About Jenny Expertise I can answer questions about how to deal with a cheating boyfriend/husband. Questions about the anxiety of always wanting to know what your man is doing. I can give expert advice as to why is your bf/gf acting the way they're acting. Basically I can answer anything that has to deal with Jealousy and Control issues.
Experience I've had many real-life experiences in which I can relate to the writer. I took a few Psychology classes back in 2007 and I'm dealing with the subject.
Organizations Grand Beacon Center; Coaching young adults with life experiences.
Education/Credentials High School Diploma
Currently enrolled in the Medical field in college.
Question Hi, I was dating this guy for 17 months and we went through alot together, we were great together always there for one another and completely in love, the whole works. About a year ago this time, his family started to go through a rough time (still are) and he just isn't the best at coping with so much and because my family and his are close, he didn't like that i had to be there witnessing all this mess first-hand as well, in march of this year he asked for a break but then went out with his bff the next day who he knew liked him, we agreed on a month break, but i got fed up and decided to call it quits, we tried to avoid each other but it didn't work, because of our families being as close as they are, so we were always around each other basically everyday. Apart from that we didn't talk, and if we did, it was very little. One day we just gave in and cleared the air and told each other we still loved each other and wanted to be together again, but he had to break up with his bff..she's bi-polar and a cutter, she's depressed and so telling her was hard and she kept hounding him, and i think that for the 1st week of our 2nd relationship he was probably still with her. Rumors were everywhere and crazy and just hard to cope with. our families are completely against us and don't trust him and is basically calling me dumb and him a replica of his SOB father. our parents want nothing to do with the relationship and he just moved away for more schooling so we're in a long distance relationship, and the air feels better, for awhile there his bff hated him and the whole nine yards, now she's saying she wants him back and what not, calling him everyday, e-mailing twice a day and so on, he rarely responds but when he does she tries to set up a conversation. He hasn't spoken to her or indulged her into thinking they are going to have a relationship again, but she keeps trying and hounding, and he isn't an outward person to say no, so he sends back little conversation and short phone calls...i don't like it because i feel like it's almost an exact replay of how we got back together. He kept calling and we would talk and stuff and eventually we did and because it is a long distance relationship, it's extra hard and i feel like i should trust him but then i feel like i can't and i would be stupid to. He tells me stuff if i ask, not just for the sake of being honest with me. he always said that if i didn't come along he would be with her and that he would never hurt me and so on, yet he had me and he did hurt me with her, what's to stop him again? He said he learned his lesson and knows what it feels like to lose me and doesn't want to do it again, but we did rush into a 2nd relationship technically before they were officially broken up. How do i know he won't start to miss her too and think it was a mistake again? He says so many things that reassure me but he isn't 100% honest unless i hound him and i feel bad for that and sometimes that leads into us fighting, i want to trust him but the thoughts in my mind are going crazy. We love each other but we royally piss each other off as well. I sent him a letter last week telling him i was leaving and how angry and hurt and disappointed i was in him for lying to me and still talking to her as though he wants to be with her. He "claims" he never got it, yet he got the second one, but his personality towards her did a 180, but he just isn't strong enough to close her out to let her heal. and everyday I'm thinking about how strong our relationship and our feelings are in comparison hers. granted she didn't make it 17 months with him but she's trying really hard and how do i know she won't give, i keep telling him i trust him, but I'm lying and everytime we argue, it comes out and he gets upset and askes what he can do to change that and help me. Everytime i start to feel like I'm getting somewhere, there's a new e-mail from her wanting to talk saying she misses him. How should i deal with this and approach him with it hopefully without getting into an argument? Sorry for the length, I'm one of those crazy people that try to cram as much into a letter as possible, I apologize.
Answer Hi Tiffany, the longer the story, the better. It makes me understand it more.
I really hope you take this advice. It's for the best!
You two from what it seems need some time apart. The 1st time you guys broke it off but still had contact with each other. You guys still saw each other and that made it hard. Try taking a break with him being far away. I understand there's love in between but LOVE is not enough sometimes. He may need some time to really realize that you're the one, and if you don't give him that time, I guarantee he will continue talking to this other girl he calls his "bff". Give each other time to think about what you guys really want. That's the best advice anyone could give you.
Tiffany, do you really deserve to give 100% of you to him and he still can't stop talking to this girl 100%?
Even if she's bi-polar he needs to set things straight with her. Don't talk to each other for at least 2 weeks. Don't keep in contact because if you do, then it will always remain the same.
I would love to see a follow up of how things are Tiffany.
