatever circumstance, and that someone treated ...
A: The secret is to make the breakup an opportunity for much more intimacy. You can't get to gether ...
|
| Falling in love | 4/10/2007 |
Q: I have been told by many people that sometimes when men (especially men who are either young or ...
A: It's true. Some younger men find it all very overwhelming and they bolt. There are various reasons. ...
|
| what the hell | 4/10/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend and I really loved each other a lot, and he used to go out of his way to make me ...
A: I have a suspicion that you've been sending me versions of this question over and over over the ...
|
| My Ex-Girlfriend | 4/10/2007 |
Q: Well I have know this girl since kindergarten and I am in high school now and I have liked her ever ...
A: I don't know whether you should say yes or no. It depends on what you want. But I would bet she ...
|
| Going through a rough time | 4/6/2007 |
Q: I've been separated from my wife for over 3 months. We have been married for 7 years and have a 6 ...
A: What a painful and sad story you've told. I'm afraid you have a couple years of soul searching and ...
|
| not sure | 4/5/2007 |
Q: Recently my boyfriend (we go to law school together) told me "we need a break" because his boards ...
A: First of all you should ask him these same questions. You should also ask whether this is how he ...
|
| ? | 3/30/2007 |
Q: I was dating this guy for a while, we were really happy together, we would talk for hours about ...
A: He told you the truth about why he wanted a break. He was diligent with his studies. He was the same ...
|
| help | 3/29/2007 |
Q: My 14 years old boy had a fight with other boy at the high school and I got so much preocupied ...
A: Auxax, Something is wrong here. You want reliable and trustworthy professional advice. You keep ...
|
| commitment phobes | 3/25/2007 |
Q: How do you deal with a commitment phobic man? The man I love is wonderful to me and treats me ...
A: You would have to tell me so much more for me to help you. "Commitment phobia" doesn't tell me ...
|
| Does he want me back? | 3/22/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend of 4 months was very loving, kind, gentle, and respectful, and very passionate. We were ...
A: Sometimes I think the "we need a break" coming from a man is roughly the equivalent of the woman's ...
|
| what to do | 3/17/2007 |
Q: I was dating this guy for a couple months. We were really happy together, laughed every moment we ...
A: This is the third one in recent days along these themes. Others asked me to help them make sense of ...
|
| getting back together? | 3/10/2007 |
Q: My boyfriend and I work together but not in the same department. He told me about a month ago that ...
A: You have to promise to tell me whether my guesses are right, okay? I will tell you what I can guess ...
|
| At last I am happy | 2/15/2007 |
Q: My always good friend: At last I have found the solution to 95% af all my troubles: assertiveness, ...
A: You are quite right. Assertiveness is deceptively simple to describe and difficult to do well but if ...
|
| How to proceed? | 1/30/2007 |
Q: Hey Dennis, I'm in grad school and so is the guy I'm dating. We're both doing our doctorate and we ...
A: Why did you start your letter out "hi dennis"? Who is dennis? As to your question, what you can ...
|
| jealous? | 1/24/2007 |
Q: Well we are two people, while we have our differences, still have a lot in common and are IMMENSELY ...
A: I got it. You guys sound like a great, great couple. Sounds as good as it can be. I just don't ...
|
| jealous? | 1/23/2007 |
Q: I've been dating a guy I really like for a couple weeks. Him and I get along really well and we ...
A: I wouldn't ignore them. It's a strange story and something is off about it. The other people you are ...
|
| Is psychotherapy an investment? | 1/18/2007 |
Q: I am attending at a psychotherapist who is good and I feel comfortable with but the problem is that ...
A: Yes, psychotherapy is an investment in your future. Whether or not you NEED therapy is a question ...
|
| Past relationship | 1/14/2007 |
Q: I've been in an exclusive long-distance relationship for over a year and we've lately been talking ...
A: My advice on this issue is counter-intuitive for a lot of people and I'm sure there are times when ...
|
| Too complex to put in words. "Help!" is probably the best! | 1/6/2007 |
Q: I really did not know how to express my situation in the Subject line, so I apologize for that. If ...
A: Poignant letter. You are a man in a lot of pain and maybe a little panicked too. You sound raw. ...
|
| Plutonic or Perv? | 1/5/2007 |
Q: I am a 36 year old female who is roommates with a 49 year old man - I will call him Jay. ...
A: I always advise people to pay attention to their inklings and instincts. It sure sounds like he's ...
|
| happy new year saint doctor | 1/3/2007 |
Q: My golden friend: First of all I wish you a happy new year and know that you and me are filatropos ...
A: Happy New Year to you as well, First, I suspect that because of all this free advice I give you, ...
|
| I TALK TOO MUCH, DO YOU AGREE? | 12/30/2006 |
Q: I AM A COLOMBIAN GUY LIVING IN CALIFORNIA SINCE 1998 BUT I HAVE NOTICED THAT I USE TO TALK IN A SO ...
A: Adrian, Thank you for your questions. It is wise and courageous of you to ask these questions and I ...
|
| help again | 12/26/2006 |
Q: My dear good friend: Before anything I wish you a Merry Christmas. Today I was working in the ...
