You are here:
- Home
- People/Relationships
- Divorce Support
- Dating at Midlife
Dating at Midlife/Questions Answered by Expert Philip Belove, Ed.D.
| Subject | Date Asked |
| dating in midlife | 2/5/2012 |
| Q: I've just read your article Dating in Midlife. I'm browsing the web to find some answers helping me ... A: This is a very difficult moment for you. You are asking yourself some difficult questions You are ... | |
| Embarrassing parents! | 2/4/2012 |
| Q: When I'm at home with my parents, they act nice and normal. However, when I take my parents to any ... A: It won't change. YOu can mention it to your boyfriend. He can mention it to his family. You can all ... | |
| Embarrassing parents! | 2/4/2012 |
| Q: When I'm at home with my parents, they act nice and normal. However, when I take my parents to any ... A: First of all, don't expect them to change. You'll have to find some way of forgiving them for ... | |
| Marriage & Dating 2012 | 2/4/2012 |
| Q: Belove, How has marriage changed since the days you were a kid? How do you feel marriage in 2012 is ... A: In the 70's with feminism's second (or third) wave, "no fault" divorce was instituted and you no ... | |
| Doctor crossing the line | 2/2/2012 |
| Q: I am so confused about my feeling for my doctor i was diagnoied with a life threating illness in ... A: Well, he has indeed crossed the line. He might not know it. Tell him that you find some of his ... | |
| My man's ex | 1/30/2012 |
| Q: My 61 year old boyfriend of 4 years just informed me, during a fight, that his ex is nicer than me ... A: You might be right. Again, I don't have enough to know. It' like this other woman is his private ... | |
| Women's sexuality, violence, and control | 1/29/2012 |
| Q: Why is it, that throughout the world, women's sexuality is always tried to be controlled? Women are ... A: See Sex at Dawn by Chris Ryan He says that the invention of agriculture meant the invention of ... | |
| Women's sexuality, violence, and control | 1/29/2012 |
| Q: Why is it, that throughout the world, women's sexuality is always tried to be controlled? Women are ... A: Lots of very smart and wise folks have explored this question. The answers I've seen that I liked ... | |
| My man's ex | 1/29/2012 |
| Q: My 61 year old boyfriend of 4 years just informed me, during a fight, that his ex is nicer than me ... A: The story gets more and more strange. And dark. The amount of hatred sloshing around in this story ... | |
| My man's ex | 1/28/2012 |
| Q: My 61 year old boyfriend of 4 years just informed me, during a fight, that his ex is nicer than me ... A: Your information seems a bit incoherent, which is understandable, given what I can gather from your ... | |
| Hungarian arranged marriage | 1/25/2012 |
| Q: I have a best friend who is 35 and never married. I am 34. She has had several long term loving ... A: Well, first of all, I reserve my agreement with you on your claim that she "doesn't have any social ... | |
| Is there anything wrong with being a cougar for life? | 1/24/2012 |
| Q: my name is Suzanne and this is my question. Is there anything wrong with being a cougar for life? In ... A: Well, that's a question I don't get every day. You know you're going against the dominant myth of ... | |
| Is he interested? | 1/21/2012 |
| Q: I went on a date with a trauma surgeon. He's a busy guy with crazy working hours obviously. I'm a ... A: I'm sorry to say this but I think you've asked the wrongIs he interested? The question you should be ... | |
| Kissing Cousins | 1/19/2012 |
| Q: Belove, In the course of my 2 year relationship with my 64 year old boyfriend I have asked only 3 ... A: The open relationship stuff is an important piece of the puzzle. There is a book out that argues ... | |
| Kissing Cousins | 1/19/2012 |
| Q: Belove, In the course of my 2 year relationship with my 64 year old boyfriend I have asked only 3 ... A: Sorry to hear all that. I think you guys are on the edge of a major crisis. It's unfortunate ... | |
| Kissing Cousins | 1/18/2012 |
| Q: Belove, In the course of my 2 year relationship with my 64 year old boyfriend I have asked only 3 ... A: Beth, this is very tricky. You are asking me take your side in this issue and I've not heard from ... | |
| Men being sour? | 1/10/2012 |
| Q: I've joined a dating site and go on about 5 dates a month. So after 6 months I've dated about 30 ... A: Too weird. Maybe you should look at a different dating site. Maybe you should find another way to ... | |
| marrying someone from another country? | 1/8/2012 |
| Q: I have a Polish friend that I've grown up with in NYC. She is marrying a guy from Poland that she ... A: Cross cultural marriages and fusion kids are pretty normal these days. Lots of folks enjoy that ... | |
| marrying someone from another country? | 1/8/2012 |
| Q: I have a Polish friend that I've grown up with in NYC. She is marrying a guy from Poland that she ... A: They seem to have enough to make a good start. What happens 5 - 10 years depends on how they ... | |
| Divorced Men & Feelings | 1/1/2012 |
| Q: I had been dating a divorced man with 2 teenage kids for 1 while, casually. His children are ... A: The best thing you can do is convince him to find a professional with whom he can have that ... | |
| What does he want? | 12/30/2011 |
| Q: I’m 52 and have been working partners (different companies but still see each other oftent his ... A: I apologize for the delay in responding. Thanks for the addition to HALT. I don't know where to ... | |
| ayuda | 12/29/2011 |
| Q: my really good friend: you know I had 3 sexual intercourse with a black lady and got separated from ... A: Aurax! You haven't faced up to something and your psychiatrist isn't yet getting you to it. ... | |
| What does he want? | 12/29/2011 |
| Q: I’m 52 and have been working partners (different companies but still see each other oftent his ... A: Well, think of it as an attempt to create something you've never before imagined, and not something ... | |
| Meeting with old flame | 12/28/2011 |
| Q: I was recently contacted by my high school sweatheart, who is single again (wife died 6 months ago). ... A: You have my sympathies. Where to begin? Well, your weight is an issue for you. It just is. So ... | |
| What does he want? | 12/28/2011 |
| Q: I’m 52 and have been working partners (different companies but still see each other oftent his ... A: You can't know what's up with him because he doesn't know what's up with him. It happens a lot ... | |
| Arranged Marriage in 2012 | 12/22/2011 |
| Q: What are your feelings about arranged marriage? Please explain the positive things of this ... A: I don't have a general, or ideological position. I don't know which has the better record. For ... | |
| Arranged Marriage in 2012 | 12/22/2011 |
| Q: What are your feelings about arranged marriage? Please explain the positive things of this ... A: I believe we've corresponded before. Interesting question. First, the positive things as you've ... | |
| Intimacy issues with my man. | 12/21/2011 |
| Q: I am a 43 year old female who has been dating a 37 year old man for the past 6 months. To make a ... A: Well there might be some cultural issues here, but none the less, the sooner you address it the ... | |
| Keeping it 'just friends' | 12/20/2011 |
| Q: I've decided to give casual dating a try and not invest my heart in any one relationship like I've ... A: The guy with zero-chemistry. You owe him a clear message that the relationship will not go anywhere. ... | |
| Dealing w ex's requests on boyfriend | 12/14/2011 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I read your answer to a question from someone about putting up christmas lights for an ... A: Sounds like one of those conversations where a lot gets put on the table but at the same time, ... | |
| WILL SHE GO AWAY | 12/5/2011 |
| Q: I live 4 hours from my boyfriend, Mike. He is 60 and I am 56. He will retire in June 2013. The ... A: Should you wait? Is he worth this wait? Only you can answer that. It's quite a challenge. Mike ... | |
| ayuda | 11/30/2011 |
| Q: 7 years ago I had a relationship with a goldigger, then I was 41 and she 35 once I discovered she ... A: You can get hooked by a relationship. Often it includes great sex, but there's much, much more. ... | |
| Ex's and Christmas Lights | 11/28/2011 |
| Q: I just read your answer to a woman's question about whether she was wrong in feeling that she didn't ... A: A true ex-wife from hell story. My sympathies. I don't remember what I might have told the other ... | |
| Why can't I get over this? | 11/18/2011 |
| Q: I am a twice married 40 something female. The breakup of my first marriage was my fault. The second ... A: I'd have to talk to you more to tell you more. It does sound like you are having difficulty ... | |
| Why can't I get over this? | 11/17/2011 |
| Q: I am a twice married 40 something female. The breakup of my first marriage was my fault. The second ... A: Wendy, Hi. Thanks for the question. It's not an unusual quetstion. The guy was extremely dishonest ... | |
| Question? | 11/9/2011 |
| Q: As a very experienced psychologist, what do you think happened the night in 1994 that Nicole Brown ... A: Interesting point. My son is a world class expert in martial arts and sometimes what happens isn't ... | |
| confused | 11/8/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I appreciate the opportunity to ask you a question that has been keeping me confused. I ... A: Well, it has meaning. It doesn't mean "nothing." Everything that happens in a relationship means ... | |
| HELP!! My Parents Are Trying to Control Me | 11/7/2011 |
| Q: I will be 58 in six weeks. I have been divorced for a year and a half. My ex husband lived in our ... A: Well I think it comes down to this: " the point I don't want to talk to them, see them, or have ... | |
| 32 and parents want me married more than I do | 11/3/2011 |
| Q: I'm a 32 year old woman who is struggling financially and with her career. I will start a very high ... A: (Sorry about the delay) Well, it is a strange pattern. Might be a very unusual run of bad luck, ... | |
| 32 and parents want me married more than I do | 11/3/2011 |
| Q: I'm a 32 year old woman who is struggling financially and with her career. I will start a very high ... A: Well, I don't know you at all so I can only go on my experience with others. But it is unusual to ... | |
| 32 and parents want me married more than I do | 11/3/2011 |
| Q: I'm a 32 year old woman who is struggling financially and with her career. I will start a very high ... A: It's pretty much your decision. You are the one who will have to live with it. At 32, by Western ... | |
| HELP!! My Parents Are Trying to Control Me | 10/14/2011 |
| Q: I will be 58 in six weeks. I have been divorced for a year and a half. My ex husband lived in our ... A: This is one of the most difficult situations I've ever come across. Not too sure yet what I can do. ... | |
| Selfish Partner | 9/25/2011 |
| Q: I'm a woman, aged 55; my male partner is 62. I've been divorced for 15 years. My partner is in the ... A: I have a few thoughts. First, never question whether you are right or wrong to be hurt by a ... | |
| dont know | 9/21/2011 |
| Q: I have been with this man for four years. We have been through alot of ups and down mostly down. He ... A: Here is a crude, but pretty good rule: Don't ever do anything you don't want to do. If you are ... | |
| from friends to relationship with kids | 9/13/2011 |
| Q: I am separated from my same sex-partner after 18.5 years. We have two 10-year old girls and we ... A: Your plan sounds good. My best advice is to think through the worse case scenario and be prepared ... | |
| behavior pattern | 9/12/2011 |
| Q: I am a 48 year old woman who has been in a relationship with a younger man for nearly two years now. ... A: Midlife relationships are distinctly different from early adult relationships. How much younger he ... | |
| wife/serious girlfriend material | 9/6/2011 |
| Q: When a man is out looking for a serious girlfriend or a wife, what are generally his top 5-10 ... A: Men are generally attracted to sexiness and this means health, vitality, and a comfortable pleasure ... | |
| help | 9/1/2011 |
| Q: "I am 48 years old man married with two children, retired firefighter. Trough facebook I knew a ... A: You are most kind. Another possibility is something called "Disorganized Attachment," or "Chaotic ... | |
| help | 8/31/2011 |
| Q: "I am 48 years old man married with two children, retired firefighter. Trough facebook I knew a ... A: Hard to say what she wins. Proverbs does discuss this kind of women. It says, "they want your ... | |
| help | 8/31/2011 |
| Q: "I am 48 years old man married with two children, retired firefighter. Trough facebook I knew a ... A: Of course you would have that desire. But take your psychiatrist's advice. She's a bit out of ... | |
| dates don't call back | 8/28/2011 |
| Q: This is a little different from the regular "dates don't call back. I live so far out in the ... A: For guys a first date is like an audition. People on first dates are on their super-best behavior. ... | |
| sex and marriage | 8/23/2011 |
| Q: What makes a marriage last? What are the most common reasons for divorce? Why do people in lousy ... A: Most common sources of marital stress are money, sex, in-laws I forget the order but that's how the ... | |
| how dating has changed in society | 8/22/2011 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, How do you feel dating has changed in the last 5 years? In the year 2000, everyone was ... A: I've seen the changes you've described since the mid 80s. They came it with no fault divorce. Now ... | |
| why DID he call me back? | 8/21/2011 |
| Q: serious guy. He is a corporate tax attorney and never smiles. His whole life has been book work and ... A: Trying to get into your pants and serious relationship stuff are not incompatible. It's possible ... | |
| hi | 8/20/2011 |
| Q: I've been dating a gentleman who I feel very comfortable with and who I feel genuinely cares for me. ... A: You see the pattern of your relationship That's how it's going to be. My advice is don't expect it ... | |
| Feeling a bit excluded | 8/9/2011 |
| Q: .. I'm a 43 yr. old woman, never been married, no kids, (this is happenstance - I didn't necessarily ... A: It's pretty simple. Write me at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com and we find a mutually convenient ... | |
| Feeling a bit excluded | 8/8/2011 |
| Q: .. I'm a 43 yr. old woman, never been married, no kids, (this is happenstance - I didn't necessarily ... A: This really is a very big decision point and I suggest you take advantage of my offer to have a free ... | |
| All about me | 8/6/2011 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, After a less than stellar childhood with a very mean father, a marriage where my ... A: Dead Suzie, There are few questions I've thought more about than yours. I go around and round on ... | |
| What is up with him? | 7/23/2011 |
| Q: Belove, Knowing your age, I felt you would be the one to best know what is going on with a man I ... A: It's a complex situation you've described. You asked me for what's up with him. Go to ... | |
| Lying or omitting the truth...... | 7/5/2011 |
| Q: I am at a loss. I snooped my fiance's emails. I don't know why I didn't resist the temptation, I ... A: Trust is rebuilt slowly. He made a reasonable start. Go slow. Acknowledge the loss of trust. ... | |
| its sex not an affair | 7/4/2011 |
| Q: i wish i could find awoman for a loving sexual affair, at the moment its just sex which its trus is ... A: No, you have given very little information compared to what I usually get. If your wife loved you ... | |
| its sex not an affair | 7/1/2011 |
| Q: i wish i could find awoman for a loving sexual affair, at the moment its just sex which its trus is ... A: There are other factors in this story and I can't tell what they are because your notes are so ... | |
| its sex not an affair | 7/1/2011 |
| Q: i wish i could find awoman for a loving sexual affair, at the moment its just sex which its trus is ... A: Actually, it's not that difficult to find a satisfying loving sensual relationship. Just be very ... | |
| plantonic marriage | 6/30/2011 |
| Q: how can this flourish with one partner peaking sexually and the other content with celibacy? ... A: Not a surprise that you are becoming predatory. (you may write me in French if you wish.) I know ... | |
| plantonic marriage | 6/29/2011 |
| Q: how can this flourish with one partner peaking sexually and the other content with celibacy? ... A: Was she always not interested in sex? Or did this appear gradually between you. Did you marry her ... | |
| plantonic marriage | 6/28/2011 |
| Q: how can this flourish with one partner peaking sexually and the other content with celibacy? A: It probably can not flourish. The one who wishes to have a lover will leave. Sometimes a partner ... | |
| Arranged Marriage | 6/5/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 32 year old woman who has lived with her parents in the United States her entire ... A: Sorry to hear that. You'll have to make a very difficult choice and most likely challenge them. ... | |
| DATING TURN OFFS | 6/4/2011 |
| Q: I AM 40 AND HAVE A BIT OF A RAUNCHY SENSE OF HUMOUR. I SOMETIMES TELL DIRTY JOKES, I HAVE HAD A ... A: I don't know. I suspect there might something else going on. That's one possibility of several. ... | |
| Arranged Marriage | 6/2/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 32 year old woman who has lived with her parents in the United States her entire ... A: I've actually dealt with some arranged marriages among orthodox Jews and so I have some familiarity ... | |
| date reappears after 7 weeks | 5/31/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I went on a date with a nice, pleasant gentleman approximately 7 weeks ago. I did think he ... A: You want to be careful about your anxieties around this. If you come at it with too much of a ... | |
| date reappears after 7 weeks | 5/29/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I went on a date with a nice, pleasant gentleman approximately 7 weeks ago. I did think he ... A: It might mean something that he got rid of the profiles. That seems like a rather serious step. ... | |
| Divorce | 5/27/2011 |
| Q: I am a 50 year old woman that has been divorced for 10 years, I was in a abusive relationship and ... A: This is an opportunity for you both. Neither of you has experienced the kind of mutual conscious ... | |
| Crazy ex.....do exist | 5/27/2011 |
| Q: I am not sure I have a very specific question... but I will certainly appreciate any guidance you ... A: Not sure how to read this situation. My first impulse is to suggest you guys get together with me ... | |
| I don't understand my parents attitude? | 5/25/2011 |
| Q: I am now 35 and am looking back at my life in my 20s. I have an opinion question for you. I realize ... A: This is very suggestive information. It starts to sound like they are living vicariously through ... | |
| I don't understand my parents attitude? | 5/24/2011 |
| Q: I am now 35 and am looking back at my life in my 20s. I have an opinion question for you. I realize ... A: Please. Schedule a conversation with me. It's free. You are right. There is something very weird ... | |
| his ex girlfriend... | 5/20/2011 |
| Q: long story, but my boyfriend is at the start of what will look like a custody battle. It is a very ... A: Maybe. It's hard to tell from what little you've said. It sounds like he's getting free legal ... | |
| funny exchange | 5/18/2011 |
| Q: I met a nice gentleman on a dating website and we went on a date a few days later. He was very ... A: These are all good questions. There's no telling until you take things further. You just have to ... | |
| funny exchange | 5/18/2011 |
| Q: I met a nice gentleman on a dating website and we went on a date a few days later. He was very ... A: A little strange. You gave him an opening and he seemed to miss it. Some guys are a little slow ... | |
| Midlife Crisis? | 5/16/2011 |
| Q: I am 50 years old and have been married for 22 years. I have one child who will be off to college ... A: It's not quite a midlife crisis. A crisis is a situation in which the bridges are burned and there ... | |
| hating my husband | 5/14/2011 |
| Q: I am 41 years old. I have been married 15yrs. I have 5 children from 13yrs to months old with down ... A: You have described and impossible-to-deal-with situation. Nothing will change unless you force it ... | |
| too long with no sexual contact | 5/2/2011 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 yrs and recently we decided to talk about our ... A: I can only guess based on lots of experience with other situations. However, my rule is that these ... | |
| comment | 5/1/2011 |
| Q: I went out to dinner with my parents. I am a 30 year old single never married woman and my parents ... A: Her little girl has different standards than she has. Her little girl has figured out a few things ... | |
| Retraining my thinking | 4/29/2011 |
| Q: Belove, Thanks for the chance to ask a question. I was in a relationship for about 10 years with ... A: Hard story. If you go to my blog, www.drbelove.com, and look for an article called, "Is your ... | |
| Disappears and then rambles about marriage? | 4/26/2011 |
| Q: I went on a date with a very pleasant gentleman who was extremely shy but sweet and honest. Kind and ... A: Not sure. It's very early in the game. You have to allow multiple possibilities for the two ... | |
| Socio-economic class difference? | 4/25/2011 |
| Q: I've met a very kind, polite, generous, sweet, intelligent, handsome man who works as in investment ... A: One step at a time. He seems fascinated by your smarts and style and maybe that you are an ... | |
| Socio-economic class difference? | 4/25/2011 |
| Q: I've met a very kind, polite, generous, sweet, intelligent, handsome man who works as in investment ... A: Okay. That helps a bit. (apparently you wish to remain anonymous.) What you know now is that it ... | |
| Mt dating pattern | 4/24/2011 |
| Q: 3 years ago I left an emotionally abusive relationship of 22 years. Since I left I have been trying ... A: It's a good question. It could be that you intuit something and are drawn to it. Three IS a ... | |
| Socio-economic class difference? | 4/24/2011 |
| Q: I've met a very kind, polite, generous, sweet, intelligent, handsome man who works as in investment ... A: Making a lot more money isn't the same as being Extremely Rich. These class differences are real ... | |
| Waiting 2 months to call a girl? | 4/18/2011 |
| Q: I know a couple, both in their early 30s, attractive, educated, successful, and single who met off a ... A: Never have only one theory about another persons motives or intentions. That's a strong rule of mine ... | |
| Dating wealthy men? | 4/13/2011 |
| Q: I'm a woman in her late 30's who has recently been divorced. I have swung from upper middle class to ... A: It will be a challenge for you. Often people who grew up in all that money take it for granted. ... | |
| Dating wealthy men? | 4/13/2011 |
| Q: I'm a woman in her late 30's who has recently been divorced. I have swung from upper middle class to ... A: Well, I offered a hypothesis about you which you didn't seem to respond to but it's my best idea. ... | |
| Dating wealthy men? | 4/13/2011 |
| Q: I'm a woman in her late 30's who has recently been divorced. I have swung from upper middle class to ... A: The questions seems more about you than general trends. I'd need to know more. I suspect you have ... | |
| Crazy ex.....do exist | 4/11/2011 |
| Q: I am not sure I have a very specific question... but I will certainly appreciate any guidance you ... A: Hey Nathalie, Not a new story. I have a small collection of ex-from-hell stories. Yours is in the ... | |
| re | 4/9/2011 |
| Q: --------------------------------------------------- I was on a dating site, and that site has a ton ... A: My first guess was that the men were intimidated by your photo. That they were younger also makes ... | |
| what happened? | 4/6/2011 |
| Q: I'm a doctor and I recently met a man online who was a lawyer. He was very handsome and smart and ... A: "next" is right. Still there was something about the way you described your own role that gave me ... | |
| HELP! | 4/6/2011 |
