About Anisa Expertise I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you overcome these issues and improve your self esteem.
Experience I can answer any questions relating to jealousy, envy and self esteem in any relationship (dating, marriage, friendship, etc). I have personal experience with dealing with jealousy and can help you get through these issues.
Education/Credentials BS Family Sciences, BA Social Psychology
Question Hey Anisa,
My name's Jessica I'm dating this really amazing guy named Daniel and were both 18. I really adore him and I believe that he would never hurt me, but because of my past relationship with guys i get tense, nervous, and completely jealous when he's near another girl. In order for you to understand you'd probably have to understand my situation and my past.
I once dated Dom for almost a year only to find out he'd been cheating on me (sleeping with a girl on my soccer team, and one of my friends) for a month maybe more. It totally changed my opinion of guys, and because it was my first relationship it almost molded my view on relationships.
Every single guy after Dom was doomed, then right after Dom was a guy who i was using to get over Dom, i dumped him out of guilt. Then there was Pablo whom i apparently smothered, and who was only trying me out and didn't actually like me or at least that what he said when i confronted him after he facebook dumped me.
Then there was Cameron the guy who you could tell had cheated on all his girlfriends, he was arrogant, uncaring, and totally uncommitted to anyone. He refused to commit to me and it frustrated me i hated it but secretly i hoped i could change him, i couldn't.
All of these relationships after Dom may not have been completely doomed and even if they were everyone you talk to will tell you that i was sabotaging them.
Unlike all of these relationships, my relationship with Daniel isn't constantly being compared to me and Dom I love Daniel so much and i really hate that i feel like i cant trust him. I really want to be able to trust him. Daniel has never done anything to purposely hurt me and i want to be able to trust him like he trusts me. I hate that every time he's out with his friends i think negatively even though he's not doing anything.
I would hate to think that I'm ruining another relationship, and losing someone i really love just because some guy in my past ruined it for me now. I also hate that even now my ex is getting the best of me and that he can move on and feel nothing while i carry on breaking relationships before their broken.
I would really appreciate your help overcoming my jealousy,
waiting hopefully for your reply;
Jessica
Answer Hi Jessica,
Unfortunately, we have ALL been through this very same situation. It only takes one jerk to ruin our future with other great guys. I want you to keep in mind that the past is your past..there is nothing you can do to change it. The great thing about our past is that we can learn from it. You know what a true jerk looks like because you've been with several. Daniel is not like any of the guys from your past; you will have to let go and enjoy your present or you will not have a happy future. I also want you to keep in mind that the guys who treated you bad have issues of their own (obviously, if they find it suitable to treat a wonderful woman like crap). The way they treated you has absolutely nothing to do with you or who you are as a person. Men who treat women horribly do so because they have self esteem issues and it makes them feel in control to be so mean. Daniel is with you because he sees all of the wonderful things you exude. Do not let those horrible boys of your past win --- they found pleasure in hurting you, and if you carry the old baggage into your new relationship, they have the power to continue hurting you without even being in your life.