A: IF you continue to have these problems, these are the reasons why people consult therapists. You ...
|
| How will I know? | 12/15/2006 |
Q: For about 30 years, I've had a professional relationship with this man. He's divorced, and now, I'm ...
A: Ambitious project. You've told me very little so it's hard to tell. My first response was to ...
|
| help | 12/14/2006 |
Q: my dear good friend, again I need from your help because I have been working since march 2006 in ...
A: I think I told you. You have to do some work in therapy. It's not small. You lack some social skills ...
|
| help | 12/12/2006 |
Q: ------------------------------------------- The text above is a follow-up to ... Please my ...
A: How could you ask them what they want without talking to them? If your self esteem is so fragile ...
|
| confused | 12/12/2006 |
Q: Yes, I would be interested in counsultation.for a couple of hours..how would i go about that.Would ...
A: We'd talk on the phone and we'd have to arrange a time. My usual fee is $100 per consult and I do ...
|
| help | 12/11/2006 |
Q: My always good friend: I have a great problem at work because the other day my workmate (supervisor) ...
A: The Universe is telling you to get into therapy before you use up all your options. The question ...
|
| Love | 12/4/2006 |
Q: Is it ever okay to have an affair? Let me explain. I am a 43 year old attractive female. I take ...
A: It's a good question. What I've tried to do here is not make a moral judgement about what God wants ...
|
| single over 50 | 11/6/2006 |
Q: Now, how do I get motivated again? It's not depression only, but I don't meet people or have a ...
A: I think that was you who entered such lovely comments in the ratings section. Thanks. You're right. ...
|
| help | 11/4/2006 |
Q: I have been told that if you treat a woman with respect and you behave as if you were a ...
A: Aurax! (If this is my regular correspondent, Aurax, what I am about to say is true. If it is a new ...
|
| Hey | 11/2/2006 |
Q: Well ...I love him alot but i cant take the pain of us fighting all the time...But i still want to ...
A: The marriage proposal is certainly extravagant and he is probably sincere in his way. He may not ...
|
| Hey | 11/2/2006 |
Q: My Names Shannon Im Only 18 Years Old And I Have A Boyfriend Who Is 24, we have only been together ...
A: Shannon, you have a jealous and possessive boyfriend and he wants a much more exclusive relationship ...
|
| single over 50 | 11/1/2006 |
Q: I'm very attractive and in great shape, but, I have not dated in 2 years. I am only attracted to ...
A: I'm just writing the chapter in my book on this. If you want a free hour on the phone with me about ...
|
| Positive function of sexual teasing? | 10/31/2006 |
Q: >In the early days of a romance there is a bit of mutual >training that goes on and that can be ...
A: I'll try to take it another round and then, if you want to continue, write me directly, okay? You ...
|
| Positive function of sexual teasing? | 10/31/2006 |
Q: Would you say it can be justified, even desirable, to tease (manipulate, play hard-to-get, ...
A: Interesting question. Check back with me in January for my ebook on how the whole thing works but ...
|
| query | 10/25/2006 |
Q: I am 50 ish, do NOT look my stated age, maintain a healthy lifestyle and work a stressful job. It ...
A: I would have a lot of suggestions. Helping people create the relationships they want at midlife is ...
|
| red flags, cold feet | 10/21/2006 |
Q: I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for 1 1/2 years. (We are both divorced, no kids.) Prior to ...
A: In general, my advice is to pay a lot of attention to those red flags. They are your intuition ...
|
| past relationship | 10/7/2006 |
Q: I was in a very serious relationship 25 years ago for 5 yrs. We broke up, instigated by me. The only ...
A: Sounds like you suspect she (and maybe you) are laying groundwork for an affair. In this particular ...
|
| Mixed Messages | 10/7/2006 |
Q: I am 50 years old married three times seem to attract Bi-polar women possibly because in their ...
A: Interesting question and a good one. I'd want you to take a couple on line personality tests to ...
|
| Should I move on? | 9/27/2006 |
Q: I am 50 years old, have been divorced for 7 years, and I have a 17 yr old still living with me who ...
A: I agree. I don't think it's going anywhere for you either. It doesn't sound like he is nearly as ...
|
| love triangle | 9/26/2006 |
Q: I am 44 years old and in the middle of a separation. I've been married for 6 years. I was ready to ...
A: Interesting question and I haven't thought about that one in a while. I like revisiting some of ...
|
| love at work | 9/23/2006 |
Q: The girl I like in the factory I work at is 27 and Black, I am 43 and married with two kids. I would ...
A: You are setting yourself up to go crazy. Maybe my warning is too late. In the U.S. what you are ...
|
| mixed message | 9/17/2006 |
Q: I'm 56 and have not dated since the end of my last relationship, about 3 years ago. My question is ...
A: You seem to be a kind and thoughtful man. I think your final guess was a good one, that she is ...
|
| Is it going anywhere? | 9/16/2006 |
Q: Let me give a better idea of where i am. I am in my twenties, my boyfriend is in his forties. We ...
A: I think your follow up questions are good ones and I continue to believe that a relationship that ...
|
| Is it going anywhere? | 9/15/2006 |
Q: I have been dating a guy in his 40's, a lot older than me, for a while. We do have quality time ...
A: The first thing that strikes me and this does seem important is that your central concern is not one ...
|
| help | 9/13/2006 |
Q: I am a white man living in venezuela married with two children. In the factory I work in there is a ...