| Q: I am 26, independent, college graduate, bought a house and have been single for about 2 years no ... A: I'm not sure I have simple advice for you at the moment. A conversation might give me a better sense ... | |
| what happened? | 4/6/2011 |
| Q: I'm a doctor and I recently met a man online who was a lawyer. He was very handsome and smart and ... A: There is a story about the bank robber Willie Sutton. The judge said, "Mr. Sutton, Why do you rob ... | |
| what happened? | 4/6/2011 |
| Q: I'm a doctor and I recently met a man online who was a lawyer. He was very handsome and smart and ... A: My first guess is the obvious one, that he had a guilty conscience, or that there are things he's ... | |
| too much? | 4/4/2011 |
| Q: 29 years old. I have an MD degree and I'm doing residency in pediatrics. Ok I signed up for a dating ... A: That's quite a droll story. Your theory is that it has something to do with your picture. So send ... | |
| only guys in relationships hit on me? | 3/28/2011 |
| Q: I'm 32 years old. I'll be chatting with a guy, and he'll be hitting on me like there is no tomorrow. ... A: interesting question. People in relationships and with a good sex life are open and sexy. So it ... | |
| Dating after divorce, with possible children in the picture? | 3/12/2011 |
| Q: How is dating different after a divorce? How do divorced people proceed with meeting new people and ... A: Your answer requires a book. My website is www.datingatmidlife.com Many articles ar ethere. How ... | |
| Should I heed the warning? | 3/11/2011 |
| Q: I've become attracted to a gentleman, he seems very nice, polite, quiet, and shy. He is very ... A: Well if you have an intuition that there is some kind of sexual perversion with this man, and the ... | |
| Should I heed the warning? | 3/11/2011 |
| Q: I've become attracted to a gentleman, he seems very nice, polite, quiet, and shy. He is very ... A: "He's trouble could mean all sorts of things." The best thing for you to do is to ask those folks ... | |
| 50's and committment | 3/10/2011 |
| Q: I met a wonderful gent a yr ago. He initiated contact. I wasn't really interested. Finally 6 mos ago ... A: Listen, I do coaching and counseling on the phone or skype. First session is free. Why don't you ... | |
| 50's and committment | 3/10/2011 |
| Q: I met a wonderful gent a yr ago. He initiated contact. I wasn't really interested. Finally 6 mos ago ... A: You've got an interesting romance going, don't you. His behavior does seem strange but there ... | |
| Merge families? | 2/28/2011 |
| Q: I am in a relationship with a divorced man in his 40s. He has 2 kids, I have 2, all of them between ... A: Well, that's complex, as you might imagine. You have to look at this long term, i.e, as if it were ... | |
| He doesn't know if he wants children. Do I stay? Or move on? | 2/16/2011 |
| Q: I am a 29 year old women (nearing 30 in a few months) and am dating a 39 year old man. We’re both ... A: Very lovely situation. Here's what I think. I'd have you guys look at this conversation as part ... | |
| Waiting for boyfriend who's in prison for DUI | 2/15/2011 |
| Q: I read the article about the woman who is waiting for her boyfriend who went to prison for DUI. I am ... A: I really don't think you can find out if he is for real given the current circumstances. It is no ... | |
| insecurities | 2/4/2011 |
| Q: I am in my mid-30s, in a serious relationship with a man in his mid-40s. We are both divorced, with ... A: I have several thoughts about this. Never a good idea to have only one theory about psychological ... | |
| My Boyfriend Likes Burlesque and I Feel Threatened | 2/2/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I have been dating a man who has given me abundant proof that he loves me and ... A: I can only tell you how others have handled this successfully. You may need to figure out something ... | |
| My Boyfriend Likes Burlesque and I Feel Threatened | 2/2/2011 |
| Q: Belove, I have been dating a man who has given me abundant proof that he loves me and ... A: Many others have asked a similar question. Your inquiry shows a level of maturity and security ... | |
| Where is the love? | 1/28/2011 |
| Q: I am 39 yrs old, and my husband is 41. We have been married close to 19 yrs (we married a month ... A: You have a lot of presence of mind and self awareness. You'll need it. Is this normal? It's ... | |
| Starting over | 1/23/2011 |
| Q: Belove, thanks for the chance to ask a question. I am about to be 50 and pretty much starting over ... A: Okay Calli, First, you're doing a lot right. You're in the wake-up call phase of your midlife ... | |
| Hard to know | 1/21/2011 |
| Q: I am in my 50's and my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. I am divorced and he is in the final ... A: So sorry. You guys are in a major crisis that's about to get worse. If he's refusing therapy then ... | |
| affair | 1/14/2011 |
| Q: I am 40 years old married with 3 kids. I met a man 5 years ago and i had a relation with him i ... A: Carol, I'm so sorry. You are in for a lot of heartache. These things take root in the garden of ... | |
| discussing old girlfriends | 1/11/2011 |
| Q: How do I go about getting my boyfriend to stop talking about all his past girlfriends? It is to the ... A: Very very good question. Few people have presented it as clearly as you have. What I'm about to ... | |
| obsessessed and hurting | 1/10/2011 |
| Q: I am 52 years old and separated for over a year now but am still living in the same house with my ... A: So what you are saying is... are you saying... logic, reasoning and planning be damned? I'll say ... | |
| Normal differences or warnings? | 1/10/2011 |
| Q: I am in my mid-30s, divorced, with 2 children. I am in a relationship with a man in his mid-40s, ... A: Very interesting question. I am fascinated by the fact that moving across town, etc., is easier to ... | |
| obsessessed and hurting | 1/10/2011 |
| Q: I am 52 years old and separated for over a year now but am still living in the same house with my ... A: Good for you to reach out. Here was the key sentence, I think: "I am so scared ... and afraid ... | |
| Should I fight for it? | 1/5/2011 |
| Q: I'm a 30 year old woman, and I've been with this man who's 10 years older than me for a year now. We ... A: I'll do what I can with it. Probably these are the key phrases in your narrative: "We were not ... | |
| How to start over in 2011 | 12/29/2010 |
| Q: With the new year beginning I am beginning to feel lost and alone. I recently (about 8 months ago) ... A: You have certainly described a certain phase of midlife crisis perfectly. So many people I have ... | |
| on a quest to more quickly spot losers | 12/21/2010 |
| Q: In examining my past failed relationships, I have found some common denominators. Boyfriends start ... A: It may not be the guy only who gets ahead of himself. The couple, both partners get ahead. Lots ... | |
| on a quest to more quickly spot losers | 12/21/2010 |
| Q: In examining my past failed relationships, I have found some common denominators. Boyfriends start ... A: Nice question. This is a very debatable question. There are a lot of folks who support your ... | |
| Dealing with Ex-wife / current employee | 12/17/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He and his ex-wife divorced after she cheated on ... A: This is subtle and I'm not sure how to advise you. I suspect you have a similar feeling. On the ... | |
| Conflict with relatives | 12/16/2010 |
| Q: How can I deal with a sister and daughter-in-law of my boyfriend?We are both 56 years old. I love ... A: Absolutely, completely and totally stay out of it. This is between him and them. The fact that it ... | |
| Introspection | 12/15/2010 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask you a question that I have been asking myself for ... A: first of all, congratulations on the good introspection you've done so far. You've come a bit of ... | |
| impression? | 12/11/2010 |
| Q: I just got hired at a new job. They are all men and I'm the only woman that interviewed, it seems ... A: You were lucky. They sound cool and good hearted and easy going. The comment about thinking you ... | |
| virginity | 12/6/2010 |
| Q: Why did people remain virgins until marriage in the old days? Why doesn't anyone wait anymore? ... A: Hard to reduce it to just one thing. It was a cultural thing. First of all, no reliable birth ... | |
| financial issues | 12/5/2010 |
| Q: I went to another country for school, and when I arrived, I was told that my loan check had come in ... A: Times change. It's weird. We learn to reach past the cultural divisions and to connect across ... | |
| parents not helping me out? | 12/5/2010 |
| Q: --------------------------------Hi, I went to another country for school, and when I arrived, I was ... A: Pretty good. You did better than I could have. My guess was your number one. I thought of 2 but ... | |
| gratitude | 12/4/2010 |
| Q: I went to another country for school, and when I arrived, I was told that my loan check had come in ... A: It's hard to know. Let me push you a little on this. You know them better than me. What would be ... | |
| gratitude | 12/2/2010 |
| Q: I went to another country for school, and when I arrived, I was told that my loan check had come in ... A: YOu are not used to kindness, perhaps. Go to www.authentichappiness.org and take the VIA signature ... | |
| am i a rebound? and is once a cheater always a cheater? | 12/1/2010 |
| Q: d and i met through a mutual friend. he first contacted me through a social networking site and we ... A: Short answer: yes. Seems to be part of his style. He likes relationships. He likes closeness. He's ... | |
| stages of development | 11/26/2010 |
| Q: General question, from what you've seen in life. Where would an 18 year old girl (woman) be in her ... A: Well, welcome midlife. It gets better, as they say. Yes, people change, but at midlife they have ... | |
| boss screams at employees | 11/22/2010 |
| Q: Let's say you're on the job, and a boss, manager, supervisor, or a higher up on the company ladder ... A: Only to an extent. they may be risk takers but the measure of effective leadership is care and ... | |
| boss screams at employees | 11/22/2010 |
| Q: Let's say you're on the job, and a boss, manager, supervisor, or a higher up on the company ladder ... A: It it's management and they are bullying then you have to just take it or lose your job. ... | |
| rich kids vs poor kids | 11/17/2010 |
| Q: Why do children of extremely rich people seem to have a hateful, dismissive attitude of others? They ... A: I mean that very very wealthy people give millions to universities. Buildings are named after them. ... | |
| rich kids vs poor kids | 11/17/2010 |
| Q: Why do children of extremely rich people seem to have a hateful, dismissive attitude of others? They ... A: Not true for some, but extremely extremely rich people, like the aristocrats of any era, live ... | |
| women misinterpret men's signals | 11/16/2010 |
| Q: As a woman we are taught to never approach men and not pursue men at all. Men are hunters, women are ... A: I don't know about a "ton" of interest in him, but you're right and they are wrong. Women play a ... | |
| Should I walk away? | 11/15/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend is in his late 50's and I am in my early 50's. We started dating about 3 years ago and ... A: You asked, 'should you walk away?' You may not have noticed this, but here is one of my rules: ... | |
| laughing psychology | 11/13/2010 |
| Q: I was violently bullied at the workplace by another coworker. I reported her and she got fired from ... A: Hard to say. But think about these people: Michael Eisner George W Bush Donald Rumsfeld Dick ... | |
| never thought this would happen | 11/8/2010 |
| Q: I met a guy at my work in this tiny office building. We only work there 1-2 days a week, for 4 hour ... A: I once saw a tv interview with Mary Tyler Moore and her husband. She was sixty and her husband, an ... | |
| A breakup question | 11/3/2010 |
| Q: I'm 57 and my boyfriend is 53, and have been dating seriously for about 15 months. He just broke off ... A: Your follow up helped a bit. There are no "rules" for this. Also, I'm still going more on clinical ... | |
| A breakup question | 11/3/2010 |
| Q: I'm 57 and my boyfriend is 53, and have been dating seriously for about 15 months. He just broke off ... A: Something doesn't add up. Something is missing in the story. How did his principle relationship ... | |
| The Road To Nowhere | 10/16/2010 |
| Q: I am a 47 year old widow. My husband died 4 years ago. We were married for 24 years. I started ... A: Yes, of course I can help you get on track. This is the core of my work with folks. It's a kind of ... | |
| are they hitting on me? | 10/13/2010 |
| Q: The moment I meet a guy in a professional sense, whether it is at a job, at a convention, at a ... A: I'd say "trust your instincts." If it feels like they are tapping at the door, then they probably ... | |
| cold feet | 10/9/2010 |
| Q: Philip - I have written to you several times over the years about my boyfriend, Jim. I'm 61, ... A: Pam, It sounds like you've passed your limit and you are all used up. Only you can know this and, ... | |
| cold feet | 10/7/2010 |
| Q: Philip - I have written to you several times over the years about my boyfriend, Jim. I'm 61, ... A: always afraid it will go badly, even though it never does - I am always nice to him when he calls ... | |
| Interesting... | 10/6/2010 |
| Q: 2 questions ~ 1. Male musicians, such as famous rock stars - guitarists, vocalists, drummers, etc - ... A: Good questions. 1. Their extreme emotionality is something they are born with. It's a gift. They ... | |
| growing up | 9/30/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 29 year old woman and I am still a virgin. I was raised in a strict household where ... A: I think those are fine requirements. I would say that most single women your age want pretty much ... | |
| growing up | 9/29/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 29 year old woman and I am still a virgin. I was raised in a strict household where ... A: You seem to be on the right track, if your answer is complete. You want a mature man. and you are ... | |
| growing up | 9/28/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 29 year old woman and I am still a virgin. I was raised in a strict household where ... A: There's a book you might enjoy called "Round Heeled Woman.' You can read big excerpts for free on ... | |
| Why do I care? | 9/11/2010 |
| Q: Belove. First time here and eager to see your response. I am early 40's and apparently an idiot. ... A: I thank you for this question. It was so timely. I was working on a part of my web page and once ... | |
| Advice please | 9/8/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I have been dating my (much, much younger) boyfriend exclusively for almost 11 months now. ... A: That's a really interesting story. My sense is that you guys have more to talk about. I'd have ... | |
| dating in mid-life | 9/3/2010 |
| Q: I am 60 years old. I have been previously married and divorced three times. I have not been married ... A: This has to be one of the best questions I've gotten in a long time. I'm struck by how many women ... | |
| threatened by women's sexuality part II | 9/2/2010 |
| Q: I'm an older woman who's a virgin. I am comfortable with my sexuality however, and I do masturbate ... A: I have an additional thought and I added it at the bottom "Any thoughts?" you say. I have lots of ... | |
| Boyfriends ex wife | 9/2/2010 |
| Q: My bf and I have been together 2 yrs. We love each other very much but I'm having a hard time ... A: It's a common problem and it sounds like your are making a common mistake. First of all, go easy ... | |
| People are threatened by women's sexuality? | 9/1/2010 |
| Q: You know I have noticed something. Men are, by nature, comfortable with their sexuality. I have ... A: Interesting topic. I think your take is exagerrated and at the same time, behind this broad ... | |
| is he interested? | 8/23/2010 |
| Q: This guy I met was totally all over me at this restaurant, he was a waiter, constantly flirting with ... A: It's up to you. Might be a nice fling. Could be something more. Certainly it's a free meal and a ... | |
| Odd response? | 8/21/2010 |
| Q: I need help from an older person. I went to speak with a staff member of my college, the financial ... A: Yes, odd response. Inadequate response. A financial aid officer might be incompetent to handle such ... | |
| awkward encounter after lawsuit? | 8/17/2010 |
| Q: I got involved in a lawsuit with another student at my school. I had reported very bad behavior of ... A: I doubt the entire school, but certain there will be enough to make things miserable. But you have ... | |
| awkward encounter after lawsuit? | 8/16/2010 |
| Q: I got involved in a lawsuit with another student at my school. I had reported very bad behavior of ... A: Sounds like you're stuck. It's never pleasant dealing with a cold war, but everyone has a couple in ... | |
| interest after rejection? | 8/14/2010 |
| Q: I asked a guy out for coffee at this business expo thing, and he said no, that he had a girlfriend. ... A: This has been a pleasant exchange for me but a little unusual. You seem to be really fascinated by ... | |
| Right way to ask a guy out? | 8/14/2010 |
| Q: What's a good way to ask a guy out? Say "wanna go get a coffee or something?" and give him your ... A: You smile and think to yourself, "your loss, buddy." And you say to the man, "Oh, what a ... | |
| interest after rejection? | 8/14/2010 |
| Q: I asked a guy out for coffee at this business expo thing, and he said no, that he had a girlfriend. ... A: By personal, I meant he was interesting in who you are. Yes, it's a way of flirting. Body ... | |
| Right way to ask a guy out? | 8/14/2010 |
| Q: What's a good way to ask a guy out? Say "wanna go get a coffee or something?" and give him your ... A: You first have a short conversation with them, no more than five minutes. Then you go away. Then you ... | |
| Lover | 8/13/2010 |
| Q: I am 42 years of age. I have all but given up chatting girls for over the last 16 years. I want to ... A: I'd have to know so much more about you and your situation in order to coach you. I would need to ... | |
| follow up | 8/12/2010 |
| Q: Ok so I asked the guy at the gym out for a coffee. He said he had a girlfriend. But hey, at least ... A: He's been trained as a salesperson, or he's a natural. The rule among sales people is "people don't ... | |
| comittment phobia | 8/12/2010 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I asked you a question once before and thought you had a wonderful answer. My man and ... A: Yes, this is a common enough issue. I usually know what to do. I think in one little essay I called ... | |
| mildly confused | 8/11/2010 |
| Q: I'm wondering if you could let me know what you think about my situation? I'm 51 and since last ... A: Norma, thanks for the sweet story. If you want to continue this communication in more privacy, ... | |
| sexual attraction and emotional intimacy | 8/9/2010 |
| Q: My husband M and I have been married for 5 years, we are both 48. This is the second marriage for ... A: Well,that's a lot. You are right. It is a positive thing that it is out in the open. I guess the ... | |
| sexual attraction and emotional intimacy | 8/7/2010 |
| Q: My husband M and I have been married for 5 years, we are both 48. This is the second marriage for ... A: You've described a very complex situation and I do wish you both had asked for a consultation ... | |
| Boyfriend's comments about other women | 8/7/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I've been dating a 54-year-old man for close to 7 months. I'm 50. From the very beginning ... A: Kelly, You guys are like two people leaning way out over the edge but in opposite directions in ... | |
| How to begin again!?? | 8/1/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I am 48 years old and starting over again and I am not sure how to do that. I was married ... A: You're having a "moment." Everyone who is single at midlife has these from time to time. They are ... | |
| Is she a true friend? | 7/27/2010 |
| Q: I have a best friend who I've been friends with for 15 years. She has never stabbed me in the back, ... A: It's a little difficult to follow your story so I might be missing something very important. What's ... | |
| widow/dating | 7/26/2010 |
| Q: It's a bit complicated,but I will try to ask as easy as possible. How do I get over the anger/hurt ... A: Wow. That's fast feedback. Let's see, a few simple things I can tell you. Jealousy is hard wired. ... | |
| Bad Judgement or character flaw? | 7/22/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 2 years is a high school teacher. Today on the answering machine was a message from ... A: I don't know what to tell you at this point. I think it's too soon to tell. I'm going to guess ... | |
| widow/dating | 7/22/2010 |
| Q: It's a bit complicated,but I will try to ask as easy as possible. How do I get over the anger/hurt ... A: You've asked about one of the common,but rarely acknowledged issues in midlife dating == how to deal ... | |
| Perplexed & Confused | 7/20/2010 |
| Q: I'm 31 & my boyfriend of 4 yrs, age 37 has recently expressed clearly to me he has no ... A: This is indeed a very difficult situation for you. It is a true crisis. You know what that means: ... | |
| Crush on Psych | 7/10/2010 |
| Q: I have been seeing my psychiatrist for almost 2 years now and have developed quite a crush on him. ... A: Well, it's going to be "an issue." How else could he responsibly handle it? I think your social ... | |
| Crush on Psych | 7/9/2010 |
| Q: I have been seeing my psychiatrist for almost 2 years now and have developed quite a crush on him. ... A: Annie, it probably depends on his training. We are usually expected to be very sensitive to the ... | |
| adult children & dating | 7/9/2010 |
| Q: I am 52 %26 female. Married x 24 yrs %26 husband died 7 Ayers ago by suicide. Remarried after 3 ... A: I had a little trouble reading your post. I'm going to guess that the %26 is an &. Sounds like a ... | |
| Ex Blues | 7/5/2010 |
| Q: My live in boyfriend's ex-wife left him 3 years ago. One year before that while living in the same ... A: This is a common challenge, and not an easy one, yet there are a lot of ways it can be handled ... | |
| charm and loving sex | 7/1/2010 |
| Q: i find older women charming ,though i wonder because of the affects age have on a womans sex,whether ... A: Yes, the mysterious "IT" Some women are glad it's gone. One woman said, "I never realized how ... | |
| Mixed messages from 53-year-old boyfriend | 6/28/2010 |
| Q: I'm 49 and have been dating a 53-year-old man I met online for 5 months. I've been divorced for 4 ... A: It doesn't sound like the behavior is erratic, only that the talk goes all over the place. If I'm ... | |
| Down time? | 6/19/2010 |
| Q: Belove. I have been enjoying reading your past Q/A and decided to ask you one of my own. It really ... A: Annie, this is a great letter. Thanks so much. First of all, thanks for letting me know that ... | |
| Maybe too complicated | 6/13/2010 |
| Q: I have been involved in a relationship with a woman who I grew very close to during a period of time ... A: Very mature question you have asked. I think there does come a time when we look at the long term ... | |
| how do I get over my commitment phobia after my bad marriages? | 6/9/2010 |
| Q: My question is---am I "ruined" in terms of being able to commit again because of my 2 previous bad ... A: I'll need until Monday probably to get the draft of the article done. Meanwhile, send me your email ... | |
| My boyfriend doesn't want my kids and me around | 6/1/2010 |
| Q: We have been together 2 years and I feel unwelcome in his life when he has his kids. We get ... A: Lisa, This is very common in relationships where both people are divorced and both have children. ... | |
| bad boy behavior | 6/1/2010 |
| Q: I really liked this guy James, and he liked me back, but another girl Sarah got him first before me. ... A: I doubt that he's changed. Maybe gotten more subtle. Why would you think so? You seem fascinated by ... | |
| bad boy behavior | 5/31/2010 |
| Q: I really liked this guy James, and he liked me back, but another girl Sarah got him first before me. ... A: "Issues and garbage" are most likely all the things you told me. Drugs, cocaine, especially and ... | |
