About Anisa Expertise I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you overcome these issues and improve your self esteem.
Experience I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you get through these issues.
Education/Credentials BS Family Sciences, BA Social Psychology
Question O.K, first off, a little back story so you don't get the wrong idea. I was madly in love with my (now) girlfriend for a good 3 years before i worked up the courage to ask her out. During this time, she was, of course, completely unaware of my feelings for her. It was only after we started going out and i learned of her life at that time that i discovered she had a boyfriend when we were still just friends and i was gawping at her and breaking into a cold sweat whenever she got near. (sad yeah? In hindsight i should have asked her out before she even knew him, but, there you go). The point, now i've finally got to it, is that while i was madly in love with her, she was going out with this other guy (we both agree that this was a bad idea) and i think i feel that he stole her from me (even though i didn't have her at the time) and, to add insult to injury, they had sex. Obviously, who she had sex with at that time had nothing to do with me and was entirely her own decision, so, logically, i should be okay with it. I think the main problem with it is that because i was (and still am) in love with her, i felt that she was, to all intents and purposes, mine. I hope you don't think i'm sexist or chauvinistic or just in it for the sex because i'm not. But because of this slight "possession" (for want of a better word) confusion i felt that if anyone was going to take her virginity it was going to be me, and now i feel like i've missed out or been left out(btw, i lost my virginity to her). It probably shouldnt be a big deal, but my obsession with the fact that he had her before me seems to be spiralling out of control and now she feels really guilty about it. She even cried about it the other night. She tries to comfort me about it by saying that he wasn't a nice person and that he couldnt satify her in bed, but this just makes it worse. And (cherry on the icing on the cake) he wants her back! I know that she would never have him back because she wants to be with me forever, but i still don't like it. What do i do?! btw, if it helps, we're both 18 and in september we'll be moving in together.
Answer Hi Levon,
No matter who you are in a relationship with, that person will have a past. It would be a wonderful world if the person we are currently in love with was never with anyone else, but that is not possible. There is nothing you can do about her past, but that is exactly what it is....her past. It is behind her and has nothing to do with you or her life with you. If you do not let go it will ultimately ruin your relationship with this woman. It's upsetting that you know about her ex (who he is, what he looks like, etc) but he has nothing to do with her now. Ok, so he wants her back...this doesn't mean she will go back. She is with you and you need to be secure enough in your relationship to know that she is yours and no one else's.