A: I wish to be kind to your and at the same time the things I have to say are very strong and could be ...
|
| Am I wasting my time? | 8/25/2006 |
Q: I am sure I've actually tried to seduce him, rather I think I've clearly signaled that I'm open to ...
A: I'll respond as best I can. We are approaching the limits of what is possible in email. I know ...
|
| Am I wasting my time? | 8/24/2006 |
Q: I'm in my mid 30's and attracted to a man in his early 50's. We have known each other for over ten ...
A: Very interesting question. Sounds like you've known him almost as long as he's been left by the ...
|
| follow up to what happened of May 2006 | 8/23/2006 |
Q: I wrote you about an encounter where a man shook his penis at me. Remember? ........I thought you ...
A: Yes Carla, I remember your letter very well. It was so unusual and wild and funny except for your ...
|
| dealing with family | 8/23/2006 |
Q: I think I may have talked to you before? if so, please read this anyway because I need advice. I ...
A: She's very shame driven and deeply concerned about how things look to others and about her status in ...
|
| Is there any realistic hope for mid life singles? | 8/14/2006 |
Q: Belove, Why do you think that there are so many snags/road blocks on the road to finding a true ...
A: I never heard the rumor about John Gray's degree. Also I didn't know he divorced his wife, Bonnie, ...
|
| question for you? | 8/8/2006 |
Q: I'm a 40 year old lady who has a normal life. About 15 years ago, I went to law school for a ...
A: It's quite unfortunate. Some people get very rigid once they pass 40 and lose the ability to learn ...
|
| midlife dating | 8/8/2006 |
Q: I am a single man in my 50's. Recently while shopping, I encountered a single, 40-ish, very reserved ...
A: Interesting challenge. Ask her to lunch. Keep the conversation light. Your description of her ...
|
| dating advice to teens from a fortysomething single | 7/25/2006 |
Q: I've been searching for the right things to tell my 14 year old about dating. She isn't dating yet ...
A: What a charming question. If I could write my best 800 words on this one, it would be a very useful ...
|
| Long time | 7/24/2006 |
Q: There is much more involved, but I'm trying to keep it brief. I've known this man for years and ...
A: You don't sound too nuts. You sound angry and your anger makes a lot of sense to me. The "friends ...
|
| Pleasing my partner | 7/21/2006 |
Q: How do i contact you or who are the people i can ask for help? I live in ottawa canada.Hello, I have ...
A: I live in New England. I work with people in the U.S. and Australia and Jamaica. I've worked with ...
|
| Pleasing my partner | 7/21/2006 |
Q: I have been seeking for help and answers within myself for the past couple of weeks but have not ...
A: I might be able to help you but I'd need a lot more information. It's something very particular with ...
|
| Adult children | 7/21/2006 |
Q: First of all - thanks for such a quick response. And for pointing out that my own attitude is part ...
A: I think your plan to just enjoy and see what develops is a good one. You might also be right about ...
|
| Relationship went too fast? | 7/20/2006 |
Q: I've been reading your answers for a while and think you have a good and thorough explanation for ...
A: First of all, thanks for the feedback about my work. I really appreciated hearing that you've been ...
|
| Adult children | 7/20/2006 |
Q: I have been seeing a widower for about 9 months I have been a widow for 6 years - his wife died 2 ...
A: It's a very tricky situation. The children have a natural claim on him that goes deeper than your ...
|
| Excuses | 7/17/2006 |
Q: I am Marisa, nice to meet you (handshake and smile). I have been in a relationship for a little ...
A: I return your handshake and smile. So your relationship has taken a hit. It's an excellent sign ...
|
| He wants children and I don't | 7/10/2006 |
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, 8 month, and lived together for over 2 years. I ...
A: There are four core areas in which a relationship has to be strong. Let's look at yours. One, You ...
|
| mixed messages | 7/7/2006 |
Q: I'm dating a man my age who has been divorced about a year (his wife left him for another woman). My ...
A: Hmmmm. It is odd. When you "overindulged and slept together" did that include an exchange of body ...
|
| Ex-husband invloves my boyfriend | 7/5/2006 |
Q: My ex has always been a contolling, manipulative and abusive man. he has physically and emotionally ...
A: Handling three way relationships, or triangles, is one of the great challenges of midlife ...
|
| When to have Sex | 6/22/2006 |
Q: Belove, I am a 51 yr old divorced woman. I have done the work needed to put my past behind me, and ...
A: Always a good one. Congratulations on doing "the work,etc." I am curious about what you meant by ...
|
| to be here, or be there, that is the question | 6/15/2006 |
Q: Phil, i've been in a relationship with a fella whom i'm living with. I'm not in love with him, i ...
A: Donna, my first response is to ask you to get on the phone with me and talk this out. The "I'm not ...
|
| Dating | 6/15/2006 |
Q: I am 38 years old. I was diagnosed with Lupus 4 years ago. I live with my parents as I cannot ...
A: Yes there is hope. I know others who have done well in your situation. Send me your email address ...
|
| Mid life crisis? | 6/11/2006 |
Q: BeLove, My boyfriend of 20 months and I broke up. I am 42. I loved him very, very much. He talked ...
