How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous/WHY? has the world changed?

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QUESTION: Hi..

I was married for 10 years (he died) and then 20 years...(divorced now for 6 years).
And since I have been dating and having a few relationships.....I've noticed that every man can't help talking about how gorgeous his past girlfriends were, or celebrities are, or people on the street, etc.
..Im not their guy buddy, who is anxious to hear any of this..  Why do I need to know this information?
I am a very attractive woman ..so I've been told all my life......and I really find it rather rude to keep hearing about ..'everyone else'.......
...Inever  mouth-off, on how sexy another man is.....ever....It's just rude as hell....I never feel a need to do this.....nor would I ever tell my man that ...Wow, he's sooo successful, or whatever........
because to me.....it's a put down to my man, if he can't match that..
...I've never been one to have huge 'crushes'.......BUT YES there are certain men that attract me ..more than other men, here and there
...but I've always been a realist in this area, and totally 'get' that you gotta get to know someone ...fall in love....feel loved back......I just don't go...ga ga crazy over men that are attracting me......and
it seems so.....immature...to have to be subjected to hearing about other women, past, present and future...(lol)....from a man, talking about how sexy/cute/beautiful//etc.etc.etc....
so
pretty much, I'd rather just not hear it........I don't see how hearing THIS...is making him and me become closer as a couple....I really don't want to know....
.
As for his past relationships....all  I need is the general gist...(like ..we were married for 10 years and divorced because of ..this and that).....
...I just need to know what he is looking for now....
............
When I was married...both times....the 10 and the 20 year....WE NEVER talked about others like this..............has the world changed?  Should I tell my new lovers to NOT do this?

ANSWER: Hi Alice!

  Before I answer your question, I just want to let you know that I will do my best to answer it. My answers are from my observations and experiences.
  Men always like to fantasize and dream about women they want or desire. This is a concept that has been around for many years. That is why they frequently watch erotic films, such as porn..
  My point is that their behavior and desires are inevitable and cannot be stopped. I,myself, would like to know how to stop their horny and sex driven minds from talking about women as if they were sex toys. However, this is something that the female race has o deal with.
  I don't want you to get the wrong idea, not all men are like this. There are plenty of smart and ambitious men who look for the inner heart in their ideal women.
  You should tell your date or new boyfriend that you are not comfortable with his constant talk on other women. He should not make you feel insecure not uncomfortable. You sound like a strong, independent, and beautiful woman who can get any man. If your new lover starts obsessing over certain women, this is not healthy. You should tell him that it is getting creepy and weird, and if he refuses, move onto a new man. If he cannot respect you, he does not deserve you. The men you were married to sound like men who had important stuff to do rather than talk about women in dirty ways.
Tell me about your experiences now after you read this, and email me back!~

         -Best wishes,
         Jennifer K.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi....I agree with everything you said here.....:O...thank you....:O...I am just wondering WHY I can't attract a decent man again..like I did in my marriages....Joel Osteen on TV (minister)..and my minister...both married...BOTH said...they NEVER obsess over other women...just don't do it......Why can't I get this....someone who adores me..and vice versa..and someone trying to be closer to me..and not do things that leave me cold...and pissed..feeling replaceable
It's about respect, caring...trying to make things better..higher...divine...otherworldly ..ultimate love..bliss..one..
you can't get that by diluting your energy all over the place obsessing on other people.....
I'm not saying you co-dependant on your mate...but respectful

Answer
Hi Alice,
It is simply not your fault that you can't attract a decent man. You are not doing anything wrong. I have a very social friend, who is also a super model, but men don't ask her out. The reason for this is that she is simply too attractive and intimidating to men. Men are scared of rejection and they are too confident to get rejected. I certainly think that decent men aren't asking you out because they are shy and scared.
Love is something that is very hard to find in life. It will take a long time for everyone to find his or her soulmate. It is a good thing that you did not find a man, yet. Being single can be a great thing also. This means that you are patient in finding a new man, and it will take some time. In the mean time, find things about yourself. Enjoy yourself and your hobbies in life. Sometimes, a relationship can be hard to handle anyway, there will always be arguments and fights. Enjoy your life while you can, you only have one life.  

How to Deal with Jealousy/How to Make One Jealous

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Jennifer Kang

Expertise

I can answer any questions that deal with jealousy. These questions can relate to jealousy towards a lover, friend, and sibling. I can help the client with questions that have to do with getting over jealousy or reasons for it. I can help answer questions about where and how the client can solve his or her own struggles about envy or jealousy. I cannot answer questions that are not relevant to the topic of jealousy.

Experience

I have volunteered at a psychiatric clinic, where I was able to assist in a program that deals with people who have issues such as jealousy. I was a program assistant who helped teens and young adults to overcome their thoughts of jealousy. I have also helped my fellow friends and close ones with dealing with jealousy. I have also worked at a private teen help hotline where I was able to help young teenagers with overcoming their jealousy problems.

Organizations
Teen Hotline 1001, YDT(Youth Development Teens), YMCA Camp(Counselor for teens).

Education/Credentials
Princeton University B.A. degree(Psychology), Yale University M.S. degree(Psychology), Youth development educator.

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