Expert: Anisa - 7/2/2009

Question
I am currently 24 years old. I have been through a few heartbreaking for me, breaking the guys heart relationships etc. I met my current Boyfriend about 8 months ago. He is also 24.

He is such a great guy, I completely trust him and he always treats me good. The only problem is I am use to being in a relationship where we become best friends. We are not even close. I try to open up to him (I am not someone who opens up) but he doesn't. We never talked about our issues, we just suffer in silence. I don't know how to open this relationship up a bit.

When we sleep we do not cuddle, our sex life has gone to hell and he doesn't want sex as often as he use to. I feel like a total failure in bed, because I know I cant and don't want to make love like a porno star. After we have sex I have bruises and I don't like it that rough.

He is also boring, we never go out alone. We always have friends surrounding us. He cant even sit and watch TV with me for a few hours without wanting to go to some friend. I've tried making plans he just forgets and makes other plans, or I initiate us eating dinner and he makes other plans with his friends afterwards.

I love him so much he has made a difference in my life too, he has helped me get over my drug addiction. He has helped me out with allot of things and has kept me strong when my life was falling apart around me. He has been that focus point of why I want to change and be a better person.

Although I am bored and irritated, I am considering getting married to him one day and having kids. But I'm scared of commitment, and will not go in blindly if I don't feel this will last forever.

Also he and his ex girlfriend has recently started contacting each other. Where they would previously not even talk or look at each other. Should I be worried?

How do I fix a problem with someone that doesn't open up, without sounding like a moaning irritating Girlfriend?  

Answer
Hi Leigh,

Unfortunately, you can not "fix" him. He is the person he is and you will have to accept it. Are you happy in this relationship? If you are not happy, you can either urge him to join you in couples therapy, or leave the relationship. Right now marriage and children should be the farthest on your agenda. You are bored, irritated, not sexually satisfied, suspicious of his relationship with his ex....is this someone you really want to marry, let alone continue a relationship with? I think it would be in your best interest to weigh the pros and cons. If you are determined to make it work, seek couples therapy asap. Also, it wouldn't hurt to sit him down and talk with him about your concerns. I hope this helps.