A: Sorry to hear your story. Heartache is a terrible pain to bear. Is this a midlife crisis? It is ...
|
| Boundaries with ex-husband | 6/5/2006 |
Q: I am dating a woman (she's 50, I'm 49) both of us have been divorced for 6+ years. Our relationship ...
A: I notice you spell your name with two L's. I thought the only time that was done was with a last ...
|
| Long distant relationshipwith a Mom and a13 year old | 5/26/2006 |
Q: ,I've been dating this lady (52) for four months. It is now intimate... Her background is a rocky ...
A: I think you are correct to be paying attention to all those misgivings. In some senses, she might ...
|
| Peace of mind | 5/15/2006 |
Q: Good day! I was hoping you could put my mind at ease. My father is 50 years old, he and my mother ...
A: I'm not sure what to make of all this, maybe even less sure than you are. $300 a week is roughly ...
|
| what happened? | 5/10/2006 |
Q: Great feed back but when you said the guy sounded exceptional, I felt like I missed out. Nothing ...
A: When I said he was exceptional it was a nice way of saying extremely not normal. The thing about ...
|
| what happened? | 5/9/2006 |
Q: ------------------------- Followup To I accidentally stopped in a bar/restaurant on Good Friday ...
A: Carla, It was a game. You say you lost but frankly I don't know how you could win and I would guess ...
|
| what ? | 5/5/2006 |
Q: hallo my good friend, I am here again from caracas asking you what is the psycholy orientation that ...
A: Hallo again, So good to hear from you. Your country is often in the news up here. It sounds like you ...
|
| Can't decide | 5/3/2006 |
Q: I have a question that has nothing to do with midlife or relationships but I notice you work in the ...
A: Interesting question. First of all, it doesn't sound like you have any choices. I sounds like the ...
|
| Doesn't want children | 3/28/2006 |
Q: (this question can be posted on the board) Hi, I have been dating my man for almost two years now, ...
A: First, thanks for writing. A very interesting question. I've run into this situation a few other ...
|
| Yeah, I know! I thought the... | 3/25/2006 |
Q: Yeah, I know! I thought the same when I found out. It is strange. Yeah, apparently he broke into her ...
A: It is tempting to speculate. I wouldn't guess he broke in to get drugs. I agree with you that he ...
|
| hello, i'm not elderly nor... | 3/25/2006 |
Q: i'm not elderly nor am i in a midlife crisis. but i just wanted to ask your opinion on something ...
A: It is a very strange story. I have more questions than answers. The metal pipe! That suggests drugs. ...
|
| Clinical Psychology Ph.D. | 3/25/2006 |
Q: Belove, I got accepted to clinical psychology school (Ph.D.) and i was really happy since that's ...
A: I've been working with a number of midlife people who are doing course corrections. Joseph Campbell ...
|
| help | 3/20/2006 |
Q: you are my old friend who helped me a lotwhen I was suffering from a grief produced by a cruel ...
A: Every new job has a learning curve and it often seems steep when you are over 65. So go easy on ...
|
| Companionship / Relationship | 1/30/2006 |
Q: Phillip Belove, I am 78 yrs old and widowed going on 4 yrs. My Husband and i spent many years ...
A: Tell your son thank you for the recommendation. I will give you a couple ideas and ask you to please ...
|
| Should I go on into marriage? | 1/22/2006 |
Q: I will try to answer your questions so that, if you are able, you may further help me (Thanks). I ...
A: If those are your religious beliefs, then I would also suspect that marriage is a far more solemn ...
|
| Should I go on into marriage? | 1/21/2006 |
Q: I am 40 and single. I have been dating R for 8 months now. When we first met, 3 years ago, we became ...
A: You asked whether I considered it wrong for you to marry her in view of the fact that you have low ...
|
| Dating | 12/19/2005 |
Q: I live in a very small town in Finland, I need to find a lover, i am 58. Hope you can answer.
A: ....I wrote this letter before I saw your name and I assumed I was writing to a woman. Seeing your ...
|
| Perplexed 52 year old | 11/16/2005 |
Q: I am a 52 year old overweight registered nurse. I have never been married,but I have always bslieved ...
A: It doesn't sound good. I'd need to know more but it sounds like he was charming in one conversation ...
|
| question | 10/7/2005 |
Q: I'm a 23 year old woman. I have only dated 1 man in my entire life back when I was 19 and that was ...
A: Interesting questions. The only direct question you asked was whether or not you'd still be ...
|
| not really wanting to date - a problem? | 10/4/2005 |
Q: I am a 37 year old very attractive fit woman who has returned to grad school. My divorce was final ...
A: My main advice is for you to demand less of yourself. People who study grief and mourning generally ...
|
| getting weirder by the minute | 10/1/2005 |
Q: I want more than just a casual relationship with this guy. I'm not saying we have to get married, ...
A: In that case you'll have to be a bit old fashioned and wait a while before anything sexual. You can ...
|
| getting weirder by the minute | 10/1/2005 |
Q: I'm the girl who asked you the other day about that guy that blew me off for dinner. so i just ...
A: I don't think I said he wasn't interested.I said he wasn't making enough of an investment. He was, ...
|
| There's a man i'm interested... | 9/13/2005 |
Q: There's a man i'm interested in. actualy a lot of women are intested in him. But I'm tons cooler ...
