About Anisa Expertise I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you overcome these issues and improve your self esteem.
Experience I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you get through these issues.
Education/Credentials BS Family Sciences, BA Social Psychology
Question Hi! I'm passing through a difficult and painful period. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and half. When we met we were both sure that it's 'fate'. Decided to go on, started to plan a wedding. Because of our jobs we are sometimes separated for months, working in different countries, but communicate all the time and travel to each other more than once a month.
Recently we had a drama - I discovered his flirts on internet, with several girls...There hasn't been anything physical, but for me it's also a sort of infidelity, the more because we are both jealous a bit by nature and don't approve promiscuity in a relationship and had agreed about this many times. All of this happened while we were apart from each other. So when I found out this we quarelled hardly, then talked it over, then decided to try to save what we had because he said he's sorry and that he's aware he did a bad thing. All my life i was hating infidelity, I had it in family so I could know how painfull it can be, my dad left family for some woman...
I don't believe him, although until this case i hadn't been suspicious...And unfortunately he's absolutely sure that I'm faithful, especially because he was my first lover so he probably considers me a 'good girl'(seems guys want the 'bad' ones)...And since that all happened I turned into a person that i'd never been, checking his mail and his phone secretly, watching his behaviour - it's not me...He tells me 'you still don't give me a chance to prove that I love you and don't want to lose you and that I'm ashamed that I'd been such a pig'...
After all these feelings that usually follow an infidelity, anger, tears, pain, anxiety, jealousy, when I distanced from my boyfriend there happens his unexpected reaction - he's starting to panic that I could leave him or cheat him in revenge. One of my friends adviced me to make him jealous because 'a woman has to make a man see that she's wanted and that she has a choice',especially after his flirts with other women.
What concerns me now is that next week we'll again be separated for some time - I know my imagination will work without stop if he's somewhere with some girl, flirting or cheating me, if it's this or that...He begs me to come again at the end of August, to bring the papers for wedding, and I'm not giving him the exact answer because I don't believe him and feel humiliated...Does he really want to make better? I'm afraid to give him a chance and at the same time want to. And already feel like a loser...
What do you advice me after all? I'm confused by this situation!Thanks a lot, Marie
Answer Hi Marie,
First of all, there should not be a wedding or a relationship for that matter until you have trust in him. A relationship cannot strive unless there is 100% trust from both parties involved. I have no doubt you love this man with all your heart and that he feels the same way you. But he did do something 'bad' and as a result, it hurt you and pushed the relationship back a few steps. Would it be possible to seek couples counseling before you make a decision to marry him? With the two of you living far apart I know seeking therapy together could be difficult, but it would definitely be worth a try in order to salvage your relationship.
