About PracticalHappiness.com Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to deal with one's own jealousy and how to deal with the jealosy of the partner / lover and how you can liberate yourself from this destructive emotion.
Learn more about me and my work at www.PracticalHappiness.com
Experience I overcome serious jealousy issues with conscious work and effort, and that was a very liberating experience. I also helped several people to abandon their jealous behavior and line of thinking.
Question QUESTION: To anyone who may concern,
i need your opinion about dealing with my emotions.this is what happen.during the beginning of our relationships, he used to talk about his past with his exgirlfriend.and he had told me alot of things about what they had shared together.he told me this when i was in d beginning of our relationship.at first,i just keep it to myself and i just hear whatever he wanted to tell me because i thought he just wanted to tell me stories.but now,when our relationships grows older,the things that he had told me and about his past,hunt me down until i still think that he still remember his ex because sometimes he likes to mention about his ex and compare it with me.until now when he started to mention it or even when we bumped into his ex gf's friend,i feel so jealous and so mad because they started to talk about their sweet memories during when he was with he's ex infront of me.i dont like to feel so jealous but i just dont know what to do.i need your advice on how to control with my jealousy & emotions.
thank you..
ANSWER: Hi, Lzura. Thanks for your question. First, I wish I could tell your partner to ... "shut up" and not aggravate you for no reason. There is absolutely no reason to talk about those things with you or in your presence. We all have memories of our past relationships and other experiences that we cherish. But ... this should stay private and revealing it to our present partner does no good.
Did you try to address this with your guy in a non-dramatic, non-confrontational way. Did you ask him to not share those things with you and tell him that if he misses her he should be free to be with her if she is the one who he wants to be with. Again, you don't have to make a fight out of it, but you should show your strength and pride in this situation call him on that.
Normally, I am very much against jealousy, but in your case, your emotions are at least in large part justified.
So, have a heart-to-heart talk to him and let me know how it goes.
Thanks,
A.I.
www.practicalhappiness.com
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QUESTION: helo,
thank you for reply.
well i did tell him what i feel.and i did have a heart to heart talk to him.1 thing about us is that communication is never work for us.no matter in what way i am trying to communicate with him, he will never accept it and ending up we will be in a big fight because he wont respond to me in a nice way.so that is why im here to ask you on how to control my jealousy about all his past.i cant talk to him,so i thought maybe the only way is trying to change myself because i cant change the past meaning its hard for me to get rid of everything that he used to told me.those stories still stuck in my head and haunt me down.i dont know am i being ridicolous for feeling this way.if i am,please tell me so.because i do think i need guidence from an expert.and i think if i keep on having this feelings,our relationships wont last long because we might facing alot of argument.
thank you,
Izura
ANSWER: Hey, Lzura. I hate to say it, but lack of effective communication is a major flaw in a relationship that will necessarily prevent people from being happy together. I only know your side and I haven't heard his, but if he is as immature and as incapable of heavy healthy, constructive discussion about your relationship, then you should reconsider being with him altogether.
I believe in changing yourself to become a better person, but you are willing to go way too far for no apparent reason. Why? Why should you adjust yourself when he should be able to do it with so much more ease?
It sounds like you feel somewhat dependant on him - it's like he is the last man on earth that could be good for you? Stop for a moment and think about it - is that how you feel?
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QUESTION: helo..thank you for your reply and thank you for your time.
I know that i have a long way to go and i will meet a better person in future.but maybe im just afraid of facing another break up.i know that we have alot of diffrences.so i thought maybe by changing myself could make things better.i do know that sometimes i make mistakes and i know maybe in certain matter i might be wrong.but i realize that i make mistakes because of his way of treating me that i cant accept.and the worst part is,when we had an argument,both of us will get so mad and started to yelling each other and we wont find a solution.but the next day we will act like nothing happen.maybe that is why we keep on arguing the same thing coz we never find a solution.i dont know if im doing the right thing by keeping this relationship.i need your opinion and please tell me if i make a fool of myself
thank you
Answer Hey, Lzura. Obviously, I don't know all the facts and I only hear your side, but one thing is clear. You must do something. Either change your attitude toward him and this entire issue that you have with him or stop this relationship.
Again, I do believe that if you can't communicate effectively, it's a major flaw in a relationship, and no matter how much you like him and how much you are attracted to him on all levels, this flaw will cause much pain and suffering in the future if not addressed. Solving the communication problem requires openness to learning and re-evaluating behavior - yours and his. Is he ready to work on this? Does he recognize that both of you and each of you have a problem? Is he as serious about wanting to be with you no matter what as you are, assuming that you are?
Being afraid of breaking up is quite common. However, I want to remind you that being with no one is much, much, better than being unhappy with just someone. Sure, breaking up is a tough step, but when it's done for the right reason, it is a great step - it's a step of strength and opens many possibilities to have a better life and to meet other people who are possibly much more compatible with you.
I am neither encouraging nor discouraging you to break up. I just want to remind you what important considerations you should keep in mind as you figure out what to do in this situation.
