About Anisa Expertise I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you overcome these issues and improve your self esteem.
Experience I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you get through these issues.
Education/Credentials BS Family Sciences, BA Social Psychology
My bf is a natural flirt. At first I hated it, but then I got over it. My dad cheated on my mother so this whole "other person" thing is a sensitive matter to me. It took me a while to get over him being a natural flirt. He teases/jokes, which is A ok to me.
However, there is this co-worker that he has that I think crossed the line. They have been flirting for quite some time now. Recently though, she said something very inappropriate = "You just don't know me that well." -->apparently she used that in a very inappropriate context. The thing is, when things like this happens, my boyfriend tends to take the side of indifference and chooses not to reply. I understand he doesn't want to cause any friction, but he could've at least told her suggestively that "Communication is key, you're right I don't know you that well etc etc." -- to kind of nicely and mildly put her in her place.
My question is, am I so wrong to want this boundary? My bf tells me I need to get over my insecurities and I am working on it...but I mean, I feel like I'm already lenient on him flirting with other girls, can I not ask this boundary? This has happened before and all he does is not reply or leave it be...but I am not happy with that. I feel disrespected, as his girlfriend, that other girls slyly slip inappropriate words or actions to my boyfriend. They can flirt all they want, but I don't think it's okay if they say something inappropriate.
The thing is, in the past, I have flirted as well BUT the difference is that I got attracted to the guy. Once I realized I was attracted, I stayed away. I feel horrible that it happened and for the longest time I didn't want my bf to do anything about inappropriate comments because I felt guilty over the past...but now, I'm starting to realize that it doesn't matter what I did. I know it's wrong, but he said he's forgiven me, so why was he dangling that over my head? I get his point that it's hypocritical of me to ask him to stop inappropriate comments on their tracks... but I mean... I just forgave myself for what I did and as soon as I did, I gathered courage and put my foot down. I just feel like I shouldn't have to deal with something that I don't have to and is beyond my comfort zone despite the past.
What do you think?
Answer Hi Marie,
I do not believe that asking for respect has anything to do with insecurity. It does not matter that he is a 'natural flirt' (honestly, I have never heard of the term and I believe there is no such thing), there ARE boundaries that you should never cross when you are in a committed relationship. You are not being a hypocrite and you have every right to feel disrespected by his behavior. I think the term 'natural flirt' is an excuse he uses so that he can continue to openly flirt with other women without guilt.
Also, the past is the past....if you did something he felt was wrong and you've apologized, he needs to move on. If he truly and sincerely forgave you, there is nothing more to talk about and it should never be brought up again.
You should never have to compromise your comfort zone for anyone. These are your beliefs, you own them and they are valid. If he can not adjust his insulting behavior for the sake of his girlfriend, then you are better off with someone who can.