| how to handle the situation | 5/21/2010 |
| Q: I'm new at my workplace and ever since I came there is a lot of tension and trouble brewing. They ... A: Good distinction. And a valid one. There is a difference between crude and evil. You've come ... | |
| how to handle the situation | 5/21/2010 |
| Q: I'm new at my workplace and ever since I came there is a lot of tension and trouble brewing. They ... A: Sounds pretty good as far as I can tell. I'm not sure yet what to make of the way you described ... | |
| Loving an ugly woman | 5/12/2010 |
| Q: I am a 55-year-old (INTP) with four children (27F, 26M, 23M, 18F) married for 28 years, separated ... A: Very allopathic presentation. Nicely done. NT's often hook up with NF's. They like the N connection ... | |
| Lost | 4/20/2010 |
| Q: in October of last year, my wife of 16 years informed me that she wasn't happy being married ... A: I had another letter half drafted and then I somehow disappeared it. I'll try to reconstruct what ... | |
| a p.s to the querie I just submitted.... | 4/18/2010 |
| Q: By the way, he left the relationship, not I, and by intimate, I meant physically intimate as well as ... A: Curiouser and curiouser. First, thank you for the detailed replay. Now we're getting into ... | |
| a p.s to the querie I just submitted.... | 4/17/2010 |
| Q: By the way, he left the relationship, not I, and by intimate, I meant physically intimate as well as ... A: I got both points from the way you asked it. So I don't think I'd change my basic response. Maybe ... | |
| intimacy with an ex-spouse | 4/17/2010 |
| Q: My ex-husband and I are both in our forties and recently divorced. He began pursuing a relationship ... A: The relationship you now have speaks well of the fundamental friendship between you and your ex. ... | |
| why dont i understand?? | 4/12/2010 |
| Q: Im struggling? Which Is why I guess I am trying this.. OK, Where do I start! I met C 5 years ago! ... A: A relationship like this is a blessing and a curse. I mean this in the sense that a mirror is a ... | |
| Was it me? | 4/10/2010 |
| Q: Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question of you. I am in my mid 40's and am divorced ... A: Welcome to your midlife crisis. It happens to the best of us. I could go on at length. I've been ... | |
| fear of dating | 4/9/2010 |
| Q: I'm hoping you can help me. I was divorced almost 4 years ago after a 20-year marriage(I initiated ... A: Very very very interesting letter and question. The answer to your either/or question -- is there ... | |
| midlife affair/crush | 4/9/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I have been in a marriage with a man who I have always felt I was very compatible with. We ... A: Well, you've just discovered something very important and interesting about yourself. There are ... | |
| my partner | 4/8/2010 |
| Q: I am 42 years old. I am divorced years ago. I have a son who is 19 and at college. I met my ... A: I worry that the things I would need to tell you in order to help you are possibly so painful and ... | |
| younger man | 4/8/2010 |
| Q: Greetings Dr. Belove, I wrote to you a few months back about a man I am dating who is nearly 20 ... A: I am glad that my last letter was helpful to you. I hope this one will be as well. Let's look at ... | |
| Why was he so interested? | 4/5/2010 |
| Q: I went to the mall on Friday at 8 pm and I met this guy at one of those spine assessment booth ... A: Interesting story. I agree with you. Something was out or proportion and clueless. Never have only ... | |
| Trauma related | 3/30/2010 |
| Q: I am 38yr old Male from India. My wife is now 33. We got married 10 years back, we have a 5 year old ... A: Most likely it can. However it sounds rather serious and I suspect it will take a combination of ... | |
| trauma | 3/29/2010 |
| Q: I used to work with this woman at our office, she had some kind of psychiatric disorder. She was ... A: Amazing story. As I read through your letter I wasn't sure where you were going. Your story ... | |
| Not sure how to begin again | 3/21/2010 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am a mid forties fairly attractive woman that feels as if I am in this abyss and not ... A: The short answer is that you've taken the first step. You've started to question the one constant ... | |
| players who marry | 3/18/2010 |
| Q: Belove, There are many very handsome men who are longtime confirmed bachelors, such as George ... A: It happens because men (and women) sort out the people they have sex with. Men who are players and ... | |
| players who marry | 3/17/2010 |
| Q: Belove, There are many very handsome men who are longtime confirmed bachelors, such as George ... A: Interesting yes, but not true. Men who date beautiful talented attractive and gifted women do not ... | |
| celibate wife follow on | 3/16/2010 |
| Q: we agreed no sex when we had serious relationship,that was 30 years ago,i couldnt find another woman ... A: That's a bit more helpful. At least I know better some additional questions to ask: 1. why did you ... | |
| sex and couples | 3/16/2010 |
| Q: with men finding sex outside a celibate wife and women not interested in loving sex what future ... A: Why is she not interested in sex? I'd need to know the story behind that. This is a very complex ... | |
| sex and couples | 3/16/2010 |
| Q: with men finding sex outside a celibate wife and women not interested in loving sex what future ... A: A lot of people would consider that very legitimate grounds for divorce. In my experience with ... | |
| sex and couples | 3/15/2010 |
| Q: with men finding sex outside a celibate wife and women not interested in loving sex what future ... A: You may write me directly at drbelove@drbelove.com and in French. Vous mai m'écrire directement à ... | |
| writing and love | 3/10/2010 |
| Q: by writing a successful novel is this a way to meet a partner in midlife? it seems difficult to meet ... A: No. The way to meet people is to go out and meet people. The virtual world can help you make ... | |
| Boyfriend + family not happy about my pregnancy - to leave or stay | 3/8/2010 |
| Q: I (31) and boyfriend (42) are both divorcees. He has a daughter (12 yrs) from previous marriage, I ... A: Tricky situation but not an unusual one. I'm afraid you are being sucked into a bad spot by the ... | |
| Angry and not sexually attracted to my husband any more | 3/4/2010 |
| Q: Philip, Im writing because I´m feeling quite confused at the moment. I feel like I really do not ... A: I really appreciate these detailed questions. This is going to be a rather long answer and there ... | |
| thoughts | 3/1/2010 |
| Q: I like a man in my age range, he is quite experienced with women sexually, having had a number of ... A: Sounds about right. Still sounds a bit out of control. Maybe beyond Player. Hugh Hefner was always ... | |
| thoughts | 3/1/2010 |
| Q: I like a man in my age range, he is quite experienced with women sexually, having had a number of ... A: I couldn't possibly know whether the masturbation thing were true. In my skill building sessions ... | |
| midlife sex | 3/1/2010 |
| Q: i find i need greater sex now and cant find it is this normal? A: vraiment normale. I'm developing a guide on how to handle this. It's based on a four hour seminar ... | |
| thoughts | 2/28/2010 |
| Q: I like a man in my age range, he is quite experienced with women sexually, having had a number of ... A: What a sweet letter. I usually work with older women. Something seems to happen after forty and ... | |
| Comfortable with lonelness | 2/14/2010 |
| Q: i, I haven’t had a relationship for well over 8yrs, except for a holiday fling, which to my relief ... A: Really interesting story. You are quite articulate and thoughtful and I really appreciate that. ... | |
| Sorting through the thoughts | 2/14/2010 |
| Q: Belove, Thanks for the chance to ask a question. This is sort of a introspective type question ... A: Bless your heart, you are on the road to some very powerful insights. There is an old Jewish ... | |
| Girlfriend commitment issues | 2/9/2010 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for just a year. She is beautiful, sensitive, ... A: That's a hard story Keith. You get your heart all opened up and then suddenly something fundamental ... | |
| etiquette | 1/31/2010 |
| Q: Not a dating question, but I need advice from someone a little more experienced about etiquette. I ... A: First of all I really really liked what you did. My son has been in China for the last 7 years ... | |
| Delicate handling | 1/23/2010 |
| Q: I have just recently started dating a man (about a month and a half now) and there are certain ... A: You may have blind spot for a certain type of immaturity in men. Or you may have had a run of bad ... | |
| mixed strange emotions | 1/22/2010 |
| Q: Not a relationship question in the romantic sense, but a relationship question nonetheless. So I had ... A: You can't trust them to have any sense of the impact of their behavior on others. That's what I ... | |
| mixed strange emotions | 1/21/2010 |
| Q: Not a relationship question in the romantic sense, but a relationship question nonetheless. So I had ... A: Nut jobs. Fair enough. these are not people with a lot of empathy and they probably don't even ... | |
| mixed strange emotions | 1/20/2010 |
| Q: Not a relationship question in the romantic sense, but a relationship question nonetheless. So I had ... A: Michelle, In the ten years or so I've been handling these questions, situations like yours -- how ... | |
| travel agreements/conditions | 1/19/2010 |
| Q: Widowhood has left me near destitute and I would really like to travel. How would one approach a ... A: Nice of you to include your picture. Lovely smile. Interesting and tricky problem. You are asking ... | |
| Delicate handling | 1/18/2010 |
| Q: I have just recently started dating a man (about a month and a half now) and there are certain ... A: You ask "how do I read this guy?" and it's a very good question and I can help you with it, but you ... | |
| Should I give up? | 1/7/2010 |
| Q: My work position relocated me to the East Coast from the Midwest; my husband at that time opted to ... A: Wow. That's great. I appreciate the feedback. It sounds like you really do have a lot of ... | |
| Should I give up? | 1/7/2010 |
| Q: My work position relocated me to the East Coast from the Midwest; my husband at that time opted to ... A: " Wish I was, although I do think my intuition is pretty good by this time in my career. Still, ... | |
| Is it me? | 1/5/2010 |
| Q: I am really feeling pretty low right now. I was involved after my marriage (which ended as my ... A: I agree with a lot of what your friend said. You are not responsible for your partner's cheating. ... | |
| "Not getting enough attention": Further reading? | 1/4/2010 |
| Q: Belove, In your answer to the question about not getting enough attention ... A: First of all that list of yours in the last paragraph is excellent. If you do nothing more than ... | |
| Is it me? | 1/4/2010 |
| Q: I am really feeling pretty low right now. I was involved after my marriage (which ended as my ... A: Ouch. Painful story. Well, I think you are close to figuring out what you need. You've taken the ... | |
| a lover for me? | 12/29/2009 |
| Q: I am a 44 years old man married with 5 childrem (mexicans) and I knew a girl, perhaps 40 or ... A: I recommend that you pay attention to what you have said and think about it. You said, "I am really ... | |
| my boyfriend | 12/27/2009 |
| Q: I have lived with my boyfriend for about 2 years and found he has many female friends. I know some ... A: I think the girl is trying to steal your boyfriend. It might be that he is more than just friends. ... | |
| A start over | 12/14/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am in my mid 40's and starting over after a marriage that ended with my husband having an ... A: I can probably help you. Yours is a common midlife question, maybe the essential question of the ... | |
| How do I come to terms with boyfriends being attracted ot other women? | 12/14/2009 |
| Q: I was hoping you could help me resolve this issue that plagues me daily. I have a boyfriend with ... A: You are so good hearted and decent and humble about this issue and I wish first of all to ... | |
| Scared stiff | 12/4/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have started dating someone nearly 20 years younger than myself. We have amazing ... A: A lot of this has to do with personal taste and as you said, you are not a "we need to talk" type. ... | |
| my uncle | 12/3/2009 |
| Q: When I was young, from since I was born till 19 years old I live in a so poor way because my mother ... A: This is very difficult, is it not? How do we make these decisions? Family is so important. Family ... | |
| Is it me? | 11/29/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am pondering a question that I need some help with. I am a divorced woman in my mid ... A: Annya, What a perfectly timed question! Thank you. I've been trying to write something about this ... | |
| Dating a man who is commitment phobic | 11/28/2009 |
| Q: I am 45 and have been involved with a man off and on for the past 30 years. We fell in love in HS. ... A: Well, I don't know if you are a mess, but your sure have a mess on your hands as far as that ... | |
| drama queens | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: Why are some fat, ugly girls so hateful and have the worst attitudes? Not all...but a lot of them ... A: If you've ever met a very famous person you might know what I mean. I once stood next to Harrison ... | |
| drama queens | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: Why are some fat, ugly girls so hateful and have the worst attitudes? Not all...but a lot of them ... A: This same issue comes up from time to time. About once a year and I've been doing this for about ... | |
| relationship with father of out of control teen boy | 11/10/2009 |
| Q: again. You gave some advice earlier that did give me some direction even though you felt maybe it ... A: Nice to hear from you Renee, thanks for the update. So you've become more and more of the therapist ... | |
| Crossing lines | 11/7/2009 |
| Q: I have a very perplexing question. Why do I have so many married men interested in me, telling me ... A: First, they are separate problems -- I'm pretty sure of that -- so don't conflate them. It will make ... | |
| More on dating father of out of control teen boy | 11/3/2009 |
| Q: again. You gave some advice earlier that did give me some direction even though you felt maybe it ... A: I would guess you've convinced your counselors that you want support from them to hang in and they ... | |
| The Dream | 11/2/2009 |
| Q: Doc I have a dream. A dream that the man I love, who also loves me, will end up together ... A: No advice yet. What I'd like to do is send you a draft of an early chapter on baggage. It's a way ... | |
| Where to now? | 11/1/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am a soon to be 49 year old woman who is in a very confused state of what is next? I ... A: Anne, I'm sorry this is so hard for you. It's what happens to so many of us. Welcome to your ... | |
| Cunfused | 11/1/2009 |
| Q: I am hoping you can help me understand some things and maybe even put me on a path to make a ... A: Hard to tell. I like that you have a sense that it might be a dynamic of the relationship. You ... | |
| platonic ? | 10/28/2009 |
| Q: Have been dating a man for a year now and slept with him a number of times. We get a long great, but ... A: Joan, my prediction is that it will hurt him to hear this. You probably have to say it anyway. It ... | |
| Communication issues | 10/28/2009 |
| Q: I am a 41 year old widowed mother of two daughters, 14 and 11. I have been dating my boyfriend for ... A: Sounds pretty bad and also sounds like you've waited a bit too long. Often in a relationship when ... | |
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/16/2009 |
| Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ... A: I'm so sorry to hear all this. It's quite sad. The story? Well, it just sounds like more of the ... | |
| Co-worker crush | 10/8/2009 |
| Q: I am in need of some advice regarding a situation that I believe amounts to a “crush” involving a ... A: She's flirting with you and she knows it. She's going to take her time. I hope you can stand it. ... | |
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/6/2009 |
| Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ... A: Nice to hear back from you and I'm glad my answer was moderately helpful. It does not sound like ... | |
| Dating father of out of control teen boy | 10/5/2009 |
| Q: I'm 43. The man I've been dating, Tony, is 40 and we have been very serious for the past eleven ... A: Renee, you better pray. It's going to take a miracle. When a teenager is that out of control it ... | |
| Starting over? | 10/3/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, thanks for the opportunity to ask a question. I may be posing it on the wrong site, ... A: It does create a huge emptiness when they finally back off from you and create their own life. It's ... | |
| Trying to change me | 10/3/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been in relationships over the past years that while the men were incredible when ... A: What you do know is that they are real honest to goodness red flags and they are all over the place ... | |
| question | 9/29/2009 |
| Q: I've dated several men throughout my life and had mainly positive experiences with each one. I have ... A: I'd be curious about what the psychiatrists and counselors said to you before advising you. I'll go ... | |
| Is it me? | 9/28/2009 |
| Q: Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question of you. I am mid 40s and been divorced for ... A: You've asked good, solid, deep questions. And also, being in your mid 40's, that's about the time ... | |
| How much do I reveal? | 9/24/2009 |
| Q: I was separated for over three years and finally divorced about 18 months ago, ending an emotionally ... A: I like to think I'm an intuitive guy, too. Lovely, lovely question. Well, of course, you have ... | |
| Dealing with boyfriends ex-wife | 9/20/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 1 year was married for 10 years, and divorced for 8. They have no kids, no alimony ... A: Your letter is a little hard to follow. First you say they have no kids and then you say "he did ... | |
| How do I break up with my live-in boyfriend? | 9/17/2009 |
| Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years now. At first, things were great, as one would ... A: If you've ever flown you'll remember the safety announcement. "If there is an emergency and the ... | |
| I think it's over | 9/16/2009 |
| Q: Philip - I just wrote to you about a week ago with details about my fiancee who just couldn't ... A: That's a bit better. I gave you a challenge and you stepped right up to it. So it sounds like you ... | |
| I think it's over | 9/16/2009 |
| Q: Philip - I just wrote to you about a week ago with details about my fiancee who just couldn't ... A: I've seen this happen often enough. Usually the plug has to be pulled. At the very least you have to ... | |
| advice | 9/15/2009 |
| Q: I have two questions rolled into one. It's both a dating and career question. I'm a 32 year old ... A: Again, thanks for the follow up. I don't think it would be appropriate for him to follow up ... | |
| advice | 9/15/2009 |
| Q: I have two questions rolled into one. It's both a dating and career question. I'm a 32 year old ... A: Delicate. You have to decide whether or not to write off the job before you try the personal ... | |
| Dating with Children at 20 Miles | 9/14/2009 |
| Q: I met a man in 6 months ago who is absolutely wonderful. We get along in almost every sense. In ... A: It's hard to identify your concerns. They seem to be a bit tangled. Maybe this is an accurate ... | |
| boyfriend isn't interested in being a parent | 9/8/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating the same man for nearly three years. I began seeing him when I was still married ... A: You're doing what you have to do. Such decisions are painful and take time. You've emphasized that ... | |
| Feelings for an ex | 9/7/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating a woman for the past 2 years. Just to give you some background on her. She is ... A: This is a strange story you've told and I, like you, have more questions than answers. I suppose I ... | |
| What to do?? | 9/3/2009 |
| Q: Philip - I am 60, divorced for 11 years, engaged since July to a man who is 61, divorced for 4 ... A: Interesting feedback. In your first letter, as you told the story, it was all about how indecisive ... | |
| What to do?? | 9/3/2009 |
| Q: Philip - I am 60, divorced for 11 years, engaged since July to a man who is 61, divorced for 4 ... A: There are elements to it that are quite sweet. Your loyalty to him, your patience with him, his love ... | |
| Dont have any Fiancee | 9/3/2009 |
| Q: I do not have any Fiancee .I have no idea what goes wrong. i do not find any girl or the girls do ... A: I could help you, But you would have to tell me so much more. I'd need specifics. However, to ... | |
| break up or not | 8/29/2009 |
| Q: I'm 53, college educated, divorced, have 2 kids and a professional job. After dating a lot in the ... A: You have many good reasons for your misgivings. Give your intuition a gold star and take them ... | |
| Dating a Widow | 8/27/2009 |
| Q: I am 63 years old and have had several dates with a recently widowed (9 months)59 year old woman. We ... A: It's not a bad idea to take her at her word. At least start there. She says she just wants to have ... | |
| how do i get him | 8/26/2009 |
| Q: I really like this guy...but he has a steady girlfriend that he has been dating for a year. The girl ... A: What you are doing is called "mate poaching." Sometimes it works. However, there is a price to pay. ... | |
| Question on Partner/Boyfriend | 8/22/2009 |
| Q: I met a wonderful guy online (e-harmony) about five months ago. It basically was the first date ... A: First some general comments. I haven't read the Talisman and Cutright work. It's possible that ... | |
| NO-STRINGS SEX & AGE DIFFERENCE | 8/21/2009 |
| Q: Philip. I am a 48 year old divorced woman and have not had a sexual relationship in almost six ... A: A couple things. First of all, he picked up on your body language and could tell that you had lust ... | |
| Dating a man who likes teenagers | 8/17/2009 |
| Q: I am dating a high school teacher in his fifties who is always checking out teenage girls. The girls ... A: What a terrible position you are in. This man, your lover, whom you must have some affection for, is ... | |
| Is he impressed by me? | 8/17/2009 |
| Q: I recently started working at a new company, and the general manager interviewed me for the office ... A: Possibly. You have to be very careful. If you are looking for long term possibilities you have ... | |
| Follow Up to dating in the workplace | 8/16/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I have a follow up ... it is written in caps lock below so that the text doesn't get ... A: It's pretty simple, I think. He has a serious girlfriend and he is charmed by you. So there are no ... | |
| reply: No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 8/13/2009 |
| Q: Answer Hi Marcus, I'm having trouble following your question. The "no contact" rule, as I ... A: So now I'm understanding you as saying that you dated her for six weeks and you felt things were ... | |
| No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 8/13/2009 |
| Q: "Here is my confusion/frustration -- I have heard a lot about "no contact" with younger people ... A: I'm having trouble following your question. The "no contact" rule, as I understand it, is a way to ... | |
| dating in the workplace | 8/11/2009 |
| Q: So I just started a new job as a host at an upscale restaurant, I am not planning on staying in this ... A: Sounds promising. Do keep me up to date on this one. You're very observant. Next steps: See if ... | |
| divorced friend | 8/9/2009 |
| Q: I have a friend who is 58 and is dating a 38 year old bimbo. She clearly wants him for his money ... A: A very interesting question. First of all, it's going to be tricky because the contempt you have ... | |