A: Yes, he's sort of hitting on you. Some guys,actually many guys, go a little crazy when they learn ...
|
| I asked a male friend of mine... | 9/13/2005 |
Q: I asked a male friend of mine if he was gay. He recently broke up with his last girlfriend. He said ...
A: We can only guess but a careful reading of his answer suggests that he is hetero but tempted (as ...
|
| Concerned about separated spouse | 9/7/2005 |
Q: I'm hoping you can provide me with some insight and direction as to how to deal with my estranged ...
A: It sounds really bed. I would guess hes having suicidal thoughts. I am sure he is underemployed, ...
|
| Attracting women | 9/4/2005 |
Q: First of all, thank you so much for providing this service. This is a subject that can really hurt ...
A: Also thanks for specifying the dates on the Michael letter. That helped. In the past 10 years of ...
|
| etiquette | 8/21/2005 |
Q: I'm a widow at 47 for almost 2 years. I went to a "get together" last night and ran into a man who ...
A: You ve touched upon a situation so many people have to deal with and it is one of the biggest ...
|
| Similar problem as Michael | 8/10/2005 |
Q: I'm writing in response to the problem Michael is having at the age of 34 (7/25/04). I feel exactly ...
A: I did not know you could read the answers I’ve given to others when you log in. How did you ...
|
| Hi, this girl I used to talk... | 8/3/2005 |
Q: this girl I used to talk to sometimes moved away, I mentioned the girl's name I know to a guy, I ...
A: I don't know how to tell in this case. I think you'll have to get some first hand impressions. I ...
|
| Learning to live again | 7/23/2005 |
Q: Belove, I was married to a woman for almost 20 years. I lost her to diabetes about 2 years ago. She ...
A: I'm in California, on business, and away from my files but I have a strong feeling this is the ...
|
| Hi,
I'm interested in a... | 7/15/2005 |
Q: I'm interested in a man, but he just got out of a 2 year relationship. I go to school where he works ...
A: I suggest you flirt, but not too much. Go talk to him. Ask him some questions and listen to the ...
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| Tropical fish and coping with death | 7/13/2005 |
Q: Well of course I have other more meaningful relationships with other humans rather than Napolean. I ...
A: I owe you a huge apology. I've never answered a question so rudely. I just checked your question and ...
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| The epidural surgery doesn't... | 7/9/2005 |
Q: The epidural surgery doesn't require any follow-up because my recovery was excellent and i was let ...
A: Well, it's a difficult situation for you and I don't think it's stable. I think you ought to be ...
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| We currently do not have health... | 7/9/2005 |
Q: We currently do not have health insurance. When my husband was fired our whole family lost the ...
A: The story just gets worse and worse. Some small justice in the fact that he didn't add you to the ...
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| dating like crazy | 7/8/2005 |
Q: Being a pyschologist, I wanted to ask you - what do you think of a celebrity such as Jennifer Lopez? ...
A: That's a really interesting question. I don't follow these people closely but I do think about them ...
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| Well with the families, since... | 7/8/2005 |
Q: Well with the families, since all of this happened a decade ago, it has been ten years. My ...
A: again. This was a hard letter to write. I'm saying stuff to you that is very confrontational and ...
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| Right now I don't have enough... | 7/8/2005 |
Q: Right now I don't have enough money to afford a divorce, I work as a preschool teacher and am only ...
A: I appreciate the update. A lot of what you are saying doesn't add up. I hope you don't mind me ...
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| Hello,
A few years before... | 7/7/2005 |
Q: A few years before my mother-in-law (husband's mother) died a decade ago, I had seen my ...
A: My goodness, what a brutal story! I sympathize with you. I think you are right about the hatred. It ...
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| Sorry for the confusion. Thank... | 7/7/2005 |
Q: Sorry for the confusion. Thank you for understanding. The accident was 6 months ago. Some of the ...
A: Well that clarifies it somewhat. The next piece is more subtle. I know that most marriages have a ...
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| Hi~
My mother recently... | 7/6/2005 |
Q: My mother recently had brain surgery because she had a serious accident when my father was out of ...
A: I had a little trouble with the time description in your story. I can't tell whether your mom's ...
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| I used to get in fights with... | 7/4/2005 |
Q: I used to get in fights with this guy Chris all the time (he's conceited and he knows I was ...
A: Yes. He's trying to get on your good side and relieve the tension. He probably was always attracted ...
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| Hi,
I went to a bar the... | 7/3/2005 |
Q: I went to a bar the other night (it is a classy, sophisticated Celtic lounge) and was sitting by ...
A: Ana, Thanks for your question. It's a delicate call. You do run the risk of being too forward and ...
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| Dating , sex, and academics at 40 | 6/27/2005 |
Q: Belove- I am approaching 40 and Im still single. It seems as if I cant find a date these days. ...
A: I get the sense that you are very smart and observant and subtle and so I think something more ...
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| i am in medical school. i... | 6/26/2005 |
Q: i am in medical school. i am thinking about marrying a physical therapist. What do you think are ...
A: Good question. You have good intuition on this one. Your marriage will have many challenges and ...
