About Jenny Expertise I can answer questions about how to deal with a cheating boyfriend/husband. Questions about the anxiety of always wanting to know what your man is doing. I can give expert advice as to why is your bf/gf acting the way they're acting. Basically I can answer anything that has to deal with Jealousy and Control issues.
Experience I've had many real-life experiences in which I can relate to the writer. I took a few Psychology classes back in 2007 and I'm dealing with the subject.
Organizations Grand Beacon Center; Coaching young adults with life experiences.
Education/Credentials High School Diploma
Currently enrolled in the Medical field in college.
Question I do not know how to stop torturing myself with images of my fiance losing
her virginity to the boyfriend she had prior to me. She wanted to wait until
marriage but gave her virginity to him after a year and a half--he broke up
with her because she wouldn't have sex with him, and when they got back
together, she gave up her virginity. Also, my girlfriend and I think tattoos are
disgusting, yet her previous boyfriend had two of them, one of which he got
DURING the relationship I get furious that she could give her virginity to
someone with tattoos. I am furious that she could give her virginity, an act
more sacred and irreversible than any tattoo, to such a person. In addition,
she made the mistake of telling me that "it hurt a lot" and that she bled when
she lost her viginity. I cannot tell you how awful and maddening the mental
anguish is that I feel when I imagine the scenario of how it happened. It is
excruciating. I am not suggesting that I am feeling is mature or appropriate,
but then again, this is how I feel. I do not choose to feel this way, it is just
the way I feel, no more than the illness I feel when I catch a cold. Isn't it
possible that the point of keeping virginity until marriage is to avoid causing
exactly this kind of pain? And so, am I really such an ass for FEELING the
pain? Also, we have talked more than once about the pain this causes me,
and though she has been patient, she has made it clear she doesn't like
talking about her past because she regrets it and she feels that doing so is
unhealthy for our relationship. But I am miserable a lot of the time. I have
found that the only thing that makes her past endurable is when she tells me
in detail, blow by blow, exactly what happened. (She has filled in various
pieces here and there, but never the act of losing her virginity). At least I
don't have to wonder; at least I'll only have one scenario with which to torture
myself. And, finally, I have read many answer/responses to the dillemma I
am posing, but most of the answers are flippant. They are of the "just get
over it" and "we all have pasts" variety. Those answers, while they may be
logical and sound, do not help. I am beside myself when I think that there is
another man out there who will, for the rest of his life, be able to replay in his
head the moment he took my fiance's virginity, something he was able to do
without even marrying her. I feel angry and cheated. I wonder, frankly, what
do I GET? Meaning, I have proposed and want to marry her, giving to her the
very thing she wanted, but what do I GET that he didn't? In otherwords, and
to be blunt--something I'm sure some readers will dislike--he paid nothing
for the single greatest intimacy she could give, and I paid full price for
something that's been used. I get LESS than he did. I will never have the
memory that she gave to him and which he carries forever in that rolodex of
images in his brain. I think of him walking around wearing her virginity as a
trophy, and it kills me I mean, think of the expressions: TAKE one's virginity;
POP her cherry, to DEflower. These are all acts of losing and taking. If you
really, really think about it, isn't it someone humiliating some other man will
forever be walking around with my wife's virginity? What is she providing to
sanctify the marriage or elevate it above her past relationship? Please, really
think about this question without dismissing it, and try on my thinking. Last,
before you lambast my thinking, she herself subscribes to the SAME exact
king of thinking; this is why she waited for the year and a half. Her holding
out and wanting to wait until marriage only further vested the act with
meaning, improving the value of what he get, and increasing the pain I now
feel on a daily basis. SOME OTHER MAN IS WALKING AROUND WITH MY
FIANCE'S VIRGINITY. The sentence and scenario is absurd. It's laughable. If I
were to ever meet him, it would be deeply humiliating for me. And so, finally,
I want to know what you have to say on the matter. It's been a year and a
half, and I can't get over it. It comes and goes with excruciating intensity,
and I am at a loss.
Answer Christian,
As an expert all I can say is WOW!
How can you be so selfish??? At what age did YOU lose your virginity???? Live and learn from experiences.
I do understand that this other man was her very first but just think of it this way, YOU WILL BE HER LAST!!!
How can you sit there and think about how she gave this man her virginity when you and her weren't even together at that time. How crazy does that sound?? Is amazing that she wanted to wait until marriage but sweety we're in the 21st century. You were lucky you found a woman that only had sex with one guy other than you.
Is only fair that you stop thinking and stressing yourself out because of this. YOU DIDNT WAIT TILL MARRIAGE. YOU PROBABLY HAD MORE WOMEN BEFORE HER. So why are you torturing yourself??? Then I guess that gives her the right to think the same things you are thinking, doesn't it???
The questions you asked me are unique but truly irrelevant to ANYTHING!!! but I'll answer them honestly:
1. I wonder, frankly, what do I GET? Meaning, I have proposed and want to marry her, giving to her the very thing she wanted, but what do I GET that he didn't?
YOU GET HER LOVE, HER DEVOTION, HER WORLD, HER HONESTY, HER CARING, HER WHOLE LIFE!!!!!! AND YOU GET TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HER AND THATS SOMETHING HE WON'T GET!!please get that through your head!
2. If you really, really think about it, isn't it someone humiliating some other man will forever be walking around with my wife's virginity? What is she providing to sanctify the marriage or elevate it above her past relationship?
WALKING AROUND WITH YOUR WIFE'S VIRGINITY???? SO ALL THE WOMEN THAT YOU SLEPT WITH ARE WALKING AROUND WITH YOUR SEXUAL PAST, BUT DOES THAT STOP YOUR WIFE FROM WANTING TO BE WITH YOU???
WHAT???? CHRISTIAN, I NEED YOU TO SIT DOWN AND THINK FOR A SECOND ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU'RE TELLING ME. SHE'S PROVIDING A WARM AND CARING HOME, ALL HER YEARS OF HER REMAINING LIFE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND MOST OF ALL LOVE!! ISN'T THAT ENOUGHT TO SANCTIFY THE MARRIAGE???
STOP thinking that this other man is walking around with her virginity because is not a healthy thing to think about. If the advice I gave you does not help, then I recommend you seek help of a professional. Try to take this out of your head before you get married if not it will haunt you all the time and frustrate her.