| advice | 8/6/2009 |
| Q: People keep asking me for relationship advice. I don't know why. Anyway, so now one of my friends ... A: Reminds me of the nursery rhyme: Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean. I had a ... | |
| complaint | 8/4/2009 |
| Q: I'm a PHD student and I was verbally harassed by another student, who was screaming obscenities at ... A: You're probably right. You should have contacted them sooner. I think you want to respond to them ... | |
| exhusband and new boyfriend | 8/1/2009 |
| Q: I have been divorced 3 years from the father of my three children. We get along well most of the ... A: I'm not sure what to tell you. In general, it's good for ex's to have a clean and respectful ... | |
| No contact rule -- childish in your 40s? | 7/28/2009 |
| Q: I am 45 years old and been divorced for 5 years. During this time I have dated a fair number of ... A: "Am I being callous, or does his unwillingness to even respond to my call or email seem a little ... | |
| Is it me? | 7/25/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am struggling with a very perplexing question of myself. I am mid 40's, been divorced ... A: Lovely letter and lovely question. You've asked a lot and they are good questions. It is the cutting ... | |
| relationship/commitment/marriage | 7/21/2009 |
| Q: I am 50 and have been in a relationship with a man, 56, for 1 1/2 years. We are together almost all ... A: You guys are about to face a big relationship test. From what you say, it sounds like your issues ... | |
| relationship/commitment/marriage | 7/19/2009 |
| Q: I am 50 and have been in a relationship with a man, 56, for 1 1/2 years. We are together almost all ... A: Interesting. Thanks for the letter. I was just talking to someone else about this. Your ... | |
| Living in the past! | 7/13/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I discussed early on in our relationship our significant romantic history as part ... A: There may be a serious issue here but I'm not sure you've been able to name it. I am not sure ... | |
| negative attitude? | 7/12/2009 |
| Q: I dated a man for years and he was very moody and miserable. He never mistreated me per se, for the ... A: Ana, Thanks you for writing. It's quite an amazing story and one of the clearest examples I've run ... | |
| Great guy/not so great sex dilemma | 7/11/2009 |
| Q: I'm a 54 year old female, been divorced for a little over a year. I joined an online dating site ... A: This is a tricky one. Since you spontaneously mention the friends with benefits relationship as ... | |
| revenge? or being smart? | 7/11/2009 |
| Q: Hey Not a relationship issue in a romantic sense, but a relationship issue none the less. I had a ... A: Interesting. If it protects you and helps you not take it so personally, maybe it's okay. On the ... | |
| Starting Over | 7/11/2009 |
| Q: I am a 56 year old woman. I have been divorced twice. The last one was on February 27, 2009. The ... A: Frankly, I hate that "snap out of it and move on" advice. Adds insult to injury. I think you have ... | |
| Starting Over | 7/10/2009 |
| Q: I am a 56 year old woman. I have been divorced twice. The last one was on February 27, 2009. The ... A: a carefully told story and a good summary. You said, "I am stuck...I can't stop thinking about ... | |
| potential boyfriend can't cut emotional tie with ex | 7/10/2009 |
| Q: Belove: I read one of your answers regarding boyfriend can't get over ex. I am amazed by your ... A: Seems like a good sign The part left out is that if he gets professional help you should too. Sooner ... | |
| Is it just me? | 7/9/2009 |
| Q: Belove, Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question that is perplexing me. I am a single female, ... A: Lovely question, well asked. I've chosen four paragraphs of yours to respond to. 1. My first kick ... | |
| Interpretation | 7/8/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ... A: It all came down to this: "Well rehearsed, well versed in knowing how to influence people and lead ... | |
| What goes around comes around? | 7/8/2009 |
| Q: Is it true that if you treat people badly in your younger years, horrible things end up happening to ... A: Yes. It's not so mysterious. If you treat people badly in your younger years you develop the habit ... | |
| Where are they? | 7/3/2009 |
| Q: I am asking the infamous question most women my age ask. Where are the men? I live in a small town ... A: I've had this question on my desktop for days. Usually I answer immediately. I also have lived in ... | |
| potential boyfriend can't cut emotional tie with ex | 7/2/2009 |
| Q: Belove: I read one of your answers regarding boyfriend can't get over ex. I am amazed by your ... A: Do you mind my asking: "amazed by your advice"...in what way and why? As to your situation: I ... | |
| Interpretation | 7/2/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ... A: Shakespeare said "ripeness is all." Some people are ready, really ready to make things permanent. I ... | |
| Interpretation | 6/29/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have just recently met a really sweet guy (actually known him about a week now) and we ... A: the third most common complaint among midlife single women dating, according to a 2002 (I think) ... | |
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ... A: "What is wrong with me?" is almost a good question. I would prefer something more generous like, ... | |
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ... A: Saying "lacks self esteem" is probably right but so vague as to be useless. If you told someone, ... | |
| Players & Cheaters | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: I know a guy who has a girlfriend but cheats on her with several women. She found out about it but ... A: It's human nature. Each man has billions of sperm cells and manufactures them constantly. Each ... | |
| clashes | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: What do you do when people pick stupid clashes with you like this? ... A: Let me also ask you this: have you sent me this same question before? If not, then you might be ... | |
| trust issues | 6/24/2009 |
| Q: I'm a single parent who just started dating again after raising my kids for the past 10yrs. ... A: I don't think you are over reacting. I think your fears are reasonable and that there is cause for ... | |
| Can we be happy with our baggage | 6/21/2009 |
| Q: I am a 49 year old woman in love with a 57 year old school teacher. We have been dating for a year. ... A: I'd prefer to negotiate fee in private email: drbelove@datingatmidlife.com I do sympathize with his ... | |
| not getting enough attention | 6/21/2009 |
| Q: Over the past almost 3 years I have had a relationship with a man who had just separated from his ... A: Oh dear. You are very tangled up in this one and this has to be extremely painful. You've reached ... | |
| Statistical odds of a younger woman being interested in an older man | 6/19/2009 |
| Q: I am 36 and not quite in my midlife yet, but I am still attracted to younger woman. The question is ... A: I also doubt a study has been done on your specific question but if you find anything interesting, ... | |
| Statistical odds of a younger woman being interested in an older man | 6/18/2009 |
| Q: I am 36 and not quite in my midlife yet, but I am still attracted to younger woman. The question is ... A: Neil. If you find a study on it, please let me know. I'm at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com You are ... | |
| dating | 6/12/2009 |
| Q: I am dating a woman that lives 300 from me..we have had a great relationship for 4 years and I have ... A: You have a couple serious problems here. I'm going to ask you to give careful thought to them. ... | |
| Can we be happy with our baggage | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: I am a 49 year old woman in love with a 57 year old school teacher. We have been dating for a year. ... A: Welcome to a midlife crisis. This is a lot. You have a very full plate right now. You both have a ... | |
| ? | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: I work in a group of 5 people. I was new to the job. These other people are all senior (despite ... A: Wow. That really is strange. I still think it's cultural...local culture...because it's true for all ... | |
| ? | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: I work in a group of 5 people. I was new to the job. These other people are all senior (despite ... A: Doesn't sound good Kelly. You've given me little go to on but my guess is that these guys are all ... | |
| questions | 6/5/2009 |
| Q: 1. I liked a guy but he was a handsome player and he could tell that i was a serious relationship ... A: 1. not in the way you'd like him to...may most likely mean, not as a serious relationship 2. Cross ... | |
| What to do, what to do | 5/31/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am a woman in my early 40's and I just feel so much at a loss. I have had two recent ... A: Well, you were still right to walk away. I've known enough who didn't walk away right away and it ... | |
| baggage seminar | 5/29/2009 |
| Q: i am interested , please send details. elisa A: I'd be happy to call you and give you the teaching. Usually it's $25 for the time but I'm revising ... | |
| Hot and Cold Girlfriend | 5/28/2009 |
| Q: My girlfriend of three months has been very hot and cold. Her ex-boyfriend recently "came to his ... A: I'm less certain about what you could do than I am about what you should not do. I do believe you ... | |
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/28/2009 |
| Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ... A: You could be right. I for one can't imagine why you would want to be in a relationship with someone ... | |
| marriage | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend Michael and I are 60 and both divorced. We have been together for 3 years. I moved in ... A: It's an attractive theory. If it applies, then there are implications. You said "I have tried to ... | |
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ... A: Here is what you said in the feedback with my comments: "Comment - very perceptive, and your ... | |
| marriage | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend Michael and I are 60 and both divorced. We have been together for 3 years. I moved in ... A: I'm going to make a big intuitive guess here and say that I bet he is as high a P as you are a J. ... | |
| interpreting verbal and behavioral situation | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: i think ihave spoken with you previously. ok in a nutshell: boyfriend 59, i just turned 50, been ... A: Your therapist's advice is a pretty good rule of thumb. It's the first step. You have to decide ... | |
| boyfriend's memorabilia from ex | 5/22/2009 |
| Q: I moved in with my boyfriend, Jim, after knowing each other for 2 and a half years and going through ... A: It's an interesting little problem. One thing that strikes me about it is that if you guys were in ... | |
| boyfriend's past | 5/13/2009 |
| Q: he's 59, i'll be 50. he was married for 15 yrs, 1 4 yr relationship. then serial dater until he met ... A: Well, you will have to work out a strategy and a plan with your therapist, I think. You will want ... | |
| trauma | 5/12/2009 |
| Q: Please watch this video and tell me how to deal with someone like this. ... A: Your mistake is in trying to forget it and move on. Don't try to do that. This incident is an ... | |
| trauma | 5/12/2009 |
| Q: Please watch this video and tell me how to deal with someone like this. ... A: Yes, you've sent it before. It's okay. The sitting woman is abusive. The standing woman started ... | |
| help with midlife relationships | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ... A: I'm glad you're enjoying it. I am too. Still this probably should be the last free round. Sorry. ... | |
| boyfriend's past | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: he's 59, i'll be 50. he was married for 15 yrs, 1 4 yr relationship. then serial dater until he met ... A: I invite you to look at the symmetry of your situation. Both of you have secrets. Both of you have ... | |
| counseling | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, A year ago I was verbally attacked horribly by someone. This person screamed at me at ... A: Part of what made it so awful was that other people laughed while it happened. It's pretty amazing ... | |
| help with midlife relationships | 5/10/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ... A: I wondered how you'd respond. So...cultivating a relationship. That might be a place to look. One ... | |
| help with midlife relationships | 5/8/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been reading your past questions/responses with great interest. You seem very in ... A: Donna, that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you! I hope you think what ... | |
| Break up | 5/8/2009 |
| Q: I am a never-married woman in my early 50s. After being alone for perhaps 90% of my life, I met a ... A: The pain of the loss of a true love is truly excruciating, tangible, like a physical wound. I've had ... | |
| Infatuation vs. Love | 4/28/2009 |
| Q: I’m male, age 31. My ex-girlfriend is 30. U.S. citizens. We dated one year. She meant everything ... A: You get a kick in the pants. and maybe an invitation to look in the mirror. The way to tell ... | |
| dating at midlife | 4/21/2009 |
| Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ... A: Not sure how to help you here. Not sure there is a simple answer. George W Bush thought he was a ... | |
| questions tonite | 4/21/2009 |
| Q: Some questions tonight. 1. Sometimes I'll approach a guy at a club, and he'll just roll his eyes at ... A: Nice questions. 1. it depends on whether the eye roll and laugh are collaborative or contemptuous. ... | |
| dating at midlife | 4/20/2009 |
| Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ... A: My experiences with dating services is very limited. I have worked with people who spent a lot of ... | |
| dating at midlife | 4/20/2009 |
| Q: I am a 54 yr old mother of 7. Married twice, first to the father of my children and second to a ... A: You have to be very clear in your own mind about what it is you are looking for. For younger people ... | |
| I need some advice | 4/20/2009 |
| Q: Ok.. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 2 years and when I want to have sexually pleasure ... A: I think a key question is whether this business of him being an unenthusiastic lover started with ... | |
| generation gap | 4/19/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I'm a 28 year old woman and I've moved in with my parents for just this one month while I ... A: The more I thought about this them more complex it seemed. I couldn't tell whether this was new ... | |
| Reciprocity. How can I read between the lines? | 4/18/2009 |
| Q: I am a student in my mid-twenties in a graduate program. Recently, as my time in the program is ... A: The joy you have is the joy of the connection with him and the connection is, necessarily, mutual. ... | |
| mixed messages midlife | 4/14/2009 |
| Q: I have been sober 1 year in AA. I've gotten to know a man quite well. He is 52, I am 51. About 5 ... A: The one year rule is again part of the generally inspired brilliance of the Program. Maybe not ... | |
| arranged marriage | 4/12/2009 |
| Q: Belove, Being a senior, I'm asking you for advice. I'm a 27 year old woman who has grown up in ... A: Well that makes their desire more puzzling. I do wonder what it's about. Pride in being the only ... | |
| arranged marriage | 4/11/2009 |
| Q: Belove, Being a senior, I'm asking you for advice. I'm a 27 year old woman who has grown up in ... A: Arranged marriages are marriages between families. The bride and groom are supporting players. The ... | |
| Could Use Some Advice=) | 4/10/2009 |
| Q: I could use some advice. Ive really liked this guy for about a year now. He's been a deliveryman ... A: You asked him to come out with a group and you said he was shy. So he declined. Find a way to ask ... | |
| should I pursue? | 4/6/2009 |
| Q: I am a 28 year old woman. I'm in graduate school pursuing a doctorate. I met an incredibly handsome ... A: I say pay attention to your misgivings and doubts. Also, you may be a bit vain here and that's ... | |
| My girlfriend and her Ex. | 4/3/2009 |
| Q: My girlfriend and I have a great relationship. She is honest, caring, and loving. I can see ... A: I'd need to hear more. What do you mean by "same consideration when it comes to him and her"? Same ... | |
| advice | 4/3/2009 |
| Q: You may have seen this video before. But I have more questions. Let's say you have roommates such as ... A: My sense is that we'd have to scheme. They are playing with you. You need to find a way to play ... | |
| Newly Divorced Friend | 4/3/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have in the last few weeks gotten acquainted with a man who is 44 that has just finalized ... A: Sounds about right. So much depends on the man, his stage of development, and the divorce. When ... | |
| Newly Divorced Friend | 4/2/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have in the last few weeks gotten acquainted with a man who is 44 that has just finalized ... A: Nice question. I will guess that he will be consistent. You said he was "fairly slow and ... | |
| advice | 4/2/2009 |
| Q: You may have seen this video before. But I have more questions. Let's say you have roommates such ... A: When it stops but only temporarily and then starts up, just as before, it means they want your ... | |
| crazed blog | 3/24/2009 |
| Q: .. I looked at his facebook and myspace and friendster accounts... and I looked at his notes and his ... A: Never a good idea to do a psych assessment on someone I've not met or interviewed...unless it's for ... | |
| playing hard to get...or just not interested? | 3/13/2009 |
| Q: (I'm a woman) I like a guy at school and it's pretty clear he's interested. But he is one of those ... A: If you are the same ana that's written me before, you keep asking me versions of the same question. ... | |
| Single older men | 3/12/2009 |
| Q: Are older men more open and honest, do they say what they mean? Are they looking for a relationship, ... A: This is a lovely question and I thank you for it. "Are older men more open and honest, do they say ... | |
| Not sure what to do... | 3/10/2009 |
| Q: I am a 50 yo woman, divorced six years, no kids. I've been dating a little off and on. A few months ... A: You can call him and you won't be being "weird" or "clingy." Part of your problem is the power of ... | |
| game | 3/7/2009 |
| Q: I'm a 29 year old woman on the dating scene. Lately, a lot of men (mainly the ones out for ... A: It might mean they see you as to much of a challenge but there's probably something else going on. ... | |
| experience | 3/7/2009 |
| Q: I'm 27 years old and even though I'm almost 30, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm still a virgin. I ... A: Without hearing too much more I'd say ignore them. There is something unusual about your ... | |
| fear of committment or is it me? | 3/1/2009 |
| Q: I am a 33 year old woman, and have been dating a 38 year old man for 1.5 years. Everything seemed ... A: Wow, ask a simple question...not. My goodness this is a complex question. Hard to know where to ... | |
| stolen | 2/27/2009 |
| Q: I really like a guy Adam at school and it's obvious he likes me back. But he has a girlfriend Sarah, ... A: Well it means neither. Were talking about his friends opinion of him. So there's no telling. It ... | |
| Lack of emotional intimacy in 7 month relationship | 2/22/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been seeing a man for about 7 months. We really enjoy each other's company. I am ... A: It's time for a fairly complex conversation. You've touched on the main themes. I can give you a ... | |
| Lack of emotional intimacy in 7 month relationship | 2/22/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I have been seeing a man for about 7 months. We really enjoy each other's company. I am ... A: Inklings are funny. You have a "feeling" -- meaning "an intuition" --about something about the ... | |
| im so tired of catty bitches | 2/21/2009 |
| Q: I have an abusive roommate who is really overweight and unattractive, and bitchy. I'm very ... A: I answered a similar question earlier this year but your situation sounds worse. Sounds like the ... | |
| Is it possible? | 2/18/2009 |
| Q: Is it possible that after a year and a half of knowing each other-you've become best friends, You ... A: You ask Is it real for a man not to be able to give his heart while going through crisis? Not ... | |
| Total confusion | 2/18/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating a man for a couple of years now that has me so confused. We are both ... A: What happens when you put all this on the table in front of Dan? Are you able to? Are there some ... | |
| regret | 2/17/2009 |
| Q: I lived in an apartment with 2 female roommates. One was a bully and was constantly harassing me, ... A: Amazing story. I thank you for it. I have a theory about it which I will share with you. Please ... | |
| questions | 2/14/2009 |
| Q: I have 2 questions. 1. I'm a gal. There is a guy I like, and his friends say he likes me more than ... A: 1. Passionately could mean darn near anything although in this context it sounds like at least lots ... | |
| Do I quit this group over my ex? | 2/12/2009 |
| Q: I joined this great music group 2 years ago. This is a talented band of wonderful musicians and for ... A: That's one of the most difficult challenges I've ever read. Wow. I'm not sure where to begin. ... | |
| HI | 2/12/2009 |
| Q: I am 32 years old, and I have been single and lonely almost my entire life. I joined a Bible study ... A: This is very sad. Still, you seem good hearted and you could probably learn what you need to learn. ... | |
| shocked | 2/9/2009 |
| Q: I've recently started dating a man and we've really hit it off. He's handsome, smart, funny, rich ... A: My advice: Answer these questions: 1. If you have a discussion with him or ask him about his blog ... | |
| players | 2/6/2009 |
| Q: I'm a female. I liked this gorgeous guy who is a bit of a player. He liked me back too but he didn't ... A: The key to being a successful player for a guy is to make sure that the woman wants the sex to ... | |
| How to detach | 1/31/2009 |
| Q: I have been a guy for three years now exclusively. The relatonship has been going great. Of course ... A: Well, we seem to be repeating our positions a bit here. That happens when we try to sort out a ... | |
| How to detach | 1/30/2009 |
| Q: I have been a guy for three years now exclusively. The relatonship has been going great. Of course ... A: A lot of the right things are happening for you guys. First of, the rule of Inklings. You’ve ... | |
| Getting back together | 1/28/2009 |
| Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ... A: You're welcome. At this point, for me to continue, I'd need to switch to paid consultations on the ... | |
| Getting back together | 1/28/2009 |
| Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ... A: A few thoughts. First, the possibility that she feels she's toxic to you, should probably remain on ... | |
| Getting back together | 1/27/2009 |
| Q: Well, this must be a common situation, but for me it is uncommon and very painful. I was married ... A: Basically your plan is a good one. Be patient, let her calm down, build safety and openness. I ... | |
| Mixed signals and timing | 1/27/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating a guy for 3 years now. We have had a great relationship with little to no ... A: You've named two issues and both involve taking the relationship up to the next level. Actually, ... | |
| annoyed | 1/25/2009 |
| Q: I'm a 27 year old woman and I don't have a boyfriend. I have not had too much experience with men ... A: Merely "annoying" isn't too bad. Could be a lot worse. You'll have to tell me more. What culture ... | |
| Dating | 1/24/2009 |
| Q: I'm a 44yr old divorced woman of two teenage kids. I've been on my own pretty much for the last ... A: Nice, Ally, - Fortunately there is a lot of lore about what you are thinking of. The 12 step ... | |