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| EXCELLENT RESPONSE. THANKS
--------------------------... | 6/25/2005 |
Q: EXCELLENT RESPONSE. THANKS -------------------------- It's all early mating dance stuff. The men ...
A: Let me put in a plug for my web site: www.datingatmidlife.com I also have a newsletter. I always ...
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| Hi, I met this guy in the... | 6/20/2005 |
Q: I met this guy in the hallway (I think he is very attractive) a couple days ago when I was looking ...
A: You did great. You can't tell but it sounds like he's interested. I like the story. I don't think he ...
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| I kinda need your advice,... | 6/17/2005 |
Q: I kinda need your advice, i'm not in a relationship but here goes. So there's this guy at my ...
A: Hard to tell. Clearly there is some hot chemistry between the two of you and that's attracting you. ...
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| why is it that attractive... | 6/17/2005 |
Q: why is it that attractive women end up with average guys, and attractive men end up with average ...
A: You'd have to get more specific. You question, on the surface, sounds hypthetical, but it also ...
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| marital relation | 6/15/2005 |
Q: My parents are in their early 60s and I am 25. my mom and my dad have not had the most happy ...
A: This has to be so hard on you. It's hard to tell about your mom and I would be professionally ...
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| Doctorate in Psychology | 6/13/2005 |
Q: What if I end up marrying a high-profile type guy, such as another doctor, lawyer/attorney, ...
A: Interesting line of speculation. As I said, equal power is the difficult thing to master. Unequal, ...
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| Doctorate in Psychology | 6/12/2005 |
Q: Belove! I visited your website at dating at midlife and looked at your resume. I'm interested a bit ...
A: i. There's loads more money in it and lots of flexibility in the MD. Depends on what you have a ...
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| DIVORCE SUPORT | 6/11/2005 |
Q: MU NEIGHBOR LOST HIS WIFE 2 WEEKS AGO. HE IS TOO DEPRESSED BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM.THIS IS ...
A: I will give you some advice and would deeply appreciate hearing from you later. My suggestion is ...
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| yeah you're right the guy... | 6/8/2005 |
Q: yeah you're right the guy is a total jerk....or just immature and doesn't know how to handle a woman ...
A: He might be trying to ease the tension between you. He might be trying to repair the damage he did. ...
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| hey,
i liked this guy at... | 6/7/2005 |
Q: hey, i liked this guy at my high school, and one day i accidently blabbed it to everyone that i ...
A: the thing is he could be all of the abo ve, a conceited dick, a drunk, and a mean jerk and also ...
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| 1. What is your opinion on... | 6/7/2005 |
Q: 1. What is your opinion on a woman asking a man out on a date? 2. Is it true that a relationship ...
A: 1. What is your opinion on a woman asking a man out on a date? It happens all the time and it works ...
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| Ok this is going to sound... | 6/2/2005 |
Q: Ok this is going to sound funny, but I'm intrigued now. What kind of fantasies do you think he is ...
A: What a delightful question. And I suppose you should be intrigued. That's what happens in the early ...
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| My Problem. | 5/25/2005 |
Q: Im a 18 years old boy and i feel the blank of a girlfriend so much in my life which i have never ...
A: More complicated. You have to find a situation where you will be interacting on a friendly basis ...
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| My Problem. | 5/25/2005 |
Q: Im a 18 years old boy and i feel the blank of a girlfriend so much in my life which i have never ...
A: I'd need to know more to advise you. First of all, what country are you living in? I need to know ...
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| relationships at this age? | 5/23/2005 |
Q: I was separated last year from a 13 yr marriage. I am 50 now. I put off changing careers to help ...
A: I knew a guy in Chicago who opened a bar called “Other People's Troubles.” Other people's bombshells ...
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| Immaturity! | 5/20/2005 |
Q: I'm not exactly "midlife" but I'm wondering if you could help me with something? I'm a law student ...
A: Your situation is extremely common. He's a little out of control as far as females are concerned, ...
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| Yes, it's a standard practice... | 5/16/2005 |
Q: Yes, it's a standard practice to let my friends know where i'm going regardless of the guy. Either ...
A: My guess is that there was sexual chemistry but not enough else. Some kind of mismatch for him at ...
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| Hello,i like this boy at my... | 5/14/2005 |
Q: i like this boy at my high school michaell and i wanted him to ask me out just to prove he really ...
A: Best to just guess that he's a little overwhelmed and not sure how to handle himself with you. You ...
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| I went on a date with a guy... | 5/14/2005 |
Q: I went on a date with a guy the other night. Several people we both knew saw us together and all my ...
A: It's a common enough situation and I appreciate the chance explain what's happening. It sounds ...
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| He is not over his ex | 5/13/2005 |
Q: My boyfriend is 47 and I am 43. We are both divorced. Following my boyfriends divorce, he got ...
A: I'd like to hear more about this before advising you further. Often people look at former lovers ...
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| Yeah, he doesn't have that... | 5/6/2005 |
Q: Yeah, he doesn't have that much time to spend with me and my friends anymore. Also I have been in a ...
A: That changes things. Not going back East means that this may well not be the great love of his ...
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| Should I leave Completely? | 5/6/2005 |
Q: .. I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 28. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she was feeling ...
A: Michael. Hi. Thanks for writing. The situation sounds pretty messy and tangled up. First I'm going ...
