How to Deal with Bullies/Bullying/None



I hope my question fits to your category but if it doesn't just reject it.

The thing is that the majority of my life since the end of 6th grade, I was a bullied kid. People have tossed me around like a ball and I still have grudges against many people. To add more detail, I'd like to mention that in grade 7, I only ate my lunch once and as soon as I bought it, two bullies snatched it and took all of it.

My friends always snapped at me at being too naive and I cursed myself for being so weak. Back in my military high school, I was the most badgered and ridiculed person on the campus. One day, even my head mistress told my mother to try to develop confidence in me because according to her, the society enslaves people like me.

So I'm coming to the main point. I am the only son in my family. My father is a seafarer and he is rarely home. By nature, I'll say without any hesitation that I am naive but more accurately, a 'stupid person'. Plus my sisters are all much smarter than I am so call myself the runt of my litter.

To sum up, I have made a list of reasons why I lack confidence.

The first three reasons are from my uncle,

1. ''You were the only son in your family and your mother, for the most part, is a single parent. In your young age, she never let you go out much and just kept you inside the house (for fear of kidnapping) that's why you shudder while you talk to strangers.''

2. ''Whenever you used to play in childhood, you only played with my sisters and nobody else. You played with dolls, colors and other girly stuff. You don't know anything about rough housing or more masculine games.''

3. ''Every child has his/her own disposition. Some children, by nature are, aggressive, some are naughty, some are timid and so on. And you have an innocent and a timid disposition.''

4. As I told you before that my sisters are smarter and more assertive than me. And when I was a kid, I was actually controlled by my elder sister. Nowadays, I actually fear my younger sister! In short, one of the reasons I don't have any guts is that all my life, I have been controlled by women. If I lose confidence in front of my younger sister (a year younger), I sure as hell won't stand a chance against other guys.

5. When my headmistress discussed my issues with my mother, my elder sister used to bully me and torture me for being girly. Even my dad used to say to me that I was better off being a girl. And at those days it used to hurt me a lot. But my mother took to serious notice.

6. My maternal grandmother used to say that my mother also used to be very naive. Once on the phone, she had a very minute fight with her younger brother for being late on a work and after she hung up, she sat nervously for like 15/20 minutes with tears in her eyes. While even I don't get that nervous, especially my siblings. So I got that gene from my mother. My paternal grandfather, with whom I have a great friendship, said to me once, ''If you were born in my family, you would have been walking like a king. Your weaknesses are because of your mother.''

So due to these factors, I now have a very strained relationship with my family and I blame them for my weaknesses. Quite frankly, I'm consumed by my past and the hardships I have suffered. Am I right? Is my anger legitimate?


Hello Jem,
To be simple, yes your anger is legitimate.   It is unfortunate that we cannot always control who is part of our lives.  With family, as an adult, I found that with the problem relationships, the only way out was to cut ties.  We all wish family would care all the time, but often times, family can be the worst source, when it comes to maintaining positive self-esteem.  To move forward with your life today, I think the goal you need to set for yourself is to find one true friend, who you can trust for all time.  Please do not worry about what other people think of the individual; forming your own opinion is the best way to go, and be a friend in return.  Social support does make all the difference.  I encourage you to try to put the past behind you, and know that you did learn from the experience.  When people suffer, it often makes them stronger, and I am sure you would not wish your experience on anybody, or enable it for another person.  If times permit it too, and you do not think you can make amends with family, I would encourage you to be secluded with those who give you trouble.
All the best,

How to Deal with Bullies/Bullying

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Laurie Syverson


I can give advice for how to deal with bullies, in nearly any situation, as well as how to solve the problem.


I was a major victim on the receiving end of bullying when I was in grade school. I have learned from experience what does and does not work to stop bullying.

I have a Bachelor's degree, majoring in Speech Communication, and a minor in Philosophy. I am hoping to go on to receive my Master's degree in Physician's Assisting.

©2017 All rights reserved.