| bullying | 1/23/2009 |
| Q: I happen to be a really beautiful woman, I used to model. I'm 6 feet tall and very thin. I live in a ... A: Good. I'm glad you like the advice. As far as the pizza was concerned you should have anticipated ... | |
| bullying | 1/22/2009 |
| Q: I happen to be a really beautiful woman, I used to model. I'm 6 feet tall and very thin. I live in a ... A: First, my sympathies to you. Bullies are real problems and very difficult. I checked out a number ... | |
| havinfg a relationship while beeing separted | 1/22/2009 |
| Q: I am 48 years old was married when I was 24 to a US Marine. I spent 18 out of 20 years with my ... A: Sure. It happens often. What will happen most likely is that there will be a man with matching ... | |
| question | 1/21/2009 |
| Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ... A: Those are funny comments. A few more possibilities come to mind. One is that he just likes them ... | |
| question | 1/21/2009 |
| Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ... A: We can only guess. My first guess is that he could see that you had contempt for him as a user. ... | |
| question | 1/21/2009 |
| Q: There was this guy I was interested in and he likes me back, I know he likes me because he told all ... A: He's hot for lots of women. He really enjoys them and enjoys sex. Lots of women respond to that. He ... | |
| mixed signals | 1/16/2009 |
| Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ... A: Well that tells you something about how that relationship is going to go... even so, go back and get ... | |
| mixed signals | 1/16/2009 |
| Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ... A: I will stand b y my recommendation: "f you must pursue, then the first thing you have to do is ask ... | |
| should have hidden my files | 1/15/2009 |
| Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ... A: First I think you are not being completely honest with yourself about why you watch it and that if ... | |
| mixed signals | 1/15/2009 |
| Q: I'm attracted to this man and I am positive he likes me back because of the way he looks at me, I ... A: Take your confusion as a sign of what it will be like as you get closer to him. For whatever his ... | |
| Girlfriend commitment issues... | 1/15/2009 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for over 4 months. We get along in every ... A: I had your question partially answered and hit a wrong button and my work disappeared on me. So you ... | |
| should have hidden my files | 1/14/2009 |
| Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ... A: Why was it the worst part? I do think a lot of girl on girl stuff is not the same at all as ... | |
| should have hidden my files | 1/14/2009 |
| Q: there's this guy at school that I'm really interested in. He's one of those extremely good looking, ... A: Yes, it's so. Not many girls have porn downloaded. It's basically a male market although you are not ... | |
| Chronically unhappy? | 1/14/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am dating a guy that I just simply can't help but wonder if he just is a chronically ... A: Interesting situation. There is a lot of research that suggests that different people have a ... | |
| My boyfriends ex | 1/5/2009 |
| Q: Just wondering why my boyfriend of 8 months feels the need to question his children about his ex's ... A: Maybe you should think first about counseling for yourself. That's basically what you are doing ... | |
| My boyfriends ex | 1/5/2009 |
| Q: Just wondering why my boyfriend of 8 months feels the need to question his children about his ex's ... A: I collect stories like this and this is one of the best ones. Sounds like he's still jealous when ... | |
| older generation | 1/5/2009 |
| Q: Phil, I'm a 27 year old woman and I'm currently in medical school pursuing my M.D. I will be taking ... A: Nice to hear from you. I get a lot of letters from med students and my guess is that they are all ... | |
| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
| Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ... A: Fantasies means this: they have no idea who you are and at the same time have this attitude about ... | |
| my extremelly good friend | 12/31/2008 |
| Q: Long time no see you. I am working now for a store chain in Venezuela and I keep sufering from ... A: Aurax! Happy New Year. Last year we were in Buenos Aires. A very agreeable city. I think we flew ... | |
| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
| Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ... A: Your feedback helps me go the next step here. First of all, this is one of those 20/20 hindsight ... | |
| catty bitches | 12/31/2008 |
| Q: This isn't a dating question. But I need some advice. I work in an office with some catty ass ... A: The situation sounds pretty deteriorated and you might be able to save it.You made a couple pretty ... | |
| post traumatic stress? | 12/29/2008 |
| Q: About a year ago, I had two roommates. One day, my former roommate screamed at me at the top of her ... A: I'd need to talk to you more to give a good answer here. My first sense of this is that the weird ... | |
| post traumatic stress? | 12/27/2008 |
| Q: About a year ago, I had two roommates. One day, my former roommate screamed at me at the top of her ... A: I'm so sorry you had to suffer this abuse. It's an astounding story. Usually these things remain in ... | |
| what to do? | 12/25/2008 |
| Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ... A: Just a guess. He's 19, you're 27. You forget how much more 27 is than 19 and more so when it's the ... | |
| what to do? | 12/24/2008 |
| Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ... A: I think it's a little of all three. Plus I think he's a bit intimidated and in a little over his ... | |
| what to do? | 12/24/2008 |
| Q: hey there is this guy at work named Adam that i really like a lot. he is really smart and handsome. ... A: You said, ARGH what do i do. It's a very old cry. Generations of women have said this. It's what ... | |
| Midlife dating | 12/23/2008 |
| Q: I am a 41 year old divorced woman who has been dating a wonderful man for three years. He has two ... A: ONLY CHOICE TO MOVE ON? Well, no. This is a negotiation and he has taken a position. You can either ... | |
| Frustrated with boyfriends mother and daughter | 12/19/2008 |
| Q: I've been dating a man for 3 years in January. I turned 50 in July and he's 53. His business went ... A: I have a lot of thoughts about your situation, many speculations based on my experience with other ... | |
| Very Confused on what to trust | 12/12/2008 |
| Q: I appreciate your willingness to offer some advice. I have just recently started dating a man that ... A: There is a reason why perjury carries stiffer penalties than many crimes. As they said when they ... | |
| mid-life divorce, dating readiness | 12/10/2008 |
| Q: I've been twice divorced. Second marriage was 20 years of which there were at least 8-9 incidents of ... A: My goodness. You have a very heavy load. The more you described the situation, the worse it got. My ... | |
| My Boyfriend | 11/25/2008 |
| Q: I am 47 and divorced with 2 grown child that live in another state. I have been dating the same man ... A: I think you have to trust your instincts here. Let's review a few critical comments: "I never know ... | |
| can ex really change? | 11/23/2008 |
| Q: I would like to know if people can really change. I was widowed (28 years of marriage) and when I ... A: I started an answer to you and the computer disappeared my answer in a whole new way and I don't ... | |
| Will he want a divorce? | 11/19/2008 |
| Q: I asked myself,do I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband and I seriously believe that I ... A: Corinne, I kept thinking about your beautiful question and how unusual it was and the thing I didn't ... | |
| Should I wait until I'm 30 | 11/7/2008 |
| Q: I am a 18 years old boy. My mom is a fortune teller. Today, she told me that I suppose not to have a ... A: Your mother has an amazing gift. Not everyone can see another person's future. I have similar ... | |
| Interactions between dates | 10/27/2008 |
| Q: I am in my mid-forties and am dating a man in his mid-fifties. He has never been married. I have a ... A: One of my rules of thumb is that you can change things in a relationship but you can't change the ... | |
| should i keep seeing him? | 10/23/2008 |
| Q: I am a 42-yr-old single mom with 2 kids at home. I met what i thought was a wonderful 40-yr-old ... A: Your situations comes across to me as a very delicate balance of issues. On the one hand it seems to ... | |
| Trying to get things going again | 10/21/2008 |
| Q: First off, a little background. I've been divorced for 7 years...during that time, was involved ... A: Well your ratings were more than kind. I've seem people give me fives and sevens for ... | |
| Trying to get things going again | 10/20/2008 |
| Q: First off, a little background. I've been divorced for 7 years...during that time, was involved ... A: Very good question. Not a lot of guys will step up with that one. Nice work. I'm going to ask a few ... | |
| mid-life/safe sex/stds/condom | 10/17/2008 |
| Q: I am 44 (divorced) female who started dating a 51 (never married) man about 3 months ago After ... A: No. You are fine. This is a major decision. It is a testimony to your good heart that you are ... | |
| dating the wrong guy? | 10/16/2008 |
| Q: I am a 50 year old, professional woman, divorced for 15 years. I have recently started dating an ... A: Tough call. I can't tell you what to do but I can help you think about it more deeply. Pot is ... | |
| cheating | 10/4/2008 |
| Q: My husband had an emotional affair with his dental assitant about one and a half years ago. It went ... A: Lynn, I do appreciate this letter and it's a very delicate situation you are dealing with. My first ... | |
| Feeling like a fool... | 9/28/2008 |
| Q: I am very hurt by a recent relationship that has ended. I met him right when he was going through a ... A: Okay. Okay. Okay. Let the feeling sink in. You made a number of foolish moves. It’s okay. Welcome to ... | |
| Looking for a mature educated man's opinion | 9/24/2008 |
| Q: I met a wonderful man, the real love of my life. He says he feels the same way about me. We both ... A: You ask, "At 43 and 38 and going on 2 years together, if he was really going to marry me, wouldn't ... | |
| am I just tired or selfish | 9/17/2008 |
| Q: Dating for 3 yrs. Lived in the same house for a while, but not now because I moved out not being ... A: Welcome to your midlife wake-up call. Your anger and frustration and dissatisfaction are in every ... | |
| ?? | 9/15/2008 |
| Q: well my boyfriend went to prison about a year ago and before he left he asked me to wait i am ... A: I think the first thing to do is connect with a 12 step program. You'll also want to check out the ... | |
| follow up | 9/8/2008 |
| Q: I should have mentioned that in the three years of phschiatry I saw between 6-8 different shrinks. I ... A: I know, John, You do sound suicidal. You're at the age and all for it. At a certain time in life it ... | |
| help | 9/7/2008 |
| Q: I am a 45 years old man living in Venezuela, married and with 2 kids. One week ago i travelled to ... A: It all depends on what you wanted and why. What you said to her was very nice. Having an affair ... | |
| being dumped, via email no less | 9/7/2008 |
| Q: my name is John, I am 47, single, never married, no kids. In Feb. 2006 my father passed away ... A: Sorry about your bad experience with the psychiatrist. I'm a psychologist myself and at the same ... | |
| Moving on and Wanting to do it right! | 9/7/2008 |
| Q: Mr. Belove, I am divorced and feel that I am ready to move on and start to consider a relationship ... A: Short and huge question. My whole career is giving advice to people in your situation. I wish my ... | |
| Dating | 9/7/2008 |
| Q: I am divorced and now 57 young, am attrated to much younger ladies. Reason looking for lil or no ... A: A short but sweet question and I have nothing but bad news for you. First, of course you are ... | |
| being dumped, via email no less | 9/5/2008 |
| Q: my name is John, I am 47, single, never married, no kids. In Feb. 2006 my father passed away ... A: Perhaps when I said it was a crisis you thought I meant something like a middle aged guy buying a ... | |
| Dating older man both going thru divorce | 8/20/2008 |
| Q: So, here goes. I am 36yrs with custody of 7yr old. He is 50yrs, although most would never guess ... A: Your relationship does sound very promising and you both sound quite decent and good hearted. A ... | |
| Not sure what to do | 8/19/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am dating a man that just doesn't see the things he says sometimes as being hurtful. ... A: Good letter Sandra, You have covered a lot of the relevant stuff here but there are few critical ... | |
| Men and Divorce - Lesbian Wife | 8/17/2008 |
| Q: 3 months ago, my 3-year relationship ended. When we met, I was 35 and he was 38 and he had been ... A: If you and your ex partner built a decent friendship and there was care and concern and love, the ... | |
| What Happened? | 8/14/2008 |
| Q: Belove, Maybe you can help me solve a mystery. I've never asked a question online before, but I'm ... A: Great. That's great feedback. I really appreciate it. Yes I know the common response. Forget it. ... | |
| What Happened? | 8/14/2008 |
| Q: Belove, Maybe you can help me solve a mystery. I've never asked a question online before, but I'm ... A: You have a talent for writing. I guess I would expect a singer to have a way with words. It's ... | |
| confused | 8/11/2008 |
| Q: I'm 48 and father of a 6yo boy. I have 50/50 custody. 4 months back I met a woman (divorced 7 years ... A: very interesting story. I think your intuitions are pretty good here. I'm working on a book about ... | |
| Dating at 60+ | 8/5/2008 |
| Q: I was married for many years, I divorced him, and then found the wonderful love of my life. He ... A: Yes, it's hard. The rule of thumb is no more than a week in email exchanges without some face to ... | |
| Sex, lies and porn | 8/1/2008 |
| Q: I have been with a non-drinking alcoholic for 2.5 years. Through Al-Anon, I've learned about ... A: The web isn't enough. You want to go to a few meetings and talk to some of the people there. They ... | |
| Boggled Choices | 7/30/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, After reading some of your past questions, I thought I would throw one out there that ... A: I think this is a duplicate. Here is my previous answer: Answer: Hi Tommy, Classic dilemma, right? ... | |
| Sex, lies and porn | 7/30/2008 |
| Q: I have been with a non-drinking alcoholic for 2.5 years. Through Al-Anon, I've learned about ... A: You led off your description of the problem by mentioning your 12 step work, a history of alcoholic ... | |
| Boggled Choices | 7/30/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, After reading some of your past questions, I thought I would throw one out there that ... A: Classic dilemma, right? This happens a lot. There are three difference systems it the brain that ... | |
| Try AGAIN? Or do I know the answer? | 7/24/2008 |
| Q: My question is really one of moving on or going back for yet another attempt. I am a 37-year-old ... A: If you are not booking further sessions, then I respectfully suggest you consider working with me. ... | |
| Try AGAIN? Or do I know the answer? | 7/24/2008 |
| Q: My question is really one of moving on or going back for yet another attempt. I am a 37-year-old ... A: You really do sound all the notes of that old song. My first thought as I read it was that you ... | |
| teasing | 7/17/2008 |
| Q: I am 26 years old woman. I live with two roomates, they are both 24. I'm a very beautiful woman and ... A: I think it's already too toxic to fix and you'll have to either weather it or move or have a very ... | |
| changing feelings... | 7/14/2008 |
| Q: I'm 33, divorced for 6 years now and since then have been dating casually. I am a rare male that has ... A: Mark. Thanks for the follow up and the feedback. I’m afraid I don’t have very happy news for you. ... | |
| changing feelings... | 7/10/2008 |
| Q: I'm 33, divorced for 6 years now and since then have been dating casually. I am a rare male that has ... A: There’s no telling whether your love for her is enough. You will be tested on it, that’s for sure. ... | |
| married man | 6/22/2008 |
| Q: Hey Phil, I met this handsome married guy, he has three kids. His wife and children live in another ... A: Sounds like a set up for a fling and Everything you said makes is sound like he is trying to create ... | |
| Midlife Dating in a n Unusual, Transitional Situation? | 6/17/2008 |
| Q: I'm a very attractive, tall, fit 53-year-old woman with a lot to offer a relationship. I'm looking ... A: You sound like a very interesting person. I have lots of friends like you and I'm sure my partner ... | |
| Jealous | 6/14/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating the same girl since September.For the first 6 months I basically was so busy ... A: Troy, I think you've correctedly identified a rival and your jealous is well placed. The fact that ... | |
| cheating | 6/12/2008 |
| Q: I notice that some really ugly, fat, hideous women with horrible personalities end up getting all ... A: First, you exaggerate. She probably isn't really that ugly. Still, it was fun to read. Very ... | |
| 5 year relationship is all about "him" | 6/11/2008 |
| Q: I have been in a five year live together relationship. To me its all about him. He never inquires ... A: Nice question. It's your wake up call. You have baggage that makes you tolerate and even cultivate ... | |
| Dating-age difference | 6/9/2008 |
| Q: I'm a 37 yr old female who's dating a 29 yr old male. We've shared a 3yr friendship ever since ... A: The age difference is unusual but a lot of times stuff like that really works well. I can tell you a ... | |
| more than friends | 6/8/2008 |
| Q: i used to be realy good friends with this guy joel. him and i started being friends back in january ... A: You can not make it your problem that he might go home and cry. I don't even think you can be ... | |
| roommates | 6/6/2008 |
| Q: I'm 27 years old and I have 2 roommates, one is 22 and the other 24. Back in February they both ... A: Good for you. You are a brave soul. I really respect your willingness to consider this. It is not a ... | |
| dating | 6/6/2008 |
| Q: I've noticed lately that the current dating scene for men and women is very sad and bleak. Take a ... A: This wasn't about dating. It was about television. It was a performance posing as reality. The kids ... | |
| follow up | 6/1/2008 |
| Q: ------------------------ I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to ... A: Probably all of the above. I'd guess he was motivated by a bored, sexless marriage (and he's in part ... | |
| follow up | 6/1/2008 |
| Q: ------------------------ I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to ... A: Oh Thank you so much for this follow up. So this is the real story on Mr "Lonely. Horny. Basically ... | |
| dating in 2008 | 6/1/2008 |
| Q: I have noticed lately that when I meet a man, I have to do all the work. Such as asking him for his ... A: You didn't quite ask a question. As I read through your description I thought you were setting up a ... | |
| Serious Boyfriend Doesn't Invite Me To Family Functions | 5/30/2008 |
| Q: I am a 38 year old divorced lady and have been dating a 37 year old man long divorced man for 8 ... A: Nice work. One of the principles in my practice is that I want people to fully imagine at least ... | |
| Serious Boyfriend Doesn't Invite Me To Family Functions | 5/28/2008 |
| Q: I am a 38 year old divorced lady and have been dating a 37 year old man long divorced man for 8 ... A: This is an excellent question and a very good example of one of the most common challenges in ... | |
| sex | 5/25/2008 |
| Q: Sex is a primary, basic human instinct. Both men and women were designed with sexual desire at the ... A: Ana, my own sense of things is that women are strongly allowed to, and encouraged to, express their ... | |
| dating | 5/25/2008 |
| Q: Why is it that when a man puts his arms around a woman, it is the BEST feeling in the world? This ... A: Sounds like you do like getting your hugs. And yes, it is pretty universal. You do have a ... | |
| Getting over divorce | 5/24/2008 |
| Q: We are in our mid/late 40's. 22 months into our relationship (he left his wife for me), he has been ... A: You guys have my sympathies. I've worked with a lot of couples in your situation and the odds are ... | |
| Unhealthy relationships | 5/16/2008 |
| Q: Everyone is saying our relationship is very unhealthy because we have been together for 3 years and ... A: If you'd asked my mother (1917-2006) how things were going and they were going well she would say ... | |
| living together | 5/11/2008 |
| Q: Philip - This is a continuing saga that I have written to you about a couple times. Once again ... A: Maybe you are right about the separation anxiety,...not a bad theory...then send him a message, ... | |
| What to do? | 5/11/2008 |
| Q: I've been dating this gentleman for quite some time now. He seems really nice, sweet, kind, funny, ... A: I re-read my answer. I suggest leaving soon. Do people like that ever change? Not always. Often ... | |
| What to do? | 5/11/2008 |
| Q: I've been dating this gentleman for quite some time now. He seems really nice, sweet, kind, funny, ... A: We can only guess here but guess we will. He sounds both old fashioned and also low functioning. ... | |
| advice | 5/5/2008 |
| Q: I really like this guy at my graduate school. He is very handsome and experienced with many women. ... A: You are in a tough spot. You don't want to purposefully be a seductress and steal him away and yet ... | |
| red flags | 5/3/2008 |
| Q: Belove, What are some warning signals that could signify a dangerous man? Such as, when a woman ... A: Ana, there are books on this and you have asked for an encyclopedia. Better is for you to know ... | |
| Superman fetish | 4/28/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am 31. I have recently started dating a 32 year old man. He has an obsession with ... A: Superman is a powerful metaphor, a powerful archetype. It has captured lots of peoples' ... | |
| profiles | 4/28/2008 |
| Q: Hey. There's this real gorgeous guy I know, every woman wants him. His Facebook and MySpace ... A: We can only guess. My guess would be that he has the girlfriend to remind the many women he ... | |
| Clinical training | 4/24/2008 |
| Q: This does pertain too much to midlife, but I figured you might be able to address it. I have a ... A: It was certainly part of my training. But people who want to be psychologists are often people with ... | |
| dating old friend who's separated feels like the endless conversation | 4/13/2008 |
| Q: Belove, To keep this simple, have had a good male friend over 15 years. We dated briefly before ... A: I think the best thing is to really take it slow. You two have a lot going for you. Of course ... | |
| passionate | 4/10/2008 |
| Q: I'm interested in this man. But he has had like a million girls because he used to be a pro athlete ... A: Yes. The way it's done is the way it's always done. You simply don't have sex with him until you've ... | |
| passionate | 4/10/2008 |
| Q: I'm interested in this man. But he has had like a million girls because he used to be a pro athlete ... A: For starters, make it a habit that when and if you don't understand what "people" (in this case what ... | |
| Dating at Mid-life, of course! | 4/8/2008 |
| Q: I am 53 and twice divorced. I have been single-again, again, for 3 years. I started really dating ... A: I thought my answer was below my usual standards and I knew there was something I couldn't get at. ... | |
| Dating at Mid-life, of course! | 4/8/2008 |
| Q: I am 53 and twice divorced. I have been single-again, again, for 3 years. I started really dating ... A: You are not asking for too much, at least, not in general. If you are asking for too much according ... | |
| Feedback | 4/4/2008 |
| Q: To keep this to the point. Met a man, 48, I am 47. Great chemistry, great conversation, similar ... A: It’s a very personal call. Only you know what you can deal with and what you can’t. That’s really ... | |