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| boyfriend going to prison- wants me to wait? | 5/6/2005 |
Q: My boyfriend of one year has just been convicted of a DUI and, this is not his first offense but his ...
A: What a difficult situation for you. And you are 24. This is a lot to think about. This is not ...
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| HELP ME! | 4/27/2005 |
Q: Belove, I sent you this question but I don't think the website let me send it because it was down, ...
A: Don't worry and let it go. This happens all the time. What it means is that his attraction for you ...
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| He won't have sex unless the lights are off. | 4/27/2005 |
Q: I am dating a 51 year old man who will not remove his undershorts unless the lights are out. He has ...
A: I suspect you are selling yourself for too small a price and that's going to be the first thing we ...
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| Why you I still feel attracted to him? | 4/23/2005 |
Q: Three years ago, my husband of twenty-five years walked out of our marriage. Since then I have been ...
A: Take heart, you are in a known transition process and much of what you are experiencing has been ...
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| Girlfriends has many guyfriends | 3/29/2005 |
Q: .. I'm 30 and my girlfriend of 1 year is 28. She has lied to me many times about hanging out with ...
A: It doesn't sound good. People who lie easily lie about everything and it's a very difficult issue. ...
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| Men and divorce | 3/28/2005 |
Q: How does divorce effect men emotionaly? Do they handle it like a death? Does it take a man longer ...
A: I have a few things to tell you. First, it's midlife dating. (see my website ...
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| Time to break up? | 3/21/2005 |
Q: This is a long story with lots of twists and curves so hang on! I am 51 and my girlfreind is 54. ...
A: There's nothing all that different in it from several other situations I've worked with and yet I'm ...
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| Where to find love | 3/5/2005 |
Q: Im 44 years old. I was madly in love with a woman who passed away just over a year ago. I used to ...
A: Where is a good place to meet quality women in your age range? They are everywhere. You just aren't ...
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| Well I think maybe this man... | 3/3/2005 |
Q: Well I think maybe this man might be a player. So I'm not sure if I should even go for him. I used ...
A: I've been helping people with just this situation for several months. It's hard to tell quite ...
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| Unstable | 2/16/2005 |
Q: I have a problem, where I have met some really nice gentlemen and start dating them, then it turns ...
A: I'm writing a book on that topic. Please tell me more about some of your situations. The most ...
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| Research for Dating Midlife | 2/7/2005 |
Q: I am interested in academic published research on the topic of dating in midlife. Do you have any ...
A: I haven't found anything in academic writing. I havent' done a search in a couple of years. Have you ...
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| Paranoic mother? | 1/27/2005 |
Q: My mother (78) is paranoic since long time ago. Her psychiatrist in Los Angeles told her to take ...
A: I can give you some advice but I insist that you speak to your mother's psychiarist. Your mother's ...
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| HARD TO TRUST AGAIN | 1/24/2005 |
Q: I AM A 51 YEAR OLD MALE, NO CHILDERN AND NEVER BEEN MARRIED. I HAVE BEEN DRUG FREE FOR FIVE YEARS ...
A: Charles. I've worked with men who have similar stories. You'll get through this. I'd need to know ...
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| Lies and deceit | 1/14/2005 |
Q: Dr. Belove, I am 48 and in a real predicament. I am separated from my husband of 12 years, have ...
A: Your situation is complex. Quite a tangle. My specialty is helping people work with these kinds of ...
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| Hope | 12/21/2004 |
Q: I was married for thirty years. I was the one who left but my ex-husband was an attorney and did ...
A: That's quite a story. I see a lot of obstacles, but let's talk. First of all, you press the ...
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| Relationships | 12/14/2004 |
Q: Well i don't really know how to start but i'll just start. I've had a difficult past couple of ...
A: Hey, thanks for writing. This is a long letter so read it carefully and go easy on yourself. It's a ...
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| what should i do? | 11/22/2004 |
Q: i was wondering something though. do you think maybe that phone call was for real, that the girl who ...
A: The response might have been real. You are right. However, consider this: when ever he has powerful ...
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| Getting out and meeting people. | 11/20/2004 |
Q: I hope you can help.I am 44 and have never been in a serious or semi-serious relationship.I do ...
A: I had a hunch it was Aspergers. Still I think I could help you. I suggest we try about three months ...
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| Getting out and meeting people. | 11/13/2004 |
Q: I hope you can help.I am 44 and have never been in a serious or semi-serious relationship.I do ...
A: I've certainly helped others. I might be able to help you. Certainly a letter alone won't do the ...
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| Is there something wrong with me or them? | 11/13/2004 |
Q: A true story: I recently put 2 seperate profiles on a dating site; each being totally different in ...
A: I love your story. Please send me the two ads and some of your answers. I want it for my files. I ...
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| I work in Long Distance Company.... | 11/12/2004 |
Q: I work in Long Distance Company. I called this grandmother in order to sign her up with our service, ...
A: I'm having some trouble figuring your situation from your letter so my advice might be incorrect. ...
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| Hello uncle,
Uncle i... | 10/30/2004 |
Q: Uncle i m 22 years old unmarried male working as medical student of final year of MBBS in Pakistan. ...
A: I spent some time in Indonesia as a young man and had a few men whom I respected and whom I learned ...
