Expert: Anisa - 7/9/2009

Question
Five years ago, when my boyfriend and I first started dating he stayed the night with one of my best friends. He tells me, that they were never alone together and says they did not have sex, but since I'll never know what really happened it has made me insanely jealous. I don't want him around other women AT ALL!! To me, any female 16-30 feels like a predator out to get his attention. I get  angry over the silliest situations and it is really hurting our relationship. At the time, the jealousy seems justifiable, but after an argument I realize I’m being unreasonable.
He's changed and matured a lot since those things happened, but I can't shake the fear that he's going to cheat on me. I don't want to leave him because he's a pretty good guy now and I love him, but I'm afraid I'm going to ruin something good because I can't get over the past. What should I do?

Answer
Hi Lola,

You definitely have trust issues with your boyfriend. Without trust, there's no way this relationship can move forward in a positive direction. First, you need to love yourself. Remind yourself that you are a beautiful, intelligent woman and your boyfriend is with YOU, not all of these other women. He is proud to call you his, and he has every reason to be proud. If it is the other women you are afraid of, keep in mind that if your boyfriend is a good looking man, women will look. Be proud that you are with a man that other women find attractive, yet he chooses you. Jealousy boils down to self esteem. If you are not happy with yourself, it's hard to offer happiness to anyone else. Start picking out all of the wonderful things you love about yourself and remind yourself everyday that you are a great catch and your boyfriend will not leave you and he is lucky to have you in his life.

Good luck!