| boyfriend of 11 years is so mean | 3/28/2008 |
| Q: i am 37 years old with 3 children and am currently 8 months pregnant about a year ago i lost our ... A: Your story is heartbreaking. And it also feels dangerous. I think you have to find about whether ... | |
| guy with girlfriend | 3/25/2008 |
| Q: hey dr. phil. theres this guy at school i like and im pretty sure he likes me back too. cuz we ... A: He was grinning because he wanted to have sex with you and he just realized it was possible. ... | |
| nearly 2 years now | 3/25/2008 |
| Q: My book is getting ready to debut. You are mentioned anonymously in the book as I list the tricks I ... A: Fabulous news. I would prefer to have been named but so be it. It was a great story and I really ... | |
| Am I crazy | 3/24/2008 |
| Q: Is there something wrong with a person who is unhappy alone? Do I need to figure this out before I ... A: Tough question. It depends. I know some who say that if you are unhappy and home alone on a ... | |
| ex | 3/12/2008 |
| Q: one final follow. its ted again. when she told me it wasnt fair to me, like you, i also thought ... A: Answer to 2: Sounds like, in the end, she just figured out you weren't for her. You are lucky she ... | |
| ex | 3/12/2008 |
| Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ... A: I do not think many women in that position would view you as selfish. Yes, maybe she did think you ... | |
| ex | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ... A: Very interesting to me to hear your questions. I'll give you my best guesses: The way she ended it ... | |
| ex | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: im not in my midlife yet, but you looked like the most qualified expert 1. my girl friend and I ... A: The answer to #3 is yes. Every relationship goes through a testing phase where partners see how ... | |
| Now what? | 3/6/2008 |
| Q: I recently met a man who had just lost his wife less than six months ago. We both have young ... A: It's normal. Six weeks is very soon, very fast. The connection with his ex wife, if they had a ... | |
| mens behavior | 3/3/2008 |
| Q: I went out to a bar the other night. I was dressed conservatively (jeans, sweater). I wasn't ... A: fun qestions. As to the first, young drunk and horny men can be assholes. If you don't want to run ... | |
| Heading for a crash | 3/2/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, You were courteous enough to offer me some suggestions regarding my former girlfriend ... A: I'm glad you got my follow up. It took me another day to realize that was my best answer and ... | |
| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
| Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ... A: The issue is simply what is the next step, the smallest possible next step that is still a change in ... | |
| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
| Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ... A: Like I said, I'm just going on your written paragraph and the kinds of patterns I've seen over the ... | |
| I am Falling in Love and Concerned | 2/20/2008 |
| Q: I am 45 and he is 38 we have been dating a little over 10 weeks, but the past 3 have been rocky due ... A: Nice thorough presentation. It's a subtle thing you are asking for and I'm not sure I can do it ... | |
| Over sexed? | 2/16/2008 |
| Q: I find myself in a relationship with a man I just can't get a good read on. He is 38 years old and ... A: You already know the answer to your question. You know there is something to worry about when you ... | |
| Heading for a crash | 2/16/2008 |
| Q: Wow what a great opportunity to ask a question to help think things through. Thank you for that. I ... A: Here is my follow up. The orginal answer is below. I mightnot have been clear in the original. My ... | |
| Dating at 50 | 2/13/2008 |
| Q: Being 50 yrs. old and single the last 12 yrs., I don't know how to meet women anymore. I don't want ... A: I was surprised at how difficult this question was. I guess I don't think the problem is finding ... | |
| Living with boyfriend problems | 2/7/2008 |
| Q: I was homeless for a while and met my current boyfriend in October of 2006. He took me here to live ... A: Jennifer, you just have to get out of there. Maybe your parents will take you back if you promise to ... | |
| commitment phobia/NPD | 1/30/2008 |
| Q: me and my ex b/f of three years just recently broke up because i wanted to start talking about ... A: Sad news. I'll try to give a brief take on your question but I also think you've not asked the big ... | |
| 30 yr old daughter rules his life | 1/24/2008 |
| Q: I seriously dated this man from 6/1/06 - 12/2/07. I am still in love with him and old enough to ... A: Well, you made a difficult call. Pat yourself on the back. Now you are in the post-mortem phase. ... | |
| Stop the situation from escalating? | 1/21/2008 |
| Q: There is this guy at my grad school named Mo that I've met once or twice and just thought he was a ... A: Ann, you deal with him by taking this situation very seriously, as you are doing. You will need to ... | |
| Afraid I won't find it | 1/12/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am 31 years old and have never really felt anything for any of the women I have dated. ... A: Joseph, thanks. I appreciate the question...and the quandry. I'd need to have a conversation with ... | |
| How can I check out someone's background? | 1/6/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for a year, met a man online and we have been 'going together' for a year. ... A: There are websites that do this but I have no experience with any of then and couldn't recommend ... | |
| Dating Man With Adult Child Living With Him | 1/6/2008 |
| Q: My friend's wife died, leaving him with four special needs, adopted children under the age of 13. My ... A: Very tricky situation. There are a variety of reasons why people in your situation can't back off. ... | |
| Midlife Crisis | 1/5/2008 |
| Q: I am a str8, 48 year old male who has not been in a relationship since I was 20. I am a shy, ... A: Yes. Lots of suggestions. First, you'll have to decide that having an intimate partnership really ... | |
| dating older man? | 1/4/2008 |
| Q: I am currently 23, and am at point where I am not sure what to do. I have known this guy, for at ... A: These May/September pairings are very interesting. I've spoken to several middle aged men who have ... | |
| Dating(?) | 1/1/2008 |
| Q: I'm 44, single as of 4 mo ago, and am confused about how to proceed. In the past, I have tended to ... A: Good letter and good question. You show a lot of self-awareness. Often people with the particular ... | |
| is this love or control? | 12/28/2007 |
| Q: I met a man from another New Zealand 6 months ago. We met about 4 weeks later the first time, then I ... A: What does this sound like to me? It sounds like the beginning of a relationship you will grow to ... | |
| Dating after Divorce Article Questions (Urgent) | 12/28/2007 |
| Q: I am a journalist with Divorce 360 (divorce360.com), one of the most popular sites for the newly ... A: Let me know if they'd like a column or something like that from me. And please include my link, ... | |
| My fiance's adult children and issues | 12/28/2007 |
| Q: I've(age 51) been dating my fiance(age 55) for four months. We've really felt like we finally met ... A: Take it seriously. In my general experience situations like the one you've described only get ... | |
| Dealing with Boyfriend helping ex-wife | 12/17/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend (41) has been divorced for 4 years, he has 3 children with his ex-wife. They divorced ... A: The answer is not simple and if it were simple, you guys would have already worked it out. It does ... | |
| Dating before officially divorced | 12/13/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months and until about a week ago, life seemed ... A: It's tricky if you are single at midlife. By a certain age almost everyone has a developed adult ... | |
| Dating before officially divorced | 12/13/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months and until about a week ago, life seemed ... A: He's still recovering and still in the process of putting himself through the divorce. You are ... | |
| marriage | 11/28/2007 |
| Q: I am a 29 year old woman currently in my last year of medical school, will be getting my M.D. this ... A: Robyn, I'm working out a short essay and I'd love to send you the whole thing and hear your ... | |
| older men | 11/26/2007 |
| Q: I'm a 25 year old female who loves all types of music (although I'm not going into music, I'm ... A: I don't know about this man. I only know about some men whom I have seen who fit your profile. Some ... | |
| older men | 11/26/2007 |
| Q: I'm a 25 year old female who loves all types of music (although I'm not going into music, I'm ... A: There are a lot of reasons for a successful, well-balanced and interesting 37 year old artist to not ... | |
| Should I date a woman with a 8 year old son ? | 11/19/2007 |
| Q: I recently began a long distance relationship (*Oregon / So. Cal.) with a woman who is a single ... A: I don't know what you should do but I can give you some ways to think about this situation. LEt me ... | |
| fiance's adult children | 11/11/2007 |
| Q: My fiance has exSD who is ruining my relationship with his other adult children.After the divorce ... A: Your letter is one long sad story, isn't it. At first it sounded like a lot of small problems but as ... | |
| great expectations dating service | 11/8/2007 |
| Q: I'm bisexual and have had two long term relationships with women (25 years and 4 1/2 years) and one ... A: I'm not sure what you mean by "change pronoun gender." I do think you have to use the pronouns that ... | |
| Advice Please | 11/7/2007 |
| Q: I would really appreciate some advice. I'm over 35 but I've had very limited experiences with ... A: Bottom line is this: let it be. There are lots of people we find attractive, whose eye we catch, ... | |
| question | 11/3/2007 |
| Q: My parents are immigrants in the US but I grew up in america so I'm pretty much americanized. I know ... A: Having one culture in the home and another outside the door is a common American experience. Your ... | |
| What am I to my nearly divorced significant other? | 10/31/2007 |
| Q: I am trying to figure out what I am to my significant other. Him and I started dating a year and a ... A: You have asked a very complicated question. Also your situation is very complicated. I think it is ... | |
| relationships with men | 10/30/2007 |
| Q: What are some things women can do to make a man happy? (Assuming this is a man that genuinely loves ... A: Well, gosh, ask a simply question why don’t you? I think you’ve asked me for a book. I’ll give you ... | |
| How He Feels | 10/29/2007 |
| Q: I've been seeing a guy for 14 months. He has never said how he feels about me. He has hurt my ... A: There certainly are people who aren't aware of their own feelings or the feelings of others. Some ... | |
| New Guy | 10/24/2007 |
| Q: Ok. I dont know if you handle gay relationships but here goes. Simply put, I have been hanging out ... A: Yes, I work with gay people and gay relationships. Since I'm not gay I often wonder about my ... | |
| Multiple | 10/17/2007 |
| Q: First some background info: I've been dating a woman for over a year. She was married for over 27 ... A: I have a lot of thoughts and not sure I can do justice to them but I'll give it shot in this opening ... | |
| Do I just give up? | 10/12/2007 |
| Q: I was reading your previous questions. One in particular made me think. You saying that sometimes ... A: No. I don't think you just give up. There's too much here. But it's hard to find what to do next and ... | |
| Old friend and I both in a divorce | 10/8/2007 |
| Q: I'm 46 and currently in the middle of a very amicable divorce (16 year marriage). So far, things ... A: It's hard to tell but I have a couple impressions I'll share with you. First of all, it does sound ... | |
| stood up | 10/7/2007 |
| Q: I met a very nice gentleman I was interested in and he asked for my number and gave me his. He was ... A: Doesn't matter. He still owes you due consideration. And you are still entitled to it. If he changes ... | |
| stood up | 10/7/2007 |
| Q: I met a very nice gentleman I was interested in and he asked for my number and gave me his. He was ... A: No telling what his reasons were but the bottom line is that he didn't call. Was this yesterday we ... | |
| No strings | 9/30/2007 |
| Q: I have just agreed to spend time with a man I once dated. We dated for several years and for many ... A: I really appreciate your question and it's very timely. I've been speaking to a couple other people ... | |
| call back | 9/29/2007 |
| Q: Let's say a guy gives you his phone number and you give him his, and he says he'll call you. Let's ... A: Depends. It's true that the more quickly he calls the the more intensely he is interested. In any ... | |
| freeloading ex-girlfriend still lives in his house and off him | 9/29/2007 |
| Q: Me (in my thirties) and my boyfriend (in his forties) entered into our relationship over three years ... A: This is big and complex and will require a lot of thought. I have a few first impressions to share ... | |
| friend or more | 9/29/2007 |
| Q: I went to the grocery store and ended up meeting this amazing guy in the sugar/pancake aisle. Tall, ... A: No telling. He's smart. When you arrive in a new area it's always a good idea to go slow until you ... | |
| coping with death , children and dating | 8/30/2007 |
| Q: i lost my husband in a tragic car accident a year and half ago. I was left to raise our 3 boys who ... A: The boys need reassurance and firm clarity from you. You do want to respect their feelings up to a ... | |
| finding a man at age 50 | 8/26/2007 |
| Q: I'm a reasonably attractive, highly intelligent woman w/ a good sense of humor and sense of fun, ... A: Well it's good that you know your issues. As you get involved with a man who seems worthy you will ... | |
| sad story | 8/25/2007 |
| Q: I was dating a man I was very much in love with. Him and I had a lot in common, same music, movies, ... A: I'm not sure where I end up in terms of what I think you should do next but I can give you some ... | |
| husband's midlife crisis situation has changed our life | 8/22/2007 |
| Q: My husband and I have been together for 24 years. This past Dec., he moved out of our home saying he ... A: Wow. "Midlife crisis" is right. He's gone off the deep end. That usually happens when frustration ... | |
| Need advice | 8/15/2007 |
| Q: and I would like to start by saying I really appreciate a site like this.I am 39 and my wife is 49 ... A: Glad you found the site. You do have a difficult situation. About half of all divorces involve ... | |
| Is this guy interested in me | 8/8/2007 |
| Q: On Easter Sunday a man in the church came to me and told me how beautiful I was and looked and I ... A: The first possibility is that he just isn't interested. The other possibility is that he is ... | |
| Do you see any hope down the track? | 8/8/2007 |
| Q: I'm 48yr divorced (7 yrs ago) mother of 2(aged 11,15),artist, secure, settled. Started relationship ... A: Not sure yet what to make of it all. The business with him introducing you to everyone but his mom ... | |
| did I do the wrong thing? | 7/25/2007 |
| Q: I was dating this man Chris and everything seemed to be going great. We had so much in common, we ... A: It was a bit immature but artful. Sometimes people have to do a little bit of revenge in order to ... | |
| Dating a friends' ex | 7/24/2007 |
| Q: Philip, my best bud has been divorced for at least 10 yrs. The ex husband and she have buried their ... A: Sounds like I was right about her not being as finished as she thought she was. I think most people ... | |
| Long distance interest | 7/23/2007 |
| Q: I met a man online about 7 months ago who lives almost 4 hours away. We met halfway and had Sunday ... A: If I've read your question correctly, it sounds like you'd feel more comfortable with this ... | |
| Nolonger sexually inclined | 7/22/2007 |
| Q: I just turned 50 and my boyfriend of 14 months is 45. He's not very romantic or is he very ... A: I am just now working with someone else with a very similar story. There are a few possibilities ... | |
| why does he even bother | 7/17/2007 |
| Q: I was in love with a man whom I suppose didn't love me back, although I thought he did. He was very ... A: I read your letter. You seemed so sad and weary and also, still sort of in shock from the whole ... | |
| messed up man | 7/17/2007 |
| Q: I was dating a guy who was cheating on me the entire time and I didn't know it. Anyway he had a ... A: Amazing story. I don't know enough about the condition you've described. It's news to me. Flattened ... | |
| Time to get out? | 7/15/2007 |
| Q: I recently started dating this man, he seemed very kind and generous. Then on one of our dates, he ... A: Good question. Thanks. When a guy tells you stories like that it means he is afraid you will do the ... | |
| I am not sure if he's over his ex | 7/11/2007 |
| Q: I have been dating my bf for a little over a year and we live together. He is 40yo and I am 28yo. ... A: My rule of thumb is that if you've been in a relationship for more than three months then you both ... | |
| Messy situation | 7/5/2007 |
| Q: I have a confusing situation I was hoping you could help me out with. It is a long letter and ... A: Drama is an addiction. Intrigue is an addiction and it’s a substitute for real intimacy and real ... | |
| I'm so sad | 7/4/2007 |
| Q: I was very much in love with a man who cheated on me the years we were together and left me for the ... A: You seem to have two questions. One is: What’s going on with him? You want to know how to ... | |
| crush on my doctor | 7/1/2007 |
| Q: My family physician is a single female in her 30s...I am married man in my 50s. I had a bunch of ... A: I got your email and I'm studying it. I am glad you accept the message. I was a harsh letter for ... | |
| crush on my doctor | 6/30/2007 |
| Q: My family physician is a single female in her 30s...I am married man in my 50s. I had a bunch of ... A: You’re in major, major psychological trouble. I hope you understand that. I do understand that ... | |
| ayuda | 6/28/2007 |
| Q: at last I found waht I was looking for. Life coaching course: This is the syllabus: Syllabus 1. ... A: They certainly cover all the topics. It's like psychology without really going into the depth and ... | |
| my ex | 6/28/2007 |
| Q: I was dating this guy in my masters program for months, and he dated me, only me, and he seemed ... A: You and I have exchanged thoughts on this story before haven't we? If not, there is someone I'd ... | |
| older man/younger woman | 6/26/2007 |
| Q: My husband (63)left me(61) abruptly and went to live with a younger(41) co-worker. She had been ... A: I depends on a number of things. First of all, it depends on whether or not they are still having ... | |
| ayuda III | 6/25/2007 |
| Q: You are right dear friend: you are right dear friend, I think, due to the fact I am 44 years old, ... A: Well that's a very interesting response. It's a very bad idea to learn to listen in order to be a ... | |
| Cruel Joke | 6/25/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I was madly in love with a guy named Marc, who it turns out was cheating on me with a girl ... A: Belove, I was madly in love with a guy named Marc, who it turns out was cheating on me with a girl ... | |
| ayuda III | 6/23/2007 |
| Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ... A: Start writing me directly at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com I'm not sure that it's possible to do ... | |
| ayuda III | 6/22/2007 |
| Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ... A: I could teach you that stuff but at the same time, you really need a certificate, or a credential, ... | |
| ayuda III | 6/21/2007 |
| Q: this is the program of an integrated psychotherapy counseling course on line. I would like to be a ... A: I'm not sure what to make of it. Rogerian therapy, Person Centred counseling are from the 1960's ... | |
| ayuda II | 6/20/2007 |
| Q: I have to consult with you 2 different things: I have always wanted to be a psychotherapist,a and ... A: Aurax In my last letter I mentioned supervision. I would need to hear a tape of your work in order ... | |
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/20/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ... A: Yes, I think there was an element of regret. An element. I also worry about you saying you were ... | |
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/20/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ... A: I learned a lot from it, including the possibility that I have been dead wrong in my guesses about ... | |
| ayuda | 6/19/2007 |
| Q: my good friend: even the fact that I am consulting a good CBT psychiatrist who is rebuilding my ... A: Allo Psychotherapy is fascinating stuff. I can undertand why you find it so fascinating. I sure do. ... | |
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/19/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ... A: I can only guess what your friend might feel. I would guess that he did love you and didn't want ... | |
| Partner feels she has feelings for ex and is confused. | 6/19/2007 |
| Q: I am 32 years old and have developed a wonderful relationship with a 30 year old single mother of a ... A: No. Nothing came through. Try again. Use either, or both: drbelove@datingatmidlife.com and/or ... | |
| Why is he contacting me now, after all this time?!? | 6/18/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I have sent you this email before but never got a response. Can you kindly respond to it ... A: I'm surprised to hear that you didn't get a response. I remember answering your question and the ... | |
| Partner feels she has feelings for ex and is confused. | 6/17/2007 |
| Q: I am 32 years old and have developed a wonderful relationship with a 30 year old single mother of a ... A: Doesn't sound promising. Is the ex the father of the 4 year old? That's a strong claim, just ... | |
| Having children? | 6/16/2007 |
| Q: I am 40 and about a year ago ended a seven year relationship with a woman almost ten years younger ... A: As I said, older fathers do very well and it is often because they have made their career marks, are ... | |
| Having children? | 6/16/2007 |
| Q: I am 40 and about a year ago ended a seven year relationship with a woman almost ten years younger ... A: It depends on the place in life of the woman you date. Some women your age are already grandmothers. ... | |
| Fidelity | 6/14/2007 |
| Q: I am in a serious relationship of almost a year. We have one major problem that continues to come ... A: I hope I can find the wisdom to answer it adequately for both of you. When I try to describe the ... | |
| grief | 6/12/2007 |
| Q: when I was 11 I was abused by a pedofilo who seduced me to touch his penis and kiss my breast. Four ... A: Wow. This is a very touching and sane letter. Of all the letters you've written this is the most ... | |
| Bf doesn't like to french kiss, or touch me much, why? | 6/9/2007 |
| Q: I have some problems with my BF. He's 37 and I'm 35. I met him at an AA meeting while I was living ... A: I think that in passing, in your "oh, by the way," phrase, almost as something not all the ... | |
| Bf doesn't like to french kiss, or touch me much, why? | 6/9/2007 |
| Q: I have some problems with my BF. He's 37 and I'm 35. I met him at an AA meeting while I was living ... A: It's hard to tell from your description. Some guys are very self-protective and really aren't ... | |
| I feel good | 6/6/2007 |
| Q: you know, I decided stop reading about psychotherapy and about the way of doing psychotherapy ... A: Aurax! It's been so long since I've heard from you! I'm so happy you've found someone to work ... | |
| boyfriendand his grown daughters | 6/2/2007 |
| Q: I am a 55 yr old widow (3 yrs)who met a 57 yr man also a widow. (3 yrs) We began dating in Dec ... A: Sharon, I’m not one to say whether you “need” counseling, I can only tell you how the situation ... | |
| Middle aged dating | 5/24/2007 |