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| Opacity | 10/26/2004 |
Q: Me and my girlfriend have been involved for a year. I am 37 and she is 38. She is my first ...
A: (By the way, what kind of a name is Calyx?) I have a couple thoughts. First is that you both go ...
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| If a person cheated once, will he again? | 9/12/2004 |
Q: Belove, I was cheated on in my marriage and went through hell to get through it. I wanted to try ...
A: The short answer is that a person can really change. There are a lot of lessons for you in this ...
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| It's all too much | 9/3/2004 |
Q: I've come to you because you're a professional in this field and will hopefully understand the ...
A: (By the way, this seems to be the second time I've sent off this answer but I got a letter from ...
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| desperate | 8/6/2004 |
Q: Please Phillipe Need to know if taking clonazepam 0.5 mg for one month could be dangerous because ...
A: I can't advise you about medicine. It would be unethical. YOu'll have to rely on your psychiatrists. ...
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| Hello
I am a single 28... | 8/1/2004 |
Q: I am a single 28 years old male. I am going out to meet people; my goal is to find a girl around 25 ...
A: man. I appreciate this question. It's a good one and a number of guys have mentioned it to me when I ...
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| Please delete my post | 8/1/2004 |
Q: Dr. Philip Belove, I'm very grateful for your advice a month ago. It helps a lot. I found it been ...
A: I thought all my answers were confidential. I did not know any were posted. I'll see what I can do. ...
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| Hopeless Condition | 7/25/2004 |
Q: Belove: I want to thank you for your reply and explanation. I found it to be helpful and ...
A: I really appreciate that. I do hope you change your mind about the phone call but you have to go at ...
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| Attracting Women | 7/25/2004 |
Q: Philip: I wanted to ask you something that anyone else would think I am weird for asking, but I ...
A: You phrased your question well. It helps me get more of a sense about you. Apparently you feel that ...
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| Hopeless Condition | 7/24/2004 |
Q: I first want to thank you for offering the type of help that you have describe in your background ...
A: First, don't give up hope. It's not hopeless. I won't go into all the reasons why I say this, but ...
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| I'm so glad I found this sight | 7/17/2004 |
Q: Philip. I am curious about so much. I am like a babe in the woods. I have been on a journey now for ...
A: Check out my website at www.datingatmidlife.com for more articles and stuff. I loved your letter ...
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| dating @ 54 | 7/16/2004 |
Q: fyi...this is my second marriage. I was married @ 21 and that marriage lasted 7 years. I was single ...
A: That makes the dates make more sense. Yes, you are right, you are no longer HOT. Hot means being ...
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| dating @ 54 | 7/15/2004 |
Q: I've been separated for a little over 3 months. I was marrried for 21 years and I'm clueless as to ...
A: Send me your email address and I'll send you my newsletter issue on internet dating. Or go to my ...
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| How can get a husband who really loves me? | 6/19/2004 |
Q: Dr. Philip, You almost guess everything right. I was in much worse condition two weeks ago when ...
A: If you want more follow up after this, you'll have to write me directly at ...
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| Being in love | 6/17/2004 |
Q: I am 52 yrs old, divorced 2 yrs and actively dating. In my first marriage that lasted 22 yrs, I ...
A: Phil, It's a good question. I appreciate it at this time because I'm pulling together my thoughts ...
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| Madonna and midlife | 6/11/2004 |
Q: I'll be in the office today until 5:30 p.m., EST. Or you can reach me pretty much all day (from 10 ...
A: Just got this today, Thursday. I sent you a note. I had another thought and that is that today in ...
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| Boy Have I Got a Story! | 5/4/2004 |
Q: This question needs an answer only from a professional, not just advice from a friend. On New ...
A: Frank. Thanks for writing. I'm glad you're calling on a professional. I'll do the best I can for ...
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| What am I to do? | 4/25/2004 |
Q: Last year I met a woman on an internet chat. Things progressed very well and we began talking on ...
A: Yes. You're right. This is a pretty significant betrayal. I'd be inclined to pay a lot of attention ...
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| Help | 4/9/2004 |
Q: I am in love with a divorced man - a man I met at my recent high school reunion who has loved me ...
A: You are in not position to marry this man and the devastation you will create if you do will make ...
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| "Too Nice" Is "Too Rotten" | 3/18/2004 |
Q: I am a 44-year old male, engineer, never married. After 10 years, I recently decided to begin ...
A: There's a lot here to comment on and I'll do my best. Let's list the topics The nice guy persona ...
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| re-ending a relationship | 3/15/2004 |
Q: I've been divorced for 4 years now, and after I excepted the fact that is was over, I waited for ...
A: Tough situation. You simply can't afford to be involved. You don't have the competence, training, ...
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| How abusive is this relationship? Will he change? | 11/17/2003 |
Q: Is this a psychologically abusive relationship or am I being OTT? Will he change? Dear Philip, I ...
A: Here is the question you sent me: Is this a psychologically abusive relationship or am I being OTT? ...
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| Is this definitely an abusive relationship? | 11/12/2003 |
Q: I am so confused I don't know which way to turn. I have listened to so many people for advice; ...
A: Let's look at the problem first and then think about what to do. First, my take on the problem: ...
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