| Q: At 52 I find I've changed a great deal in terms of what I want in a relationship. I've been married ... A: I go back and forth on this one. Bascially I think you are on a good track. The key piece is the ... | |
| yea, its still there | 5/14/2007 |
| Q: I wrote you a year ago regarding a man that exposed himself to me in the parking lot."what happened" ... A: Wow. That's really over the top. I love this story. Cops, defense lawyers, judges, shrinks, and ... | |
| Cofusing body language | 5/14/2007 |
| Q: ..This is a long distance relationship (Va. and Md.). I met this guy online, and we have talked from ... A: I'll give you a guess about what's going on. YOu'll have to let me know later on how right I am. I ... | |
| What should I do? | 4/27/2007 |
| Q: My partner and I have been together two and a half years,He is 45 and I am 44, we met online and ... A: I'm not exactly sure what you should do but I can give you some general ideas. One specific ... | |
| My lady friend's ex trying to come between us | 4/26/2007 |
| Q: I have been dating a wonderful lady for almost a year now. We have not had any arguments or ... A: Tricky. Basically she has to be the point person with this ex. It has to be her call about how to ... | |
| midlife dating | 4/24/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 7 years who is 61 broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I wasn't there for ... A: Okay. I got your email. I'm on EST so your noon is my two and that should work. I'll call you but if ... | |
| midlife dating | 4/23/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 7 years who is 61 broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I wasn't there for ... A: That's quite a story. I'm not sure what to make of it and, I guess, neither are you. Let's review ... | |
| Confused.... | 4/18/2007 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, first I would like to be honest with you, I previously asked this question with a follow ... A: First thanks for the clarification. Next, I understand your reluctance to not contact the woman's ... | |
| Confused.... | 4/17/2007 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, first I would like to be honest with you, I previously asked this question with a follow ... A: First, my apologies if I haven't answered your note. You seemed to be saying that. It's mysterious. ... | |
| urgent! | 4/12/2007 |
| Q: i m married to a nice guy he s french and i m having a lot of troubles, i never thougth this ... A: I have no control over this. Write tech support. I'll forward this letter to them but I think you'd ... | |
| question | 4/12/2007 |
| Q: I need an honest opinion, please tell me if I'm over-reacting or something. I have an online ... A: There are two possibilities. (We can't know what's real here and can only make wise guesses.) One ... | |
| marriage trouble | 4/12/2007 |
| Q: I have been married for 14 years. 3 times out of the last 4 years my husband has said he is unhappy ... A: Wow. That's a lot of feedback and a lot more information. YOu seem to be a rather private soul ... | |
| getting back together after a breakup | 4/11/2007 |
| Q: If someone has broken up with you in the past for whatever circumstance, and that someone treated ... A: The secret is to make the breakup an opportunity for much more intimacy. You can't get to gether ... | |
| Falling in love | 4/10/2007 |
| Q: I have been told by many people that sometimes when men (especially men who are either young or ... A: It's true. Some younger men find it all very overwhelming and they bolt. There are various reasons. ... | |
| what the hell | 4/10/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I really loved each other a lot, and he used to go out of his way to make me ... A: I have a suspicion that you've been sending me versions of this question over and over over the ... | |
| My Ex-Girlfriend | 4/10/2007 |
| Q: Well I have know this girl since kindergarten and I am in high school now and I have liked her ever ... A: I don't know whether you should say yes or no. It depends on what you want. But I would bet she ... | |
| Going through a rough time | 4/6/2007 |
| Q: I've been separated from my wife for over 3 months. We have been married for 7 years and have a 6 ... A: What a painful and sad story you've told. I'm afraid you have a couple years of soul searching and ... | |
| not sure | 4/5/2007 |
| Q: Recently my boyfriend (we go to law school together) told me "we need a break" because his boards ... A: First of all you should ask him these same questions. You should also ask whether this is how he ... | |
| ? | 3/30/2007 |
| Q: I was dating this guy for a while, we were really happy together, we would talk for hours about ... A: He told you the truth about why he wanted a break. He was diligent with his studies. He was the same ... | |
| help | 3/29/2007 |
| Q: My 14 years old boy had a fight with other boy at the high school and I got so much preocupied ... A: Auxax, Something is wrong here. You want reliable and trustworthy professional advice. You keep ... | |
| commitment phobes | 3/25/2007 |
| Q: How do you deal with a commitment phobic man? The man I love is wonderful to me and treats me ... A: You would have to tell me so much more for me to help you. "Commitment phobia" doesn't tell me ... | |
| Does he want me back? | 3/22/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 4 months was very loving, kind, gentle, and respectful, and very passionate. We were ... A: Sometimes I think the "we need a break" coming from a man is roughly the equivalent of the woman's ... | |
| what to do | 3/17/2007 |
| Q: I was dating this guy for a couple months. We were really happy together, laughed every moment we ... A: This is the third one in recent days along these themes. Others asked me to help them make sense of ... | |
| getting back together? | 3/10/2007 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I work together but not in the same department. He told me about a month ago that ... A: You have to promise to tell me whether my guesses are right, okay? I will tell you what I can guess ... | |
| At last I am happy | 2/15/2007 |
| Q: My always good friend: At last I have found the solution to 95% af all my troubles: assertiveness, ... A: You are quite right. Assertiveness is deceptively simple to describe and difficult to do well but if ... | |
| How to proceed? | 1/30/2007 |
| Q: Hey Dennis, I'm in grad school and so is the guy I'm dating. We're both doing our doctorate and we ... A: Why did you start your letter out "hi dennis"? Who is dennis? As to your question, what you can ... | |
| jealous? | 1/24/2007 |
| Q: Well we are two people, while we have our differences, still have a lot in common and are IMMENSELY ... A: I got it. You guys sound like a great, great couple. Sounds as good as it can be. I just don't ... | |
| jealous? | 1/23/2007 |
| Q: I've been dating a guy I really like for a couple weeks. Him and I get along really well and we ... A: I wouldn't ignore them. It's a strange story and something is off about it. The other people you are ... | |
| Is psychotherapy an investment? | 1/18/2007 |
| Q: I am attending at a psychotherapist who is good and I feel comfortable with but the problem is that ... A: Yes, psychotherapy is an investment in your future. Whether or not you NEED therapy is a question ... | |
| Past relationship | 1/14/2007 |
| Q: I've been in an exclusive long-distance relationship for over a year and we've lately been talking ... A: My advice on this issue is counter-intuitive for a lot of people and I'm sure there are times when ... | |
| Too complex to put in words. "Help!" is probably the best! | 1/6/2007 |
| Q: I really did not know how to express my situation in the Subject line, so I apologize for that. If ... A: Poignant letter. You are a man in a lot of pain and maybe a little panicked too. You sound raw. ... | |
| Plutonic or Perv? | 1/5/2007 |
| Q: I am a 36 year old female who is roommates with a 49 year old man - I will call him Jay. ... A: I always advise people to pay attention to their inklings and instincts. It sure sounds like he's ... | |
| happy new year saint doctor | 1/3/2007 |
| Q: My golden friend: First of all I wish you a happy new year and know that you and me are filatropos ... A: Happy New Year to you as well, First, I suspect that because of all this free advice I give you, ... | |
| I TALK TOO MUCH, DO YOU AGREE? | 12/30/2006 |
| Q: I AM A COLOMBIAN GUY LIVING IN CALIFORNIA SINCE 1998 BUT I HAVE NOTICED THAT I USE TO TALK IN A SO ... A: Adrian, Thank you for your questions. It is wise and courageous of you to ask these questions and I ... | |
| help again | 12/26/2006 |
| Q: My dear good friend: Before anything I wish you a Merry Christmas. Today I was working in the ... A: IF you continue to have these problems, these are the reasons why people consult therapists. You ... | |
| How will I know? | 12/15/2006 |
| Q: For about 30 years, I've had a professional relationship with this man. He's divorced, and now, I'm ... A: Ambitious project. You've told me very little so it's hard to tell. My first response was to ... | |
| help | 12/14/2006 |
| Q: my dear good friend, again I need from your help because I have been working since march 2006 in ... A: I think I told you. You have to do some work in therapy. It's not small. You lack some social skills ... | |
| help | 12/12/2006 |
| Q: ------------------------------------------- The text above is a follow-up to ... Please my ... A: How could you ask them what they want without talking to them? If your self esteem is so fragile ... | |
| confused | 12/12/2006 |
| Q: Yes, I would be interested in counsultation.for a couple of hours..how would i go about that.Would ... A: We'd talk on the phone and we'd have to arrange a time. My usual fee is $100 per consult and I do ... | |
| help | 12/11/2006 |
| Q: My always good friend: I have a great problem at work because the other day my workmate (supervisor) ... A: The Universe is telling you to get into therapy before you use up all your options. The question ... | |
| Love | 12/4/2006 |
| Q: Is it ever okay to have an affair? Let me explain. I am a 43 year old attractive female. I take ... A: It's a good question. What I've tried to do here is not make a moral judgement about what God wants ... | |
| single over 50 | 11/6/2006 |
| Q: Now, how do I get motivated again? It's not depression only, but I don't meet people or have a ... A: I think that was you who entered such lovely comments in the ratings section. Thanks. You're right. ... | |
| help | 11/4/2006 |
| Q: I have been told that if you treat a woman with respect and you behave as if you were a ... A: Aurax! (If this is my regular correspondent, Aurax, what I am about to say is true. If it is a new ... | |
| Hey | 11/2/2006 |
| Q: Well ...I love him alot but i cant take the pain of us fighting all the time...But i still want to ... A: The marriage proposal is certainly extravagant and he is probably sincere in his way. He may not ... | |
| Hey | 11/2/2006 |
| Q: My Names Shannon Im Only 18 Years Old And I Have A Boyfriend Who Is 24, we have only been together ... A: Shannon, you have a jealous and possessive boyfriend and he wants a much more exclusive relationship ... | |
| single over 50 | 11/1/2006 |
| Q: I'm very attractive and in great shape, but, I have not dated in 2 years. I am only attracted to ... A: I'm just writing the chapter in my book on this. If you want a free hour on the phone with me about ... | |
| Positive function of sexual teasing? | 10/31/2006 |
| Q: >In the early days of a romance there is a bit of mutual >training that goes on and that can be ... A: I'll try to take it another round and then, if you want to continue, write me directly, okay? You ... | |
| Positive function of sexual teasing? | 10/31/2006 |
| Q: Would you say it can be justified, even desirable, to tease (manipulate, play hard-to-get, ... A: Interesting question. Check back with me in January for my ebook on how the whole thing works but ... | |
| query | 10/25/2006 |
| Q: I am 50 ish, do NOT look my stated age, maintain a healthy lifestyle and work a stressful job. It ... A: I would have a lot of suggestions. Helping people create the relationships they want at midlife is ... | |
| red flags, cold feet | 10/21/2006 |
| Q: I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for 1 1/2 years. (We are both divorced, no kids.) Prior to ... A: In general, my advice is to pay a lot of attention to those red flags. They are your intuition ... | |
| past relationship | 10/7/2006 |
| Q: I was in a very serious relationship 25 years ago for 5 yrs. We broke up, instigated by me. The only ... A: Sounds like you suspect she (and maybe you) are laying groundwork for an affair. In this particular ... | |
| Mixed Messages | 10/7/2006 |
| Q: I am 50 years old married three times seem to attract Bi-polar women possibly because in their ... A: Interesting question and a good one. I'd want you to take a couple on line personality tests to ... | |
| Should I move on? | 9/27/2006 |
| Q: I am 50 years old, have been divorced for 7 years, and I have a 17 yr old still living with me who ... A: I agree. I don't think it's going anywhere for you either. It doesn't sound like he is nearly as ... | |
| love triangle | 9/26/2006 |
| Q: I am 44 years old and in the middle of a separation. I've been married for 6 years. I was ready to ... A: Interesting question and I haven't thought about that one in a while. I like revisiting some of ... | |
| love at work | 9/23/2006 |
| Q: The girl I like in the factory I work at is 27 and Black, I am 43 and married with two kids. I would ... A: You are setting yourself up to go crazy. Maybe my warning is too late. In the U.S. what you are ... | |
| mixed message | 9/17/2006 |
| Q: I'm 56 and have not dated since the end of my last relationship, about 3 years ago. My question is ... A: You seem to be a kind and thoughtful man. I think your final guess was a good one, that she is ... | |
| Is it going anywhere? | 9/16/2006 |
| Q: Let me give a better idea of where i am. I am in my twenties, my boyfriend is in his forties. We ... A: I think your follow up questions are good ones and I continue to believe that a relationship that ... | |
| Is it going anywhere? | 9/15/2006 |
| Q: I have been dating a guy in his 40's, a lot older than me, for a while. We do have quality time ... A: The first thing that strikes me and this does seem important is that your central concern is not one ... | |
| help | 9/13/2006 |
| Q: I am a white man living in venezuela married with two children. In the factory I work in there is a ... A: I wish to be kind to your and at the same time the things I have to say are very strong and could be ... | |
| Am I wasting my time? | 8/25/2006 |
| Q: I am sure I've actually tried to seduce him, rather I think I've clearly signaled that I'm open to ... A: I'll respond as best I can. We are approaching the limits of what is possible in email. I know ... | |
| Am I wasting my time? | 8/24/2006 |
| Q: I'm in my mid 30's and attracted to a man in his early 50's. We have known each other for over ten ... A: Very interesting question. Sounds like you've known him almost as long as he's been left by the ... | |
| follow up to what happened of May 2006 | 8/23/2006 |
| Q: I wrote you about an encounter where a man shook his penis at me. Remember? ........I thought you ... A: Yes Carla, I remember your letter very well. It was so unusual and wild and funny except for your ... | |
| dealing with family | 8/23/2006 |
| Q: I think I may have talked to you before? if so, please read this anyway because I need advice. I ... A: She's very shame driven and deeply concerned about how things look to others and about her status in ... | |
| Is there any realistic hope for mid life singles? | 8/14/2006 |
| Q: Belove, Why do you think that there are so many snags/road blocks on the road to finding a true ... A: I never heard the rumor about John Gray's degree. Also I didn't know he divorced his wife, Bonnie, ... | |
| question for you? | 8/8/2006 |
| Q: I'm a 40 year old lady who has a normal life. About 15 years ago, I went to law school for a ... A: It's quite unfortunate. Some people get very rigid once they pass 40 and lose the ability to learn ... | |
| midlife dating | 8/8/2006 |
| Q: I am a single man in my 50's. Recently while shopping, I encountered a single, 40-ish, very reserved ... A: Interesting challenge. Ask her to lunch. Keep the conversation light. Your description of her ... | |
| dating advice to teens from a fortysomething single | 7/25/2006 |
| Q: I've been searching for the right things to tell my 14 year old about dating. She isn't dating yet ... A: What a charming question. If I could write my best 800 words on this one, it would be a very useful ... | |
| Long time | 7/24/2006 |
| Q: There is much more involved, but I'm trying to keep it brief. I've known this man for years and ... A: You don't sound too nuts. You sound angry and your anger makes a lot of sense to me. The "friends ... | |
| Pleasing my partner | 7/21/2006 |
| Q: How do i contact you or who are the people i can ask for help? I live in ottawa canada.Hello, I have ... A: I live in New England. I work with people in the U.S. and Australia and Jamaica. I've worked with ... | |
| Pleasing my partner | 7/21/2006 |
| Q: I have been seeking for help and answers within myself for the past couple of weeks but have not ... A: I might be able to help you but I'd need a lot more information. It's something very particular with ... | |
| Adult children | 7/21/2006 |
| Q: First of all - thanks for such a quick response. And for pointing out that my own attitude is part ... A: I think your plan to just enjoy and see what develops is a good one. You might also be right about ... | |
| Relationship went too fast? | 7/20/2006 |
| Q: I've been reading your answers for a while and think you have a good and thorough explanation for ... A: First of all, thanks for the feedback about my work. I really appreciated hearing that you've been ... | |
| Adult children | 7/20/2006 |
| Q: I have been seeing a widower for about 9 months I have been a widow for 6 years - his wife died 2 ... A: It's a very tricky situation. The children have a natural claim on him that goes deeper than your ... | |
| Excuses | 7/17/2006 |
| Q: I am Marisa, nice to meet you (handshake and smile). I have been in a relationship for a little ... A: I return your handshake and smile. So your relationship has taken a hit. It's an excellent sign ... | |
| He wants children and I don't | 7/10/2006 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, 8 month, and lived together for over 2 years. I ... A: There are four core areas in which a relationship has to be strong. Let's look at yours. One, You ... | |
| mixed messages | 7/7/2006 |
| Q: I'm dating a man my age who has been divorced about a year (his wife left him for another woman). My ... A: Hmmmm. It is odd. When you "overindulged and slept together" did that include an exchange of body ... | |
| Ex-husband invloves my boyfriend | 7/5/2006 |
| Q: My ex has always been a contolling, manipulative and abusive man. he has physically and emotionally ... A: Handling three way relationships, or triangles, is one of the great challenges of midlife ... | |
| When to have Sex | 6/22/2006 |
| Q: Belove, I am a 51 yr old divorced woman. I have done the work needed to put my past behind me, and ... A: Always a good one. Congratulations on doing "the work,etc." I am curious about what you meant by ... | |
| to be here, or be there, that is the question | 6/15/2006 |
| Q: Phil, i've been in a relationship with a fella whom i'm living with. I'm not in love with him, i ... A: Donna, my first response is to ask you to get on the phone with me and talk this out. The "I'm not ... | |
| Dating | 6/15/2006 |
| Q: I am 38 years old. I was diagnosed with Lupus 4 years ago. I live with my parents as I cannot ... A: Yes there is hope. I know others who have done well in your situation. Send me your email address ... | |
| Mid life crisis? | 6/11/2006 |
| Q: BeLove, My boyfriend of 20 months and I broke up. I am 42. I loved him very, very much. He talked ... A: Sorry to hear your story. Heartache is a terrible pain to bear. Is this a midlife crisis? It is ... | |
| Boundaries with ex-husband | 6/5/2006 |
| Q: I am dating a woman (she's 50, I'm 49) both of us have been divorced for 6+ years. Our relationship ... A: I notice you spell your name with two L's. I thought the only time that was done was with a last ... | |
| Long distant relationshipwith a Mom and a13 year old | 5/26/2006 |
| Q: ,I've been dating this lady (52) for four months. It is now intimate... Her background is a rocky ... A: I think you are correct to be paying attention to all those misgivings. In some senses, she might ... | |
| Peace of mind | 5/15/2006 |
| Q: Good day! I was hoping you could put my mind at ease. My father is 50 years old, he and my mother ... A: I'm not sure what to make of all this, maybe even less sure than you are. $300 a week is roughly ... | |
| what happened? | 5/10/2006 |
| Q: Great feed back but when you said the guy sounded exceptional, I felt like I missed out. Nothing ... A: When I said he was exceptional it was a nice way of saying extremely not normal. The thing about ... | |
| what happened? | 5/9/2006 |
| Q: ------------------------- Followup To I accidentally stopped in a bar/restaurant on Good Friday ... A: Carla, It was a game. You say you lost but frankly I don't know how you could win and I would guess ... | |
| what ? | 5/5/2006 |
| Q: hallo my good friend, I am here again from caracas asking you what is the psycholy orientation that ... A: Hallo again, So good to hear from you. Your country is often in the news up here. It sounds like you ... | |
| Can't decide | 5/3/2006 |
| Q: I have a question that has nothing to do with midlife or relationships but I notice you work in the ... A: Interesting question. First of all, it doesn't sound like you have any choices. I sounds like the ... | |
| Doesn't want children | 3/28/2006 |
| Q: (this question can be posted on the board) Hi, I have been dating my man for almost two years now, ... A: First, thanks for writing. A very interesting question. I've run into this situation a few other ... | |
| Yeah, I know! I thought the... | 3/25/2006 |
| Q: Yeah, I know! I thought the same when I found out. It is strange. Yeah, apparently he broke into her ... A: It is tempting to speculate. I wouldn't guess he broke in to get drugs. I agree with you that he ... | |
| hello, i'm not elderly nor... | 3/25/2006 |
| Q: i'm not elderly nor am i in a midlife crisis. but i just wanted to ask your opinion on something ... A: It is a very strange story. I have more questions than answers. The metal pipe! That suggests drugs. ... | |
| Clinical Psychology Ph.D. | 3/25/2006 |
| Q: Belove, I got accepted to clinical psychology school (Ph.D.) and i was really happy since that's ... A: I've been working with a number of midlife people who are doing course corrections. Joseph Campbell ... | |
| help | 3/20/2006 |
| Q: you are my old friend who helped me a lotwhen I was suffering from a grief produced by a cruel ... A: Every new job has a learning curve and it often seems steep when you are over 65. So go easy on ... | |
| Companionship / Relationship | 1/30/2006 |
| Q: Phillip Belove, I am 78 yrs old and widowed going on 4 yrs. My Husband and i spent many years ... A: Tell your son thank you for the recommendation. I will give you a couple ideas and ask you to please ... | |
| Should I go on into marriage? | 1/22/2006 |
| Q: I will try to answer your questions so that, if you are able, you may further help me (Thanks). I ... A: If those are your religious beliefs, then I would also suspect that marriage is a far more solemn ... | |
| Should I go on into marriage? | 1/21/2006 |
| Q: I am 40 and single. I have been dating R for 8 months now. When we first met, 3 years ago, we became ... A: You asked whether I considered it wrong for you to marry her in view of the fact that you have low ... | |
| Dating | 12/19/2005 |
| Q: I live in a very small town in Finland, I need to find a lover, i am 58. Hope you can answer. A: ....I wrote this letter before I saw your name and I assumed I was writing to a woman. Seeing your ... | |
| Perplexed 52 year old | 11/16/2005 |
| Q: I am a 52 year old overweight registered nurse. I have never been married,but I have always bslieved ... A: It doesn't sound good. I'd need to know more but it sounds like he was charming in one conversation ... | |
| question | 10/7/2005 |
| Q: I'm a 23 year old woman. I have only dated 1 man in my entire life back when I was 19 and that was ... A: Interesting questions. The only direct question you asked was whether or not you'd still be ... | |
| not really wanting to date - a problem? | 10/4/2005 |
| Q: I am a 37 year old very attractive fit woman who has returned to grad school. My divorce was final ... A: My main advice is for you to demand less of yourself. People who study grief and mourning generally ... | |
| getting weirder by the minute | 10/1/2005 |
| Q: I want more than just a casual relationship with this guy. I'm not saying we have to get married, ... A: In that case you'll have to be a bit old fashioned and wait a while before anything sexual. You can ... | |
| getting weirder by the minute | 10/1/2005 |
| Q: I'm the girl who asked you the other day about that guy that blew me off for dinner. so i just ... A: I don't think I said he wasn't interested.I said he wasn't making enough of an investment. He was, ... | |
| There's a man i'm interested... | 9/13/2005 |
| Q: There's a man i'm interested in. actualy a lot of women are intested in him. But I'm tons cooler ... A: Yes, he's sort of hitting on you. Some guys,actually many guys, go a little crazy when they learn ... | |
| I asked a male friend of mine... | 9/13/2005 |
| Q: I asked a male friend of mine if he was gay. He recently broke up with his last girlfriend. He said ... A: We can only guess but a careful reading of his answer suggests that he is hetero but tempted (as ... | |
| Concerned about separated spouse | 9/7/2005 |
| Q: I'm hoping you can provide me with some insight and direction as to how to deal with my estranged ... A: It sounds really bed. I would guess hes having suicidal thoughts. I am sure he is underemployed, ... | |
| Attracting women | 9/4/2005 |
| Q: First of all, thank you so much for providing this service. This is a subject that can really hurt ... A: Also thanks for specifying the dates on the Michael letter. That helped. In the past 10 years of ... | |
| etiquette | 8/21/2005 |
| Q: I'm a widow at 47 for almost 2 years. I went to a "get together" last night and ran into a man who ... A: You ve touched upon a situation so many people have to deal with and it is one of the biggest ... | |
| Similar problem as Michael | 8/10/2005 |
| Q: I'm writing in response to the problem Michael is having at the age of 34 (7/25/04). I feel exactly ... A: I did not know you could read the answers I’ve given to others when you log in. How did you ... | |
| Hi, this girl I used to talk... | 8/3/2005 |
| Q: this girl I used to talk to sometimes moved away, I mentioned the girl's name I know to a guy, I ... A: I don't know how to tell in this case. I think you'll have to get some first hand impressions. I ... | |
| Learning to live again | 7/23/2005 |
| Q: Belove, I was married to a woman for almost 20 years. I lost her to diabetes about 2 years ago. She ... A: I'm in California, on business, and away from my files but I have a strong feeling this is the ... | |
| Hi, I'm interested in a... | 7/15/2005 |
| Q: I'm interested in a man, but he just got out of a 2 year relationship. I go to school where he works ... A: I suggest you flirt, but not too much. Go talk to him. Ask him some questions and listen to the ... | |
| Tropical fish and coping with death | 7/13/2005 |
| Q: Well of course I have other more meaningful relationships with other humans rather than Napolean. I ... A: I owe you a huge apology. I've never answered a question so rudely. I just checked your question and ... | |
| The epidural surgery doesn't... | 7/9/2005 |
| Q: The epidural surgery doesn't require any follow-up because my recovery was excellent and i was let ... A: Well, it's a difficult situation for you and I don't think it's stable. I think you ought to be ... | |
| We currently do not have health... | 7/9/2005 |
| Q: We currently do not have health insurance. When my husband was fired our whole family lost the ... A: The story just gets worse and worse. Some small justice in the fact that he didn't add you to the ... | |
| dating like crazy | 7/8/2005 |
| Q: Being a pyschologist, I wanted to ask you - what do you think of a celebrity such as Jennifer Lopez? ... A: That's a really interesting question. I don't follow these people closely but I do think about them ... | |
| Well with the families, since... | 7/8/2005 |
| Q: Well with the families, since all of this happened a decade ago, it has been ten years. My ... A: again. This was a hard letter to write. I'm saying stuff to you that is very confrontational and ... | |
| Right now I don't have enough... | 7/8/2005 |
| Q: Right now I don't have enough money to afford a divorce, I work as a preschool teacher and am only ... A: I appreciate the update. A lot of what you are saying doesn't add up. I hope you don't mind me ... | |
| Hello, A few years before... | 7/7/2005 |
| Q: A few years before my mother-in-law (husband's mother) died a decade ago, I had seen my ... A: My goodness, what a brutal story! I sympathize with you. I think you are right about the hatred. It ... | |
| Sorry for the confusion. Thank... | 7/7/2005 |
| Q: Sorry for the confusion. Thank you for understanding. The accident was 6 months ago. Some of the ... A: Well that clarifies it somewhat. The next piece is more subtle. I know that most marriages have a ... | |
| Hi~ My mother recently... | 7/6/2005 |
| Q: My mother recently had brain surgery because she had a serious accident when my father was out of ... A: I had a little trouble with the time description in your story. I can't tell whether your mom's ... | |
| I used to get in fights with... | 7/4/2005 |
| Q: I used to get in fights with this guy Chris all the time (he's conceited and he knows I was ... A: Yes. He's trying to get on your good side and relieve the tension. He probably was always attracted ... | |
| Hi, I went to a bar the... | 7/3/2005 |
| Q: I went to a bar the other night (it is a classy, sophisticated Celtic lounge) and was sitting by ... A: Ana, Thanks for your question. It's a delicate call. You do run the risk of being too forward and ... | |
| Dating , sex, and academics at 40 | 6/27/2005 |
| Q: Belove- I am approaching 40 and Im still single. It seems as if I cant find a date these days. ... A: I get the sense that you are very smart and observant and subtle and so I think something more ... | |
| i am in medical school. i... | 6/26/2005 |
| Q: i am in medical school. i am thinking about marrying a physical therapist. What do you think are ... A: Good question. You have good intuition on this one. Your marriage will have many challenges and ... | |
| EXCELLENT RESPONSE. THANKS --------------------------... | 6/25/2005 |
| Q: EXCELLENT RESPONSE. THANKS -------------------------- It's all early mating dance stuff. The men ... A: Let me put in a plug for my web site: www.datingatmidlife.com I also have a newsletter. I always ... | |
| Hi, I met this guy in the... | 6/20/2005 |
| Q: I met this guy in the hallway (I think he is very attractive) a couple days ago when I was looking ... A: You did great. You can't tell but it sounds like he's interested. I like the story. I don't think he ... | |
| I kinda need your advice,... | 6/17/2005 |
| Q: I kinda need your advice, i'm not in a relationship but here goes. So there's this guy at my ... A: Hard to tell. Clearly there is some hot chemistry between the two of you and that's attracting you. ... | |
| why is it that attractive... | 6/17/2005 |
| Q: why is it that attractive women end up with average guys, and attractive men end up with average ... A: You'd have to get more specific. You question, on the surface, sounds hypthetical, but it also ... | |
| marital relation | 6/15/2005 |
| Q: My parents are in their early 60s and I am 25. my mom and my dad have not had the most happy ... A: This has to be so hard on you. It's hard to tell about your mom and I would be professionally ... | |
| Doctorate in Psychology | 6/13/2005 |
| Q: What if I end up marrying a high-profile type guy, such as another doctor, lawyer/attorney, ... A: Interesting line of speculation. As I said, equal power is the difficult thing to master. Unequal, ... | |
| Doctorate in Psychology | 6/12/2005 |
| Q: Belove! I visited your website at dating at midlife and looked at your resume. I'm interested a bit ... A: i. There's loads more money in it and lots of flexibility in the MD. Depends on what you have a ... | |
| DIVORCE SUPORT | 6/11/2005 |
| Q: MU NEIGHBOR LOST HIS WIFE 2 WEEKS AGO. HE IS TOO DEPRESSED BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM.THIS IS ... A: I will give you some advice and would deeply appreciate hearing from you later. My suggestion is ... | |
| yeah you're right the guy... | 6/8/2005 |
| Q: yeah you're right the guy is a total jerk....or just immature and doesn't know how to handle a woman ... A: He might be trying to ease the tension between you. He might be trying to repair the damage he did. ... | |
| hey, i liked this guy at... | 6/7/2005 |
| Q: hey, i liked this guy at my high school, and one day i accidently blabbed it to everyone that i ... A: the thing is he could be all of the abo ve, a conceited dick, a drunk, and a mean jerk and also ... | |
| 1. What is your opinion on... | 6/7/2005 |
| Q: 1. What is your opinion on a woman asking a man out on a date? 2. Is it true that a relationship ... A: 1. What is your opinion on a woman asking a man out on a date? It happens all the time and it works ... | |
| Ok this is going to sound... | 6/2/2005 |
| Q: Ok this is going to sound funny, but I'm intrigued now. What kind of fantasies do you think he is ... A: What a delightful question. And I suppose you should be intrigued. That's what happens in the early ... | |
| My Problem. | 5/25/2005 |
| Q: Im a 18 years old boy and i feel the blank of a girlfriend so much in my life which i have never ... A: More complicated. You have to find a situation where you will be interacting on a friendly basis ... | |
| My Problem. | 5/25/2005 |
| Q: Im a 18 years old boy and i feel the blank of a girlfriend so much in my life which i have never ... A: I'd need to know more to advise you. First of all, what country are you living in? I need to know ... | |
| relationships at this age? | 5/23/2005 |
| Q: I was separated last year from a 13 yr marriage. I am 50 now. I put off changing careers to help ... A: I knew a guy in Chicago who opened a bar called “Other People's Troubles.” Other people's bombshells ... | |
| Immaturity! | 5/20/2005 |
| Q: I'm not exactly "midlife" but I'm wondering if you could help me with something? I'm a law student ... A: Your situation is extremely common. He's a little out of control as far as females are concerned, ... | |
| Yes, it's a standard practice... | 5/16/2005 |
| Q: Yes, it's a standard practice to let my friends know where i'm going regardless of the guy. Either ... A: My guess is that there was sexual chemistry but not enough else. Some kind of mismatch for him at ... | |
| Hello,i like this boy at my... | 5/14/2005 |
| Q: i like this boy at my high school michaell and i wanted him to ask me out just to prove he really ... A: Best to just guess that he's a little overwhelmed and not sure how to handle himself with you. You ... | |
| I went on a date with a guy... | 5/14/2005 |
| Q: I went on a date with a guy the other night. Several people we both knew saw us together and all my ... A: It's a common enough situation and I appreciate the chance explain what's happening. It sounds ... | |
| He is not over his ex | 5/13/2005 |
| Q: My boyfriend is 47 and I am 43. We are both divorced. Following my boyfriends divorce, he got ... A: I'd like to hear more about this before advising you further. Often people look at former lovers ... | |
| Yeah, he doesn't have that... | 5/6/2005 |
| Q: Yeah, he doesn't have that much time to spend with me and my friends anymore. Also I have been in a ... A: That changes things. Not going back East means that this may well not be the great love of his ... | |
| Should I leave Completely? | 5/6/2005 |
| Q: .. I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 28. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she was feeling ... A: Michael. Hi. Thanks for writing. The situation sounds pretty messy and tangled up. First I'm going ... | |
| boyfriend going to prison- wants me to wait? | 5/6/2005 |
| Q: My boyfriend of one year has just been convicted of a DUI and, this is not his first offense but his ... A: What a difficult situation for you. And you are 24. This is a lot to think about. This is not ... | |
| HELP ME! | 4/27/2005 |
| Q: Belove, I sent you this question but I don't think the website let me send it because it was down, ... A: Don't worry and let it go. This happens all the time. What it means is that his attraction for you ... | |
| He won't have sex unless the lights are off. | 4/27/2005 |
| Q: I am dating a 51 year old man who will not remove his undershorts unless the lights are out. He has ... A: I suspect you are selling yourself for too small a price and that's going to be the first thing we ... | |
| Why you I still feel attracted to him? | 4/23/2005 |
| Q: Three years ago, my husband of twenty-five years walked out of our marriage. Since then I have been ... A: Take heart, you are in a known transition process and much of what you are experiencing has been ... | |
| Girlfriends has many guyfriends | 3/29/2005 |
| Q: .. I'm 30 and my girlfriend of 1 year is 28. She has lied to me many times about hanging out with ... A: It doesn't sound good. People who lie easily lie about everything and it's a very difficult issue. ... | |
| Men and divorce | 3/28/2005 |
| Q: How does divorce effect men emotionaly? Do they handle it like a death? Does it take a man longer ... A: I have a few things to tell you. First, it's midlife dating. (see my website ... | |
| Time to break up? | 3/21/2005 |
| Q: This is a long story with lots of twists and curves so hang on! I am 51 and my girlfreind is 54. ... A: There's nothing all that different in it from several other situations I've worked with and yet I'm ... | |
| Where to find love | 3/5/2005 |
| Q: Im 44 years old. I was madly in love with a woman who passed away just over a year ago. I used to ... A: Where is a good place to meet quality women in your age range? They are everywhere. You just aren't ... | |
| Well I think maybe this man... | 3/3/2005 |
| Q: Well I think maybe this man might be a player. So I'm not sure if I should even go for him. I used ... A: I've been helping people with just this situation for several months. It's hard to tell quite ... | |
| Unstable | 2/16/2005 |
| Q: I have a problem, where I have met some really nice gentlemen and start dating them, then it turns ... A: I'm writing a book on that topic. Please tell me more about some of your situations. The most ... | |
| Research for Dating Midlife | 2/7/2005 |
| Q: I am interested in academic published research on the topic of dating in midlife. Do you have any ... A: I haven't found anything in academic writing. I havent' done a search in a couple of years. Have you ... | |
| Paranoic mother? | 1/27/2005 |
| Q: My mother (78) is paranoic since long time ago. Her psychiatrist in Los Angeles told her to take ... A: I can give you some advice but I insist that you speak to your mother's psychiarist. Your mother's ... | |
| HARD TO TRUST AGAIN | 1/24/2005 |
| Q: I AM A 51 YEAR OLD MALE, NO CHILDERN AND NEVER BEEN MARRIED. I HAVE BEEN DRUG FREE FOR FIVE YEARS ... A: Charles. I've worked with men who have similar stories. You'll get through this. I'd need to know ... | |
| Lies and deceit | 1/14/2005 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am 48 and in a real predicament. I am separated from my husband of 12 years, have ... A: Your situation is complex. Quite a tangle. My specialty is helping people work with these kinds of ... | |
| Hope | 12/21/2004 |
| Q: I was married for thirty years. I was the one who left but my ex-husband was an attorney and did ... A: That's quite a story. I see a lot of obstacles, but let's talk. First of all, you press the ... | |
| Relationships | 12/14/2004 |
| Q: Well i don't really know how to start but i'll just start. I've had a difficult past couple of ... A: Hey, thanks for writing. This is a long letter so read it carefully and go easy on yourself. It's a ... | |
| what should i do? | 11/22/2004 |
| Q: i was wondering something though. do you think maybe that phone call was for real, that the girl who ... A: The response might have been real. You are right. However, consider this: when ever he has powerful ... | |
| Getting out and meeting people. | 11/20/2004 |
| Q: I hope you can help.I am 44 and have never been in a serious or semi-serious relationship.I do ... A: I had a hunch it was Aspergers. Still I think I could help you. I suggest we try about three months ... | |
| Getting out and meeting people. | 11/13/2004 |
| Q: I hope you can help.I am 44 and have never been in a serious or semi-serious relationship.I do ... A: I've certainly helped others. I might be able to help you. Certainly a letter alone won't do the ... | |
| Is there something wrong with me or them? | 11/13/2004 |
| Q: A true story: I recently put 2 seperate profiles on a dating site; each being totally different in ... A: I love your story. Please send me the two ads and some of your answers. I want it for my files. I ... | |
| I work in Long Distance Company.... | 11/12/2004 |
| Q: I work in Long Distance Company. I called this grandmother in order to sign her up with our service, ... A: I'm having some trouble figuring your situation from your letter so my advice might be incorrect. ... | |
| Hello uncle, Uncle i... | 10/30/2004 |
| Q: Uncle i m 22 years old unmarried male working as medical student of final year of MBBS in Pakistan. ... A: I spent some time in Indonesia as a young man and had a few men whom I respected and whom I learned ... | |
| Opacity | 10/26/2004 |
| Q: Me and my girlfriend have been involved for a year. I am 37 and she is 38. She is my first ... A: (By the way, what kind of a name is Calyx?) I have a couple thoughts. First is that you both go ... | |
| If a person cheated once, will he again? | 9/12/2004 |
| Q: Belove, I was cheated on in my marriage and went through hell to get through it. I wanted to try ... A: The short answer is that a person can really change. There are a lot of lessons for you in this ... | |
| It's all too much | 9/3/2004 |
| Q: I've come to you because you're a professional in this field and will hopefully understand the ... A: (By the way, this seems to be the second time I've sent off this answer but I got a letter from ... | |
| desperate | 8/6/2004 |
| Q: Please Phillipe Need to know if taking clonazepam 0.5 mg for one month could be dangerous because ... A: I can't advise you about medicine. It would be unethical. YOu'll have to rely on your psychiatrists. ... | |
| Hello I am a single 28... | 8/1/2004 |
| Q: I am a single 28 years old male. I am going out to meet people; my goal is to find a girl around 25 ... A: man. I appreciate this question. It's a good one and a number of guys have mentioned it to me when I ... | |
| Please delete my post | 8/1/2004 |
| Q: Dr. Philip Belove, I'm very grateful for your advice a month ago. It helps a lot. I found it been ... A: I thought all my answers were confidential. I did not know any were posted. I'll see what I can do. ... | |
| Hopeless Condition | 7/25/2004 |
| Q: Belove: I want to thank you for your reply and explanation. I found it to be helpful and ... A: I really appreciate that. I do hope you change your mind about the phone call but you have to go at ... | |
| Attracting Women | 7/25/2004 |
| Q: Philip: I wanted to ask you something that anyone else would think I am weird for asking, but I ... A: You phrased your question well. It helps me get more of a sense about you. Apparently you feel that ... | |
| Hopeless Condition | 7/24/2004 |
| Q: I first want to thank you for offering the type of help that you have describe in your background ... A: First, don't give up hope. It's not hopeless. I won't go into all the reasons why I say this, but ... | |
| I'm so glad I found this sight | 7/17/2004 |
| Q: Philip. I am curious about so much. I am like a babe in the woods. I have been on a journey now for ... A: Check out my website at www.datingatmidlife.com for more articles and stuff. I loved your letter ... | |
| dating @ 54 | 7/16/2004 |
| Q: fyi...this is my second marriage. I was married @ 21 and that marriage lasted 7 years. I was single ... A: That makes the dates make more sense. Yes, you are right, you are no longer HOT. Hot means being ... | |
| dating @ 54 | 7/15/2004 |
| Q: I've been separated for a little over 3 months. I was marrried for 21 years and I'm clueless as to ... A: Send me your email address and I'll send you my newsletter issue on internet dating. Or go to my ... | |
| How can get a husband who really loves me? | 6/19/2004 |
| Q: Dr. Philip, You almost guess everything right. I was in much worse condition two weeks ago when ... A: If you want more follow up after this, you'll have to write me directly at ... | |
| Being in love | 6/17/2004 |
| Q: I am 52 yrs old, divorced 2 yrs and actively dating. In my first marriage that lasted 22 yrs, I ... A: Phil, It's a good question. I appreciate it at this time because I'm pulling together my thoughts ... | |
| Madonna and midlife | 6/11/2004 |
| Q: I'll be in the office today until 5:30 p.m., EST. Or you can reach me pretty much all day (from 10 ... A: Just got this today, Thursday. I sent you a note. I had another thought and that is that today in ... | |
| Boy Have I Got a Story! | 5/4/2004 |
| Q: This question needs an answer only from a professional, not just advice from a friend. On New ... A: Frank. Thanks for writing. I'm glad you're calling on a professional. I'll do the best I can for ... | |
| What am I to do? | 4/25/2004 |
| Q: Last year I met a woman on an internet chat. Things progressed very well and we began talking on ... A: Yes. You're right. This is a pretty significant betrayal. I'd be inclined to pay a lot of attention ... | |
| Help | 4/9/2004 |
| Q: I am in love with a divorced man - a man I met at my recent high school reunion who has loved me ... A: You are in not position to marry this man and the devastation you will create if you do will make ... | |
| "Too Nice" Is "Too Rotten" | 3/18/2004 |
| Q: I am a 44-year old male, engineer, never married. After 10 years, I recently decided to begin ... A: There's a lot here to comment on and I'll do my best. Let's list the topics The nice guy persona ... | |
| re-ending a relationship | 3/15/2004 |
| Q: I've been divorced for 4 years now, and after I excepted the fact that is was over, I waited for ... A: Tough situation. You simply can't afford to be involved. You don't have the competence, training, ... | |
| How abusive is this relationship? Will he change? | 11/17/2003 |
| Q: Is this a psychologically abusive relationship or am I being OTT? Will he change? Dear Philip, I ... A: Here is the question you sent me: Is this a psychologically abusive relationship or am I being OTT? ... | |
| Is this definitely an abusive relationship? | 11/12/2003 |
| Q: I am so confused I don't know which way to turn. I have listened to so many people for advice; ... A: Let's look at the problem first and then think about what to do. First, my take on the problem: ... | |
Dating at Midlife
Answers by Expert:
Philip Belove, Ed.D.
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 68 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 25 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults. I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a dating at midlife newsletter and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships so they achieve the goal of midlife development to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can. Check out more articles at www.drbelove.com
Experience
Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 67. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship.
Education/Credentials
Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute
Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst
©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.